Showing posts with label sisters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sisters. Show all posts

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Missing Out on Sisterhood

            When Roland’s oldest two girls were ten and eight, we were finally granted overnight visitation.  At the time – though our visits weren’t as often as the courts had assigned – I fully believe that I knew those girls better than either of their biological parents – and I really didn’t know either that well.

        Frances, at the time, claimed she loved school.  She loved to paint and draw.  Her artwork was actually quite good.  She was easily amused, had quite an annoying laugh, and was very loud.  She often repeated catch phrases or tag lines – I think more to help herself understand them.  She had learned the shark song and sang it often as she moved her hands for each family member. “Grandpa Shark” was her favorite.

        Jenna is ten.  She used to love school.  She currently likes to paint and draw.  I think she likes all forms of arts and crafts.  Some of her artwork is actually quite good.  Jenna gets easily amused.  She has a cute laugh.  Too often she gets too loud.  She often repeats catch phrases or tag lines.  She wants to share all that she understands – which is quite a lot.  She learned the shark song and sings it often as she moves her hands to show off each family member.  “Grandpa Shark” is her favorite.

        Pamprin started out as quite a drama queen.  When she was ten, she loved to sing.  She would perform with a children’s group.  She enjoyed making balloon animals and showing off.  She liked to collect things.  She was quite sensitive to hurtful comments – whether aimed at her or someone else.  Once she outgrew her “pampered princess” image, she enjoyed helping out. Her favorite Christmas song to sing was "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

         Jenna has never stopped being a drama queen.  She has always loved to sing.  She’s performed at school assemblies and when in plays.  She has always been a collector of nearly everything.  She is quite sensitive to hurtful comments – whether aimed at her or someone else.  She loves helping out at school and certain chores around the house.  Her favorite Christmas song that she has enjoys singing this Christmas season is "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

         All three girls adore their brother, Tony.  All three girls have clung to Roland at one time or another – before Maleficent (the biological mother of Francis and Pamprin) poisoned the mind of the older two.  I have seen Jenna wear the same expressions as her sisters did. Both Frances and  Pamprin were so thoughtful with Jenna – and they loved her.  Jenna loved spending time with them – but has no memories of them really.  She wasn't even four the last time we saw them.

Maleficent moved them to another state, and we haven’t seen or heard from them since.  Oh, Roland tried to stay in touch.  For two years he’d call or write and try to make a connection.  But Maleficent took control of both phone and mail.  I doubt his daughters received anything he sent – including child support.  That went straight to Maleficent’s own selfish desires - like a huge vat of peroxide for her artificial hair.

I feel bad that Jenna doesn’t know her sisters – or vice-versa.  I know she shares a lot in common with who they were at one time.  I have no clue as to who they are at this time.  Both are legal adults though I’m certain both are still living with mom without any thoughts of their own.  They have surrendered themselves to be controlled.  I don’t know what they will do when/if Maleficent should die.

It was once expressed that “. . . wish Maleficent would fall into a volcano” but thought better of it.  That, after all, is such a horrible thing to wish . . .
The poor volcano never did anything to deserve such a horrible fate.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Murphy is More Opposed to Super Saturday than I am

If anything can go wrong,
it will
– Murphy’s Law

this post may be a bit long
and a bit drawn out
especially if I put it
in verse style. 
You don’t have to read it.

Just after we moved
to West Valley and 
attended church,
I was called to be
on the committee for 
the activities for 
the Relief Society. 
Kristen was the activities’ director 
(or enrichment hostess
or homemaking guide
or whatever they called it then)
I was grateful to be
and enjoyed my calling
on the committee
but not as the chief.

It couldn’t have been more
than five months (or so it felt)
before Kristen was called to be
the primary president
and Loretta was handed the reigns of 
RS activity director. 
She did not seem to
want a committee. 
I thought she was bananas.

When Loretta moved
out of the ward,
Hannah was asked to do the calling.   
Enthusiastic Hannah who
always puts such excitement
into no matter what position
she is called to
and always serves with a genuine and powerful smile. 
She actually reminds me a lot of
my sister-in-law, Sunny,
who always radiates positiveness.

I didn’t think
anyone could ever fill her shoes – just as I didn’t think
anyone could fill Super Ruby’s shoes
(who at the time
was serving as Relief Society President)
but most callings
(at least that’s been my observation
in this ward) don’t last
more than a couple of years
(leadership positions would be the exception)

Meanwhile Kristen
(the same one who had been called
to primary president)
was returned to Relief Society
– this time as RS president.
Hannah had actually worn many hats
all at the same time (or so it seemed)
and was released a while later
to fulfill other callings. 

