Happy Memories and Stages of Time

 In June 2009 we celebrated my mom's 70th birthday.  Sunny had made arrangements to invite friends and family members to a "surprise" birthday party for my mom. I don't recall how many came, but there was a lot.  Many from the ward, a few from work, and family members - Bill and Kayla had taken several pictures.  I would guess there were 50 - 70 people in all.

Corey gave a tribute and several sat in folded chairs that Sunny must have borrowed from the Church.  Mom was definitely surprised and she looked so happy.  She had already been diagnosed with dementia, but it was just the early stages.  She was well aware of what was going on.  And she knew everybody there.

Last November - before we put mom into assisted living - she was overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of people at our Thanksgiving dinner - all 18 of us.  So I thought she'd really freak when we took her to the ward Christmas dinner one month later because there were over 200 at that one.  But she smiled and pleasantly greeted everyone.  She was happy.  She was a little lost in her mind.  And the following month we put her into assisted living where she spent the next four months trying to escape. 

She was definitely happy last night. Sunny and her family had dropped by the assisted living to bring mom to the annual "Christmas in July" (which came late this year) and she was happy.  Happy to see relatives she hadn't seen "forever" or "it's been a long time" - Sunny told me that she said it had been years since she had seen me - and Sunny knows for a fact that I was there just the day prior.

Garrett received a new hair cut - causing him appear to be a tad bit older.  Mom kept commentting on what a cute little boy he is.  She also kept on asking who he was and who he belonged to. 

"That's your grandson.  That's Kayla's little boy."  

She remembers Anna.  But she doesn't often remember who Gary is.  Her dementia had taken over when he was born.  She was still living at home and had planned to walk to the hospital to see him and Kayla.  Walking to the hospital from my mom's house is possible, but not a casual walk.  It's a good two miles at least.  I tried to remind her of that.

"The hospital is not that far from my house and I can walk there if I want to!"

She was in her independent stage. A stage in which she believed her grown up children were treating her like a child.  A stage when she would wander off and actually walk that distance unintentionally.  A stage that kept all of us on our toes trying hard to watch her but allow her to believe that she still had her independance.

Sunny's last experience with taking her out of assisted living was an unpleasant one.  She said my mom was so distorted and unfamiliar with her surroundings and didn't know how she'd gotten to Sunny's house or why and wanted to go "home'  - referring to the assisted living.  She has accepted it as home.  That's where she lives and has for about 8 years (in her mind; seems like every month for the rest of us has been a year for her)

She excitedly told my aunt Fern about Harold - who when she first felt an attraction towards him had told Corey that Harold was a very old man - old enough to be her father.  She told Aunt Fern that she and Harold are actually very close in age.  She believes he is five years older.  (There is a ten year difference in actuality) 

It was so wonderful to see mom genuinely happy - even if she doesn't remember that Garrett is her grandson - not to mention several relatives who we actually don't see except maybe twice a year - if that.  She had a great time.  I don't know how much of it will stay with her.  I wonder what she will tell Corey about last night's events.

Happy Memories

-->

When Jenna was younger, we would go for walks ALL of the time.  I would point things out as we passed different yards.  “Oh, look at the flowers”  “See that pretty pin wheel” 

 The thing that she seemed to overlook with each yard I pointed out was the well.  I never understood why she couldn’t see them.  Several yards contained some form of a wishing well.  I don’t know how many walks we took before I realized she was looking for a “whale”

*******************************************************************

Jenna was three the first time we had taken her to Arizona.  We were actually in the city part when Jenna asked, “Are we in a dessert?” 

I turned around in disbelief.  How did she know that Arizona is a desert state? 

“Yes we are.” I proudly beamed.

Jenna appeared to be highly disappointed.  And here is why:

“I have looked and looked and I have not seen a camel anywhere.”

Oops.  Wrong desert.

*******************************************************************

My Grandma and I had gone to a Ferrell’s ice cream parlor in Hawaii.  The Hawaiian menu offered a variety of dishes that were different from the Utah menu.  I thought  it would be fun to take a few menus home and trade them for a couple of Utah menus and watch as people would order these foreign creations which might fluster the waitress as it was obviously a Farrell’s menu – but wasn’t familiar with most of the items listed.

