Yesterday I started two new classes in addition to a grant class I'm taking for the library. The two classes I'm taking currently delve into personality. I have a feeling my head will fill faster than my fingers will be able to keep up. I've taken intelligence quizzes before - even before I started taking classes online. I see the growth in my answers. The instructor made the suggestion to look at where we were ten years ago and where we are now emotionally. This is what I've written - but feel that it's too long for the discussion. Even if I reference myself, I don't have anything to put in APA form as a reference. So I'm posting it here - although you may have read it all before.
Ten years ago I walked with my three year old daughter to the school. We took many walks around not only our neighborhood but my mom's neighborhood as well. Jenna was enthusiastic and eager. I loved seeing the world through her eyes. I'd often volunteer assisting in her pre-school classroom. I needed her. I needed her radiance.
I did fine with her one-on-one, but was often an uptight individual around other family members. Roland had two other girls whom he was suppose to have visitations with every other weekend. I was tense whenever they were there - nothing against the girls themselves, but rather their psychopathic mother that made my uptightness feel as light as whipping cream. I would cringe at the very idea of her existence. I was happy if I just focus on Jenna but not happy overall - if that even makes any sense.
I've been married for over 16 years now. During that time I have lived in four different houses. We saw the girls (occasionally) when we lived in the first house. Two of our boys had to leave whenever they came. That wasn't right. I was angry and I was sad.
We moved to our second house when our two youngest were out serving missions. The economy (along with Roland's ex) had been unkind to us. We were there when Jenna finished kindergarten up until the 5th grade. We would walk around the neighborhood, to the bus stop and to the school. I had encountered many sinus infections and dizziness while living in our second house. I blamed the low ceilings. I tried to be happy but wasn't really. All three of the boys married while we were living in our second house.
Our third house was a rental in Oregon. It seemed to have better ventilation than our Utah houses did - more windows, higher ceilings. My breathing was better. There's very little in the way of traffic here. Don't see or hear about crime in the county as we did living in Salt Lake. Jenna and I would go for walks around the surrounding neighborhoods. I was a much happier person than I had been in Utah. I miss my Utah family members. There are always pros and cons.
We are now in the forth house since being married. I started taking online classes shortly after our last move. Jenna is now a teenager. We take walks around the park. We talk about subjects that we take in school. Still miss my family and public transportation, but overall I am in better control of my emotions - I think. I am healthier - therefore happier (or maybe it's the other way around?) and I like who I am - which hasn't been the case for a really long time.
The air has been cleaner. The weather more consistent. I am discovering myself through many of the classes that I have been taking. For me personally, that means more than any degree I may obtain or job I can find.
I believe I will have more to add as the weeks go by, but don't know how often I'll make the time to post to my blog as I should really be focusing on my classes first. I still have to create two discussion posts (well, maybe just one and a half as I did start one yesterday, but have not completed or posted) still trying to figure out how to connect the words I do have . . .