First Names

          Today a sister had asked why we call each other Sister so-and-so and not address first names.  I understood her question.  There are some sisters who have such beautiful names that are often lost in the shuffle when they are addressed by their last name. I do think that you get used to addressing a person one way and may have a hard time making your mind remember to call them something else.  (For instance for years you may have been calling the neighbor lady Mrs. Loren twenty years later you are expected to call her Amanda.  Huh?)

According to this site, the title “Brother” or “Sister” is a sign of respect which I understand but I do not think of calling a person by first name is a sign of disrespect.  It is more intimate and familiar.  I like hearing people called by their first names.  But I do get the respect of the title just as addressing Bishop (name) President (name) and so forth.

One sister commented that sometimes we don’t know the names of those we are addressing and may address an individual “Sister” while introducing ourselves. Or “Sister, remind me of your name” which seems to happen more often than not.    LDS Living offers these two ideas. 

         I am okay with either “Karen” or “Sister Rivera”.  Either is acceptable and I’m not offended if addressed by the other. Jaime would rather not be referred to as “Sister Rivera”.  Fair.  I also had a problem when I was addressed by my maiden name. I personally would have rather been called “Karen” than “Sister Fehr”. Sister Fehr was my grandmother and not my 21 year old self (or however old).  I hadn’t looked at it as a sign of respect.  For me, personally, the title felt somewhat intimidating – as though I had graduated from being a youth to having one foot in the grave. 

As Jaime and I were talking she told me she understands the respect thing. She most often addresses her uncles as Uncle Todd, Uncle Steven, Uncle Robert and so forth. But she is still using their first names and not Uncle Glad, Uncle Fehr and Uncle Rivera (that would be weird).  I have always used first names for grandmas to separate them from their parents.  (Grandma Greenwood, Grandma Fehr, Grandma Mary, Grandma Helen, Grandma Gerrie, Grandma Aurelia, Grandma Lucy . . . .)

I did have one bishop who had a three syllable Polish name which wasn’t all that difficult to pronounce but the entire time he was serving was addressed as “Bishop Joe” – Joe being his first name.  I served a ward in Virginia where all the members were addressed by Brother and Sister First Name rather than last name.  I really liked that.  First names means “friend” in my opinion.

More Tears, More Reasons

               This morning Ally decided that she would sit in Grandpa’s chair – even though theoretically it is the best choice for him as it is close to the stove.  He should have not given into her – but wanted to make peace apparently.  He had already confided in me that he thought she was spoiled.  I don’t know how much of that is giving in to her and how much is giving in to the Kabuki syndrome or whatever other illnesses arise.

         He asked her how many eggs she wanted.  She claimed two which he said he would do just one at a time for her.  But he gave her both – none of which she ate.  She did try her sausage but said it was spicy – which I agree.  I am not fond of that sausage.  Clair usually sits next to her to monitor her feeding but as Ally was sitting in Grandpa’s chair and Grandpa was sitting in Clair’s, Ally and Clair were not sitting together. 

        Ally claimed to have had pancakes but no one saw her eat them and there was no evidence that she had.  She appears that she overeats which is actually not the case. She dismissed herself after trying to feed the dogs which I said were not allowed in the kitchen while we ate.  Bonnie is such a loud whiner.  I don’t think I have ever heard any noises (barking included) coming out of Char.

        Ally went to her room to get her electronics.  It is still my house and they need to adjust to our rules and not the other way around.  I told her no electronics at the table.  She said she was going back to her room. Grandpa insisted that she stay at the table until we have each finished.  I can’t control her whining.  I’d just assume she was in a different room than being bratty at the table.  But she’s not mine to discipline.

        Clair said that she would not turn on Ally’s electronic device until Ally was dressed at which point Ally threw a fit.  If that had behavior had been Jaime – I would not be turning on the electronic device at all.  Jaime didn’t even have a cell phone until she was sixteen.  Hadn’t wanted one.  She prefers human interaction to electronics.  Ally doesn’t know how to interact – at least not that I can tell. 

        I unloaded the dishwasher, loaded it, cleaned out the container cubby, and cried.  The second counselor in the RS presidency offered me a place to go if I need a few hours of solace.  I may take her up on that – but not today.  Clair and Ally are suppose to be going out of town today.  Perhaps all three of them.  Going back to Utah to keep an appointment they made six months ago.

        Clair’s been through a lot.  She lost her mother right before her birthday.  She has health issues.  She has more reasons to be upset with our living conditions than I do.  And yet she always appears calm and tends to be the peace maker among the rest of us.  I still cry though.  I don’t want them to be here another ten years like they were with Biff’s former mother-in-law.  Richard says three months.  Now he’s saying two years.  Two years?  Really?  We can’t have them out for summer so that Jaime has a room to return to?

