Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Falling Apart . . . Too Sore To Be Dead

I'm sore
I don't know why
I'm feeling muscles that
I didn't know I had
They're crying, "You
never pay attention to us.
We want to be known!"

And I say, "Not if you're
going to treat me with such
disrespect that I can't get
comfortable.  I don't remember
ever feeling so sore.  Why are
you so against me?"

I don't even know where the
sores came from.  I felt
fine when I left the
pool yesterday.  The pain didn't
start until I stood in line to
get my lunch.  Maybe I just
slept on it wrong.  Maybe
my body just wanted to stay
in the water and was
slow about realizing that
it had been out for some time.

I'm not a graceful ager.  I
hate it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Medication: Often Trading One Problem for Another

               It's been a year since Jeanie passed - not that I dwell on dates when people died.  Her mom does.  She's always posting the birthdays and death dates of those who have passed on.  Some days are better for her than others.  I think some days may be worse for her than they were for Jeanie.  I can't say for certain since most of the correspondence I've had with them has been through facebook.  I didn't even have that with Jeanie those times that she not only unfriended me but blocked me as well.  Apparently, it was the medication disrupting her otherwise rational mind.  It not only shattered her own emotions, but I had allowed myself to become upset as well.  I may never know the entire scheme of things; I did learn so much more about her at her funeral than I had ever known about her before.

          Biff had tried to explain it to Roland who either misunderstood Biff or perhaps Biff hadn't explained it well enough or really hadn't understood it himself.  By the time it got to me,  there were things lost in translation or miscommunications and until the day of her funeral, I did not know, wasn't aware, hadn't understood that Jeanie had been molested as a child. 

          One of her brothers had announced it over the pulpit.  It was shocking and seemed out of place for a speaker to make that the topic of discourse at a funeral - and yet I understood his emotions and the pain of the entire family.  Jeanie had been traumatized.  It left some thick emotional scars that still have not healed.  It was both disturbing and extraordinary at the same time - not the topic itself but for the love and concern that the speaker not only had for his sister but several generations of children and adults who have also been traumatized by one they should have been able to trust.  A person who should have been there to protect her and care for her.  It was sickening and so much of what he said had a profound ring.  I wondered if their other sister had been molested as well.

          Jenna had chosen to assist in the nursery, which I was truly grateful for as the subject was uncomfortable to me - I knew it would be for her as well.  And yet his talk was truly from the heart.  It was still disconcerting to learn what had happened and his plea to talk about it.  

          I knew Jeanie had been seeing a psychiatrist.  I knew it was for some kind of abuse - though I had thought it had been inflicted on by her ex-husband.  He was never even mentioned. I didn't realize it had stemmed all the way back to when she was five.  A time of innocence that she had attempted to live out again.  How difficult it must have been for the family when she would ask why her parents looked so old.  And where were her siblings?  And who was the stranger named Biff?  And where did the baby come from?  Of course, if she thought she was only five, she wasn't going to believe that Biff was her husband or that she had given birth to the baby girl.  Two of her sibs had already passed on before her and the other two were living in other states.

          We had a few family get-togethers when we would see Jeanie. Twice I remember her feeling flushed and excusing herself.  Two other times I remembered when she genuinely seemed happy. That is who she really was.  Happy.  Full of life.  Unfortunately, we didn't get to know that person.   She would cancel appointments with us.  Sometimes Biff would show up by himself.  He wasn't allowed to take Ally her first year.  Jeanie was quite possessive of Ally.  She would get verbally abusive towards Biff and her mom.  That was the person I saw.  The one that was sick.  The one that had become violent through medication.  I think when she realized who she had become, it wasn't worth taking the medication.  And so she chose to suffer as silently as she could and tried hard not to upset the rest of the family.

          I was included in that "rest of the family" and did not understand what demons she'd been dealing with. I was aware that there had been demon's in Biff's life but did not know to what extent.  I admire Biff so much for putting up with it.  He knew that the outbreaks were not her fault.  He stayed with her and blamed himself for not being there to catch her when she fell.  It wasn't his fault.  It wasn't medicine's fault.  We don't know if it was her death that caused the fall or if she died when she landed or on the way down.  The autopsy revealed that there were seven clots in her lung. 

          Some days her mom is accepting and knows that Jeanie is better off in another world where she doesn't have to take medicine to overcome emotional or physical pain.  She is free.  And she is with a brother and their sister.  But there is still a hole.  A void.  A longing.  An emptiness.

