Always on a Sunday

                When I was younger I would often spin around several times until I felt dizzy and stop – either of my own will or because I had crashed into something.  The dizziness was not completely bothersome as a youth as it is as an adult – an aged one at that.

           There are times I have felt dizzy due to ear or sinus infections though I don’t ever remember feeling so dizzy that I wanted to throw up.  Well, there was that time when I was pregnant with Jaime and Richard and I were at a movie theatre watching “Limitless” – the opening photography is spinning as I recall or maybe somewhere else in the movie.  I remember looking away as it was making me dizzy.

          Getting into a car when I am feeling light headed is not always the best idea. The dizziness had seemingly made me naucious and when we had stopped for gas on the way home I removed myself from the car, threw up and told Richard I would just walk to my mom’s house as we were not far.  I started to walk in the direction of her house.  Richard followed behind me in the car.  I got back in and he drove slow.

          On December 23, 2007 I fell into my neighbor’s nativities because I got dizzy.  It was a Sunday.  On January 10^th this year I discovered an abscessed tooth – how long have I had that?  And yesterday I felt light headed in the morning.  And experienced a scary dizziness that seemed to make the room spin.  I threw up.  I looked up my symptoms.  Probably my abscessed tooth because it is connected to the heart. 

          I keep on telling Richard that abscessed teeth can lead to death.  I am not scared to die.  But I don’t wish to live Jaime and Richard right now.  I think it will be devastating for Jaime especially as Richard will probably leave the state and move in with our youngest son. 

          He has wanted to get rid of Bonnie for some time.  If I were to die Jaime would not lose only me but Bonnie as well.  I love my daughter so much.  I don’t want her to be sad.

          In three weeks I’ll have three teeth extracted from my mouth.  Her birthday is the following day.

Balancing

      I had written my last post as a free verse to make it seem more interesting, but I lost the vision of what I had intended. What had triggered my thought on climbing in the first place was watching Roland climb up the unstable ladder.  It looks unstable leaning in mushy ground.  He was fixing the porch light and connecting it to another stapling the cord in place.  I was awed at his ability to look up.

            I tend to lose my balance quite easily – especially if I am looking up.  I get dizzy when I am standing still on solid ground.  I think if I were climb a ladder now and looked up I would fall.  I have fallen at least twice because of whatever has made me dizzy.  I fell in my bedroom before we were married.  I don’t remember if I had even known Roland at the time. 

            My former neighbor Peggy had collected nativity scenes and would put them on display each year after I was married.  She had invited Jenna to play an angel in the Bird’s annual Christmas pageant.  She had brought home clothes for each cast member to wear and had opened the box in the room with the nativities.  I had fallen into one – I think one of the pieces may have broken.  I felt so bad – especially because I think Peggy thought Jenna had been responsible for the breakage.  But Jenna wasn’t even near enough the nativity that spilled over.  Nobody was except for me.  If someone else had been there, I may have fallen into them.

            I had an MRI in 2013.  The results did not prove anything about my brain activity.  Everything appeared normal.  The dizziness comes and goes.  Perhaps all the twirling I had done as a kid finally caught up with me.  I would spin and spin and never get tired of it.  Perhaps my brain was triggered somehow.

            I know old people who function quite well both mentally and physically.  I know young people who have been stricken either mentally or physically – sometimes both.  I think I fall into the category of the latter.  My dad was young when his body muscles were paralyzed by strokes.  Mom hadn’t even turned 70 yet when we learned she had dementia.  I don’t know if either are hereditary. I know I eat too much sugar.  I may have diabetes.  I would like to abstain from sugar for at least six weeks.  I heard that is how long it takes for the sugar to leave the system.