Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts

Friday, July 3, 2015

We Really Need to Update Our Will





            When Jenna was a baby, Roland and I had our wills done with an attorney named Kevin Jackson.  We each received copies  -  but I have no clue as to where they might be right now. 

            I do remember taking my copy to my mom’s house so that each will was kept at a different location.  I may have put it in the crawl space off to the back of the house.  It could still be there, but may be discarded if the current owners come across it.  I don’t remember seeing it when we were cleaning out mom’s house.

            Regardless, it needs to be updated.  We certainly didn’t have much in the way of possessions at the time.  My main concern (still is) is that in the event Roland and I should go before Jenna is 18, I would want her to stay with my family – though I think only one address on the wheel remains valid.

            Kayla was the first name.  She was still single at the time and lived at my mom’s address.  The next person on the list was mom.  The third person on the list is one of Roland’s sisters – the one who has raised a number of children due to family situations.  The last on our list is Sunny and Patrick.  Theirs is the valid address.

            At the time all of our boys were still in school.  I had asked Kayla if she would raise Jenna and she said she would be honored.  Roland said he’d like the boys to stay with my family as well. 

            Meanwhile, Kayla has married and has three children of her own.  The boys are of age now where Jenna could live with one of them if he and his wife were willing.  I had taken Tony and Rochelle aside to tell them that they could raise Jenna in our house.  I figured they’d oblige to keeping Jenna in the dual immersion program – that was before we moved.

            Jenna said she doesn’t want to live with Tony and Rochelle.  They are definitely NOT on time people.  There seems to be tension on Tony’s part.  Always has been.  If someone gives him an inch, he’ll always wish he’d been given a mile.  He doesn’t seem grateful about things and is always complaining.  As mentioned in an earlier post, Roland’s nickname for Tony is Donald Duck.  I don’t think I want Donald Duck raising my baby.

            I had told Tony and Rochelle my wishes verbally.  Nothing in writing.  I am grateful for that, as I have changed my mind.  I think it would be better if Jenna were to go with Randy and Carrie.  Randy has always had a great mannerism about him. He will lovingly provide any discipline that will be needed.  He doesn’t blow up.  I think Randy would be a much better choice.

            I hadn’t considered Biff.  He doesn’t seem to do well with finances.  Plus he already has his hands full with Jeanie – who often seems to break out into major mood swings of her own.  I seriously think there is a chemical imbalance on her part.

            Jenna and I would both love it if she could go with Kayla and Bill.  I think Bill would do it in a heartbeat and think nothing of it.  He and Jenna seem to share the same personality – which sometimes grates on Kayla’s nerves.  Having two of them – maybe more (I think Gary might actually have a lot of Bill in him) than she is willing to handle.  But then there are pluses.  Kayla certainly wouldn’t allow Jenna to go unclaimed.  (Not that that would happen)

            I’d rather she stayed with my family than go with Roland’s.  We teach values to Jenna that Roland’s family doesn’t share.  Biff had lived with Roland’s sister for a while, and they would send him to church, but they did not attend with him.  I don’t want that.  Besides Roland’s family seem to be getting up there in years.  My sibs are all younger than me.  Though I realize age is not always a factor – there are concerns.  I am already old enough to be Jenna’s grandmother.  I’m not as active as the parents of many of her friends.

            I don’t really think there is a cause for alarm.  Roland and I will both live long enough to see Jenna graduate and get married.  But there is always room for a back up plan.  I don’t think we have any material possessions worth anybody making the trip to Oregon to make a claim – unless it’s for sentimental reasons.  But I think I have scanned most of my pictures.  But I think my brother, Corey, is the only one who would even place value on anything like that – unless Jenna, herself, wants them.

There’s probably not a whole lot of value in leaving instructions posted to a blog.  I know my family members know who I’m talking about, but how would it ever be proved in court since I’m not even using real names.  Well, I did for the attorney.  His name is real.  Don’t know his location.  I believe he’s moved twice since we first met with him.

