You Can’t Trade Dragons

          Jenna was so excited to be going to Melody’s dragon themed birthday party.  We both wished we lived closer so that the girls could spend more time together – though my cousin is ALWAYS connected to a schedule – or it seems, wanting to make plans and have get togethers but rarely ever finding the time.

          She and her husband seem to spring for more elaborate parties than Roland and I could ever give – though we have attempted a few times – there was always a restriction on how many friends could be invited.  Always less than ten.  I’m guessing Melody’s invites have always been 30 – 50.  

          Michelle and John started out with Gymboree,  MusicTogether,  and other playful invites.  Michelle didn’t want to deal with the mess at her own house – though I don’t think this is actually the first year it has been at their house.  One year they held it at the Leonardo .  Jenna was unable to attend.

          In the past, Michelle had always given a definite time with instructions to PLEASE be on time.  I always felt that was awfully nervy of her as (for as long as I’ve known her) she has never been on time for a celebration event – unless she is hosting.  But even with that, she was not as organized as she should have been – and though she had left instructions for her guests as they arrived – the party did not really start on time in my opinion.  But then not everybody showed up on time.  In fact, most seemed to drag in on Michelle Standard Time.

          They were blessed with such awesome weather this year – awesome for all those invited and had to drive the hills to get to John and Michelle’s house – and driving there in bad weather is less than awesome.  I was happy that only the first day of November (thus far) was the only November looking day we’ve had thus far.  And I hope that this Indian Summer will linger forever for it is truly my favorite season (take away the politics)

          I wish she would have done name tags.  I have in previous years.  Jenna’s friends all go to different schools and not everybody knows everybody else – which is how it has been at each of Melody’s parties.  When Jenna turned 7 I had passed out tags with a colored shape in one corner.  That way I could mix up the children into teams without them saying: “Oh, I want to be on so and so’s team”  “Why can’t I be with so and so?”

          Each game I would scramble up the children.  “I need red and blue on one team and orange and green on the other.”  “I need triangles and circles over here and squares and rectangles over there.”  I think it worked out pretty well.  But that’s me.  Michelle is usually not as organized.  Although she appeared to have put a lot of thought into the activities this year – some of it just didn’t come together until the last minute.

          The kids were on a dragon hunt.  Jenna said she misplaced her paper.  She didn’t appear to be having fun.  She said it was because Melody wasn’t having fun.  I truthfully hadn’t noticed – but did hear from both mom and dad that she was being a brat.  Why are so many birthday children like that?  Enjoy the day.  Enjoy your friends.  Have gratitude to mom and dad for giving you a party. I’m blessed that Jenna has not acted bratty at any of her parties thus far.

          At one point I guess Michelle told Melody that if she didn’t behave, she would have to go inside and her friends would have her party without her.  Maybe Jenna heard that and misplaced her paper out of fear.  She didn’t finish the dragon hunt.  She actually didn’t seem to participate as much as she normally does.

          When it came time for cake, Melody said she had picked out specific dragons for specific guests and would be in charge of passing them out.  And I think she probably really had picked certain dragons out for some of her guests – but not all 18 of them or 22 or how many ever there were.  Michelle kept on saying who needed cupcakes still, and Melody practically threw a fit. 

          As Michelle continued to pass out cupcakes as Melody pretended to put thought into them, I heard some of the children ask one another if they would like to trade dragons.  One guest, aware of Melody’s feelings and behavior said, “You can’t trade dragons” which came out more like, “If I’m getting stuck with this dragon, than everybody has to keep the dragon that they were given.”

          Michelle’s sister, Rosa, had asked me about mom – and I started bawling as I spilled off my descriptions of her.  Mom had actually called me while I was at Michelle’s house.  She sounded normal – like had been two Saturdays ago.  That’s when I like to visit.  When she knows I’m her daughter and isn’t oblivious to my being there even – like she was on Thursday, for example.  She (her mind) wasn’t even there for the most part. I am having a very hard time with it.  I think possibly worse than Corey.

          After the party had ended, Jenna asked if we could continue to stay so that she could play with Melody.  I had told her okay, and tried to get a hold of Roland to find out his plans.  He didn’t answer the phone.  

Make Every Second Count: You just Never Know

          Two weeks ago we left the state to be with Roland’s family.  We spent most of Friday driving, checked into a room and spent two days there.

          We didn’t meet up with the family until after 4:00 pm on Saturday.  Roland and his brother had both come from out of state to celebrate their mom’s 85^th birthday.

          The eldest sister had actually sent the invitations out in January.  We had told her repeatedly that we just didn’t have the finances.  And just the week prior, we didn’t even have reliable transportation.  We ended up borrowing my mom’s car and our expenses were paid for.

          There was Elvis, and dancing, and hugs, and kisses and a tremendous surprise.  Roland’s mom had an exceptional birthday.  Cameras went off in all directions.  I would guess over 600 flashes – but that’s just a guess. 

          The next morning we posed mom and four of her five children (there was one who was unable to attend) before Roland’s brother and his wife returned to their home state.  More pictures were taken with I don’t know how many cameras.  It is nice to have those memories.  Especially now.

          Last night the family called to tell us of Roland’s older sister’s passing.  It was so unexpected.  I am still bewildered over the news.  Who knew that all of those pictures would show her in her final moments?  Wonderful, happy photographs of the very last memories we will have of her.

          We’d gone down visit before.  Maybe every other year.  Twice to bring mom back for a visit, once for the funeral of Roland’s uncle. 

          I’ve been to a lot of funerals during my lifetime.  Most have been LDS.  I like LDS funerals.  I can’t say the same for non LDS. I think I’ve been to about five that have been of another denomination.  And with each of them it has felt cold and so non-personal to me.  For it seems that anyone could be lying in that casket and the sermon would be exactly the same.

