A Mother's Day talk for Christmas

            In November of 2016, I felt impressed to write a talk about Mother's Day.  I started my research and played around with different ideas.  May came and went and I wasn't asked to talk.  In fact, there was little mention about it even being Mother's Day.  The first speaker truly loves Mother's Day and I think must have desired for a Mother's Day program.  She expressed her gratitude for Mother's Day and then went into her talk which had nothing to do with Mother's Day at all.

            Perhaps the Bishop had changed the theme to spare the feelings of oh, so many who despise the holidays as it may trigger reminders of estranged relationships, imperfect relationships, non-existing relationships, or discomfort.  I realize that not everybody loves Mother's Day.  I know of several women who refuse to attend meetings on that day because of painful reminders or words mentioned that tend stir up negative emotion.

          Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis provided nurturing by setting up work clubs to improve health and sanitation in various towns in Virginia.  Despite her personal tragedies, Ann Marie never stopped her community service.  Upon her death, her daughter, Anna, received a great deal of cards and expression from the community about the great feats provided by not only Ann Jarvis but the community as well.  They provided nurturing.

https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796

            Anna envisioned Mother's Day as a celebration of the home and all that your mother did for you. "On the second Sunday in May of 1907, Anna held a small memorial service for her mother at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, Va. The mourners present received a white carnation, which had been Ann Marie's favorite flower. Anna organized another one a year later, and this service is generally accepted as the first official Mother's Day event." This holiday was designed not only to honor the mother of Anna Jarvis, but the women of the community as well.  It was more than just about motherhood.  It was designed to honor nurturing.

            If I were to talk just about my own Mother, I could easily fill an entire meeting with stories and examples, but I know that all mothers are not like my mother nor are all relationships like the one that my sibs and I have and have had with my mother.  I know that there are many who do not honor their mothers or feel honored by their own children.  I know many woman who are not mothers and most likely will not be during this lifetime.  Why should they be made to sit through a meeting honoring something that they don't feel they'll ever be?

            I was raised in a fairly new neighborhood.  On our street there were at least 30 houses at the top half where I lived, and although not all houses had children living at there,  there had to have been 50 - 60 kids just on the top half of our street.  At that time it was the norm for the mom to stay home and take care of the children while dad was at work.  We fit the 60's stereotype in which the man was the bread winner and would take the garbage to the curb and the mother would stay home, bake bread and cookies, rear her children, and was always pregnant. I remember having known only one mother who worked outside of the home.  The rest of the mothers in the neighborhood seemed to have a hand in raising all the children.

            Each of them had a similar method for nurturing yet many of them varied in how they disciplined and the manner of tone in their voices.  I came to know many mothers when I was young.  Each tried to raise her kids in a similar manner and yet all were different.  Each had come from a background different from my own mother's.

            Take our neighbor across the street, for instance.  She had four boys at the time.  Each time a new son was born, she would talk to him and praise the baby's older brother which allowed the older brother understand how important and valued he was though the baby may have required more attention at given times.

            Peggy had been raised in American Fork with a family who was very active in church and had learned all domestic ways of life.  My own mom had been raised in San Francisco with very inactive church attendees.  Her mom and dad had divorced when she was thirteen.  She became a latch key kid and she took charge of helping her mom with nurturing her brothers.

            I don't know how old I was when I learned that Peggy despised Mother's Day.  I was shocked.  How could anybody possibly hate Mother's Day? I LOVED Mother's Day.  It was an opportunity to spend time with dad as he took my brother and I shopping to find a gift for mom and grandma.  On Sunday, the primary was able to participate in sacrament meeting when we sang to all of our mothers.  I didn't fully understand the reason behind the holiday, but I thought it was a cool holiday and thought it would be an even better holiday when I too became a mother. I still don't know what reasons she had to despises the holiday though I have made speculations.

           

            There are many definitions of what makes a mother.  Most definitions agree that she is a provider of affection, care, nurture, rearing children, etc.  I have never once seen a definition which makes the mother out to be perfect or says that all relationships between mother and child are perfect or that a mother's attitude is always perfect.  Mothers ARE NOT perfect.  Relationships are not perfect.  The only perfect person who ever walked this earth is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He wasn't a mother.  And yet we have been given a metaphor of Christ being compared to a mother hen.

    

https://www.circleofhope.net/dailyprayerdeeper/2016/09/15/september-15-2016-listening-julian-norwich/

       

            In this article, we are told about the relationship between the hen and her chicks.  Christ provides nurturing and protection. People make mistakes and sometimes may not seem capable of providing nurturing, but there are so many who can.  Some who aren't even biological mothers.  Some who aren't even women. Aside from a cousin living in Salem, Roland, Jenna and I don't have biological roots in Oregon.  The ward we attend has become our family.  I have been impressed by the nurturing welcome we received from so many members.  Our friend Marva, who is currently taking the discussions, and who has set her baptismal date for December 29, has said the same thing.

            She was not raised by her own mother.  She hasn't experienced the visitations with grandma.  She has two children but has not been allowed to raise them both.  She hasn't had much exposure to nurturing but does understand its value.  We are all capable of receiving and providing some kind of nurturing.  Keep that thought the next time Mothers' Day should come around.  Value the virtue.  Honor the nurturer - whether your mom, your neighbor, or maybe someone you just read about.  It doesn't have to be a day of negative emotion.  Focus on the blessings.