I definitely don’t want DCFS to be in charge of the whereabouts of my little girl.  DCFS is one fouled up system in my opinion.  I don’t wish for any family members to be fighting it out in courts.  We already did that with Jenna’s sisters.  It was a losing battle all along.  Not just for us, but for them.

Don’t know why it’s on my mind even.  But it is.  There is so much we need to take care of.  Getting Oregon drivers’ licenses and plates for our car.  Finding a doctor should we ever have the need.  Maybe a dentist.  Jenna LOVES to go to the dentist.  I think that’s weird.  

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Loaded Paintbrushes and the Rest of the Story



After we had purchased the house
Roland put the boys to work
painting the trim red.
That was seven years ago.
Time to paint again.

Randy needs money
and Roland puts all three boys to work
and says he’ll pay them 100 dollars each
as soon as the work is done.
The instructions are fairly simple: 
Everything that is red needs to be painted over in green,
everything that’s white needs to be repainted white.

Biff was the first to show.
He works graveyard and comes
straight from his job
though two weeks ago
I think he went to the gym before coming here

Roland had to work that day
and so I had told Tony that he could be in charge
I didn’t want Randy to be in charge
because most of the time
he doesn’t even know what he’s doing
as he has managed to disappear
each time Roland taught the boys a trade

Randy appears to be genuine about helping
or at least that was the case two weeks ago
But he loaded the paintbrush
so that it dripped onto the cement below.
I know that’s not how Roland taught him
but listening has never been his greatest skill.
I am so grateful that he hadn’t tried painting Jenna’s room
Otherwise she’d have blue splotches all over her floor
not to mention we would have run out of paint
before all of the walls were finished
We put Randy in charge of moving the lawn.



All three boys showed up the week before last.
When Tony and Biff both took off
Randy continued to work
and may have finished
except for we ran out of green
Of course none of us were here last week
as Jenna had her 5K.  
That was the first morning
since Tony’s been married
that I remember him showing up on time.

Roland wants the job done ASAP
It’s taking too long.
He hired some other people to finish the job.
They didn’t finish.
They said they’ll be back on Monday.
Roland wants the job done NOW
so yesterday  Biff and Tony showed up
(Randy is out of town)
More got done.
It isn’t finished though.
There is more red trim to paint green
Jenna’s old room needed painting as well

After Biff and Tony left for the day
Roland recruited me to help him paint
We put a light beige over the pink
in Jenna’s old room.
The wall came out a light tan.
I like the color.

After the room looked finished
(though there are still a lot of flaws)
Roland took the bed apart 
and leaned it against the wall.
He then drilled a hole into the floor
and went under the house
to change the cable.

There was a time in my life
when I had gone spelunking
with a large group
and actually had fun
exploring the cave
underground


It wasn’t until just before our exit
that I became freaked
at the very idea of the closure
and the "what if"s.
I have not been underground since.

Roland’s not at all fazed by the crawl space
but I am definitely having problems about it.
So he was in the crawl space and I was
over the hole that he drilled.
He could hear me. 
I could not hear him enough to
understand what he was saying to me
so I sent Jenna to stand over the crawlspace
and translate what Roland saying.


She hung upside down as she watched him.
The cables were too short and he and Jenna went to the store
to pick up a longer cable.

I tried to take a nap while they were gone
but my body was so sore that
I couldn’t relax.
I’ve never been eighty.
I’ve seen some 80 year olds who are quite healthy
and move like they’re twenty.
But I’ve seen more who seem hunched over
and have trouble walking
as though they are experiencing a shooting pain
with every step.
That is how I feel –
like the misshapen 80 year old
and every part of me hurts
even went I’m not moving

I couldn’t sleep
and so I turned on the television
to see if that might help
I flipped around until I landed on the BYU station
announcement is made that
Granite Flats first episode is coming up next”
I hadn’t ever seen it. 
I started watching it although
I figured Roland and Jenna would return
before the program ended
and I still would not see it.