          Biff moved on with his life.  He moved in with Claire and they are raising Ally together, although Jeanie's mom would still like to be involved.  She remains in touch with Roland's sister who is a retired nurse and has been in contact and has had a better handle of the situation than either Roland or I.  Jeanie may not have unfriended or blocked Roland's sister.  They stayed in touch. 

          Our youngest son recently texted a family photo or all three boys and their families.  They are with Roland's sister and her husband and two youngest children.  Even after Biff's outbursts with behavior at times and seemingly lack of gratitude,  I was taken aback to hear that it was Jeanie's parents that were providing room and board for Roland's sister and family as my own boys were unable to make room for them.  (Randy lives in the largest space of the three - our old house in WV - which is teeny) I'm happy to hear that they are well liked and that bridges may be mended.  

        For family home evening the other night, we wrote letters to each of the boys.  I finished my thoughts yesterday and mailed the letters along with Jenna's most recent photo from school.  I am so happy to see all of my boys together again.  Jenna's been a little sad that she is not sharing their lives in person.  I guess we all are.  If only we could get all of them to come to Oregon. 

Thursday, May 31, 2018

PowerPoint part 3: DST is so Annoying!

       As I was somewhat stressed by the midterm and final of my history class, I decided to get a jump start on the final for my philosophy class (which ended May 26 this year).  I ended up changing the PowerPoint three times however as I was supposed to work fallacies into the document - which I didn't foresee as a problem until I was told I'd have to provide the name for the fallacy.  Oh, Oh ... I thought that might be a problem. 

       So we were supposed to pick a topic and have premises and conclusions for the Pro as well as the Con . . . my original PowerPoint was very one-sided and so I had to redo to include the opposite.  I brought in a fallacy slide which didn't feel like it belonged.  I didn't think I'd receive full credit as it still felt one-sided.  It was hard!  The more research I did, the more biased I was about having to set clocks every six months.  So this was the very first slide that I created:
I brought each of these in one at a time as I would discuss them

            "With online universities, it doesn’t matter if the instructor lives in Florida and her students live in 16 other states, lectures at the university I attend happen to start on Mountain Time as they are based out of Utah. Two weeks ago a student signed on five minutes before the lecture ended. This student lives in Arizona and according to her clock, it was 5:00 Mountain Standard Time.  

           "Utah and Arizona are both on Mountain Time. But not all of Arizona observes daylight saving time.  Utah happens to be on daylight time.  This time confusion made her late for class. Though Utah and Arizona are in the same time zone, their clocks are in sync only six months of the year.  Except for certain parts of Arizona.  This pink area observes daylight except for the reservation in this red section. Except for this purple tribe which observes daylight saving time.  There are some places in Arizona which display two clocks as to display each time.  How confusing is that?"

         I have always found that adjusting our clocks every six months extremetly annoying.  Until I'd been given this assignment, I didn't realize how harmful that is as it disturbs our sleep patterns.  There are statistics and proof of studies in which disturbed sleeping pattern may lead to stroke, heart attack, headaches and so forth.  Forget DST being inconvenient (which it is) maintaining proper sleep patterns and thus better health is a great reason to do away with DST.

         The Pro side will also argue that the extra hour of sunlight is good for one's health as it helps with the adrenaline.  I could not find any statistics.

         My initial  PowerPoint included a slide to point out that DST upsets both farmers and travel industries. As with many others, I had grown up believing that DST was an agricultural thing.  Research shows that it farmers were just as opposed to DST as I am - although the only statics given was specifically for dairy farmers

              Have you ever heard that saying about trains always running late or never on time?  After my research, I think I have figured it out.  It's too much cost to change the schedule every six months. Especially when not all states or countries use DST.  Daylight Saving is harmful to airlines as well as the traveler.

           The pro side argues that daylight is better for business - certain businesses maybe.  Like those involved in retail or selling merchandise.  Malls use to be flooded with consumers.  But guess what?  Some malls are a thing of the past (see here).  Over 25 malls across the nation have shut down.  We have entered a new century where online shopping has become a hot item.  What difference does it make where the sun is in the sky when we're online shopping?

             If, with all the technology that has taken place throughout time, someone were to invent a way to actually take that extra hour of sunlight that is supposedly "saved" during DST and apply it to standard (so that children are standing in "daylight" waiting for bus ALL year round especially in the winter) I'd be impressed.  I remember waiting for the bus in the dark.  And you know, we're always going to have the same amount of hours of darkness in the winter and light in the summer regardless of whether those hours fall between 5:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. or 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. - so why not just go with one or the other and leave our clocks where they are and avoid adjusting them every six months?

