Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda . . .

 Last year when I enrolled Jenna for ORCA, they came back with her to enroll as a senior - which sounded absolutely cool to me. But neither Roland nor Jenna seemed particularly interested in advancing her - especially because Jenna wanted the opportunity of graduating with her class mates at the local high school and not online.  This morning she informed me of the death of one of the staff members who just recently died of COVID.  I don't know why she thinks that.  She doesn't seem to have a source.

It is too late for us to enroll her back in ORCA.  As I mentioned, the school has been put on week delay from when they were supposed to start.  Oregon has called in the national guard to assist with the problem the state is facing with COVID (more specifically the Delta Variant) outbreak.  The state has made national news.  I wish we would have enrolled her as a senior.  Then I wouldn't feel like I am throwing her to the lions den.

Well This Day Hasn’t Gone According To Plan

 I suppose it’s my own fault for having a “not exactly stressful day” but “not the way I would have done it day” and it isn’t even afternoon yet.  What’s up with that?

Pre-pandemic the Relief Society presidency would hold our meetings on Wednesday either at 10:00 a.m. or 1:00 p.m. depending on whether I had accepted an assignment to work at the school.  Meetings were basically arranged according to my schedule.  Ahhh.

Then came the pandemic.  It really didn’t matter what time or what day of the week our zoom meetings were.  Even before we had returned back to the two block meetings and held our meetings in person, we had somehow changed to Tuesdays at 10:00 am. which I hadn’t even thought about one way or another until just this very moment.

Yesterday I went to the pool for the first time in almost two years.  It had rained before we left and Roland had tried to discourage us from going.  But I knew Carol would be there.  Rain is different in Oregon than in Utah.  We don’t have lightening storms.  The pool is open when it is overcast or raining.  It’s a part of life.  Deal with it.

I had planned on going to the pool today as well.  One of the presidency says she plans on going to the water workout also but was unable to do so yesterday.  She had mentioned it the other day and I freaked.  I had forgotten!  But I then received messages from both her and the RS president that the meeting had been cancelled. 

“Oh, good,” was my initial thought but I do have some things address but did not wish to press the pres. as her brother is a victim of COVID and she was planning to go out of town to be with him.  We had a small messaging conversation before she changed her mind and said the meeting was back on for 10:30.    

Meanwhile Jenna had reminded me of some other commitments I had made – specifically taking her to the theatre and her friend to the high school.  Oh, yes.  I told the RS pres that I would need to drop Jenna’s friend off between 11:00 and 11:30.  Thus the meeting was cancelled again.  But I would still like to have a meeting.

So this morning I created an agenda for myself :  Forego the pool for this morning. Drop Jenna off at the theatre at 9:45.  Pay water bill (as I am headed that direction; I might as well continue) go to the post office to mail the Fathers’ Day Cards that Roland had created.

Carol had asked if I could meet at Soco which I thought would be yesterday, but it’s really today.  Since I’ll be downtown mailing the letters I may pop in at Soco just to say Hi.  Spend a few minutes before I return home to take Jenna and her friend to the high school – even though the school season has ended.  Ruth is eligible for a program that Jenna isn’t because of finances and education or something.  Both Roland and I have graduated from college and the program is geared to students whose parents don’t have college background – or something like that.  I don’t totally understand it – just know that Jenna does not qualify.

Sometime between six and seven this morning Roland informs me he wants the cards taken to the post office the minute it is open.  What?  My belief is that the mail is collected only once a day.  It will go out at 3:00 – but Roland believes there is another time scheduled for first thing in the morning.  I don’t think so.  But okay.  I will leave just before 9:00 a.m. so that I can hand it to somebody personally.  Got it. 

Though it takes only seven minutes to get downtown, Jenna and I left the house at 8:45.  She couldn’t understand why we were leaving one hour before she needed to be to the theatre.  I figured she would want to come with me and I wouldn’t have to stop off at the house again.  We could take our time.

She opted to stay in the car which was nice because then I didn’t have to drag my purse inside.  I just left it in the car with her and went inside the post office, handed the Myrtle Creek and “everywhere else” mail to the postmaster.  Returned to car.  Drove to the pool.  They were just getting started which meant there’d be no line.  I decided to buy a pass but thought it would be easier for everybody if there wasn’t a line.  I will start my pass tomorrow.

Returned to the car and saw class members lifting the water weights.  They looked like giant flyswatters from my point of view.  My eyesight has become so horrible without corrective lenses. Jenna got out of the car and took some pictures which I may post whenever she sends them to me . . .

I had time to pay the water bill before dropping her off at the theatre which worked out really great for me as I would only have to make one left hand turn instead of two.  Funny thing about the water bill – they come on postcards that have a fold.  Customer is supposed to rip at the fold and return with payment.  Only I never saw the part I am suppose to return.  My neighbor said she had the other part in her mailbox.  We are one digit apart and our mailboxes are on the same side of the street.  It hasn’t happened often, but we have gotten each other’s mail before.  Usually it has been the sender who was in error and not the post office itself.

I then dropped Jenna off at the theatre and knew I’d have at least 30 minutes before meeting my friends at SOCO.  I really had to use the toilet and figured that using one at my house would be more convenient than anywhere else and so drove home and started an email agenda which I still need to finish with.  I remembered that Roland takes his break at 10:00 and told him that I’d be taking the car downtown.  He said he wanted to go with me but I was going to meet my friends and hadn’t planned on having Roland there – though they seemed happy to see him. 

