CBQ#205& 630

 

When you need to confront someone, would you rather communicate in person, on the phone, e-mail or letter? In what situation do you find yourself “walking on eggshells”?

     I would rather confront someone in person but is not always possible.  Often words aren’t read the way they are intended or said verbally. Recently I had (well still in the process) a confrontation with my oldest son who constantly gives off verbal vibes that he would like to take his life in a new direction. I know he isn’t happy about his current situation but only seems to TALK about change rather than ACTING upon changing.  He reads my advice in a different way than I am telling him – though I don’t imagine talking with him in person would help out our situation.  He doesn’t bother to follow any council that Richard and I have given him or will continue to give him.

He had said that he wanted to move to Oregon.  His wife believes that they can obtain housing in Eugene for only 900 a month.  I advised him to figure utilities and groceries and gave him the statistics that I have from our seven years of living here – plus to consider that Utah has much better health care for his daughter than might Oregon.  All the children hospitals are located in Portland which is a good 3-5 hours on the road. Gas isn’t cheap and housing is off the charts.  Because of my list of things to consider he believes that I don’t want him to come.

I’m okay with him living in Oregon – but not both of us living under the same roof for the duration.  I love him but I do get frustrated with his choices. It’s so much easier to deal with if we are not under the same roof.  Also our house is not designed for six people.  I don’t mind a visit – but it doesn’t appear he has made a lot of effort at getting out from where he’s at.

It’s not totally his fault that he can’t get ahead, but I know he could be wiser with money.  There is absolutely no reason on God’s green planet that he needs to pay over 200 dollars for a phone!  I didn’t pay that much when I had three lines!  What a crock!  Half of his bills is just in taxes for whatever oligopoly phone carrier he’s with.  Richard offered to buy a phone from another company which would require Biff to change his phone number but he won’t do it.  Thus he is without a phone.  That’s just one example.  There are so many more.

        He chose not to move to Oregon.  He and his wife moved in with their family and are now paying 500 rent.  Apparently the air is good for Ally who seems like a different child.  I suspect that his phone has been disconnected again as we have not heard from him, do not know how to get in touch with him, don’t even know what part of Florida he is in.  Meanwhile his mother-in-law from his first marriage is trying to get in touch with him and passing her frustrations onto me.  I can’t provide her with information that I don’t have.

Triggers From Stake Conference

 I remember going to youth conference and taking notes – one or two words at a time.  When I would return to the dorms I would pull out my notes and elaborate on what I remembered based on the words.  I don’t remember things as well anymore and often the words I’ve written don’t ever get made into a sentence or paragraph. 

The Roseburg Stake has always had its stake conference two weeks after General Conference. General Conference is great as each talk is recorded and I can return to read or listen, but Stake Conference is not recorded. I have gotten so much out of the virtual conferences rather than in person sitting on hard chairs in a room very far away from the podium.  Each year I have wished the recording would have been available longer than just watching it live.  This year was especially awesome.

Only last night’s adult session and the general meeting today were broadcast.  The leadership meeting had to be attended in person and wearing masks.  I had not bothered making plans for going.  Jenna had a party to go to – I thought in Tri-City but turned out to be Roseburg and so I changed into my Sunday attire and had Roland drop me off at the church after dropping Jenna off at the roller skating party.  I’m glad I went.  It was very good as well as the adult session. 

As I took notes I noticed that some of the examples used would trigger memories from my own life and thought I would share a couple.  Many had made the comment of “being like children” as they have faith and acceptance where several adults do not.  I thought of a time when my sister-in-law related a reenactment among her two oldest children and their neighbor’s boy. 

I don’t know how recent they had learned the plan of salvation (here) but decided they would use their front door (which was missing a window pane) and crawl through the hole in order to be born.  They would play outside for a while (earth life) until it was time to come inside.  

They would then cross over to death using a different door that went into the house.  I was touched by the experience that she shared.

I thought of another trigger when another sister talked about her children having shared the gospel and inviting a boy with them to achievement days (here).  They had invited him three times in a row and two times the activity had been cancelled. I recall activities being cancelled oh so many times – not with me so much as my own kids.  It can be quite discouraging.

 When I was in primary the meetings were spread out throughout the week.  Our primary was on Thursdays right after school.  Not all wards had primary on the same day.  I remember some snowy days when announcements were made over the school intercom “such and such  a ward will not be having primary today”  I think every ward had been called for cancellation except for ours – and we often had worse days of snow!  It wasn’t until I was on my mission that I appreciated the dedication of our primary president who understood the importance upon our impressionable minds. 