Although I appreciate the Spontaneity, We Really Need to Work on Prioritizing

        We blew the opportunity of picking blueberries for 50 cent per pound.  On Friday night Richard had announced to the troop that we would go pick blueberries the following morning and leave the house by 8:30.  I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  It was a rough night for all of us.

       I was a grouch.  I knew I would be a grouch all day if I didn’t get some sleep.  When I am so exhausted and cannot sleep I tend to cry.  I have cried a lot this month.

       On Saturday the gang did not pick blueberries nor did they go to the Safari.  Richard had decided on a dog park in order to save money.  He invited me to come along and felt disappointed when I chose not to.  He was going to be upset with me either way.  At least by not going I wouldn't be shooting off my mouth to offend. 

         What changed between Saturday and today that he had the gall to suggest taking the gang to Bandon.  Are you kidding me?  They are here to save money so that they can move out.  What are you teaching them taking them to Bandon where we both know we’re going to spend money and throw food away?  Plus we have already missed our window of opportunity to leave in the morning.  If we go in the afternoon we will have to leave in a hurry because we are burning daylight.  We don’t have to go.  There is always next summer. I'm sure they will still be here.

       I know I’m complaining.  It’s already an inconvenience having to step over one dog – but now there are two – not to mention the stuff still in the halls, on the deck, in the driveway, the shed, their room, etc.  I lost my game room in the process.  

    Ally leaves her toys wherever.  And I am appalled at how many half empty water bottles I have found all over the house.  CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES!  I AM NOT THE FRICKEN MAID! And Ally needs to be able to mind without attitude 

       Ally has not started school still.  When she does finally wake up she starts off each morning on her electronics.  Clair seems good about monitoring her - but then she is on her phone looking up times, places, etc. or texting. She never seems to get upset and has a lot of reason to.  She is the peacemaker.  She bridges the gap.  And there is a lot of gap.

       I lived in dorms when I was in college which I think is different from living in a regular apartment.  I have never lived in an apartment before, but feel like I am now.  Two units of people basically keeping to themselves.  We did have dinner the first few nights they were here.  Now they take off and don’t return until Richard and I have already eaten. 

       We’re all inconvenienced except possibly Richard who seems oblivious.  He doesn’t always prioritize either – and so how can we expect Biff when there’s no example to follow?  I think he’s looking to live on free handouts for the rest of his life.  He asked why I wasn’t working.  Richard defended me by telling him it’s because I can’t drive – which is true.  During certain hours that is. 

        Now reading scriptures and trying to calm down.  The Lord has sent me this trial so that I can learn.  I'd just assume not learn.

Treat Others With Respect

     I started my blog on New Year's 2012.  My goal was to create a new post for each day.  My goal was to keep them positive.  For the most part, I think they were.  It appears that I had been faithful about blogging each day for the first few months, and then it tapered off into at least 20 posts, but by summer it was less.  I had a great excuse though.  Jenna was home from school and I needed to spend time with her and not on the computer.

        December came and I was once again going to post every day.  All of my posts would center around Christmas.  I didn't want to be so cold as to not acknowledge the shootings on the 14th at Sandy Hooks elementary in Newton Connecticut.  Innocent children . . .

        I did not mention any other shootings . . . my blog had somehow turned into thoughts on dementia, assisted living, transportation and weather . . . it isn't because I didn't feel or grieve.  I feel sad, I feel anger - my emotions are not different from any other.  I wasn't trying to avoid the topic by not mentioning what has happened - way too many times.  I haven't felt my words on the subject would be of any comfort or interest or have relevance.

        Two years before the shootings happened in Las Vegas, I heard about the shootings that happed at Umpqua Community College.  We were still new to the area.  I had such a great respect for our community at that time as it appeared the entire county had pulled together during this tragic event.  Two years later (both took place October 1st) I am reading facebook posts from both Corey and Joh that they are alright.  Oh, but I fail to mention Orlando and all the other shootings (Trevor Noah, here, says there's been over 20 in just the last two years) . . . what is wrong with us?           

        As I was reading the summary of Bonnie Oscarson's talk (found here)  she says "we are touched when we see the suffering and great needs to those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs or friendship siting right next to us in class?"  Actually, I think that was the theme of conference as it was mentioned in several other talks in all six meetings.

        I cannot say if all  the shooters have been bullied - though I think it's a safe guess.  What evidence have been researched into these people's backgrounds?  What is it that they have in common?  Were they mistreated by others until one day they just snapped?  We don't even know why they did it as they ended up turning the gun on themselves.  The police make speculations.  The media makes speculations.  I'm making the speculation that each of these men (or boys) had been mistreated by others. 

        Be kind to others.  Treat people as you would want to be treated.  Make time to understand if not to love.  Treat people decent.

        Remember the poem  "Sticks and Stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me?"  What idealist thought that up?  Name calling and disrespect hurt people all the time.  How many innocent people were shot at because somebody snapped - possibly because they hadn't been treated kindly by another.  Think about it.