Pamela’s calling was short lived
or so it seems. 
She was called to be a primary worker. 
She is currently enjoying
the coveted positon of teaching
the class in which my daughter
is the only female member
in attendance. 
And guess who got called
to be RS activity chief
after Pamela left?
What was the Lord thinking
to call me to that position? 
What’s more, why did I agree?

Pamela appeared
to be quite organized
as she handed me a binder
full of information
that I could use or change
at my discretion. 
Kristen asked if I wanted
a large committee. 
Heck, yes. 
How many sisters could we call?  
I wanted at least one representative
of every age
and personality.  
I think we ended up with twelve. 
We’ve never held a meeting
with more than six (well eight
with me and Scarlett – who is
the enrichment/activity/homemaking counselor 
– whatever her title is. 
Heck.  I don’t even know my own title)

So the first thing on the agenda
is Super Saturday (I believe) 
which I so don’t care about. 
Actually there have been scads of activites
that I haven’t cared about. 
I usually to the enrichment/activity nights for
the association and not for
the activity itself. 
It hasn’t mattered which ward
I’ve been in. 
I have never stayed for
an entire Super Saturday.
And in this case
Murphy wants to take over
– has from the start. 
Stupid Murphy.

Kristen conducted the first meeting
as I appeared clueless on
what the word “conduct” even meant. 
She wrote down ideas and
outlines on the board. 
She has always had the appearance
of being greatly organized. 
Some of the members on my committee
took great notes. 
One actually took a picture
of the board. 
I was still in a trans. 
After I returned home,
I realized I had done absolutely nothing. 
I had not written anything. 
That’s not good.
I should be released.

Our Super Saturday was set
for August I believe,
but we hadn’t advertised,
nor did we ever
have a large audience to advertise to.
Summer seemed unproductive. 
Church attendance was down
all the way around. 
Good time to travel,
I guess.

I changed Super Saturday to September. 
Or tried to.  T
turned out not to be a good month
 for my instructors.
We had four activities to choose from
– I think. 
Pamela would teach sisters
to sew really cute pot holders,
Kim had her blocks
that seemed to be quite popular
at the last Super Saturday.
I was going to do
a recycling demonstration
and Tina had offered to teach flowers
or else we would frost cakes or cookies? 
Perhaps that was a suggestion for another activity? 
But nobody could do it in September. 
Change date again? 
or cancel all together? 
I wish I had just cancelled. 
I didn’t realize that Janice
(one of my committee members
who had come to just our first meeting)
had made arrangements to have
her niece speak that month.

Meanwhile I planned a 
different activity for September – 
one in which we would get 
to know one another.   
We pulled it off.   
Those who attended 
said they enjoyed.   
Super Saturday may not have 
the same results.  
For here is the latest catastrophe:
Yesterday I receive an invitation
to attend a luncheon
given by the wives of the stake presidency
to the wives of the bishoprics
the Bishopric Wives Appreciation Luncheon. 
Guess when it is? 
The same day scheduled as Super Saturday. 
I’d really like to go to it. 
But that’s not the worse of it. 
Pamela is one of the people to RSVP
– she can’t do the luncheon
and teach on Super Saturday. 
Right now I cannot get a hold of her.

Guess I’ll be emailing Scarlett. 
I have a feeling it’s going
to be a chain of reaction thing
that will affect Kim
one way or the other. 
Or perhaps all the sisters who signed up.
Would it be possible to change it again?
I should be released.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

“Stepmom” Review and Comparrison


         “Stepmom” was released in theatres December 1998.  The movie is put out by Columbia Pictures and stars Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon.  

I enjoyed the movie the first time I watched it. I hadn’t considered being able to identify with any of the characters personally, though I did know of actual people that were real life characters.  I thought Jena Malone’s character was a brat.  Great actress.  I had seen her in a Hallmark production only two years earlier.  Ellen Foster and Anna Harrison – though played by the same actress – were two entire different people.  I did not even realize it was the same actress until only moments ago.

         Julia Roberts plays Isabel Kelly – the current love of Luke Harrison (played by Ed Harris) who’d been married to Jackie (played by Susan Sarandon) – and finds herself in a situation of “sharing custody” of Luke and Jackie’s two children, Anna and Ben.

         Jackie, not thrilled with the idea that there is another woman in Luke’s life, overall is a really good mother.  But she definitely lacks in kindness towards Isabel.  But we learn that she also suffers from health issues – which she has chosen to keep from her family.