*******************************************************************

*******************************************************************

Farrell’s had advertised soda water for  two cents a glass.  Patrick and two of his friends decided that they wanted to “splurge”  They got soda waters for each of them – that’s it.  I don’t think they fully understood what they were ordering.

One friend managed to drink it all.  I believe Patrick said he had swallowed down half of his.  But Mark could not get past the first taste.  After having gagged down the first swallow, he refused to drink any more of his two cent purchase. The entire bill came to six cents.  They left a fifty cent tip.


*******************************************************************

Jenna loved fire hats and fire engines and fire fighter equipment.  I really thought that she would want to grow up to be a fire fighter.  But when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" she had it narrowed down to two: either a pirate or a ballerina.

Another Guilty Pleasure

We haven’t always had cable – cancelled due to lack of finances – we’ve even cancelled the Internet.  I was okay with going to the library, but Roland wasn’t.  And now that he’s taking classes through the Internet – dropping the Internet would just frustrate him even more.

When so many stations were converted to HD and even the local channels needed some kind of box or connection, it seems like we always had TVland.  For a while it was our primary source of entertainment.  That, and going to the library for offered programs and to check out DVDs.

The station has added original programs including a reality show called “ForeverYoung”. The advertisements intrigued me, but I hadn’t watched it when it initially debuted.  But I did check it out yesterday. I was laughing so hard at watching these two (obviously) generations try and communicate.  Having lived between the two, I understand the frustration of the other – also having had to experience it myself.

Jenna is often asking, “Did they have such and such when you were little?” 

“Yes, we had Fisher Price people.  They weren’t made of plastic, they were made of wood.  They were smaller than what is offered now. “

“No we did not have iPods.  We didn’t even have CD’s.  We had phonographs and walkmans.

“No we did not have DVD’s.  I don’t recall the VCR coming out until I was a teenager.”

“Yes. We had cracker jacks.  But they offered cool prizes back then – well, at least compared to the lame prize that comes with cracker jacks today”

“No, we did not use slates back then.  We used paper. How old do you think I am?”

“There was an Electric Company.  But it didn’t come out until after Corey was born. It was different from what you watch today” (I had actually checked out a DVD from the library not realizing it was from the ‘70’s.  She couldn’t stand it)

She is far more superior at modern technology than I am.  She has found things on my phone that I didn’t even know existed.  She prefers Roland’s phone with his touch screen.  Roland is older than me and seems comfortable using his cell phone, but I hate it.  I actually have small fingers (one of the few parts of my body I can still refer to as small) but put me in front of a touch screen and they become clumsy fat hot dogs.  I can never find where I need to go and get so frustrated in trying to do so.

I appreciate the GPS – and the one that we had was not complicated and much easier to use than the map.  But I have used street maps before.  I must admit that I have texted messages – but it annoys me to go through each letter at a time – I’d much rather have a keyboard.  I do own a cell phone but started out dialing a rotary. 

I haven’t been on roller blades – but I know what they are.  I also remember the old time roller skate that fit over the shoe.  I owned several pairs of shoes with marks left from the roller skate that I used to glide around in my parents’ unfinished basement.

I’m actually too young to remember the car seat that my parents used vs. the ones that are out today.  Mine hung over the seat – front seat.  Mine was yellow.  It did not have the cool steering wheel feature built into it.  There was no car seat law that I know of.  Often the cars themselves didn’t come with safety belts for the driver – let alone the passengers.

I remember black and white television and a very limited amount of channels selection.  I remember life without Sesame Street and Sesame Street without Elmo.  In fact, I remember the original cast featured only four human beings.  And I remember three different Gordons. I can remember that Sesame Street did not explain Mr. Hooper’s death until a year after the fact.

I remember the world before computers made their way into just about every home.  I remember the ancient television sized monitors unlike the flat screens of today. I remember the manual typewriter and the cool features of the new electric ones.  

I remember cameras that required film.

I do like this “Forever Young” reality show that introduces “bridging the gap” and demonstrating that we really can learn from one another regardless of age.

Growing Before Our Eyes

I remember the year my eldest niece turned ten.  She had requested that someone could get her a “Savage Garden” album as a gift.  Savage Garden? Really?  Hadn’t it been less than a week when she had been singing along to “Wheel’s on the Bus” and doing the actions for “Eensy Weensy Spider” and “Popcorn Popping” – okay, something for older children.  But still . . .