There are many leaders like that – who will put their whole heart and soul into their callings for those that they serve.  There are others who choose to cancel due to circumstances such as the weather, family gatherings, work . . . whatever.  It’s not my place to judge their priorities.  I just know how much I appreciate those who allow their callings to come first.  One of the things we were taught was to not allow circumstances to interfere but to keep our focus on Christ or his example. 

I have more.  I have two pages of unorganized thoughts.  Hopefully I will be able to get those organized and share some more.

Big Brother is Watching

           Quite recently my brother became a target of what one may have considered a funny prank.  Something had landed on his head.  Something gross.  It had been delivered intentionally.  He had a nagging feeling to share with his manager what  had taken place figuring that nothing could be done.  He’d forgotten about the video cameras that surrounded the area. 

          Security was called and the culprit was caught.  The culprit had known he was wrong for his act of disgust.  Before he “delivered” his “gift” he had looked around to make certain that no one was watching.  Evidently he had no taken the cameras into consideration either.  Corey had the option to press charges but declined and never met his offender.  His boss had given him the option of going home to recuperate – which he did eventually.

          It wasn’t just the actions of having something gross land on his head at work that had bothered him.  It was so many experiences of his time in junior high (which he unfondly refers to as four years of hell;  his experience started in sixth grade and ended in 9^th) when he felt tormented and bullied by others.  Back in a day before personal computers and laptops and smartphones.  Back in a day when there was no other options offered for education such as doing school online.  Corey would have been quite comfortable with that.

          Today people capture moments with their cell phones or some other recording device to upload on YouTube. No longer just a security footage but public spectacle.  One may laugh at the perfect aim planted to Corey’s head while others may snark at those who find it funny.  How many perpetrators have been caught when their actions go viral? 

          It’s a different world now.  Why don’t we all make the best of it?  Live each moment as if we were on hidden camera.  

What is it we want to be remembered for?  I would hope for kindness.  It really doesn’t take a lot.  A smile.  An encouraging word.  Be a friend.

Running Out of Options . . . Best Stay Put

                 After my eldest son’s wife passed away he was given options on how to continue.  An aunt from his mother’s side had offered for him to come live with them on the farm in Freedom, Wyoming.  His in-laws offered to allow him to continue living with them.  Of course Roland offered for him to move to Oregon.  I don’t know what it was that kept him in Utah.  I personally thought Freedom would have been the best choice.  Ali would have gotten to know cousins on the Warner side of the family.  Biff told me that she loved cows (that was when she was two – I have no idea what her interests are at present - wolves?) and she would have had the opportunity to interact with them and learn the ways of dairy farming. 

        Eventually Biff met Claire and thus stayed in Utah for her.  They finally got married.  She had fallen in love with both Biff and Ali.  Ali doesn’t remember Jeanie as she was only two years old when her mother passed.  Clair is her mom – perhaps the only mom that she will remember.  Claire didn’t want to move to Oregon because she was licensed in whatever practice in Utah but does not even work now from what I understand.  She spends a huge amount of time doting on Ali – lately at the hospital.  Ali has been in and out since December.  I recall Jeanie being in and out of the hospital quite often after we met her.  Could Ali be following in her mom’s footsteps?

        I wonder how different things might have been if Biff had brought her to Oregon three years ago or if he had gone to Wyoming.  It sounds like he and his aunt are of similar mind.  Perhaps Ali would have been diagnosed with COVID in Wyoming as well – though I think the exposure would have been less risky there than the wall-to-wall population of people in some counties in Utah.  I don’t know.  We can never know how differently life would have been if we had chosen another path.

        Now it doesn’t seem as if either Oregon or Wyoming are options as Salt Lake and surrounding areas have a wide option of hospitals and clinics.  They may be medically advanced in Portland – but Biff and Clair cannot afford anything in Portland – not that they’d want to come.  I think as long as Ali remains in and out of the hospital, they really need to stay put and take advantage of where they are. 

What Sabbath?

Evelyn had called last night to make arrangements for Jenna and her friend to meet at the gate instead of driving through onto her property.  Roland seemed weirded out as he asked why I would allow her to work on the Sabbath.  We’re in quarantine.  As with so many others, I have lost track of the days.  Jenna has rather enjoyed not having to go to young women each week as she has little in common with the rest of the girls.  It’s usually a chore just being there as she often feels out of place.  I fully relate.  I didn’t feel like I ever fit in with the young women either – not as a youth.  Certainly not as a leader.

Each individual has his or her own interpretation of what accounts for keeping the Sabbath day holy. For me, it is making an effort to make it more special than any other day.  When I was a youth, it was playing games with family, visiting grandma, taking Sunday drives on occasion.

Wonderful World of Disney was on NBC at the time and sometimes we would sit down and watch a wholesome movie as a family.  I may not have appreciated the value in setting the day apart from any other.  I have appreciated it more as an adult and wish to make it a day that sets apart all others.  I have not mastered that however.

