Nightmares and Statistics

          It is said that owning one’s own business is the American Dream.  I don’t believe that’s true.  Roland majored in business and would like to start up a business and has had that desire for as long as I’ve known him.  The problem is that over 90% of those who try their hand at business don’t succeed with keeping said business open.  Over 90%!  Holy Cow!  That is not a dream!  That is a nightmare!

          We have been in Myrtle Creek only four years and have seen several businesses come and go -  not that Myrtle Creek is the booming establishment of getting one’s business started.  But still . . . opening a business, regardless of location,  seems like such a gamble to me.  It has never nor will ever be my dream.  And yet it doesn’t seem satisfying to collect a paycheck on somebody else’s dream. 

          I remember when malls were popular.  I remember seeing stores come and go for various reasons.  They weren’t meeting the public’s demands, the overhead was too high, financial obligations much huger than profit. I remember one store that sold cutlery.  They had the nicest personal.  I would have liked to see them make it, but I personally did not have a need to go shopping there daily or even weekly.  There were several shops that did not have the same friendly personal that somehow survived.  Over time the malls seemed to cater more to the posh people one didn’t think would ever dare show up at a mall.  I was never an avid shopper anyway, but over time I really felt like I was squeezing through a crowd of upper class people that I didn’t nor have a desire to relate to.  But it’s not as if my dollar was going to save any single merchandiser anyway.

          Roland will look at buildings downtown or one’s we have seen marked “For Sale” and constantly asks, “What could we put there?  What would work in this town?” I’m certainly not willing to take the risk to find out.  It would be great if Roland could make it on somebody else’s money, but I think we already gamble with ours just with personal purchases.  There’s no way I want to file bankruptcy for something I never wanted to get into in the first place.

         I'm happy  in education where the rewards are students who recognize me outside of the school and will wave to me or express pleasure toward me.  Those rewards are greater than the paycheck.

Will You Hand Me Some Tissues, Please?

                This is my third week taking my class called “Sociology of Ageism”.  It’s been an interesting class, but I have been on an emotional roller coaster with the topics this week.  Our discussion is on assisted living and long term health care and thus I’ve been reminiscing on what health care I would have liked for my mom versus what was settled for due to the expense.

                I was in tears during the lecture as more triggers reintroduced me to some painful times during my mother’s final years and how it affected each family member not only with my mom but with one another.  Whenever my instructor asked a question, I would provide an answer in lengthy detail to share the gist of what was felt – but not everything I felt.  It wasn’t until after class that I posted a second discussion for any who happen to watch the recording.  I shared three blog post links with explanations. 

The first one that I shared was the very first post my niece had written for her blog.  She explains how she and her husband (a newlywed couple) moved in with my mom and the trials they endured.  I share a post my brother had created about the tension that had been created among my mom’s caregivers (that would be her children and grandchildren) though it is a lengthy post which I forewarned the class about.  I also threw in one of my own just to add some humor.  Three different links: sweet, depressing and perhaps a quick smile.

I am now working on my assignment for financial resources for the elderly.  We are supposed to focus on Medicare as part of the assignment.  I am learning some things but I have not been able to keep my emotions out of it for the most part.  Next week will be the last week of this class.  The time has flown.

Change & Responsibility

          For many of us change is a difficult thing.  We change instructors each time we advance a grade in school.  Our insurance doesn’t allow for a certain expense and we change doctors as a result.  Death always creates change.  We must deal with the void in our lives.  Some do this gracefully.  Others may complain.

          Often, we are asked to accept responsibilities that we certainly hadn’t stood in line for. Some of the responsibilities accepted force us to grow in ways that we may have not otherwise understood.  Take my brother, Corey, and cousin, Michelle for example.  Both had been placed in situations regarding finances attached to an estate.  Corey took over what Patrick had been assigned to do initially.  We had all voted on it.  Patrick seemed the logical choice.  He could have easily cheated each of us out of our inheritance but we all knew that he would not. 

          The day came long before my mom passed.  Corey and Patrick had worked together – each having the power of attorney.  I don’t know that Patrick even wanted to be in that situation – even long before he was asked.  A long time ago - when we had put it to a vote.  I don’t think he voted for himself.  Corey was a teenage kid with little to no tolerance for math.  Patrick had been experiencing health problems and didn’t need the burden. When Corey took over he was obviously more prepared than he was when we had taken the vote.

          When Aunt Gertrude was in rehab we all told her that she would need to update her will.  She would have to give power of attorney to someone eventually.  She picked her two surviving nephews and finally gave in to finding an attorney.  I had heard her oldest nephew didn’t want the responsibility and passed it on to his youngest daughter – though it sounds like Michelle has picked up most of the pieces.  Aunt Gertrude Uncle Ted outlived all three of their nephews and a niece.  Aunt Gertrude outlived Uncle Ted.  He was 100 when he died two years ago.  Aunt Gertrude passed just this year.  She was 97.