           Just for the record I don't dislike Mother's Day but I certainly don't love it.  Sometimes it will fall on the same date as my oldest son.  I would rather celebrate his birthday than Mother's Day. [Type Mother's Day in the box in the top left hand corner next to the B in the orange box.  That may give you more insight about tolerating Mother's Day]

More Than Names To Second Cousins

            There is a family history fair coming up in May.  Someone had made reference to the importance of it during our conference meeting.  Yes.  It is important.  Good hygeine is important - yearly checkups with the doctor and semi-annually for the dentist.  That doesn't mean we love doing it.
           I have been rereading the autobiography of my former neighbor's mother.  She was 81 when her words were published and lived another 25 years.  She is the oldest living person that I have personally known. It has been interesting reading about the history she has lived. She enjoyed family history. 

            I prefer the picture taking and journal entrees over research and accumulated documents that may or may not be a distant relation. Currently, I have at least three second cousins who enjoy doing genealogy - or at least I assume they do.  More power to them. 

            My dad has only one paternal cousin who married and had four children.  Three are quite older me. It is the youngest of those three who has taken over her mother and father's love for genealogy.  She introduced me to another distant cousin who I am facebook friends with, but have never met.

            My paternal grandmother had three brothers, two of whom died in their youth.  The eldest of her brothers has six children.  The eldest of those six is also deceased.  She had four children - three girls and a boy.  I know the names of her three daughters and her son who is doing family history.  I think he was quite young when his mom passed and may feel the need for connection.  Thus he has been doing my dad's maternal side of the family.

            The last cousin has been doing the family history of my mom's maternal side.  She is the grand-daughter of my great uncle who passed away when we were both living in Kearns.  She seems to thrive on family history, but I do not.  I see evidence of somebody doing my mom's paternal side - though I don't know who or where we fit on the family tree in relation to one another. 

            I was thinking that my maternal grandfather was the youngest of seven children, but I see only five are listed.  He was only a week old when his biological mother died.  His dad remarried and they had three more children - I'm guessing it is someone from the line of the youngest (or maybe one of his sisters) who has been doing the research. 

            There is a bit of information given about my grandfather's biological mother's side, but not much.  I was told that my grandfather was the black sheep of his family.  I did not know him, nor do I believe that my mom knew her father the way that she knew her mother  - though she had mentioned visiting his family when she was young.  I think she liked his family better than she liked her own dad.

            Corey enjoys making connections with the living as he has run across photos and will have questions and has done "detective work" to make contact with someone else who might remember.  For example, my mother had a stepsister.  I don't think she lived with my mom's family but had probably gone for visitations. I think she was only 13 or 14 when my folks were married.  Corey had once asked whatever became of her, but as I barely even knew what her name was, I didn't know.  Corey said he found her son or other relation that told that she had passed away. 

            Family history can be interesting as with the names I mention in this post.  Family history can also be time-consuming.  I'd rather preserve the memories of this present to pass down to the future.  But perhaps my posterity will feel the same way about family history as I.  Perhaps I will have at least one posterity who may have a passion as a few of my second cousins.            
 

           A family history full of common names presents more challenge.  I am grateful for the unique names that exist in my family history.

           

Keeping Accurate Records - or Trying to Find Them rather . . .

I have an ancestor named Robert Stuart Stirrat Purdie.  That's his name.  Both middle names are pronounced "Stew-ert".  My mom had told me that it was a custom (whether in the family or community is unknown) for the parents to name the child (in this case middle name) after the first visitor who calls after the baby was born.  Friends Stuart and Stirrat (whose last names are unknown to me at this time) arrived together to call upon the family - thus Robert was given two identical middle names, although different spellings.  Comes in handy when trying to piece together if various records do indeed belong with the ancestor you're trying to find.  I have not run into any juniors or seniors on either side of my family (well, not until the lines of royalty - which thus far are just names - the accuracy of their relation is also unknown.  They didn't actually use Junior and Senior but I, II, II, IV, etc.)  

My grandmother wanted to name her youngest son after his father, but my grandfather did not wish to have a "junior" in the family, thus they gave him a middle initial but not a middle name.  I have a daughter-in-law who has a rather common name.  Her father is a junior and his father is the senior, thus when ancestry presents hints, it is very important to pay attention to the dates as both names will come up as suggested matches for either.  It used to be if you deleted one name on the branch, it would wipe out the entire line.  That doesn't seem to be the case with this new format - which may be easier to understand, but one I am certainly not used to and don't find it at all convenient.  

I was given a great number of hints for those I believed were already in my system.  They were.  I discovered I had duplicates.  I don't know if I removed them all or not.  I have actually been finding names that don't seem to be connected to anyone in particular.  So why are they still in there?

Years ago we had learned that my brother-in-law bill is not only an uncle to my boys by marriage but also their sixth cousin once removed on their blood line.  We had his line and the boys line as two separate lines and thus had duplicate names and that bugged me.  In family search, you can connect the two rather than resubmit them as new people with duplicate names.  I like that much better.  I'm getting really tired of the duplications.

I notice that there are a lot of names that get used again and again honoring the grandparents - and it is nice when the names skip a generation, or when the names given are so unique that I don't recall ever having had heard it as a name before, like Thankful and Remembrance Fish.  When the name is so unique like Robert Stuart Stirrat or Priddy Meeks - it's gratifying.  Oh, yes.  That's got to be him.  Whereas Brigham Young, Joseph Smith, Jose Rivera, Roberto Martinez, Jennifer Anderson . . . say what? 

Family History can be very time consuming - and I think the most common names actually require the most attention.  I want to thank all of those from my tree who gave unique names to their children and putting distance between the more common names . . . well, many of you anyway.