I have gone
camping before – several times actually.
I’d gone with my family. I remember times when Patrick and I were
younger though not too much with my other two sibs. I do remember when Corey and Kayla were both
a lot younger, we did do a family activity where we stayed in cabins. That’s the only time I recall camping with
the two of them.
I’d gone to
girls’ camp through the church. When I
was twelve and thirteen I went to a camp called Oakcrest. We stayed in cabins. I remember going to rough camp twice (we
stayed in tents) as a youth and twice as a leader. That was well over twelve years ago.
And then there
was the one time we attempted camping as a family – before Jenna entered the
picture. Memorial weekend 2002. The boys were in a tent and Roland and I
tried to sleep in the van.
Roland has
actually gone several times with the scouts – even in the winter – which he
hates. Two years ago he took Biff and
Randy to a fathers/sons – of course they were all so lucky that they could go,
and Jenna was not.
Half of Jenna’s friends have gone
camping with their families. They are so
lucky! The closest that Jenna ever got
to camping was sleeping in a tent set up in the back yard. So this year when she came home from an
assembly introducing a camp through the school district – which was actually
affordable for us – I signed Jenna up for Mill Hollow.
The deadline was
on April 30 – and that was the day I had turned my money in. They had two openings – one in June and one
in August. I guess I should have picked
the one in June. But I thought the one
in August might be a nice way for her to end her summer.
None of her
brothers had ever gone to Mill Hollow.
My first daughter-in-law had – and she loved it. Gave Jenna hope. More reason to look forward to it.
Meanwhile, Roland
is in the bishopric and the bishop was asked to assist in finding another
leader to go with them to girls’ camp (the Young Women are from age 12-18) and
Roland said my name came up. He asked what
dates Jenna would be going to Mill Hollow and it was for three of the five days
that the young women have their camp. So
he asked if I would consider going those three days.
And then three
weeks ago he came home from Church all excited, forms in hand, he just needed
my signature. Word was that permission
had been given so that Jenna would be able to go to YW camp with me. Really?
Because I know that in the past leaders have been discouraged from
bringing their non-YW children with them.
“What about Mill
Hollow?” I asked.
“I think Jenna
would have more fun at YW, don’t you?”
I agreed.
Still I wouldn’t have mentioned
it to her. But Roland blabbed and she
was bouncing off the walls.
The next day I
cancelled her trip to Mill Hollow. I
hadn’t really wanted to. At Mill Hollow she would have been educated and
learned more about plants, animals, geology, ecology, astronomy, etc. Learn
history. Enjoy activities. Not to say that she won’t get that at YW, but
she won’t be with her peers exactly. I
wish now I would have prayed about my decision, but I didn’t.
Last week Jenna
anxiously asked if she could tell the only other girl in her primary class that
she would be going to YW.
“No. Do not say anything to anybody”
I went to the
camp kick off by myself. They started
out with a slide show that I thought was pretty cheesy. Oh, this is so up her ally. I think she would have liked it. I still don’t know why I was called when it
feels to me like the leaders already outnumber the girls. I was the only person from our ward who
attended the kick off. I did not stay for the entire thing as it wasn’t
answering my questions.
Even though the
forms have been signed and “special permission was granted” I have now been
told that we will not be going. And I
fully understand. I really do. This program was designed for girls ages
12-18. Those attending (or will attend)
junior high and high school. To create a
bond, to introduce them to explore themselves.
They are not there to babysit or play big sister to primary girls. If they make an exception for Jenna than
they’ll have to make an exception for this girl or that leader and that isn’t
right. So I do understand the reason for
exclusion.
And anyone who
knows Jenna knows she is a show stealer and loves attention and has been known
to steal another’s thunder – and it isn’t her turn to shine as a young women
and she needs to understand that.
So after a week
of bouncing, both of us have cried – her at the thought of not going to camp at
all and me because I knew that she had built herself up for another let
down. If she can’t go to YW she won’t be
going to camp at all. We just received
the refund for Mill Hollow yesterday.
Roland said that
maybe I could call the district tomorrow and see if I can uncanell my
cancellation. But this time I will pray to know if it is the right decision for
us at this time. Perhaps this situation is a blessing in disguise. And perhaps we’ll never know what that
blessing was/is. She’s not as upset
about it as she was last week when I told her to prepare herself that we might
not be going. Perhaps one day she will understand.
Truth is, as much
as she truly, badly wanted to go – I truly and badly didn’t want to go. And it is nothing against camping with the
YW. I actually don’t mind the bonding
and experience. It’s the lack of sleep. It’s the discomfort of the heat and sitting
on the ground. My body wants the comfort
of a bed – my bed. And at least five
pillows. Not a board with a roll up or
air mattress and only one pillow. Though it’s a sacrifice that I was willing to
make. But I’m now relieved that I don’t
have to go. But as much as I feel relief at not being able to go, my heart breaks for Jenna who never had an input or say. I still don’t understand why
I was needed in the first place. Perhaps
I’ll never know that either.
Often God does works in mysterious ways, or at least ways
that we don’t understand. I’m quite
certain that this is one of them.
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