The doorbell rang
and I got up to answer the door.
Roland and Jenna were standing there with several packages
half of which were food
I helped them unload their bags.
When I returned to the other room,
the TV had been turned off

Roland returned to the crawl space
and we threaded the cable through.
He then moved in the computer from one room
We hooked up and moved the desk
from the bedroom
Hard work
Both of us were tired.
Both of us were sore.
My mind was the only thing NOT sore
as it kept of thinking of things
I wanted to post.
I’m still sore.
When I got out of bed this morning,
I walked slower
and less gracefully than
Frankenstein’s Monster.


Friday, February 7, 2014

A True Story That Makes Me Laugh



 

All three or my boys were in high school at the time.  (I dont remember if I had given birth to Jenna yet) They were 15, 16, and 17.  My husband often referred (and still does) to the 15 year old as Casper as he had a way of disappearing for every chore.

One night Biff and Tony were washing dishes when Randy went on one of his disappearing jaunts.  He had excused himself to get music or perhaps it was already playing his idea of music anyway.

Biff and Tony listened to Soft Jazz and oldies.  Randy listened to what kids his age would listen to I guess.  Still listens to bizarreness with no beat really.  I dont care for what he thinks of as music.  Apparently neither did his brothers.

As Biff and Tony (who are both older than Randy but only by one of two years) continued to do dishes they went into discussion about how Randy was of another generation.  I started laughing.  So they tried to correct their mistake by saying, Well, kids that are Randys age which made me laugh all the more.

You guys are all actually of the same generation and pretty close in age.  I reminded them.  Still, they were convinced that the distance between them and Randy was the same as between them and Jenna.   Shes technically the same generation also, but there is a distance between technology and current events. 

Academically, Randy and Jenna seem the brightest.  Biff has innocence and can often recognize things that the others overlook.  Tony is currently the only one with children well one daughter.  But long before he even thought of getting married, he was the only prepared for changing diapers.  Still is.  Hes the only one of my three boys who would change Jenna though Biff took a stab at it, the change was unsuccessful as he couldnt figure out how to work the diaper.

Having them believe their age is so much greater always cracks me up when I think about that night when they were doing dishes.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

A Thin Coat of Paint


I wouldn’t say that I’m a “friend” of scouting

I think Hannah is the one who made the announcement that “you are not an acquaintance of scouting, but a “friend” of scouting” 

“No I’m not,” I thought.  I have truly never been a friend.  I’ve actually had regrets about it.



I think the scouting program is a great program for those who truly want to be involved.  I guess the thing that has always bothered me the most about scouting is all the hoopla and fuss that seems to go with it.  It would be fine if there was an equal amount of hoopla given to those not even associated with scouts – if that is what’s desired. (Some of us don’t like hoopla and fuss; my brother Patrick and his oldest son truly loved scouting and were heavily involved.  My brother Corey and nephew Brian appear to have reached a point where they almost loathed it)



The boy scout program was adaptedby the LDS church in 1913 and cub scouts were adopted as a part of the primary in 1952. None of the other Church organizations require a uniform or guidelines from outside of the Church.

My mom had been a den mother to the boys when Patrick was in scouts.  I was involved in many of their activities.  It didn’t seem to be a big deal for non-scout members to participate when their parents were the leaders.  I enjoyed hanging around with them and meeting with them once a week and I especially enjoyed activities such as climbing the trail to the Timpenogous Cave or visiting Pioneer Village (located in Sugarhouse at the time) and stopping off at Snelgroves for an afterward treat.  As a recall, the majority of the boys got double scoop cones with blue bubblegum and black licorice flavored ice creams. 


I don’t remember ever feeling envious that the focus on the boys seemed to outshine the focus on the girls.  I usually always had a better time with boys than girls anyhow.  I suppose I did feel left out at times when cub scouts would earn rewards and there was always a ceremony for their achievements – not that I felt the need for a badge or material satisfaction.  I just remember sometimes wondering why so many thought the boys were so great and allowed the girls to sit on the back burner or barely be mentioned.