          I know that at least three of my cousins have a hard time dealing with change.  When their father passed, it was very hard for them.  She has had to deal with quite a bit of change: Aunt Trudy’s deteriorating mind and physical condition, Uncle Ted’s health, his death, Aunt Trudy’s death . . . I think the experience has made her a stronger person. 

          We all have trials that can make us strong if we allow.  Change doesn’t have to be a horrible thing.  It’s all a matter of perspective.

Return to Grants Magic

                It was at the end of August or the beginning of September when the library treasurer mentioned a grants program workshop she had signed up for and said the tuition would cover up to four participants.  I don't know if she had mentioned it in hopes I would volunteer - but I did.  She said the program would start in October and I would be receiving email from the instructor - and then I forgot about it.

            In September I attended a meeting in which clipboards were passed around in order for us to sign up for teams which would guide financing, library training, public relations and one other.  There were two that I definitely didn't want to belong to and signed up for training.  But wait . . . what happened with the Grants Magic (here) I had been signed up for?  I told the treasurer I had not received an email.

            This is an eight session class - the great thing about the online sessions is they can be watched at the participant's own pace.  This is good since that by the time I was finally able to log on, the workshop was halfway over.  I started watching the sessions in November.  I wasn't even halfway through the course when I received the final session.  There's so much I need to review now - but I at least have that opportunity.

            It was easier to go through the process when I had only one class, it was easy to take several minutes out of my schedule in order to review the videos and workbooks required for the Grants Magic course, but when I had my Psychology and Programming class side by side, even the bonus "Christmas goodies" had to be put on hold.  Oh, my goodness.  It's a wonder I remember any of it really.

http://www.grantsmagic.org/

            Now that I take only one class this mod and the lecture doesn't take place until Wednesday afternoon,  I have some free time to continue through these sessions - which I really am enjoying.  Hopefully I will gain more confidence that I am able to assist in an efficient way.  Thus far I haven't practiced methods with anyone else on the financial team - which initially I hadn't signed up for, but had received one email that indicated I was on the financial team.  It does make sense, but I have not met with the team as of yet.  I've pretty much been out of the loop with the library since the Children's Summer Reading Program came to its end.  But now that the holidays are over, I need to get back into the swing of things.  Hopefully I'll be more focused and become a leader in my field. 

Overwhelmed

          As I have already mentioned, I had started two classes on Labor Day this month.  One in managerial accounting and the other in financing.  My accounting class seems like a refresher course as there is some familiarity within the topics. It also feels like a prequel to my financing class and I wish I had it BEFORE my financing class and not side-by-side as I tend to get the two mixed up and have actually turned in one assignment for one class into the other.

          Fortunately I have really good instructors in both classes who have been able to give me feedback right away instead of waiting until the end of the week as was the case with my last instructor who did announce ahead of time that his grading day is Sunday and that is it.

          I am having the hardest time with the subject at hand.  Valuation principals and investments and blah, blah, blah . . . One class asks me how a manager makes a decision (no, it isn't my managerial accounting, it's the other one . . . see what I mean) and so I look up all of these references for one class and end up using them for the other class.

          Most of my accounting assignments have been in excel and so I don't have to have all those references in my back up file.  When I am asked to write about a personal finance decision (wrong again - the 300 word project about personal financing is for the accounting class; it is the second part to be handed in along with the excel assignment) I am looking at all these words and definitions trying hard to apply it to my personal life, but they're all business words and I am not a business and I have absolutely no desire to be!

          We make estimated guesses.  We cannot predict the future.  We can't control what downfall the economy may have to endure due to natural disasters.  I have so many thoughts in my head and they are spilling over.  I don't like the riled up emotion I feel when I am trying to answer the questions.  Roland has always been able to separate business from personal life.  Not me.  I cannot keep my emotions out of it!

          And then there is the scrapbook I had gone through that has triggered all sorts of thoughts.  I knew I couldn't sit down and write just one post and do my assignments.  So I broke my thoughts into several posts that still managed to beg for me to write them - and hey, why not?  I couldn't focus on my assignments anyway. I'm not worried about failing the class.  I've been getting As the entire time except for one class - with an instructor who would pass out virtual caramels - I was late turning in an assignment and so did not get full credit.  I think I was taking two classes at that time also. 

          I feel fortunate that I had only one class in July and one class last mod.  I don't know how I managed with the two classes that started on the day of Jeanie's funeral.  I felt like I had been in a coma for three weeks.  Perhaps that is the secret - have my subconscious take over.  I just felt so tired I don't think it was possible to experience emotion.  Since school started for Jenna, I've been neglecting the library also.  I find it necessary  to take a breather.