Where Shall We Go?

           Roland has to take his vacation days or lose them.  He keeps on asking when and where we shall go.  He has a desire to go to North Carolina to see his mom who was supposed to come see us in May of last year – but because of the pandemic wasn’t sent.

          There’s still a pandemic.  We are not in the clear.  It was announced this morning that while some counties have advanced from extreme to high risk, other counties have been set back – ours for example.  We were at extreme and went to high risk but have been told that we are entering extreme again.

          I remember when we were told that the state would reopen in phases.  There would be four phases.  I don’t know of any county in the state who has gone beyond phase two.  I don’t wish for it to sound like I’m living in fear.  I think there’s a difference between fear and being cautious.  Roland will say that he needs to get the vaccine and then he will turn around and ask if we want to go bowling.  I refuse to go bowling during the pandemic.  Heck, I won’t even get into a public pool right now.  How my body has missed that during the summer.

          Before we went to New York last summer, we prayed about our decision.  Opportunities had changed.  Same thing today.  I told Roland that even if we book something we don’t know how things will be in three or four weeks.  We don’t know how they will change tomorrow.  It’s good to make plans – but as there are so many “if” factors right now.  Not only is there a pandemic but several states are experiencing tremendous weather conditions. 

I suggested we just stay around here.  It would be fun to see more of this state and parts of Washington.  Again, we have no guarantees that we would be able to find lodging.  Even so, could we trust it?  How many layoffs have resulted due to the pandemic?  I don’t think traveling at this time is a good idea.  I don’t think all the uncertainties would amount for a great vacation – and yet I am an adventurous.  I always retell situations of the unplanned and perhaps disastrous. 

Roland gave me a scenario of another who is older and Roland asked if he wasn’t worried about COVID to which he received the response, “I can’t stop living.”

I don’t think of the COVID in that same regard – certainly I want to live my life – but not at the expense of my family or my religious beliefs.  God sent plagues to His children in Biblical times.  He tested them. I feel like by going on vacation, by going bowling, by engaging in activities the way that I did before, I am failing the greater test.  I may survive my encounters.  I may have the time of my life.  But what greater blessings will I have missed by giving in?  Even the church itself has not reached phase four.  Who am I that I am better than that?

COVID is still a problem.  It hasn’t gone away.  We know people who have tested positive for COVID.  We know of many who have been hospitalized.  Some people just seem more tolerant somehow while others still have not accepted that all of this is real and that we must proceed with caution. We have a picture of ourselves with Joh's mom in our house when they dropped by 2 and a half years ago.  She passed away because of COVID.   

I am so grateful to President Biden and his messages of hope and encouragement.  Sometimes when I watch or listen to him, he looks and sounds like a general authority.  There is compassion in his voice that we have not had for the last four years.  How different things might have been if we had had a leader who set an example for us to begin with.

Salt and Pepper Shakers

       Roland and I decided that we needed to replace our disappearing salt and pepper shakers for something that would be easier to fill and easier to spot.  I think the ones we ended up with will get lost in the shuffle as the ones we have currently, but they will be easier to fill.

       I was reminded of how many sets of salt and pepper shakers my brother and I had given to my mom over the years.  So many times her birthday would fall during our family vacation - or shortly thereafter.  Patrick and I would pick out gifts from the souvenir shop of wherever we happened to be.  I don't recall all the sets we gave her except for ones that were shaped like feet.  I don't recall ever having used them.  Mom said she did not need the constant reminder of how out of shape she felt.

I’ll See You in Oregon

         For spring break this year, we decided that we would go to Oregon.  I was excited to get away from Utah and to a state where I could breathe.  Jenna was sad not to be in Utah for her birthday, but built up an excitement to go. Roland has needed a vacation and was happy just to get away.  But none of us were as excited about going to Oregon as Beth.

         Beth Goldberg and Roland were in their high school band together.  Roland was interested in dating Beth, but the feeling was not mutual.  She liked Roland as a friend, but didn’t wish for anything more.  (I personally think she may have just had higher standards) After forty years they had reconnected through facebook. 

         Beth travels a lot – or so it seems.  She had remarried and was looking to move from West Virginia to Oregon.  As she and her husband drove from state to state, Beth said that they would be travelling through Salt Lake on a certain day and asked Roland if maybe they could do lunch.  He could meet her new husband, she could meet his new wife (me) and so we had made arrangements to meet for lunch.