We didn’t have activity days – which may have been created to run parallel to the scouting program.  I don’t know.  With the girls – be it Activity Days or Young Women – the leaders focus needs to be on the girls.  Leaders should be without children when serving the girls.  So why can the scouts include non-scouts in their activities but the girls cannot? So perhaps it’s okay that they hold scouts every week while the girls hold Activity Days only twice a week.

When we moved into our current ward, I would have Jenna with me while attending Relief Society.  The scout leader invited her to participate in the activities that were planned the same night as Relief Society.  And so Jenna happily believed she was a scout.

I tried enrolling Jenna into the girl scouts program as she was not of age to participate in Activity Days – but was not successful in finding a good fit.  Oh, she enjoyed the few activities we had gone to, but we have always done things as a Juliette.  I still haven’t been able to find a good troop for her. I don't believe it is ever something I had wanted for myself, but Jenna and I have our differences.

Jenna has since had the opportunity to attend activity days and would love to attend every week.  In her mind it isn’t fair that boys get to meet every week.

We had gone to the Church Museum the day before school started.  There were two exhibits featuring the boy scouts – both of which she refused to attend out of rebellion.  She’s nine years old.  She doesn’t understand that boys (in general) seem to need more structure and may be in scouting  their entire lives and still not “get it”  whereas there’s a compassion or understanding or structure that seem to come more naturally to most girls.  But still . . .


Fund Raisers with the boys scouts happen with or without the church.  The boys go from door to door trying to raise money for their organization.  And certainly the girls will have fund raisers when they get into Young Women, but it’s not going door to door collecting money with only a receipt that may or may not be a tax write-off. 

The girls work hard and may involve others to donate baked goods or other items.  They sell product.  


Recently I read a post in which permission was given to share a post from a closed blog.  The following was brought up:

• meeting frequency- scouts are advised to meet weekly, while activity day girls are directed to meet NO MORE than twice a month

• activity types- scouting is a structured program with a clear directive to have activities of many differing types, activity days has no directive whatsoever other than "work on Faith in God for girls." The boys also have this program, but just happen to have scouting as well.
 
• recognition and awards- cub scouting is famous for its intricate advancement and award system, AD has no such system
 
• budgeting- do these programs have equal budgets?
 
• leaders- would a couple ever be called to lead AD groups? Why do boys have access to leaders of both genders, while girls do not? Also, cub scouts have a much higher ratio of leaders to boys than AD girls do
 
• formal, parent-attended pack meetings- there is no similar equivalent in the AD program.
 
• the Church's website- there was tab after tab on the church's primary page devoted to explaining and promoting Cub Scouting, but barely a mention of the AD program. You have to click on 'leader resources' and if you scroll down to the bottom, there's a SINGLE LINK that takes you to the SINGLE PARAGRAPH from Handbook 2 that gives direction on AD programs for leaders, and there's not much in that paragraph either.





 
I know that boys and girls are different – and my interpretation was not that the opinions are to treat both genders as equals but allow equal time, equal budgeting, equality in organization – not in person.  We’re all individuals who hopefully support and lift one another.  “Scouting” does not “lift” me however – or at least the political aspect and blown out manner that might send the message to some girls that they are lower class and not as important.

It is said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and yet there are some members of this church who feel discrimination because there seems to be a lack of equality. And not just with our attitude towards scouting. (I've actually mentioned the feelings of discrimination in several posts.)



These are just some of my thoughts.  I have more.  Lots more.  But I had to borrow somebody else’s words to get this post. The ideas I have (or had) are so disjointed still.  I apologize that this entry may not sound polished at all.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Spontaneous People Don’t Plan


Mom has always taught her children how to be supportive of one another.  We’ve gone to baby blessings, missionary farewells and homecomings, advancement in the priesthood, plays, sports; I suppose I went to more events when I was single.