Monday, April 16, 2018

Health, Happiness and Approximate Conversation

          Just before we got in the car to come home from church, Jenna had asked me what was wrong.  Evidently, I was wearing an expression of sadness or despair.  Perhaps I should not use quotes as I don't fully remember the conversation, but I'm going to use quotations anyway.  This is only an approximation.

          Jenna (playfully joking):  "Are you sad because you don't have choir practice?"

          Me (sarcastically;  keep in mind that I DO NOT have a great singing voice and would rather eat than practice):  "Oh, yes.  That must be it" 

          Jenna: "What's wrong?"

          At that exact moment in time, I was dreading money spent wastefully - but I don't wish to share my thoughts with her because I know she'll feel bad, and my fourteen-year-old shouldn't be concerned over family finances the way that I am.  Not that what I shared with her was any better - in fact, it was probably worse.

          "Oh, dad and I were watching program this morning about health and happiness in the workplace.  Dad has never been happy about this job that he has currently.  I think that's why he's been sick for so long. 

          "This morning's program interviewed a man who had a job that paid good money but he was not happy.  He quit his job to become a fireman which he loves, but he isn't even making a third of what he did.  But he is happier.  We're always making sacrifices.  Dad does his job to support us.  And now he has a boss who evidently attended the school of Hitler management and feels like he is walking on eggshells all of the time.  I think that's why he's been sick for so long.  He just can't seem to shake it.

          "My health has been so much better in Oregon than it was in Salt Lake.  I have been so much happier overall.  I don't feel as much stress.  But if we have to move again so dad can get his business started, I will be the one who is sick.  Accounting doesn't make me happy.  I don't want to be part of a business.  So either he is going to be sick or I am.

          "And I just learned another great Uncle has passed away this month.  He had dementia when he passed.  Uncle Ned had dementia too.  And my grandma may have had a touch of it after she was admitted to the hospital for the last time.  She had asked dad and me to take her home, but she didn't even know who we were."

          Jenna and I were both crying.  My mom had dementia.  Perhaps it's hereditary.  I'm 15-20 years younger than mom had been when she was diagnosed, but this "goldfish memory" thing seems to be more frequent.  It's highly probable that I'll get dementia also.

          There is only one traffic light downtown and another in Tri-City.  We were at the second light when I realized what the most recent "trigger" took place.  It hadn't anything to do with our current spending or our health. 
          "I hate primary," I said.  I have been in the primary for over 40 years of my life and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of practicing for the annual program.  I really don't mind teaching, but I am tired of babysitting the children who don't wish to be there or just have no concept of why they're there.

          "I'm going to be stuck in primary forever!  The only way a person can ever get released from a calling is by developing a love for it so much that he/she doesn't want to be released.  That is when they get released.  That is how it works.  I am going to be stuck in primary forever because I don't love it.  On the plus side, I will never be called to be the Relief Society president."

          Jenna laughed.
          "No, I am serious.  I can't be in the primary and Relief Society at the same time." 

          Just before we reached our driveway, I shared another reason to be sad.  I think I'm allergic to chocolate.  And I LOVE chocolate.  I love chocolate more than I hate primary.  How awful and sad to love something that may not love you back.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Just a Few Thoughts to tie Us Over until my Next Post

          There is no topic for
discussion this week. 
No assignment to turn in.  It is
the final week and all I
have to do is one assessment. 
Worked out great as Jenna
is off school this week for
spring break.  Her spring break is
twice as long as
any of her friends in Utah.

Yesterday, Jenna helped set
up for my primary class. 
Roland came in and insisted
the temperature felt nice.  Nice? 
It was too warm.  I could not
open the window and so
covered the vent with
hymn books (as they were
 all I could find) Later the
primary president
nearly praised me for
my clever act.

I went to the instructors'
class.  I don't remember ever
having laughed so much in
that class before.  It felt
nice to share that laughter with
those others who attended.

I haven't been sleeping well.  I
look like a football player with
dark marks under my eyes - though
they're not really that dark.  I guess
I look more like a ghoul. 
Roland still has his
stupid cough.  Be Gone Already!

I may take the assessment either
Wednesday or Thursday.  I
probably ought to study for
it, but first I am going to return
to my bed and take a nap.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

A Week Without Posts

          I think I have mentioned both Roland and Jenna have had some nasty colds, but I seemed fine until Saturday - the 10th.  I had gone to the church as the presidency were holding interviews for those who are visiting teachers.  I could feel a sore throat coming on.  Even when I agreed to teach Relief Society only eight days later.