         After 15 years I decided I would like to see it again and thus borrowed it from the library.  I have a much different perspective than I had had fifteen years ago as I now seem to identify with much of Julia Roberts character, Isabel – the stepmom that tries to love Anna and Ben.  She has to deal with much confrontation – especially on the part of Jackie.  Though Isabel and Jackie have limited conversation in the beginning – at least they have conversation – which is more than I ever got with Roland’s ex-wife.

         For those who haven’t been following my post, Roland has two daughters who are older than Jenna.  Though I have tried to steer away from the subject of his ex-wife there have been two of my posts in which I refer to her as Maleficent.  I honestly don’t know much about her and she doesn’t know anything about me.  I don’t believe she knows anything about anybody.  I don’t know if she’s just so cruel that it has eaten her away or if she really does have something such as bipolar or schizophrenia – which of course would be beyond her control – especially if she isn’t seeking treatment.

         I don’t suppose I should pass judgment as I have never walked in her shoes.  When Jackie Harrison lied it was to protect her children or even Luke to spare them the grief that her health has declined .  Maleficent lies to all people for various reasons – different lies as I don’t guess she can keep track of the ones that she’s already told.  Or else she has told them enough that she actually believes them and has somehow managed to swindle the courts (for the most part) into believing her also.  She tells lies to gain favor – or cover up her own actions.  I truly believe she needs psychiatric help and has actually been to therapy – but if a psychiatrist or doctor or therapist or psychologist or whatever happens to say something that sounds remotely like they disagree with her, she drops them like a hot potato – or so I’ve been told. 

         I have nothing against Jenna’s sisters – though it may have seemed that way.  I give Isabel a lot more credit at making a good effort than I ever did.  I would have liked to hug Roland’s daughters or given them a pat on the back or done something more to make them feel loved.  But I was afraid about showing any affection as Maleficent had taught them that all physical contact (be it from me or dad or brothers) was grounds for sexual abuse and would coach her girls into going along with whatever scheme she had come up with.

         Fortunately she was only able to brainwash only one at a time.  Unlike Anna, the girls were not the same type of brat that Jenna Malone had portrayed in the movie. In the beginning Frances ached to be with her dad and her brand new sister Jenna.  She was excited  each time she would come – more often without Pamprin who was a brat – but not in the same manner that Anna was.  I didn’t actually blame Pamprin for her behavior.  I knew Maleficent allowed Pamprin to have anything her heart desired – even at Frances’ expense.  She seemed to favor Pamprin over Frances and I think it had become obvious to Frances.

         We were finally awarded consistent visitation rights after a long battle.  But they were never consistent – Maleficent made certain of that.  All the stipulations and exceptions that the court made for her.  They still grate on my nerves.  She invited Satan into the lives of so many – and somehow I had allowed it into my own.  I cringed each time the phone would ring so that she could say good-night and “grill” her girls on the kind of day they had.

         Frances developed her own set of health problems – I think most of that was psychological.  Maleficent was such a hypochondriac that she probably helped in the deterioration of Frances.  So she was finally able to turn Frances against us – meanwhile Pamprin finally started to come around.  Going to dads was not so bad.  It was actually a preferable environment.  Pamprin wanted to come.  And Frances didn’t.  Or so Maleficent had succeeded in making Frances believe that she didn’t want to come.

         Then there was the move to another state . . . our attorney said we could fight to have them stay in the state.  I honestly did not wish to have Maleficent sharing my same planet – let alone state and county.  We didn’t have the finances.  And Roland really didn’t spend that much time with or even know the girls anyway.  So long as Maleficent was near, our lives would be disrupted. Maleficent was going to turn them against us weather in this state or another.

         Jackie Harrison had a lot more compassion than Maleficent.  Jackie Harrison is actually quite likeable.  Oh, she seemed to have that desire to turn her kids against Isabel and seemed certain that Isabel would never be able to raise her children the way that she had.  Truth was she was jealous of the time that Isabel would be able to spend with her children that she herself would not.

         The scene in which Jackie and Isabel are having lunch together is a very touching one.  I cried along with the characters fifteen years ago, but even moreso today.  For I am in a better position for understanding each of the characters. 

         I can actually provide the girls with positive memories of what they did while visiting with Roland and me and their sister and eventually all three of their bothers.  I have many photos, many documentations.  But I could never explain to them things about their biological mother as all I have is negative vibes about her.  I suppose she loves them in her own way.  Unfortunately she tries to express so much of it in material things.