          “Savage Garden” was a group that I listened to.  Why would a child want to listen to that? Ellen hadn’t been six for quite some time.  She was growing up.  No longer did she watch shows like “Arthur” or “Bear in the Big Blue House”. Ellen was maturing. I don’t know when she had graduated from Disney Sing-alongs to Boy Bands.  She’d always been more sophisticated than her peers – or at least in my eyes.  Ellen was no longer the child I remember her being.

          And now the same thing is happening with Jenna. 

          I was doing dishes and had turned on the radio to drown out the sounds coming from “the Middle” which for some reason she insists watching on a daily basis (same episode) when suddenly she appears beside me dancing and singing into an imaginary microphone.

          I had heard the song before.  I had watched the video for the first time when Sunny posted it to facebook within the last two years.  I think she said her youngest daughter had been singing it and put it into Sunny’s head.  And now Jenna was singing with it – and she knew all the words!  When did my own daughter graduate from Sesame Street to Boy Bands? 

To Everything There is a Season

          For the first time I recently watched “The Odd Life of Timothy Green” – I’m certain it was involved with a lot more symbolism than what I saw.  Timothy came to his mom and dad in the spring and had to leave when the last leaf fell in the fall. 

          I was crying hard as the show came to an end – nothing to do with Timothy Green or his departure or anything to do with the movie at all.  Just reminiscing the long fall that was present during the last five months of 2012 – symbolizing the same fall as my mother and each of us seemed to be going through with her. Her leaves were falling more rapidly each day – and then came the harsh winds of winter. And it’s been cold.  Bitter cold.

          She will never return to spring again.  Not in this life anyway.  The only way she can have spring again is if daddy returns for her.  That may be a long time from now.

          I had no idea that the 8^th would be her last good day.  Our last day as Lucy and Ethel.  She seemed almost comatose after that.  And had passed out at least three times.  And then she was hospitalized. And when I brought her home, she wouldn’t accept it.  I don’t think it would have mattered where I had taken her.  She wouldn’t have wanted to stay.  She certainly doesn’t want to be in the memory care unit that Kayla drove her to. Where she needs to be.

          She sits in the community like a child starting his first day of kindergarten – willing to participate as long as at least one family member is in sight.  Panic sets whenever that family member has left – or so the child believes.

          She doesn’t understand that we’ve moved her in there for her own good – for protection as well as consistency.  She’s safe. She’s not alone.  But somehow – even if she does accept it, she doesn’t retain for even a full minute.

          George and Peggy Bird came to visit mom while Jenna and I were still with her.  I took it as an opportunity to slip out without mom being irate or hurt over it.  Peggy asked if she had had any other visitors.  Mom said no.  Even though Jenna and I were probably still just in the parking lot.

          I think I may be in the fall of my life right now.  I think these winter storms may have pushed me into fall ahead of schedule.  I hope it’s a long fall and that my leaves shine brilliant colors for a long while before the winds set in.  And hopefully my children won’t have to watch me experience the harshness of winter but may enjoy the peace of the falling snow. 

          If I could lose just one ounce per tear – just an ounce – I would have disappeared by now.  I don’t wish to cry anymore.  Lucy wants more time with Ethel – the way it was.

          Today is Kayla’s birthday.  She’s just started the summer of her life.  It looks like it will be summer for a while.  Happy Birthday, Kayla!

Things sure have changed

The town I grew up in was not a metropolis.  Or at least it hadn’t started out that way.  But over the time, the city has built itself around that area making it much larger than a town.

When I was little, everything had to be driven to – the doctors, the swimming pool, the hospitals, my grandma’s house . . .  not much in the way of walking distance.  My parents even had to drive quite a distance just to get to the freeway.

Today access to the freeway is just around the corner from where I grew up.  I used to have picnics with my brother and his friends in a vacant field -which is no longer - as the land was dug up and is now a part of the intrastate freeway.

There are at least 20-30 fast food chains and restaurants within walking distance.  The small trailer where we had opened our first savings account broke ground on now houses an actual building that changed hands (bank names) at least three times before transforming into a Subway sandwich shop.  I don’t even know if it’s still there or not.  
Many stores have come and gone since I lived there. I remember one building was a Chinese restraunt, a fish and chips, a trophy and plaque store, and a doctor’s office. Currently it is a Hertz – really?  There is seriously a lot to put cars in?

