Running Out of Options . . . Best Stay Put

                 After my eldest son’s wife passed away he was given options on how to continue.  An aunt from his mother’s side had offered for him to come live with them on the farm in Freedom, Wyoming.  His in-laws offered to allow him to continue living with them.  Of course Roland offered for him to move to Oregon.  I don’t know what it was that kept him in Utah.  I personally thought Freedom would have been the best choice.  Ali would have gotten to know cousins on the Warner side of the family.  Biff told me that she loved cows (that was when she was two – I have no idea what her interests are at present - wolves?) and she would have had the opportunity to interact with them and learn the ways of dairy farming. 

        Eventually Biff met Claire and thus stayed in Utah for her.  They finally got married.  She had fallen in love with both Biff and Ali.  Ali doesn’t remember Jeanie as she was only two years old when her mother passed.  Clair is her mom – perhaps the only mom that she will remember.  Claire didn’t want to move to Oregon because she was licensed in whatever practice in Utah but does not even work now from what I understand.  She spends a huge amount of time doting on Ali – lately at the hospital.  Ali has been in and out since December.  I recall Jeanie being in and out of the hospital quite often after we met her.  Could Ali be following in her mom’s footsteps?

        I wonder how different things might have been if Biff had brought her to Oregon three years ago or if he had gone to Wyoming.  It sounds like he and his aunt are of similar mind.  Perhaps Ali would have been diagnosed with COVID in Wyoming as well – though I think the exposure would have been less risky there than the wall-to-wall population of people in some counties in Utah.  I don’t know.  We can never know how differently life would have been if we had chosen another path.

        Now it doesn’t seem as if either Oregon or Wyoming are options as Salt Lake and surrounding areas have a wide option of hospitals and clinics.  They may be medically advanced in Portland – but Biff and Clair cannot afford anything in Portland – not that they’d want to come.  I think as long as Ali remains in and out of the hospital, they really need to stay put and take advantage of where they are. 

Valentine Tribute Technology

        I watched the latest episode of This Is Us aired on NBC.  This year the creators have included today’s invents – meaning the pandemic and restrictions thus the story lines include the mask and real life circumstances at the hospital.

https://www.nbc.com/this-is-us/episodes

The show starts out with the introduction of two new characters – Nasir and Ester – both immigrants to a new country in 1963. Who could this couple possibly be?  What in the world did it have to do with the Pearsons (the family members that are the main subjects of the show)?  Meanwhile the present focuses on family members who are either in the hospital or on the phone via video chat with those in the hospital.  

The next time we see Ester and Nasir they are married.  We don’t know how long they courted or were married or how many children they will have.  We know there is at least one toward the end of the show when Nasir is late coming home and Ester seems upset with him as he promised that he would be home at a certain time.  She asks him to talk to her as if she were their four-year-old son. 

There is a scene where the camera is taken off Ester and Nasir and Manual and Rebecca are the subject. I suddenly decided that Ester and Nasir must be his parents and perhaps they will bringing them more into focus.  But I was wrong.  Ester and Nasir Ahmed are real live people and not just a story line.  Nasir Ahmed’s vision is what connected the story into modern day.  He was interested in technology and creating a device with pictures so that in the future we would not only be able to make phone calls and hear the other person, but we would be able to see the other person.

It was a “wow” moment.  It was such a lovely tribute and I am so impressed that this moment of inspiration has been weaved into the story line as the cast members (as well as ourselves) are able to visit with one another through this great device that was thought up many years before. It has made a great impression not only for what Nasir Ahmed did for all of us but that it was captured in this television show and provides a sense of light in a time that has been too dark for so many.  Thank you Ahmed and thank you to those involved with This Is Us for presenting this experience to us in such a creative way. 

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/entertainment/a35539211/who-is-nasir-ahmed-esther-true-story/

For more information see here and here e.g.

I don't know if the story was meant as a Valentine's gift for Ester and Nasir - what a cool tribute.

Light Inspiration and Gratitude

 

I didn’t know what inspirational story to share on facebook – though I thought it should be personal.  I had considered the last day my mom was in the hospital and how all four of her children were there trying to plan her funeral and asking her questions that related.  She was between worlds and so when she gave us answers we weren’t always certain which side she was talking to.  For example Corey had asked about what hymns she would want to be sung.  I knew she likes “I Am a Child of God” and would like it sung at her funeral. When Corey asked “What hymns do you like?” she smiled and said, “That’s a secret.”