         Unfortunately I don’t have a lot for the boys.  No memories of them before the ages 11, 12 and 13.  Very few photographs.  No scrapbooks or journals.  Yet I have ten volumes and counting filled with photographs and daily to monthly accounts for Jenna. 

         I don’t want to replace Maleficent.  I really don’t.  I would like to understand why she is the way she is and get along for the girls’ sakes – or would have liked to do so.  Our relationship (should we ever have one) will be a lot different now than when they were children.  The youngest will turn eighteen  before the summer begins.  I don’t know if either one of them will put forth any effort at making contact with their biological dad or brothers.  We’ve been out of touch going on six years.  It’s not their fault.  Maleficent still interferes. 

         My favorite part comes at the end of the money.  SPOILER ALERT for those who have not seen the movie.  Isabel is taking pictures of the family and Jackie invites her to sit with them so that the picture will be of the whole family.  How great that would be for Anna and Ben to see that family picture with both moms together.  Would make the transient easier I would think.

         I have prayed that Maleficent herself might find happiness – true happiness.  She really isn’t happy.  As a result I don’t think the girls probably are either. I hope that I will have another opportunity to be a friend to Frances and Pamprin without the influence of Satan.  I hope that Roland will have the opportunity to get to know his daughters.  I hope that Jenna will be able to learn more about her sisters – from them.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


          This post is dedicated to my sister, Kayla and our sister-in-law, Sunny.

          Kayla has always been the strong silent type – both physically and spiritually.  She has always had tremendous faith.  She is a survivor.

          When she was younger she could detect the slightest movement of a wrapper being pulled away from a food item (usually something unhealthy like ding dongs or cupcakes or m&ms) She wouldn’t even be in the house, but in the neighborhood.  Unwrap that piece of candy, and she would appear through the door.  But it had to be real.  We could never get her to come simply by crinkling cellophane or foil

          She would say to my mom, “Can I have a piece of gum?” (or whatever)

          Mom, truly forgetting there really was such an item in the house, would come back at her, “I don’t think we have any”

          And Kayla would always know.  “Yes we do.  It is in the third bag pushed against the wall in the cupboard under the microwave”

          Sure enough it would be there.

          Kayla had a problem understanding prepositions.  Written directions would confuse her.  Mom had taken her to a therapist and spent a tremendous amount of time with her going over her homework, trying to help her to understand.

          Kayla had a huge following of friends.  They called and knocked at the door at all hours.  It got to the point where my mom had to physically remove Kayla from our house and environment.  They went to a nearby drive-in to have breakfast and stayed for hours while they studied.

          We used to call her Kaylarella as we would often ask her to fulfill tasks that involved cleaning or serving.  And she enjoyed it.  I looked at it as taking advantage of her naïve willingness.  She looked at it as an opportunity to serve and felt connected. Wow.

Kayla and I are thirteen years apart.  She was the last one of my mom’s four children to receive her driver’s license.  Not so much just because she was the youngest.  It just became a really hard task for her to conquer.  Driving was a worldly thing.  And her mind just wasn’t on the world.  That’s what I liked to believe.  Don’t know that it gave any comfort to her that I thought that way.

She was diligent.  She took at least three different classes – with each she would take the driver’s test at least three times – never passing.  Never earning her driver’s license.  It wasn’t until after I got married to Roland that he took her out and created a new confidence.  She finally had a driver’s license after she turned 27.

Kayla didn’t do a lot of heavy dating as I recall.  And just as with me, Kayla also married late in life – though not quite as late. She just gave birth to her second child, a boy named after my father.  There first was a girl she had named after Bill’s first wife.

Our sister-in-law should start a Blog.  Most everything that falls from her mouth seems so profound and full of wisdom.  I admire her and her sense of being.  She is such a positive person to be around and so full of hope and comfort.  I have always thought that after she joined our family. 

          The older she gets the wiser and more profound her thoughts sound. She’s not a butt-in-ski.  She’ll hold her tongue unless you ask for her advice.  She is such an awesome person. Everyone deserves to have that awesomeness in their lives.  I am so grateful for her – though I don’t always show it.

          Sunny embraces life and has taught her four children to do the same – or has tried to.  None seem as extroverted as she is.
          Sunny always invites enthusiasm and shares her joy with other.  She points out beautiful things to others. Perhaps I have her on a pedestal – but I am NOT the only one.  She really is a great asset to our family.

          I am so grateful for each of my sisters.  I love them both and value the friendships that we have established.