          I went to church on Sunday, the 11th.  I did not stay for choir because I didn't want to strain my throat.  Last week I did a lot of napping (cough medicine knocks me out) and preparing for both primary and RS lessons.  I also participated in a class discussion on a topic that I didn't fully understand.  I took the assessment (midterm) and apparently turned in my discussion notes instead of the assignment.  Brilliant.

          My lesson for the Relief Society went rather well.  I wish I could say the same for my primary class. We reviewed the last couple of weeks and I started my lesson by introducing the class to Lot.  Carly interrupted me several times with non-gospel related "concerns".  She had brought snacks for everyone and wondered if she could pass them out.  While I commended her for her desire to share with the class, I also pointed out how inappropriate I thought it was for her to continue interrupting my lesson and reminded her that it was actually a short lesson but I would have to get through it before she was allowed to pass out snacks.  

          I also continued to remind the class that perhaps one day we will meet with Danny's class to play a game and wouldn't that be awesome if our class was able to provide more correct answers than hers.  That seems to work better on the class as a whole than the snacks or the ribbons.  The passport has been working out well for us - though I have not used it with any of my "Abraham" lessons.

          Tina was trying hard to hang onto my every word.  I really appreciated that and told her mom so when she greeted me after I had given the lesson in Relief Society.
          Yesterday was definitely not my best day.  It felt as though I was agitated about every little thing.  First off there was the topic discussion for my class:

これが会計を理解する方法です。 私は間違ったキャリアを間違いなく選んだ。 私の夫は私が仕事を取れると思っています - Я просто не понимаю. Все это так чуждо мне. В любом случае, перевод может быть неточным. У меня есть последователи из России, которые могут прочитать эту часть. Приношу свои извинения за любые нарушения вашего языка. Это не намеренно. Я просто пытаюсь продемонстрировать, насколько иностранный учет (особенно предмет акций и облигаций) мне кажется대해 이해하고 있을지 모르지만 나는 그렇지 않습니다. 일본어, 포르투갈어, 아랍어, 회계. . . 얼굴에 벙어리 표현을 참조하십시오
題ありません。ムーディーズ・インベスターズ・サービスとスタンダード・アンド・プアーズ・コーポレーションは、公的債務問題の格付けを提供している。قد يكون لديك فهم لكل من هذه الشخصيات ، لكني لا أفعل. اليابانية ، البرتغالية ، العربية ، المحاسبة. . . انظر التعبير الغبي على  私はバイナリコードを読むことができなければ問題になるでしょう - 私はできませ01010010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00111111 00100000 00100000

This may not be an accurate translation.  Doesn't matter.  I can neither read nor understand what it says.  That is how I see accounting.  I just don't understand so many terms.  I am constantly looking up words in the dictionary or accounting glossary and then looking up more words to understand the dang definitions.  Awwhhhh!!!

          I received a  notice in the mail describing a problem I have already addressed several times.  Obviously it hasn't been resolved.  More hair pulling.  Can't communicate with a machine.  Doesn't understand me.  I don't know WHY it asks for my account number.  Whenever I finally get a human, I have to provide my account number again.

          First time the machine says it will allow me through, it claims there is a 15 second wait.  It was longer than 15 seconds before I was cut off.  I call again.  After going through all the rigmarole and hair-pulling for the second time, the machine says I have a minute wait and cuts me off again.  What the hey?  Come on!!!  I storm up an email - which I decide to send to my husband before sending it to customer support - for I know that I'm angry, and although I do wish to express my annoyance, I don't want to be so unkind that they don't want to return my call just to be hung up again.  He tries.  The wait is 7 minutes.

          Meanwhile, I need to call the mortgage company to let them know that we have been contacted by our insurance agency to let us know that mortgage and insurance haven't seemed to make a connection.  Oh, great.  Another problem that may get me fired up.

          "We're sorry.  We are experiencing high volume call.  You will be on hold for 20 minutes."  What????  At least the last company that usually doesn't hang up on me does usually give me the option of calling me back.  And they actually do.  I go to their website on their suggestion.  I fill out their form and write a message.  There is no send button!  I have filled out their form and cannot send it.  What kind of a scam is this.  Now I am livid!!!

          I knew I needed to calm down.  I knew that I wasn't in the correct frame of mind to post a blog.  I still have to figure out my discussion topic.  I still have to call the mortgage company.  It's a wonder I'm not bald. 

          Stay tuned for "St. Patrick's Grunge Pledges" and "By Divine Design - Relief Society"