I don’t remember all of our conversation.  I know it was a good conversation and all four of her children laughed together.  It felt like an inspirational mood.  I had also considered a time when we had gone to see my great grandma at the nursing home.  Mom had gone diligently every week and grandma, for the most part, hadn’t seemed too with it or able to communicate. 

It was in December – I think just before or maybe on Christmas day – my dad was with us and we sang some Christmas carols and Grandma sang with us.  That was really touching to have her join us and feel like angels were present.  It was later in the evening when I wrote the following:

 

“I did not get dressed today. I wasn't going anywhere and thought my pajamas felt comfortable. As I was thinking about an inspirational story that I could post, I thought about Shauna Hamp who would always get dressed no matter what ailed her because "only sick people stay in their pajamas".

“Shauna was a HUGE inspiration to everyone who knew her. She laughed and smiled and always focused on the good and service of others. I did not know her before she was diagnosed with Scleroderma - a disease that seemingly suffocates the skin and tissues within. When her crippling disease became to painful for her to work in her profession of physical therapy, she went back to school to get her license to become an RN. Shauna outlived her disease by 17 years due to her healthy attitude. She truly was an inspiration. I have good memories of many people in that ward who endured and have taught me a lot.”

         

From that same ward I had interaction with two members who had overcome agoraphobia.  Sharon had shared her story with a small group.  I would have never thought that had ever been a problem.  It seems like this pandemic would have been the perfect place for them at one time.  

There are countless things that I am grateful for. The “light” I shared today was this post:

I have been grateful for the "Come Follow Me" program since its introduction. I am grateful for those who have taken it upon themselves to share their insight. I love watching Don't Miss This with Emily Freeman and David Butler. I also learn a lot from Teach With Power presented by Brad Wilcox. It is especially wonderful to have these tools during the pandemic.––

The First Day of Spring

          There were several signs of spring before it the equinox made (or will make) it official.  So many trees in pink and white blossom and all the daffodils and allergies.  

Though my eyes appreciate the view from a distance, I have a hard time with spring up close as my sinuses go ballistic.  My ears tear and my nose runs.  Allergies.  I’m not sick.  I’m annoyed.  I need more moisture than the air has been providing me with lately.  Time to bring out the humidifier – which always seemed like an oddity for this part of Oregon.  But with Roland always being cold at night, the electric heat is really not agreeing with me right now.  

          It’s the heat.  It’s not a virus.  I’m not sick.  Even if I do get sick, I won’t admit it.  I’m not going to the doctor’s or hospital.  There are sick people there.  They don’t allow visitation.  I’m not going to spend my isolation in a hospital where I’m really not isolated as there will be other patients and staff in masks.  Not me.  I’m staying home.  Even if I do get sick or break a body part or puncture myself.  I will weigh it out at home with my loved ones around me.  I am NOT going to go to the hospital.

          Parent Teacher Conference was supposed to be held tomorrow and Spring break officially starts on Monday.  This morning Jenna and I did her last seminary assignment for this week.  Seminary won’t start back up until March 30.  They will try meet two days a week online but the students are on their own for the remaining three. Jenna still wants us to study each morning whether there’s seminary or not.  We are cruising through the Book of Mormon and the Come Follow Me Program.  

We are ahead of where we would be if we were meeting on Sundays for Sunday School.  Looking forward to General Conference.  We were told it would be unlike any other.  We didn’t know why then, but many have figured out why now. 

Bussing it to St. Mark's

When Jenna goes to school, I have taken the bus with her.  I normally have my backpack which contains my water bottle and a book.  Or at least I try to have a book – so I can read during the ride when Jenna isn’t with me.

Jenna and I have ridden the bus all summer.  We’ve gone in a variety of directions.  But we have always started out on the same bus that we have taken when she’s been in school.  Instead of continuing to our normal bus stop near her school, we have been getting off at the college and making a transfer connection to a different bus.

Just north of the college is a foot bridge that leads to the junior high across the street.  Jenna has always wanted to cross it.  I figured she’ll have the opportunity to cross it in two years – almost daily for the three years that she attends the junior high. My initial plan was to cross it with her, as I’d need to take a return bus home.  But this morning I learned that is no longer in my future.  She will either have to get off one stop before me, or cross at the light.  I think she will choose the bridge – which is what I would prefer for both of us.