         I met Beth for the first time on September 4, 2013 – after mom had been in the hospital for four days. Just as we had finished up, Beth invited us to stay with them in Oregon whenever we happened to make it up there.  I took her more seriously than did Roland. 

         When we planned our summer vacation last year, initially he wanted to take Jenna back to Disneyland, but he also wanted to invite his mom so that she and Jenna could have some bonding time. 

         It was my idea to change the itinerary from California to Oregon as Disneyland didn’t seem to be the ideal place to take his mother as there is more walking and standing involved than her legs are used to.  She’s too proud to be pushed in a wheel chair.  I figured if she and Roland were to watch shows while Jenna and I stood in line, the bonding would not be what he had hoped.  I figured a road trip in Oregon would give his mom the option of leaving the car at her convenience to do side trips and there would be a better environment to bond.

         Turns out that Roland’s mom had already been spoken for and would be spending the majority of her summer in NJ with Roland’s brother, Bob.  I still wanted to go to Oregon, but Jenna and Roland opted for Disneyland.  Thus Oregon was put on the back burner.

         In October, Roland had this horrible cough that seemed to linger for the rest of the year.  Our room always seemed too hot for me.  Though our bed reclines, Roland and I are never happy in the same position.  I ended up on the couch each night until finally I ended up falling asleep in the recliner in the living room and stopped going to bed all together.  I learned that I could actually breathe better than I could in the bedroom.

         When Jenna took swim lessons, the pool area was moist.  That was actually great for my sinuses.  After at least three years of suffering with dry skin and dried out sinuses and sinus infections and allergies, Roland decided that perhaps it was time to move (I had actually suggested that very thing more than eight years ago) and maybe we ought to look into Oregon.  Was this for real?  Breathing has been better for me this winter than any other because there has been more precipitation than usual.  That and the better ventilation between the front window and the sliding door.

         For Spring Break this year, Roland and I decided that we would spend five days in Oregon – looking at living locations mostly.  For the next week or so, my posts will include details about our spring break vacation.

Grandma’s Wrinkles Tell Stories – and I Love Each One

On Christmas Eve, I opened a gift presented by my granddaughter.  The name of the book is “Grandmothers Are Like Snowflakes . . . No Two Are Alike” by Janet Lanese (who I believe refers to herself as “Grandma Jan”) and had started reading it before I went to bed and continued after I got up and after we opened presents.   It’s got a bunch of great thoughts and little proverbs and I started reminiscing with many quotes that I read – starting with myself.

Some quotes come with full names.  Some are quotes taken from children in which first name and age of child are given.  One of my favorite quotes came from an eight year old named Tammy.  It says, “I love my grandma’s wrinkles.  Every one tells a story” – which is where I got the title of this post.    

I don’t feel much like a grandma.  I haven’t been with Ester much to make a connection in which we are both comfortable in our roles.  She’ll be three in March.  Ester is cute and smart and has an amazing vocabulary – pretty much like Jenna did at her age – though I think Ester is a lot more articulate.  Maybe not.  It’s hard to say as we do not see Ester daily or even weekly.  

  

Tony and Rochelle have been back from Texas for twelve months now, and I doubt that I have seen Ester more than ten times since they’ve been back.  I know Tony would like to spend more time with us than they do.  They spend more time with her family.

Randy and Carrie also announced that they’re expecting.  Even though I do see Randy more than the other two boys put together, I don’t see Carrie even half as often.  Right now they live about the same distance from us as Tony and Rochelle.  That could change before the baby comes.

I have a friend who had given me a book called “Grandma Time” which contains finger stories and activities. I’ve gone through the book and have used some of the verses – with my niece and nephew and even Jenna, but not with Ester.  As a grandmother, I feel distant about it still.

What children expect from grandparent is not to be understood but to be loved. - Grandma Jan

I remember my mom spending time with my brother’s three oldest.  She spent time with all of her grandchildren – but those three (particularly Ellen and Kimball) are the ones I remember her spending time with the most.  Probably because I, myself, was included – at least in the beginning.  I had lost track with Candy.  She was three when Roland and I got married.  I didn’t actually spend time with Patrick’s children after that.  But I always had updates on how they were doing.  They spent time with mom at least once a week.  She was quite the proud grandmother.  She was always looking out for their interests and spending time with them.  I can’t say for certain that she had a favorite, but as she got older, she would always express her love toward Brian.

