“And
if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weaknesses that they may be
humble; . . .” Ether 12:27
How
many of us wish we had a time machine that we might have opportunity for do
over. If only I had made a different
choice. If only I had spent more time
(and probably money) perhaps we could have found our runaway dog. I wish I had been a more positive influence
when Roland’s girls came to visit. I
wish I hadn’t left Jenna in all day kindergarten after we moved.
Regrets
are demons if we allow ourselves to dwell on what could have been instead of
just moving on. Perhaps we may learn
from or see growth from what it is we think we’d like to change. Allow me to use Jenna’s kindergarten
experience as an example.
The
school by our first house offered two all-day kindergarten classes. There were few parents who desired just half
day. The instructors were able to devote
more time to their students and the children learned more than they would have
in half day. That is what I was used
to. That is what I wanted to continue
with.
But
we didn’t necessarily have that option at the second school. The all day kindergarten program was
definitely NOT the same. I didn’t know
that. Either it hadn’t been explained to
me or I just wasn’t listening or I hadn’t understood. Nor had I prayed about my decision to put her
in all day kindergarten. But even if I
had, would the results have been any different?
Jenna
LOVED her first school and she tried loving her second. But she was as a disadvantage as she was so
much smarter than the other children who didn’t know how to accept Jenna. I don’t think they were mean to her
necessarily, but they certainly weren’t friendly. Jenna felt so alone – which she would have in
half day as well, but it would have been fewer hours at school and more time
with me teaching her at home.
I’ve
known all along that it was/is stupid to have this regret. It has already happened. I can’t change it. And yet I realize that without the tragedy of
how Jenna and I each felt about her education (or rather lack of) that we would
most likely not be where we are today.
For without that experience I may not have searched so hard to find
another school. Nor would I have even
considered another school if we were still living in our first house. She’s had
many awesome opportunities with her current school that she would have missed
out on with the other two. I think it was worth the four month struggle we both
faced after we moved. But it’s taken me
a long time to figure it out.
Whenever
I think of the apostle Peter, I wonder if he had regrets. He made some huge errors that are recorded
for the entire world to read about. And
yet, how much stronger and diligent was he at fulfilling his mission? Did he not turn his human weaknesses into
strengths? Was he not a stronger leader
after the resurrection than before Christ was crucified?
There
are no time machines. We can’t change
the past. Regret will only get in the
way of our growth and happiness. We need
to move on. We need to find our
strengths.
