Showing posts with label disappointments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disappointments. Show all posts

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Valentine’s Didn’t Happen

Earlier this week, Jenna came home
all excited and
folded an open box into
a closed one,
added a face and
the hearts that she and
her friend had cut out of
colored paper. 

She said there was a contest and
she came up with
the idea of turning her box into
the school mascot.

On Wednesday she was crying when
I picked her up – disappointed
that one class did not
collect all the needed points and
thus they wouldn’t be having
the Valentine’s party she had so
looked forward to. 



On Thursday I said she should take
 her box and prepared Valentines anyway –
just in case.
She threw up in class and so
was taken to the office and
put in the sick room
to wait until somebody arrived.

My phone was in my pocket.
  Unfortunately it had been turned off. 
Roland was on his cell phone
talking to someone. 
Randy was in class. 
Carrie was at work. 
Evidently the staff had gone through
every single number I had provided for
emergency contact – some outdated
I guess. 
I felt bad that they had gone
to all that trouble. 
They said they had tried everyone
 on the list.

Jenna asked,
“Who is Dora?”

“Oh,”
that’s when I realized
the list was outdated. 
“She taught you in primary
a couple of times when
we attended our old ward. 
You used to call her
Dora, the Explorer”

“Oh, yea. 
I sort of remember her. 
Why isn’t Corey on the list?”

“Corey is in Las Vegas. 
I had him and grandma on
the list when you
were in first grade.” 
I had eliminated contacting grandma
for the year that I started
my blog.
 

Jenna had a fever. 
She stayed in bed all day –
except for once in a while after
she would drink something,
she would make her way into
the bathroom to throw up. 
But we brought her fever down in time and
after long her stomach wasn’t hurting anymore either. 
But she still felt dizzy whenever she stood.

I had given her the cards that
arrived in the mail. 
Two of them:
a Valentine from her
activity days leader and
one from our former next door neighbor whom she called
 “grandma”
plus there had been a box of
chocolates that dad brought home.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. 
She didn’t deliver because
she still felt dizzy when she moved.
  We stayed home.
We both took it easy.

Roland used to do Valentines for
the women in my family.
 A box of chocolates, flowers,
 one year we made red doughnuts. 
Another year he purchased heart
 shaped pizzas. 
I think that was the
last year.

This year he purchased candy bars
for all the RS and primary presidency. 
He printed up the note

“All Classy Ladies deserve
chocolate on Valentines Day 
Even if they are a little nuts” 

They have not been delivered, however. 
Perhaps he is just planning on
handing them out at Church tomorrow.

There was a knock at the door
sometime after Jenna had gone to bed. 
Whoever it was had walked away
after leaving a sack of
candy for Jenna. 
This morning I learned that
it was/is from Trume. 

So we did receive Valentines. 
And Jenna created three more.
 They won’t be received until
next week. 
Valentine’s Day is over. 
Jenna feels better. 
Outside is still grey

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Go Camping or Not go camping . . .

     I have gone camping before – several times actually.  I’d gone with my family. I remember times when Patrick and I were younger though not too much with my other two sibs.  I do remember when Corey and Kayla were both a lot younger, we did do a family activity where we stayed in cabins.  That’s the only time I recall camping with the two of them.

     I’d gone to girls’ camp through the church.  When I was twelve and thirteen I went to a camp called Oakcrest.  We stayed in cabins.  I remember going to rough camp twice (we stayed in tents) as a youth and twice as a leader.  That was well over twelve years ago.

     And then there was the one time we attempted camping as a family – before Jenna entered the picture.  Memorial weekend 2002.  The boys were in a tent and Roland and I tried to sleep in the van.


     Roland has actually gone several times with the scouts – even in the winter – which he hates.  Two years ago he took Biff and Randy to a fathers/sons – of course they were all so lucky that they could go, and Jenna was not.

Half of Jenna’s friends have gone camping with their families.  They are so lucky!  The closest that Jenna ever got to camping was sleeping in a tent set up in the back yard.  So this year when she came home from an assembly introducing a camp through the school district – which was actually affordable for us – I signed Jenna up for Mill Hollow.