I remember a few buildings changing hands on what seemed like a weekly basis. 

I loved going to Gibsons and to Allied.  Both names and places of the past.

Jenna gets angry when I accidently refer to her Ipod as a walkman.

Says I’m lucky I had my own phonograph when I was younger.  She was thinking the hand cranked kind.  I said (in a highly offended voice) I’m not that old.  She laughed.

My brothers (that would include my non-biological family across the street) and I used to take swim lessons at the Deseret Gym.  Now the LDS Conference Center built over where Deseret gym used to be. 

When we’d visit my Uncle out in Kearns, it seemed quite a drive from our house – but when I lived there with Roland everything was really quite close.  The Sinclair gas station that received its new make-over after we moved has now been ripped out so that the already wide road can be widened even more.

Of course I don’t remember anything about my birth except for what my mom tells me.  Dad wasn’t allowed in the delivery room.  I had three family members with me when I gave birth to Jenna.  My then 11 year old neice was able to watch her sister get born.  But than maybe it depends on what area you're in.  My son, Tony, said he wasn't allowed in the delivery room when his daughter was born - and that was just five months ago.

Jenna was not allowed to visit her cousin, Ana after she was born. But two years later she was able to visit her newborn cousin, Garret, once he got out of ICU and was brought into his mother’s room.  She wasn’t even allowed to visit Kayla (Ana and Garret’s mother) two years ago. 

Jenna’s car seat had been purchased at a garage sale eight years ago.  It passed inspection.  Not by today’s standards.  No way.  I guess I can understand that – to a degree anyway.  There’s another thing that improves each year – or attempted to anyway.  Mom held me in her lap when I was an infant.  As a toddler I was placed in a seat which slid over the back of the chair – front seat. 

My mom was told to keep my brother, Patrick, and I on our backs.  By the time Corey and Kayla came along, the policy had changed to laying newborns on their bellies.  Mom kept them on their backs anyway – even Corey who was two months premature.  Afterall the back procedure had worked fine for me and Patrick.  Somewhere along the line it got changed back.  Too many babies ended up smothering themselves.

Jenna preferred being on her stomach.  For the most part I would let her fall asleep on me and then I would lay her on her back.  I remember when she learned to roll from her stomach to her back.  She’d cry and cry when she couldn’t figure how to return to being on her stomach again.

What changes do you remember?

Sunrise, Sunset (a timeline)

Met Roland Dec 31, 2000

                   first date – First Night

          New Year’s kiss on train

Boys welcome New Years with future cousins

three days pass –

 Marriage proposal,  Oh, right

Mother to three boys

I know them better than I know dad

I know them better than dad knows them

Purchase house in Kearns

                   Roland and boys move in

May  -

          Biff’s birthday. 

          toothpaste and laser tag

September

Married

                             Roland, Biff, Tony, Randy –

my instant family

our first Christmas

April 2004

                   Jenna’s born

First mothers’ day

                   Precious moment photo

                             smiling up at brothers

                                                but not for mommy, not for the camera

Jenna grows.

          They all grow.

2005

          All three boys are in high school

                   Jenna starts pre-school during Randy’s senior year.

February 2007

          Biff receives mission call to work at Conference Center

March 2008

          Family portrait

                   Roland with all six of his children

          Tony leaves on a two year mission to Brazil

Mothers’ Day

         

                   Biff and Randy make a gift for mom

                   She is surprised by all the thought

April 2009

          Randy leaves on a two year mission to Portugal

November 2009

          lose house in Kearns,

                             move to West Valley

2010

                   Tony returns

                   He joins the army

                             trains at Fort Knox

April 2011

          Tony and Rochelle get married

                     ten days prior to Randy’s return

Feb 2012

          Rochelle gives birth to Ester

          family goes to Arizona

                             Grandma’s birthday

                                                          dancing

          Biff and Randy on the dance floor

                                      smiling

                                                          dancing

                   enjoying life

May 2012

          Jenna gets baptized

          Randy and Carrie get married

                                      smiling

                                                          dancing

                   starting a new life

Today Biff turned 25.