the Worth of Souls

 

          Jaime sent me a photo of her beloved dog.  Unlike Hi-Five, Bonnie is real.  But the photo reminded me of the many “treasures” that become earless, eyeless or in Hi-Five’s case, furless as they are cherished by children.

 

          I have used a quote from the Velveteen Rabbit.  I had shared this thought quite recently with the other members of the Relief Society presidency.

 Skin Horse to Velveteen Rabbit:

    “Generally by the time you’re real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all because once you are real you can’t be ugly except to people who don’t understand”

    And then I read another quote that I found in a notebook I had grabbed:

    “We see outward appearances.  God sees what we can’t –

He sees underneath”

Hi-Five has looked shabbier than this (here).  His fur was never soft.  I don’t know what it is about him that had Jaime (who I had earlier referred to as Jenna) so attached.  She had definitely loved away much of his inside fluff as well as outside.  When she was two or three, Richard had taken her to Build-a-Bear and had her beloved dog restuffed.  We can’t see it from the outside but have faith that there is a heart inside.  Okay.  It’s made of plastic, but it’s there.  We can’t see it.  

We can’t always see what’s underneath.  We don’t always get the worth. 

          Bonnie is real.  She is overweight.  She has slowed down big time within the last six years (well almost six full years since we acquired her).  When she came to us we believed she was only one or two – but it turned out to be more like four or five. 

          We had noticed an infection in her eye on Friday.  Jaime had taken the above picture on Saturday.  We have said countless prayers and put her name on the prayer rolls. On Sunday her eye was looking better.  Pupil was more visible though still higher than should be. We took her to the vets today.  The eye infection was not a result of having been loved too much – it didn’t drop off.  But that is what it reminded me of.

          We don’t always understand her pain.  Overall we can tell she is mostly happy.  Still loves people giving her attention.  Some people don't see what we see.  There are some that just don't understand. We love our dog.  Both dogs.  Hi-Five is not active like Bonnie has been but will be around longer.

Things That Glow

           Glo-E Bear

 

          I think it was the Christmas after she had turned three when Tony gave Jenna a Glo-E teddy bear for Christmas.  It came with a wand and a story book. 

Jenna kept the name Glo-E and was fascinated that the bear was able to change color.  Glo-e was only a fad, however. Hi-Five had always had a special place in her heart and has always been her number one.

The above is not the best picture we have of Hi-Five – the way he looks at present.  You can read more about Hi-Five in this post.

On December 3, 2008 the preschool had sent home notes that they were having a teddy bear party in honor of the letter B.  Bear starts with B.  But so no child would feel left out about not having his or her own teddy bear the note said that another stuffed animal was welcome in its place.

Jenna was torn.  She really wanted to take Glo-E to show him off but she didn’t want to leave out Hi-Five who wasn’t a bear, but she loved him so much (still does) and ended up taking both.

I happened to be there that day and remembered Jenna sitting with her teacher as she answered questions about the toys and filled out the form with both names.  I did not hear the entire conversation but have this as a momento

 

Constellations

 

I was never into astrology but I do remember watching the star shows at Hansen Planetarium.  For the most part I was puzzled as how they were able to get certain images out of a set of stars.  Some I could see, but others required a lot of imagination.  For the most part I have not been able to see the constellations for real in the sky except for the swan (whose proper name I don’t even recall) and the Big Dipper.

As I have mentioned in some other posts, I don’t normally have an awesome view of the night sky nor have I seen stars all that many times usually because the skies have been overcast or on occasion full of smoke.  Thus I appreciated the times that I am able to view the stars – which has lately been in the form of the Big Dipper.  

I tried taking a picture of my view but it was just too dark.  Even this illustration isn’t accurate to what I see.  The sky is a dark blue and if I move my head back and forth, the stars appear to be twinkling. It is really the blinds that block the light while the opening through the slats allow the light to shine through.