 Jenna was so excited about being on this steep uphill bridge; it did make the crossing worthwhile.  But the side with the junior high is fenced in, and there is no slit in the fence and so we had to walk around and it took us more time than if we had just gotten off at the college and crossed the street.  Jenna apologized for my error.  But it was my error.  And it really was nice to learn about it now as opposed to when it’s full of junior high traffic.  And Jenna really did think it was cool to be on the bridge.  So it was fine.  I wasn’t upset about it.

We took a bus to the train station and transferred to another bus that took us to St. Mark’s hospital.  Before my mom passed away, I had driven to the hospital many times to see her – the same hospital I went to today, but for a different reason.  It was actually my first time riding the bus to St. Mark’s.  It was so different arriving at the hospital with a different form of transportation.

Instead of going to see my dying mother, I entered another part of the building that brings new life.  Up in the maternity ward is my sister, Kayla and her husband, Bill and their new arrival, BJ (not his real name – but I highly suspect that he is a “Bill Junior” as he seems to have had Bill’s sense of humor even while in the womb; and as their other two look like Kayla, I suspect BJ will not only act more like Bill but look more like him as well – kind of hard to tell right now who he takes after in the “looks” department) who’s been named after mom.

Roland’s office is located about four and a half blocks east and south of St. Mark’s.  I noticed that he hadn’t taken his phone, and grabbed it since he was so close.  Though I considered just keeping it as my phone has been flipping out the last two days and every call is broken and gets cut off.  I wondered if he had left it for me intentionally. 

I don’t like calling him at work through his work phone as I’m often redirected to the location in Phoenix – even with an extension.  Sometimes I am tempted to call the President of the United States just to see how much harder it would be than trying to get Roland at his work.  But that’s beside the point.                

While we were at St. Mark’s, Bill’s sister brought his kids to see their new little brother.  Anna lovingly held her new brother and smiled at him.  Gary, on the other hand, seemed freaked out and afraid.  I’m thinking it was time for a nap (perhaps he hadn’t had his Super Why fix)  He clung to Bill who wanted to take pictures and handed the camera to one of his nephews as Gary wouldn’t let go of his dad.  I noticed the time on the clock and asked Jenna if she wanted to go see her dad and come back later.  And so we left.          

The hospital and Roland’s office building are both on the same side of the street.  I told Jenna our two choices.  We could either cross the street, ride the bus down four blocks, cross the street(s) again or we could stay on that side and walk to Roland’s work.  We ended up walking.        

I didn’t remember Roland taking a lunch and wondered if he was at the nearby drive-in.  Jenna and I checked before making our way to his office.  I had her stay downstairs so we wouldn’t miss him if he got off the elevator.  I went from cubicle to cubicle not even knowing for sure in what section he was even stationed (he’s been relocated several times due to change of management and HUGE turn-overs)

I placed the phone on his desk and wanted to know if he’d be going to lunch.  He finished up what he was doing and met Jenna and I in the downstairs lobby and we went to lunch.  I should have gotten something for Bill, but just dumped the leftover fries in a bag along with half a shake and half a drink.  But he seemed grateful.

He asked me if he could take Jenna with him to the DMV as he and Kayla just purchased a van that still needs to be registered.  Their kids call it a bus.  Jenna’s actually excited about it because they will have room for her in addition to their three children.  She normally has fun with Bill and usually delights in his overly-done sense of humor.

I actually ended up leaving shortly after they did.  They may have still been in the parking lot actually.  But Kayla looked really tired and I could sense that she wanted to rest more than she wanted to visit.  I’ve actually had an obnoxious dry cough that seems to worsen when I talking, and so it worked out for both of us.   
 I hadn’t planned on returning home alone as I naturally figured that Jenna would be with me; therefore had nothing to read.

From the train station I have three options on returning home.  Instead of transferring back to the 41 (which is the route Jenna and I had used for getting to the train station) I decided to take the train to the next stop and wait for the 35 which gets me closer to wear I live.  