          Not all LDS funerals leave one feeling good about the person or the way the arrangements were made – but for the most part (at least in my experience) LDS funerals are beautiful and filled with love and devotion.  For the most part, even if you may not be familiar with the deceased, by the time the services end, you will know something.

          We sat around for two hours at Uncle Gil’s.  There was a small amount of hushed visiting and family members taking a break for their smokes and returning to the mostly empty pews.

          With most LDS funerals I have attended, there is a viewing beforehand.  And there has always been a line.

          The services are usually done by friends or family members – remembering and honoring those that have passed on.

          The Relief Society (women’s organization) rallies around the family – often providing the family with a meal for after the services.

          Roland’s family doesn’t have any of that.  They could.  But choose not to.  For Uncle Gil they hired a preacher, a minister, a man of the cloth – I actually don’t know what his title was.  A handsome sum of money was donated by the family members who might attend on Christmas and Easter (if that)  It felt as though they were trying to buy Uncle Gil’s way into heaven.

          I think the family would find a lot more comfort if they were to allow Roland and myself to conduct – because we would honor his sister by holding the kind of funeral that I am used to attending.

          I’ve given talks at funerals before.  I spoke at my great-grandmothers, my grandma’s and my dad’s.  I thought my dad’s was wonderful.  I talked a bit about daddy’s childhood and how he had met my mom.  Patrick took over with honoring him as a family man. 

          Corey was out of the country at the time.  We played a message that he had recorded prior to my father’s death.  And Kayla (who was in her last year at high school) sang “My Father’s Eyes” There was music.  It was a really nice service.

          After Bill’s (my brother-in-law) first wife died, I learned things about her that I hadn’t known before her passing. There were some really nice talks at that one as well.

          There are many LDS funerals that seem to go on and on – but as a whole, I think they are nice tributes and find a lot more comfort in them than these “impersonal sermons” as I call them.  I just don’t find the same sense of peace that I do with LDS funerals.

          We are still awaiting details.  But these are my thoughts at this time.  

Superhero Birthday

          Roland and Jenna have birthdays exactly 50 ½ years apart.

          Roland enjoys comics.  He has read DC, Marvel, Black Horse, Gold Key.  He enjoys Hulk, Batman, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, He will watch programs that feature superheroes, Justice League, Dark Knight, Iron Man.  His absolute favorite is Superman. 

He has collected comic books, posters, George Reeve tapes, Christopher Reeves, and more recent than that.  He has watched Lois & Clark, Smallville, cartoons and whatever else might be Superman related.  And Jenna has watched some of his programs with him.

For her birthday this year, she decided to have a cake with Superman.  Oh, really? We talked about doing a superhero themed birthday party.  She had watched Justice League with Roland and was aware of Wonder Woman and decided to go as her.  Now she would like ALL the superheroes on her cake and not JUST Superman.

I have yet to attend a children’s birthday party where 50% - 80% of the cake does NOT end up in the trash can. I wasn’t about to fork over an added expense for such a luxurious cake – not that Jenna doesn’t deserve it – but I could really find other ways to “waste” my money.

Roland decided that we would do cupcakes.  He said that we had all the ingredients and made the cakes from scratch – but as they rose higher than anticipated, they actually turned out to be very ugly cake. 

Now, in Roland’s mind, it’s all about presentation.  Food has to look good – even to an eight year old. Embarrassed by the cupcake mutilation (they did lose form as we have tried to pry them out of the tins) he didn’t even bother to try to hide their deformation with frosting but went out and bought store bought cupcakes instead.  12 for our guests and a special one for Jenna.

We ended up with eight children and a sib, two moms (well three with me) and my oldest son – who took the pictures as I engaged the children in games and such.  They had fun.  And Biff got some really cute pictures.  After Corey returns and teaches me how to insert pictures, I will share some.

It hurts just a little bit

          Since we were children, mom has made it a tradition to take each us out for lunch or dinner on his or her birthday.  I don’t know how old we were when the tradition started.  We used to go out as an entire family and gradually just the birthday child.

          This continued for the grandchildren after Patrick and his wife started having children.  I remember going out with the oldest two with the entire family – which gradually turned into just Patrick’s family and then just the grandchild. 

          I know my youngest nephew was four when my mom took him out.  His mom and I just happened to be with them.  I don’t know where we went to eat (probably somewhere exciting – like McDonald’s) but I do remember him choosing a pair of green overall shorts that probably only fit him just that one day. 

          I remember him saying, “I am four.  Today is four.  And I wear four”  The overalls were marked size four – I think they must have been mismarked however.  I seriously don’t believe he wore something that small since he was two. (My nephew is quite large in stature)

          After I married, my mom continued to take out Patrick’s children, but never mine.  She did acknowledge the boys’ birthdays for the most part.  But she stopped remembering when Jenna’s birthday even is.

          My mom and sister were both in the hospital with me the day that Jenna was born.  But my mom does not remember.  It’s not her fault.  She may have dementia.  There’s a lot that she doesn’t remember.

          My sister’s baby is almost two.  Grandma’s favorite grandchild – or so it appears.  But I don’t know if she remembers what month she was born either.  Although she might have an idea as their birthdays are only a week apart (eight days).

          So it’s not just Jenna who won’t be celebrating birthdays with Grandma.  My sister’s two children will probably never know my mom the way Patrick’s children did.  Before she had dementia.  Before when she had more independence and a driver’s license. 

          I miss my mom.  I’m sad for the loss that her three youngest grandchildren may never know first handedly.  I am grateful that each of us have memories to share.