He ordered a burrito and the absolute worst drink that I have ever tasted.  I suppose it was somewhere between an energy shot and a beer.  He thought it would have more juices as it was labeled mango and passion fruit.  Don’t know whose imagination supposed it tasted like it resembled any kind of fruit.   Carol wouldn’t taste it as Roland had already had his mouth on the bottle.  But Jenna, Ruth and I had all tasted it and I think Ruth was even more grossed out by it then I was.  Jenna didn’t seem to mind and ended up drinking the rest – but more out of just not wanting to waist it rather than her low standards of food and drink.  I was willing to throw it out. 

Jenna reminded me that I had agreed to take her and Ruth out to the wild life safari but Roland has the day off Friday and I thought it would be great if he could drive us out there.  Jenna’s day didn’t go according to plan either.  I said I would take them to the safari.  But we’re each at home doing our own thing.  Though now that I’ve posted this, I will go hang out with her.

Love is a Wrench

She became aware of boy/girl relationships during middle school.  She thought they were stupid.  All the emotions.  All of the game playing.  All of the drama.  The entire idea of relationships was stupid.  They did not appeal to her and she was fine and secure on her own.  She remained that way throughout middle school and her freshman year.

Then came summer.

They were friends.  There were generally four of them who hung around one another during lunch.  Not necessarily to eat, but to play games and enjoy one another’s company.

He really liked her.  First as a friend.  Then maybe something more.  Not too much more.  He had been in a relationship before.  He did not need another.  And yet he found her to be adorable.  He liked holding her hand and leaning on her.  What’s more, he enjoyed it when she leaned on him.

He told her that he would not date her.  Or at least he would not be the one to ask her out.  But he might say yes if she asked him.

Awkward!

With the ball in her court, she did not know what to do.  She liked him as a friend.  Perhaps something more.  She enjoyed holding hands. She liked having his arm around her.  But they were just friends.  She did not wish to become involved in a relationship that would cause emotions and possible drama.  Yet she knew that she too had already developed feelings beyond friendship.  

She did not particularly wish to date him.  But she did wish to continue hanging out.  Why do relationships and emotions have to be so complicated?  It was barely the beginning of summer.  It was not as if they were an item or anything.  But perhaps they could be.

He thought that she was indecisive.  She was.  She had never been involved in a relationship beyond friends.  Nor did she particularly want to be.  She enjoyed being friends.  She also enjoyed holding hands.  She had also found that she somehow enjoyed the idea that he liked her more than just a friend because she had too. But she looked at the new emotions as a wrench being cast into the relationship.  Why complicate things?

Thus they started their summer together . . . as friends . . . perhaps a little bit more.  But not too much more.  Oh, why these stupid emotions?

            I like how Nancy Drew said: “Can you tell when a girl looks at you and is thinking how much she likes you and is wondering if you like her and thinking how important it is for you to say how you feel before she says anything more about how she feels about you or anyone else they might be jealous of because she's already said how she feels how she's said in her own way?”(2007 Movie) 

           I remember when Biff was hanging out with Paula.  They may have held hands at one time or another.  They may have kissed during the first five years but for the most part, their friendship was platonic.  They were friends.  She came to his wedding when Biff and Jeanie were married.  She also attended Jeanie’s funeral.  They keep in touch through facebook.  Still friends but definitely not intimate.  Right now he is with Claire.

“Love is the feeling you feel when you are feeling the feeling that you have never felt before” – unknown

It is great when both parties involved feel the same way about one another.  At the same time, it is nerve racking when feelings develop beyond friendship.  Love is stronger than like.  Love means more than “really really like”.  Love involves commitment.  Who needs that?

Stupid emotions.  Complicated relationships.  Blech!

Early to Bed, Early to Rise . . .

          Jenna has early morning seminary.  She started this morning.  Arrangements have been made for taking the students from the church to the school - though I had planned on assisting with that this morning.  From the time she left the house to the time I arrived at the church was one of the quickest hours I have ever experienced in my life. 

          I had forgotten about her being in seminary or school traffic or buses or how much I loathe driving in school traffic.  I had somehow managed to forget all of that during the summer.  As soon as I pulled out of my driveway and saw a school bus, I thought "Oh, no." And then I had to fight the brightness of the sun on top of that.  Good grief.

          How is it possible that my baby had just barely turned eleven before our official move to Oregon and now she's a freshman in high school?   It's been nearly 14 1/2 years since I had given birth to her.  Wow! Time flies.  The older I get, the quicker it goes.  Why could it have not gone this quickly for me when I was a student?  A junior high school student particularly.  I am theoretically a student now.  The class I am currently taking is halfway over.  I barely remember it starting.  Even my accounting classes have gone fairly quickly.

          As I type this post, I have been given the opportunity to contribute to a car pool starting tomorrow.  That means I won't have to drive!  or even feel obligated to drive.  There are three in the class that will be going to the high school.  Small class.  

          Jenna's brothers and I all had the option of making seminary an elective during school.  Jenna would have that option if she were attending school in Roseburg. I can't help but believe Jenna would be going for the early morning seminary regardless.  She wants to take choir and drama.  I think she would enjoy painting or drawing as well, but is limited to how many electives she can take.  Right now she seems to want to put the perfuming arts above the liberal or graphic arts.

          I hope she has a great year.