Now i am home writing this post, frustrated by a stuck shift key that keeps giving commands on my word that i have to go back and correct.  (That cap is one example.  It was also underlining and bolding – but the caps don’t seem as correctable – even on a different computer.  I was able to change the font size.  But I had to copy and paste this part)

Now that this is posted, I will go to the other room to wait for Jenna and the kids (who will be staying with us for a couple of days) I don’t know when Bill will be dropping them off.  He may try calling, but I can’t guarantee there will be a connection. It's been almost five hours now and I haven't heard from them.  Roland is home now.  Perhaps I should use his phone to find out where my daughter might be.

According to customer service, I’ll be receiving my new phone in just a few days.  That sounds unbelievable to my ears.  I’ll be surprised if it comes on Saturday or even Monday.

Two Weeks

 
Two weeks after I started my blog I became part of a search party who went out looking for mom who had dementia and had wandered from home.  She could not be left alone.  Each of us worked out a schedule so that someone would always be with her.

Two weeks after this year started mom was released from the hospital and spent her last night at the house she’d lived in for over fifty years. It had been on a Sunday when Ellen found my mom passed out and called for Nate to assist.  Patrick ended up taking her to the hospital.  He and Nate were both dressed for church but stayed at the hospital all day. They did not go to Church that day. Patrick had chosen to stay with mom. On Monday mom’s four children worked together to fill out the paperwork to move mom into assisted living. On Wednesday Kayla took mom to her new home at the assisted living facility – the last place she would live. And Corey came from Las Vegas to assist and say good-bye to the house. 

Two weeks ago we lay mom to rest - buried beside my dad.  She’d been rushed to the hospital two weeks prior to that.  It was on a Sunday when she was found passed out on the floor. She'd been rushed to the hospital. Patrick met her at there.   He was dressed for church but stayed at the hospital all day.  He did not go to Church that day.  He had chosen to stay with mom. He took the next two weeks off.  And Corey drove from Las Vegas to say good-bye.  We all spent time with her for 7-10 days.  And then she finally let go.

Two weeks ago Corey and Kayla and I met Fern and Michelle at the Mortuary.  We watched Corey and the Mortician dress my mom.  Michelle applied some lipstick – that’s all that was needed.  Mom looked like she always does when she falls asleep. She still has her purse.

Two weeks ago we talked with family and friends who had come to pay their last respects.  Sunny offered a beautiful prayer before we all went into the chapel. I tied mom’s bow and veiled her face – my final act of service for her.  The lid was closed.  I think Brian cried the hardest. His sobs just seemed louder than the rest - maybe because he's a giant.

 Two weeks ago today we paid our last respects and shared our stories and beautiful thoughts for such a marvelous woman.  Daddy’s birthday was the day after the farewell services.  It was on a Sunday. Corey had planned to spend this week with mom. Instead she's spending it with dad.  We miss you mom! (and dad)

Welcome to the 21st Century!

            I was never hospitalized as a child – except for when I was born.  But until I gave birth to Jenna, I had never been a hospital patient.  But I do remember visiting various hospital patients.  I remember that there was more than one patient to a room and only a thin curtain separated the patients from one another.  Each patient wore a plastic bracelet that would protect the descriptive paper that identified the patient’s name and medical information.  There were clip boards that hung from the foot of each bed.

Patients were asked if they preferred smoking or non-smoking rooms.  And visitation was always limited to certain hours and certain ages. 

            Today each patient has his or her own room.  They wear bands made of unrippable material somewhere between paper and plastic foam.  It contains bar codes which are scanned each time the patient is given medicine or surgery, blood and urine samples and so forth – possibly meals (that way it can all get charged to the final bill) No longer are stupid clip board kept at the foot of the bed.  Everything is done by scanners and computers. It’s so cool to see how technology has evolved.

            The hospital that mom was in is a no smoking zone – the entire hospital and property.  That’s pretty cool.  I think that’s a great revelation that has come to pass. 

 

            As I mentioned, at least one of my sibs was always with my mom around the clock – which meant spending the night.  I had three members of my family spend the night with me before Jenna was born.  Roland and my mom were both in chairs.  I think Kayla spent the night on the floor.

Not all hospitals have joined this century, I suppose.  When my granddaughter was born, Tony wasn’t allowed to watch the birth.  Talk about old-school.  That’s the way it was when I was born.  Dad’s had to wait in another room.