Roland would often come home from his meetings, turn on the tv and watch the same programs that he is accustomed to watching all week.  I took a tv fast and refused to watch on Sunday for over a month.  I would not watch it at all, but it’s there.  I like watching a good movie once in a while.  I get tired of what Roland likes – not that we’ve ever agreed.

He always starts his morning with Sunday Morning on CBS.  Though I have found some of the stories interesting, watching Sunday Morning was never a part of my routine. Sunday Morning doesn’t need to be viewed on Sunday morning.  There are several options available to view it later.  Especially since so much of the program lately is focused on what we already hear about on a daily basis: the coronavirus, the protests, the lootings, stupidity . . . Yes, that is how I would like to start out my Sabbath morning (Not).

I have already discussed this with Roland or have tried to.  Once again we are not communicating.  He seems to view paid labor as breaking the Sabbath but does not understand my explanation with the television. Jenna would not be going to work if we were back to normal meetings.  It’s hard to say when we will be able to have congregational meetings at all.

 When the pandemic first started Jenna and I spent each Sunday going through the scriptures and watching “Come Follow Me” programs – but that tapered off to each of us doing it by ourselves.  Roland has sat through a video a time or two, but overall, we haven’t done much for Sunday meetings as a family.  I remember being by myself on Easter and Mother’s Day, wanting to share my discoveries but did not receive the same enthusiasm with the other two that live in the same house.

The closest we came was last week when Kevin and Roland blessed and passed the Sacrament and then going to the Sacred Grove.  But even with that our day ended with making others work as we ended our outing at a Burger King with four of us wearing paper crowns.  Should have had Roland take a picture of us in our crowns.  Too late now.

We have been told that when we return that there will only be one meeting.  We will be spaced out on the pews (which we pretty much have been anyway) and will wear masks and not be singing.  If that’s what it is, I don’t think I will even want to go. I will be in tears every week and I will be getting my mask wet with tears and snot.  It will be hard to be there and not be able to embrace or sing. 

I will continue with my vacation log tomorrow through Wednesday. Take care everybody.

Decisions and Ripple Effects

          How many of our decisions affect others?  Choosing to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich over tuna fish may not have any kind of a ripple effect as making a choice to drive or walk toward oncoming traffic. 

          Yesterday morning Balras Sing Dhillon had stopped his car just outside of Myrtle Creek.  Whether it was a conscience decision or not is unknown. 

Police received a call about a vehicle stopped in the northbound left lane of the interstate approximately six in the morning and went to investigate. When they approached the vehicle, the driver took off. 

The driver continued for another mile before crashing into the medium.  He must have climbed over the medium after he abandoned his car.  Was he running from the police?  Was he so disoriented that he didn’t know what he was doing?  I believe the latter as it is said he ran onto the freeway and was struck by multiple cars that were going southbound.  Just before he died several people were affected by the decisions he had made.

Drivers between Exits 119 and 113 had nowhere to go.  They were stuck in traffic – lives were changed.  I do not know how many jobs were affected.  I know there were schools that were missing a number of instructors for one to three hours (depending on what time each school started).

The decision made created lost time – not only for the teachers but their students as well.  In one school the students of the absent instructors were required to go to the gym.  There they were given the choice to participate in physical activity or watch from the bleachers.  It was suggested they do homework or study – which many were obviously not doing as they surfed on cell phones or visited.

It was a weird day for everyone.  Instructors.  Students.  Aides.  Other community members who had been called to assist until the instructors arrived.

Often the decisions we make – whether consciously or not – affect others. The driver was a 35-year-old man from Lincoln, California.  We don’t know what brought him to Oregon.  That is what the media said.  The fatal accident is still under investigation as so much is unknown.

I am reminded of another incident also involving a car.  The driver had not taken his medication and was not supposed to be driving.  He wasn’t in his right mind when he made his decisions.  He drove onto the sidewalk and hit some students who were walking along 4000 West as they were returning home from Kearns Junior High.  Some media indicated there were seven students.  Other said five. 

I don’t recall the year it happened.  But I remember seeing the emergency lights spinning in the dark.  The road had been closed for more than 24 hours.  All the students involved had been taken to the hospital.  None of them were kept overnight as I recall. I don’t know what emotional scars were created or how long they lasted.

The one thing about Utah is there are alternatives.  There are back roads and exits that will still allow one to go in all four directions.  Here, in Oregon, there are not a lot of back roads or options.  We may think our decisions might not matter – but they do.

Once Upon a Time spoilers and metaphors

            For those who enjoy watching the abc series "Once Upon a Time" and have not yet seen season seven, you may want to return to this post later as I am about to reveal many spoilers. Thus far season 7 is actually my favorite.  I must admit that I did quite a bit of skipping around with seasons 3-6, reading the synopsis of each episode.  Season 7 has peaked my curiosity.  I also like the story of Cinderella better than the entire Snow White ordeal.  I also like looking at fairytales from other perspectives.