Sunny is awesome.  She always lets us know ahead of schedule: We’ve got this planned.  Please come.  And we have.  We make plans to fit it into our schedule.  And then there’s my family . . .

It’s got to be hard to be one of my siblings if they want to be involved but aren’t given much notice for birthday celebrations, graduations, parties – even our own wedding.

 I can’t find the post, but I think I wrote it down somewhere that Roland and I changed our wedding date at least nine times.  It wasn’t that big of an issue for me in the beginning.  After all we had met only three days before he proposed.  THAT IS OUTRAGEOUS! 

I have chosen not to go into detail at this time – but perhaps some time in a future post – but we had changed our wedding date several times before I asked the bishop one Sunday morning if he could just marry us either that night or the next.  So everyone (including the groom) who was invited to our wedding was given only eight hours notice (or less) and everyone we had invited came.

But my family has missed out on at least two of Biffs’ birthday parties.  I just don’t ever know his schedule until that week (at best) perhaps we set a bad example by getting married the way we did.  For the boys don’t plan (although two of them married girls who did) they just say, “Hey” or “By the way”

So went Biff’s party last night.  I was really hoping we could do family pictures, but Tony and Rochelle have been visiting her family.  I realize they have other commitments and are short on time.  And I don’t know what time zone their clock is set to – but they are usually always 4-5 hours behind what we were told.  Except yesterday . . .

Evidently they made it to the park on time – but not the parking lot where I said to meet.  They walked around for an hour I guess before they thought to call.
Jenna’s been putting her life on hold for Tony, the same way Randy still puts his life on hold waiting for Roland.  Not me.  I have always told my boys, “I’m leaving at such and such a time.  If you’re here, you may go with me.  You’re not here, you don’t go or you find another way.”

Randy learned early on that I was serious about a definite time.  But only when someone else has planned.  I’ve tried to plan.  But it is so hard when those you live with still don’t.

Monday, April 29, 2013

“Corner on the Market!”


Patrick has always been a game collector.  I think with every passing year, there were always at least two games to be added to the collections. We played lots of games as a family when I was growing up.  Even after Patrick and Sunny were married, we would continue to play.  Some games more than others.



Pit is a card game that I don’t actually remember playing since Patrick and Sunny were newly married.  I hadn’t introduced it to my own family until last night when Randy and Carrie had us over for dinner.  For the most part brother pitted against brother.  The bear and the bull both got passed around and ended up in Randy’s hand as I called, “Corner on the Market” and Biff was laughing so hard I thought that he would split.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard while playing Pit. 



It really is a fun game...

Friday, January 25, 2013

Blame It on the Ghost

Cute Ghosts Halloween Design


          Almost every household in America has at least one ghost living with them.  Since being married to Roland, I have encountered three.  Their names are “It Wasn’t Me”, “I Don’t Know” and “I Didn’t Do It”.  The ghost who gets blamed the most in this house is “It Wasn’t Me”.  “I Don’t Know” received most of the blame in our last house – though “It Wasn’t Me” seemed to share a lot of blame as well.
          I find it interesting that about 20 minutes before Jenna returned home from school yesterday, I retrieved a hand mirror from the coffee table and put it in the bathroom.  She couldn’t have been home more than five minutes before I found the mirror on the coffee table again – in almost the exact same position it has been only 25 minutes earlier.

          “Why is that mirror on the coffee table?” I asked.

          She didn’t even hesitate.  She immediately pinned the blame on “It Wasn’t Me” – a ghost that she and Tony seem all too familiar with.  Tony was also a big fan of “I Didn’t Do It” while Randy and Biff seemed more inclined to blame “I Don’t Know” 

          Once in a while Jenna and Biff try to blame one another – which usually doesn’t go over really big as they rarely ever spend time in the house during the same hours.  Of course she is asleep for the most part while he is at work.  And he tries to sleep during the time that she is gone to school. 