     The deadline was on April 30 – and that was the day I had turned my money in.  They had two openings – one in June and one in August.  I guess I should have picked the one in June.  But I thought the one in August might be a nice way for her to end her summer.

     None of her brothers had ever gone to Mill Hollow.  My first daughter-in-law had – and she loved it.  Gave Jenna hope.  More reason to look forward to it.

     Meanwhile, Roland is in the bishopric and the bishop was asked to assist in finding another leader to go with them to girls’ camp (the Young Women are from age 12-18) and Roland said my name came up.  He asked what dates Jenna would be going to Mill Hollow and it was for three of the five days that the young women have their camp.  So he asked if I would consider going those three days.

     And then three weeks ago he came home from Church all excited, forms in hand, he just needed my signature.  Word was that permission had been given so that Jenna would be able to go to YW camp with me.  Really?  Because I know that in the past leaders have been discouraged from bringing their non-YW children with them.

     “What about Mill Hollow?” I asked.
     “I think Jenna would have more fun at YW, don’t you?”
     I agreed. 
Still I wouldn’t have mentioned it to her.  But Roland blabbed and she was bouncing off the walls.

     The next day I cancelled her trip to Mill Hollow.  I hadn’t really wanted to. At Mill Hollow she would have been educated and learned more about plants, animals, geology, ecology, astronomy, etc. Learn history.  Enjoy activities.  Not to say that she won’t get that at YW, but she won’t be with her peers exactly.  I wish now I would have prayed about my decision, but I didn’t.

     Last week Jenna anxiously asked if she could tell the only other girl in her primary class that she would be going to YW. 

     “No.  Do not say anything to anybody” 

     I went to the camp kick off by myself.  They started out with a slide show that I thought was pretty cheesy.  Oh, this is so up her ally.  I think she would have liked it.  I still don’t know why I was called when it feels to me like the leaders already outnumber the girls.  I was the only person from our ward who attended the kick off. I did not stay for the entire thing as it wasn’t answering my questions. 

     Even though the forms have been signed and “special permission was granted” I have now been told that we will not be going.  And I fully understand.  I really do.  This program was designed for girls ages 12-18.  Those attending (or will attend) junior high and high school.  To create a bond, to introduce them to explore themselves.  They are not there to babysit or play big sister to primary girls.  If they make an exception for Jenna than they’ll have to make an exception for this girl or that leader and that isn’t right.  So I do understand the reason for exclusion.

     And anyone who knows Jenna knows she is a show stealer and loves attention and has been known to steal another’s thunder – and it isn’t her turn to shine as a young women and she needs to understand that.
     So after a week of bouncing, both of us have cried – her at the thought of not going to camp at all and me because I knew that she had built herself up for another let down.  If she can’t go to YW she won’t be going to camp at all.  We just received the refund for Mill Hollow yesterday.

     Roland said that maybe I could call the district tomorrow and see if I can uncanell my cancellation. But this time I will pray to know if it is the right decision for us at this time. Perhaps this situation is a blessing in disguise.  And perhaps we’ll never know what that blessing was/is.  She’s not as upset about it as she was last week when I told her to prepare herself that we might not be going. Perhaps one day she will understand.

     Truth is, as much as she truly, badly wanted to go – I truly and badly didn’t want to go.  And it is nothing against camping with the YW.  I actually don’t mind the bonding and experience.  It’s the lack of sleep.  It’s the discomfort of the heat and sitting on the ground.  My body wants the comfort of a bed – my bed.  And at least five pillows.  Not a board with a roll up or air mattress and only one pillow. Though it’s a sacrifice that I was willing to make.  But I’m now relieved that I don’t have to go.  But as much as I feel relief at not being able to go, my heart breaks for Jenna who never had an input or say. I still don’t understand why I was needed in the first place.  Perhaps I’ll never know that either. 
Often God does works in mysterious ways, or at least ways that we don’t understand.  I’m quite certain that this is one of them.