            I’m not quite certain if I remember from real life or if it was just from the television that I remember the dorky hats that the nurses were required to wear, and the crisp white uniforms – often wondering if they had spare uniforms in their cars or their lockers in order to remain clean and white - as it was never obvious that they had been around barf or blood.    Today they wear colorful scrubs or sometimes nice street clothes.

            Perhaps it’s not the same in all hospitals, but those are some of the observations that I made while my mom was dying at St. Mark’s Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.  That was actually the same hospital where Patrick and I were born.

Still Waiting

Kayla and Corey spent Thursday night at the hospital with mom.  And on Friday morning all of her children surrounded her and enjoyed conversation – especially when mom would laugh at just the right moment as though she was laughing at our jokes, but sometimes it just felt like she was really listening to someone outside of our presence.

Corey asked mom if she had a favorite hymn.  She responded that it was a secret. She must have been conversing with someone on the other side.  Perhaps a suggestion had been made: “They are planning your funeral.  Can you believe it?  We should just make your pulse count go higher.  You outlive the two weeks you’ve been given.  We’ll show them”

Mom was laughing. It would make for a great final memory.  Her pulse went up. She spends most of the day just sleeping.  We can get her to drink sometimes but she won’t eat anything.  Hospice designed for making loved ones as comfortable as possible.  She was not comfortable wearing the oxygen tube and so we had it removed. She looks quite peaceful when she’s sleeping. 

Some of our conversation went a bit like this (though mine and Corey’s words are actual, the others are imagined)

Me:       So how long are you staying

Corey:    I can stay indefinitely

Angel:    Did you hear that?

Mom:     Coery is such a good son.

Angel:     He said “indefinitely” Do you want to test him?

Mom (smiling): That would be kind funny.

Her pulse went up and they have moved her back to Alpine Ridge where she will spend her final days. It almost felt like a cruel joke - though a joke she would have never gone along with, as she has never been one to toy with people’s emotions.  It’s highly probably that Joh may have to return to Vegas before mom passes on.

It would not be a very nice thing if Corey stayed for thirty days or so and return to Las Vegas and then return for the funeral. Mom wanted to return to Alpine Ridge before she returns to dad.  I will take Jenna to Alpine Ridge this morning.

Waiting

Before Sunday

Mom was laughing,

she was walking

and dressing herself.

She was singing

on Thursday as Harold

accompanied on guitar.

Sometime between four and six

on Sunday morning

she got out of her chair. 

We don’t know why. 

She may have been headed

toward the bathroom. 

Or perhaps she could feel the

pain of a mild heart attack.

She was checked on at four. 

She was sleeping peacefully

in her chair.  But when

she was checked in on at six,

she was found on the floor. 

Her clothes were wet

with urine and perspiration.

She was loaded into

an ambulance and rushed

to the hospital.  Her legs

were badly swollen. 

She was diagnosed with

rhabdomyolysis  . 

The infection spread into

her legs and

kidneys and heart

probably.

She’d been hooked up

to machines and

needles and

was given cat scans,

an MRI,

a pick line and

an emergency surgery

on her legs. 

Her children felt so

helpless as I imagine

the doctors did too. 

Everybody did his or her job

best to his or her ability. 

We learned that her

kidneys had failed and that

she would need dialysis

and at least one of her legs

would have to be amputated.

On Wednesday two children stayed

the night at the hospital

so that she wouldn’t be alone.

On Thursday

we spent the day waiting –

waiting for the doctors to come,

waiting for Corey to arrive,

waiting to be moved

to a bigger room.

Mom had lots of visitors. 

A Lot. There was

the Relief Society Presidency,

Ross and Fern,

Peggy and George,

the bishop

and Harold.

Hunched over Harold.  

Sharply dressed –

wanting to spend time

with his lady friend.

Sunny and Fern called him

an angel.  And he is. 

Jenna made a card for Harold

who has been beside himself

since he learned

that the ambulance

had taken mom away.

She might never return

to the assisted living

facility.  She may die

at the hospital.

The doctor came and

explained about hospice. 

Mom was moved

to a bigger room. 

Corey arrived

and is spending the night

with her

at the hospital.

Now we are waiting

for dad to escort mom home. 

It’s time already. 

It is somewhat freaky

how quickly it happened. 

A week ago she was active. 

Now she is in bed. 

And we’re still waiting. 

                                                                                     kfralc