                                                     Ellen with both of her grandmothers

I remember her playing with Jenna.  Simple games like finger plays and peek-a-boo to outings to wheeler farm and Disney on Ice.  She would take all of us to see Corey’s plays and spring for pizza and ice cream.  She had a very giving heart – not just as a grandma, but as a mother.  I don’t know that the “skipping children” part would apply.

                  The secret of a happy live is to skip having children and go directly to the grandchildren – (this is quoted “Momma” from a cartoon character created by Mel Lazarus)

            My mom had taken Ellen to the hospital the day that Candy was born so that they could both watch the miracle of her sister’s birth.  Mom and Kayla were with me at the hospital when I had Jenna.  And even in her dementia state of mind, mom made it a priority to visit Kayla and Anna in the hospital and then Gary when it was time – though she was really slipping before he was born – telling me she could walk to the hospital to see him if she wanted to.  She no longer had the sanity to drive and we had taken away her keys.  But she knew that Garrett was her grandchild and she wanted that physical connection.

  

            I remember her playing on the floor with Anna – just like she used to do with Patrick’s children. I was happy that I got to see that before her mind got really bad.  Before we had to check her in to assisted living.

            Different minds.  Different grandmas.  Jenna doesn’t know her paternal grandmother as well as she started to know my mom.  She knows my mom well enough to miss her.  Well enough to miss who she was before her mind went.

Roland’s mom has scared her in the past – not intentionally. As mentioned in this post  Roland and I are from two very diverse backgrounds.  Being with Roland’s family is a cultural shock after being with mine.  Something Jenna was not used to.  My mom and Roland’s mom are definitely two different grandmas – which is not a bad thing.  Just goes to show we are two different snowflakes on two different environments.

            There’s an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” when Debra has her parents sharing the same table as the Barones.  Marie and Lois of course represent two entirely different backgrounds.  Lois is a lot more cultured and well traveled and seems so caught up in fine art and material things that she seems to overlook needs and wants of human kind – including her own children and grandchildren – not quite fitting the “grandmother” image.

            Though many find her meddlesome and don’t always agree with her ways, Marie definitely seems to fit the grandmotherly image.  She tells Debra that it is not her fault and labels Lois as “not Mother-ish)

Both of Jenna’s grandmothers give and love her.  Neither one of them are like either Lois or Marie.

            Then there’s my own grandmothers.  I have more childhood memories of my dad’s mom than I do of my mom’s mom.  Grandma Helen lived in Salt Lake and later moved to Murray (a sub-area of Salt Lake) and Grandma Mary lived in San Francisco.  Both grandmas enjoyed traveling – though Grandma Helen seemed to do a lot more when Grandpa Earl was alive and Grandma Mary seemed to do more after Grandpa Ralph passed away.

            I was too young to remember all the trips that Grandpa Earl and Grandma Helen took – many before I was even born.  I do remember seeing pictures taken when Grandpa had taken the entire family to Sun Valley.  I remember when Grandpa was sick before he died.  My mom noticed a huge change in Grandma’s personality after Grandpa passed.  Mom had said she’d become withdrawn and insecure and given up on life.  I was too young to remember what she was like before Grandpa died.

            I remember her smile and buying toys and spoiling us, it seemed.  I remember her laugh more than any sternness or insecurity.  I remember her giving.  I remember playing in her big house.  It is my understanding that she designed it.  She had treasures in her house and rooms to explore.  Every time we visited with grandma, there was adventure.  Grandma encouraged us to play and enjoy life.  At least that is the message I received.

            After Aunt Alice moved out, her children encouraged my grandma to move someplace smaller – and someplace closer to her boys – not that we lived that great of a distance from her to begin with.  But after she moved into the condo in Murray, I could ride my bike to her house.  I could come by myself if I wanted. 

            My cousin Michelle and I would often stay the night.  We would pretend that we were in a hotel.  I enjoyed my time with grandma.  I enjoyed being spoiled.  I enjoyed our friendship.  She had taken my cousins and brother and I on a trip to California to explore Disneyland and other adventures. 

