Deflation, Deception & Painful Reality Check

                I have been feeling overwhelmed with emotion since last Friday afternoon when Roland came outside to "let me know what's going on."     

            I didn't think I would ever see the day when Roland would be angry with Randy or not believe him.  My youngest son has always been a storyteller.  It started out as a form of entertainment, but gradually became a method of deception, and if he gets caught in the lie, will try to mask it with "Oh, I was just joking." 

            It has gotten old.

                Most everyone in the family had stopped trusting anything that came out of Randy's mouth.  Oh, he's got charm, charisma, so many likable qualities really, but also the gift of gab that's as easy to believe as a politician. He's got the same integrity as the second example found in this post.  

                I'm trying hard not to air dirty laundry on my blog, and yet it's something I feel I need to write about.  I just haven't found the right words of what I'd like to convey - perhaps even to myself. 

                As I mentioned in the last post, I'm taking two classes now, one in accounting and one in ethics.  Again they are connected to each other and may be connected to what is currently going on in my own personal life right now.

                When we initially moved to Oregon, we were still paying off a loan on an A/C unit we had purchased for the WV house along with a gas stove and a fridge.  The fridge we brought with us, but the gas stove was left behind as it doesn't seem to be a popular method in the areas we were looking at to house in Oregon.  And of course, the A/C had to stay with the house as it had become a part of it.

                We had made arrangements for Tony and Rochelle to rent from us - though Roland had mentioned to them time and time again that they could purchase the house.  They didn't wish to live in the neighborhood and I can't say that I blame them.  The neighborhood had started to go downhill while we lived there. Randy informs us that the situation is a lot worse now.

                Randy said he'd be willing to buy the house at cost, which I really wasn't crazy about.  I thought it should be sold so that we could pay off our loans.  But with Randy and Carrie moving in - even at a loss to us - I knew we wouldn't have to come up with two mortgages (one for Oregon and the WV house in Utah) each month should the house not sell right away.  I also knew that Randy and Carrie would take better care of it than we had and be able to sell it for more, which they did.

                 Before they moved in, Roland had asked Randy to send us some money on whatever they made whenever they sold the house.  Roland would have liked half but would settle for the loan amount.  He reminded Randy of this several times.  Nothing was put into writing.

                I honestly didn't think we'd see a dime, let alone thousands of dollars to pay off our loan.  I had stopped trusting Randy years ago.  Pretty much the entire family had.  Randy's actions seldom ever followed his words. He loves the sound of his own voice. He'd make big plans saying he was going to do this, he was going to be that.  They were just hollow words after a while. Yet, Roland continued to believe in him.  

                Don't get me wrong.  Randy has a lot of fine qualities.  When we went to Utah for Jeanie's funeral, I was impressed at how well he had been taking care of his brother.  It did my heart good to see him with his arm around Biff trying to comfort him.  He really does have a kind soul.  I don't guess integrity needs to be present to display acts of kindness.  

                He betrayed Roland's trust last Friday while Jenna and I were at our water fitness class.  Randy tried to convince Roland that it was he and Carrie that had helped us out by moving in so that we didn't go into foreclosure.  I don't know if he was trying to con Roland or perhaps he's just been deceiving for so long that he is actually believing his own stories.  

                One of the qualities I have always admired about both Roland and Randy is their ability to let things go and bounce back. But Roland hasn't let this go and he isn't bouncing back. I have never seen him look so deflated.  He has seemed to advance through stages and had wanted to get even. He has also been ignoring the phone every time Randy calls.  I can't believe I am the practical one who's doing the consoling and he is behaving like I had in the past.

                The money is not even the issue.  Well, not entirely. The true pain has been caused by the deception.  I don't know if he will ever trust Randy again. He hasn't earned my trust or respect.  I wish I could have the same relationship with my own children as my mom did with hers or my Aunt Fern has with hers or Sunny has with hers, but I don't.  I think I felt deflated at one time as well, but I'm over it.  It doesn't change my relationship.  I just don't dwell on it.

                But Roland is broken.  He wonders if something should happen to Jenna and me, who will take care of him.  He put too much stock in Randy and has now come to terms that none will be able to care for him when his independence gives out. 

                Before starting a discussion post for my ethics class, I had wondered what the difference is between ethics and integrity as they both sound similar in my mind. Integrity is the strength of one's character. It is a personal matter whereas ethics are based on moral values and encompasses more than one person. Ethics (or lack thereof) are determined within a company or nation or group of individuals and so the outcome is more widespread than the integrity of one individual.

                For my assignment, I had to have a scenario about a situation that relates to my field of major - which would be accounting.  Never having worked in accounting before, I made up a scenario, along with names of co-workers and job (I find it easier to refer to actual names than "my boss", "his boss", person A, person B, etc.)  I gave a description of my boss who is well-liked and seems honest.  I gave him the first name of my youngest son and used his middle name as the last name for my character.  I have turned in my assignment yesterday.