            Season Seven starts out with Henry saying good-bye to Regina.  He tosses a magic bean onto the ground and drives his motorcycle through the portal into the enchanted forest. Next thing we see, Henry is a grown man.  He has his adventures and chooses to live in the enchanted forest - for at least a decade, I assume.  Another curse is placed upon the land, but instead of Storybrook, MA, the fairytale characters are transformed into Hyperion Heights, WA. 

             Instead of the boy Henry's persistence on labeling his mother's Regina, the Evil Queen and Emma, the Savior, the leading characters are Jacinda (Cinderella), Lucy (the daughter who believes the fairytales that Henry now writes) and Henry (who has forgotten his other life).  Only four of the original cast now live in Hyperion Heights:  Regina (Roni) and Rumplestiltskin (Weaver) from season one, Hook (Rogers) from season two and Zelena (Kelly) from season three - and Zelena is living in San Francisco for the first 7 episodes and so we don't even see her until episode 7 or 8.  Aside from those four, the cast of characters are new to season seven.

            I remember having always liked fairy tales and have enjoyed twisted versions and mixing of characters (such as Into The Woods).  I think it's fun to get a new perspective on what might have possibly made a fairytale villain become that or see the roles reversed (as within Disney's Maleficent). In abc's Once Upon a Time we have the opportunity of seeing many hearts harden and many harden hearts turn to the light.  Roland had once asked what it is I like about the show.  I don't guess that it is much different from his comic books or comic book movies where there are also heroes and villains.  

            As a youth I think the things I enjoyed most about fairytales was being able to decipher who was the hero and who was the villain.  Growing up has changed that somehow, because we don't always know.  It isn't always so obviously spelled out for us.   We don't always know what is trickery and magic or even intent.  We turn to both light and darkness searching for answers or solutions to fix our problems.  We may steal from another who can afford to be stolen from - or at least that is how we rationalize it in our minds.  We're coaxed into trying things like drugs or alcohol to make ourselves feel better. Or perhaps we have seen some fall into gambling because there's a slight chance that we could double or triple money  in order to pay the bills just to make ends meet.  But dark choices often lead to addictions - not happiness.  Dark choices come with a price - not just to the person making the choices, but those closest to the one choosing or being controlled by the dark ones.

            In one episode we see a young mother picking vegetables from a garden that isn't hers.  The witch who owns the garden finds the young mother picking radishes instead of magic beans which she finds odd.  The woman apologizes and explains that she is in need of food for her family and "will do anything to keep them safe and happy" at which point the witch locks the mother (Repunzel) in a tower.  Repunzel yells out for someone to help her.  Six years pass before she is able to make her escape by cutting off her hair and use it as a rope to get down.  Repunzel Tremaine learns of her family's whereabouts and learns her husband has remarried but does allow visitation rights for her to spend time with her two daughters, Anastasia and Drizilla. 

            Anastasia is thrilled.  From the moment her mother had disappeared she had been sending lanterns into the sky as a sign to come home.  Lady Tremaine is treated differently by each of her daughters.  Drizilla does not remember her mother as well as Anastasia and has accepted Ella's biological mother as her own.  Out of resentment, Lady Tremaine kills Ella's mother in order to have her family back.  Her hatred towards Ella happens later when the three girls are skating on the ice.  Just before Anastasia falls through the ice, Ella walks out to save her but they both end up falling through. Mr. Tremaine can only save one of the girls and returns to the surface with Ella.  Anastasia ends up dying.  Repunzel Tremaine becomes wicked not just to Ella but Drizilla as well.

            We all live in Storybook at one time or another.  We have all dealt with pain and darkness, and know those who seek comfort in the light.  We allow our hearts to change based upon our emotions, financial circumstances, and other situations.  We fluctuate between light and darkness searching for answers.  There are times when we get off course and ask the wrong person or seek others approval when what we really need to do is "look up and find the answers" (quote comes from Alice - who also seems to share characteristics with a mad hatter's personality as well).

            Looking "up" could be a metaphor of prayer or turning to God for the answers.  This often requires more endurance than does the dark side in which the darkness happens so subtly, it's hard to pinpoint when the darkness started (for me anyway) whereas the light seems to transform one's heart right away.  A powerful brightness that makes the darkness disappear.  If it could only be that way always.  None of us is perfect.  We all have choices to make.  We all have burdens to carry.  We don't have to carry these burdens alone.  We may have good days when we are looked at as heroes and bad days where others may see us as villains.  May we always seek the light that will make us shine.