            After high school Grandma Helen and I took a vacation to Hawaii.  We went with a tour.  She had been to Hawaii several times before and kept on comparing how wonderful it used to be compared to how it was at the time we went together.  I wish she hadn’t been so negative, but still made the best of it.  

            Since Grandma Mary lived in San Francisco, I didn’t see her near as often – though more often than Jenna sees her out-of-state grandmother.  We would visit once or twice a year.  Sometimes she and grandpa would come visit us or else we would go to San Francisco to visit them.

            I would write letters to Grandma and Grandpa.  Unfortunately I don’t remember grandma as much as grandpa until after grandpa passed away.  After that, I gained a more intimate relationship with Grandma Mary.  And I remember going to San Francisco at least once without my family. We took grandma Helen with us on a vacation once. After visiting attractions in Southern California, we went up north to see Grandma Mary.

            After Grandpa Ralph died, Grandma Mary would save her money and take trips each year.  I remember her sending home material from Scotland.  With the fabric, my mom made matching outfits for Kayla and me.  Grandma had also gone to Russia, China, and Alaska.  I don’t know how many cruises she had been on. 

            Both of my grandmas had gone to Yellowstone with my family just before my mission. And mom and I have taken trips with Grandma Mary to Alaska, Yellowstone and Grand Canyon.  

                                                Grandma Mary & Grandma Helen

                                       

                                             Kayla, my mom and her mom

            Grandma Helen passed away shortly after I returned home from my mission.  Grandma Mary passed away while visiting my mom.  Roland and I had been married only a short time and I introduced them while she was in the hospital.  When we returned for a second visit, her mind was elsewhere and she didn’t recognize me anymore. 

                                            me, my Grandma Mary, mom  - Alaskan Cruise

                                                me, Grandma Mary, mom - Juneau, Alaska
                                                            shooting the Mendenhall

                                                     Grandma Mary and I at Yellowstone park

            We have grandmothers who are not biologically related.  Jenna calls our former next door neighbor “grandma”  and I remember when Ellen and Kimball were little they befriended their next door neighbor as they would a “grandma” and thus she was invited to birthday parties and such along with the biologically related family members.

                                                        Jenna with neighbor grandma

            I love my book from Ester.  I enjoy the memories that it has triggered.  Those are just some.

Visiting the Magic Kingdom Before School Starts

There was one year when Roland seemed to make more money than in previous years or even the ones that followed.

He had managed to find a package deal through a travel agency and took us all to California just right after Christmas.  The boys were out of high school for the holidays.  Jenna was two.

I have heard that between Thanksgiving and Christmas is the best time to visit Disneyland.  From personal experience, I know that between Christmas and New Years is the absolutely worse time to go.

I remember riding the tram the first day we went to the park.  Jenna’s enthusiasm at riding the tram from the parking lot to the park was awesome.  All four of them were excited and enjoyed every moment.

I’m not exactly certain why we had driven or taken the tram.  We spent two days at the park.  As I recall we just walked to the park the second day.  I know Richard and I went back to the hotel about four hours before the boys did.

While all three of her brothers still have fond memories of that vacation, Jenna does not remember.  Thus Roland decided we’d take her back this year.  I made reservations so that we would be gone during the last week of summer vacation and would come home just one day before school starts.

Corey had given me the name of a motel where he and Joh stay when they go to Disneyland. I had booked us at the Rainbow Inn thinking it was the same. Halfway between Disneyland and Knott’s Berry Farm.  I had thought of going to both;  I thought that Jenna would enjoy the Timber Log Ride as much as I had.  I did not realize that KBF had become a roller coaster park – that Jenna would have loved far more than Disneyland.  And I hope that someday she’ll be able to return with someone who is younger and in better shape than her parents are.

First of all we had stopped off in Las Vegas and spent the night at Corey's house.  I am the last of my sibs to see his house in person.  He went with us to downtown Las Vegas.  We went to the MGM where he works and then to M&M World. He said it was the first time he has ever played tourist since he's lived there.

We had a two-day park hopper. We spent both days at Disneyland doing mostly what she wanted.  I thought we should walk to the other end of the park and start with Splash Mountain.  Roland, on the other hand, decided to hit every show and shop on Main Street –which would have been okay – but we were there for Jenna and she wanted to ride the rides.