               

Opening a Facebook Account for Jenna

            I have noticed with each passing year, Jenna has had friends or acquaintances join Facebook – which has an age restriction – and I know for a fact that they are all younger than required age. 

            There have been some who've asked for her email address and we have given out mine, as Jenna does not have one.  She did have one through the school, but has forgotten it.  But I don’t imagine she could start a facebook account with a school email address anyway. 

            I could pay 50 cents to start an email account for her – or lie about her age – which evidently is what most of her friends or acquaintances (or their parents) have done.  How important is it for her to have this that we need to lie about it?  Thus she still isn’t on facebook.

            The novelty will where off – even with the JibJabs – which is her favorite part about going on facebook right now anyway.  Laughing at her silly uncle who has children who enjoy telling him what pictures to use and then laughing at themselves as their heads move to animated bodies.

            There are pros and cons to being on facebook.  Many people have connected through facebook.  Many have been slandered or lost their jobs.  Users need to be wise.  But there is still corruption that the user can’t always control.

            It is far more important to me to teach Jenna honesty than to have her engage in the temporary satisfaction of being on Facebook.  She’ll get there soon enough.

Posts that Inspire

          Recently I was googling Individual Worth in search for a proper definition to use in one of my posts.  As I went searching I pulled up a few blog sites with inspiring stories which I would like to share and reference.

          I came across an object lesson given by Stephanie Waite in which she laid out various belongings on a table and asked her class what each object was worth and what made them valuable.  Some of the objects were perhaps expensive things and some objects may have been more valuable to one than to another.  But the particular object that may have seemed worthless to most individuals was probably the most valuable thing on the table in the eyes of its initial owner.

          It actually reminded me of an object that is close to Jenna – a stuffed dog she’s had since she was 6 months old – though the toy itself looks like he’s been around much longer than she has. It’s been restuffed twice and has had matted hair cut off – never to grow back again.  But Jenna loves it.  It’s her baby.  It’s her lifelong friend.

          Recently she allowed her cousin to “borrow” it – a huge sacrifice on her part.  But Kayla (my sister) was not all that thrilled about inviting Jenna’s beat up toy (which really is clean – but appears to be unkempt) into her house and chose to leave it in the trunk of her car.

          What makes something or someone valuable?  Love?  The kind of love that makes you valuable no matter what.  No matter how beaten or ratty (inside or out)  I loved her post.  I loved her explanation.  And you can read the full post here. 

          Stephanie’s last post referred me to another blog.  I read a post that could fall into the category of Choice and Accountability.  What a tough decision to be made – and yet what remarkable faith and strength that would help so many others.

          Collin Presley had health problems from the time he was born.  He outlived his disease by twelve years (from my understanding) but died shortly after a new medication was given. 

          Their first thought was to sue the doctor.  Collin still had life with the old medication.  Surely someone had to blamed for Collin’s death – but an autopsy would have to be preformed to provide proof.  Doing an autopsy would upset the organs which the family wanted to donate to those who were still fighting the fight.  A battle with attorneys would have been so costly.  It wouldn’t bring Collin back.  On the flip side his organs could be donated and bring life to others.  That was the choice they faced.  You can read more of their story in this post though I recommend venturing even further with prior posts

          Katy Pluim amazes me with her short sweet posts as she deals with having only one arm.  I am so impressed with the things that she has taught herself that I struggle with having two arms.  She is a beautiful person with a husband and a three year old (almost three) daughter.  Here is one of her earlier posts on dealing.

Unfortunately I did not copy the reference for this next story.  I tried going back to my initial research and to Google–ing with the given subject, but more sites were brought up than I cared to wade through.  My apologies to the blogger (though there are many more resources for this particular story:

“More than one hour after the gold-medal athlete had crossed the finish line during the marathon in the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City, John Stephen Akhwari of Tanzamia entered the stadium.  Only a few spectators remained as the lone runner appeared.  The athlete’s leg was injured and bleeding.  He was dehydrated and confuse.  As he crossed the finish line, the small crowd cheered in appreciation for what would become one of the most famous last-place finishes in history. But it wasn’t the runner’s performance that caught their attention – and the attention of thousands more during the almost five decades since.  It was his desire to finish the race, to endure to the end.  After the event in 1968, a reporter asked the runner why he had not quit the race since he had no chance of winning. The Tanzanian athlete was confused.  “My country did not send me to Mexico City to start the race,” he replied.  “They sent me to finish”

I actually shared this next story in Relief Society when the instructor asked the class for comments about Integrity.  What goes around comes around.  I think this is a really great example.

And finally one idea to teach in classrooms – though children are more accepting and perhaps this ought to be applied to all adults as well  Stop the bullying already. We are all different.  Embrace the differences.   

          How great it is to have so many great insights and so many who support one another through their blogs and create ideas and share.  Thank you!