 Butterflies

Jenna and I were visiting on the front porch when a UPS truck pulled up.  I hadn’t ordered anything but my birthday is coming up.  I thought possibly something that Roland had ordered for me.  No, it was a Mother’s Day gift from my eldest son, his wife (who I’m certain was the one who sent) and daughter.  What a surprise.  So unexpected.  Wind chimes that Jenna decided needed to be hung up right then.  We had each taken several pics as we had hung them, before the wind blew them down.  She took a couple of pictures at dusk, but I did not get any pictures of the glow.

Dash #786 Jenna's Beloved Dog

This is Ernie in the middle. 

I purchased him when I had worked for Snelgroves ice cream store in Salt Lake City.  He has a music box inside of him.  When wound up, he will play the tune "Teddy Bear's Picnic".  I brought Ernie into my marriage.  I think he sat on a shelf until after Jenna was born.  I would play the song for her.  She loved putting her hand on Ernie's belly when the music played.  She loved feeling the music play.

This is how Hi-Five may have appeared at one time.

strange name, I know.  I will explain how we got his name, but first allow me to back up to the day when Hi-Five joined our family.  Jenna and I had been visiting with Aunt Gertrude who often purchased items just because they were on sale.  It was rare that any family member would ever visit  and not be offered to walk away with some material object be it a sweatshirt, stuffed animal, collectible doll or rocks (see this post) 

We had Ernie with us, and Aunt Trudy went and got Hi-Five because she thought they both had cute faces and Ernie's face had reminded her of Hi-Five - although we hadn't picked out a name for him until much later. 

Aunt Trudy wanted Jenna to have the dog.  He had a lot more fluff at that time.  Often it was hard to see his eyes because of the fluff.  At first, Jenna didn't want anything to do with it.

This is what Jenna was wearing
the day she received Hi-Five

It was several months before she warmed up to him and then couldn't bear to live without him.  Hi-Five went EVERWHERE that she went.

Hi-Five wasn't given his name until after Jenna had learned to walk.  She has always been smart and would retrieve things from her bedroom if we mentioned them - or else she would lead me to what she couldn't retrieve (like the growth chart on her door)

I had taught her how to give a high five sign

and one day I said to her,  "Give me a high five!"

She disappeared without attempting to slap my hand. When she returned, she was carrying her beloved dog that Aunt Gertrude had given her.  She gave it to me.

"Oh, is 'High Five" the name of your dog?"

She said a few words at the time, but was really not much of a talker then.  But with a few more questions, I decided that she was in favor of calling the dog Hi-Five.  I am the one who chose the spelling.

Jenna loved that thing ragged.  I made sure it stayed clean, but it didn't always look it.  Aunt Trudy tried replacing him with another stuffed dog whom Jenna's oldest sister, Francine,  had named Graham Crackers because of his color.  Jenna called him "Crackers".  She dragged both Hi-Five and Crackers with her for a while, but did not ever love Crackers (or any other stuffed animal) as much as she loved Hi-Five.

Crackers came with a kerchief around his neck

I would allow her to take it into most stores that we would go to - except for second hand stores though many might have rejected him if he had ever been mistakenly donated.  I tried to cover up his mishaps with clothes. 

I even gave him a haircut and told Jenna that his fur would not be growing back.

You know how some mothers have to wean their children from favorite blankets? I was determined not to have that problem and had given Jenna a different blanket every day - sometimes several times during the day.  It never dawned on me that a stuffed animal would become her "security blanket"  and I don't know why.  He was never soft in my opinion.  Over the years he felt more coarse.  I would have thought he would feel scratchy to Jenna, but she really did love it very much.  Maybe even more than balls or rocks.  We had reached a point where she just couldn't sleep without him.

  

When we moved from Kearns to West Valley, Hi-Five ended up living in the shed.  I told Jenna he could not live in her room unless she took care of it.  He moved with us to Oregon.  Currently he resided in Jenna's room. Throughout the years, he has gotten more shabby.  He's been restuffed twice.  Roland had even purchased a heart to go inside along with the stuffing the last time.  As I told Jenna, his hair did not grow back. 

Hi-Five today January 2019