          I wouldn’t be surprised if “I Don’t Know” has moved in with Randy and Carrie. Though it’s just the two of them, I think he still tries to pin the blame on “I Don’t Know”  Fortunately Carrie is onto him.

          “I Didn’t Do It” shows up once in a while.  Perhaps that ghost is just a friend to “It Wasn’t Me” who has not actually shown any kind of responsibility.  No one does.  Responsibility?  What’s that?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Thoughts for Today’s Post


          I took Highness for a walk for the first time this month.  Poor dog.  (I've been going to mom's, trying to assist at Jenna's school or the cannery and Biff has taken on two full time jobs leaving Highness somewhat neglected)
          The weather has been awesomely beautiful once the sun is out.  When it’s down, it can get quite cold. But during the day – I often get hot and will turn the heat off and open a window.

                                                    

          I don’t recall a November ever where I could get away with wearing just a sweatshirt over my clothes.  But then we had wonderful weather last Christmas.  I took a picture of Jenna in some new clothes that had been sent – she was outside by the pine tree.  No coat. 

          I was taking pictures on a daily basis for about a week and had posted them to facebook with date attached.  It snowed hard by nightfall on the 26th and some pictures looked like the typical postcard Christmas of Utah.  But we had lots of “no coat” days as well.  Now that was bizarre.

          I remember a few Aprils when it had snowed.  There was one day in 2003 when there was quite a bit of snow actually.

          Ooki had come to us at the end of August 2002.  He asked if he would need to buy boots for the winter.  We’d been experiencing craziness of weather for the last decade at least, and I told him that if he made a purchase toward some boots that he might not ever need them, but if he didn’t buy the boots, then he would definitely need them.

          Ooki chose to ease the hardship of shoveling snow and whatever else is hated about the winter season as he bought himself not only a heavy coat but a pair of boots as well.  He did use the coat for four or five months – often with his flip flops, but only wore the boots twice that I remember.  And I don’t remember if that day in April was one of them.





          I took my three boys to the park. Ooki did not go with us – I think because of other obligations.  Ooki was rarely at home just to be home.  If we had something specific going – he made effort to be there.  But our going to the park was spontaneous.  And perhaps he just didn’t like the idea of the snow.  I can’t remember.

          We didn’t have a toboggan.  The boys took a long piece of cardboard, some plastic covering that had fallen from our covered car port, and Randy’s dune buggy (that one I still don’t understand) and used them to slide down the hill.  And I took a couple of rolls of pictures (though digital did exist – not in my possession) and probably would have tons more if Ooki had gone with us (he took tons of pictures; even posted them on his website which I don’t think he even has any more)

         The snow had completely melted by the next day.

          I really wish there was a way to stop the weather the way it is right now – and just keep it all year round.  Nothing warmer.  Definitely nothing colder.  No snow – at least on my roads.  No ice.  Spectacular elements.  That would really be sweet.




          Yesterday I was at my mom’s.  She must own a thousand books.  Over a hundred in her backroom.  And I would guess more than twice that in the spare room.  Some in her front room.  Some collectables.  Though not most. 

          I think there are three or four members who would be willing just to throw them all always – not even donate them.  Just get rid of them.  And I’m certain there are tons that Corey would like to have.  And he is probably the only one who would have room to house them.



          My main interest right now is the Norman Rockwell book that is too big to be shelved and too heavy to put on one’s lap.  If Corey can make a nice home for it, he can have it.  Otherwise I would like it.  I really like Norman Rockwell.

          On Friday mom and I will have lunch with a friend that we haven’t seen for over 30 years.  I don’t think mom will remember her.  But maybe once we get to talking?  She and mom used to watch each other’s children.  Or her two oldest girls would come over and babysit Patrick and me.  Corey doesn’t remember as he was only a toddler when they moved.

          I guess that’s all I have to say right now.  I have some organizing to do.