That first morning was quite overcast.  It looked like it might rain.  Truth be told, I was hoping that it would.  I know that some attractions close due to the elements, but not all of them.  I recall a year my family had gone to Universal Studios when it was pouring.  We saw everything that was open!  It was great! I was hoping to recreate those memories at Disneyland.

I had told Jenna that she was in charge to choose whatever rides we went on.
 

We headed for tomorrow land.  The first ride she chose was the rockets.  And then Buzz Lightyear, I believe.  We’d gone to Space Mountain for a fast pass and then we went to Fantasyland and made an appointment for a princess package makeover. 

Jenna and I went on the Dumbo ride and Roland took pictures.  We also went on the Peter Pan ride and Pinocchio – I don’t recall having ridden the Pinocchio before.  I’m sure I have, but I just didn’t remember.

Space Mountain had been the favorite ride of our boys.  I am overwhelmed with how much they saw and how many rides they had gone on eight years earlier.  There were so many lines.  I stood in several of them just to get into the bathroom.  Jenna was still in diapers at the time.  

This year was different.  I think I was most grateful that there were no bathroom lines.  During all of my Disneyland experiences, the park did not seem that crowded in comparison. I smiled at many of the memories I’d created in past years and pulled them out occasionally during this year’s trip.

There was one year after Patrick was married and after my dad had passed away and when we planned a family vacation with mom, Kayla, Corey and I.  We were all adults and mom said we each needed to pay our own way.

Corey had told his friend, Jinx, about our plans and we ended up inviting Jinx to go with us.  He was the first one to provide full payment for the trip.

Jinx had worked at Disneyland one summer and knew all of the tricks of getting us around.  Jinx made that trip, I think.  He was always so funny.  I remember his leading us to Toon Town and commenting on some patrons who were walking away from Toon Town doing “that middle of the day walk” when it was so early in the morning. 

We had also spent two days at the park.  The first day we had ridden every ride possible.  The second day we shopped and watched shows and took things very easy.  That really was such an awesome trip.

Jenna had pictures taken while wearing the largest  “Brave” dress that was available.  It was too tight and there were tears in her eyes.  And so she changed to a tee shirt to meet the princesses.  She had her picture taken with Ariel, Snow White and Cinderella.

The next day we returned.  Since we had already seen Tomorrow land and Fantasyland, I suggested we go to Adventure land, Frontier land, New Orleans and Critter land.  I suggested we go to Critterland first and get a fast pass for splash mountain.

As we were going through Adventure land, Jenna noticed the Indiana Jones ride that had been closed eight years ago.  Her brothers had enjoyed riding it.  (It had been under construction the year that Jinx went with my family and I had never ridden it after that) Jenna’s never seen any of the Indian Jones movies, but said it was definitely her favorite ride.  

Roland and I enjoyed the tamer rides such as Pirates of the Caribbean or Small World (the night before) though I understood Jenna’s ambition for the roller coaster rides.  I had always liked those when I was her age.  Sadly my stomach has seems to have outgrown what once thrilled me.

I hadn’t planned on going to Toon Town at all.  The two times I had gone before, Toon Town was so overly crowded that the “Happiest Place on Earth” seemed a distant myth, but it really wasn’t too bad this year.  I think Roland and Jenna waited in line for the roller coaster longer than we had to wait in Mickey’s house.  We did get a lot of pictures.

My original plans included going to the beach – which actually seemed to be the highlight of our last vacation.  Just think of all the money we could have saved if we had started our vacation at the beach.  But we didn’t make it to the beach this year.  We hadn't made our way to Splash Mountain, the Matterhorn or California Adventures. Roland decided that we would cut our trip short and return home early.

He did all the driving.  Spent ten hours or more on the road on Thursday so that we’d have two extra days of rest.  I remember when it would take mom and I 7 hours just to get to St. George.  We would stay overnight and continue on to Bakersfield the next morning.  The speed limit was lower then.  Now it only takes 6 hours to get to Vegas.  But then I guess it depends on who's driving and how many stops are made.

Jenna starts the fifth grade on Monday.  I will have to start my scrapbook pages while she is in school.