Another Sense Dulled - Maybe Even Lost

I can remember staying home from school one day when both my mom and I were sick.  She made us a really great lunch consisting of halibut, baked potato and corn.  Neither one of us was able to taste anything on our plate.  The only real difference about the food itself was the texture on the tongue.  Otherwise the taste was pretty much the same.

I had forgotten about that incident until yesterday when I added salt to the chicken noodle soup and later on the spaghetti (never in my entire lifetime have I added salt to spaghetti before) because I couldn’t taste them.  I couldn’t taste the pancakes or egg I had this morning.  I couldn’t taste my orange juice or medicine.  Great for the medicine.  That stuff is nasty – and I wonder if that is what dulled my taste buds in the first place or if it is this sinus infection.

I still don’t feel  as unhealthy as I did in May when I wanted to die.  Still, I don’t feel great.  If my taste buds are now a permanent condition, it will be so much easier to lose weight as I normally eat for enjoyment and not necessarily out of need.  Right now there is no enjoyment involved.  So why bother.

Rambeling thoughts

We have not ridden the bus this week as Roland has taken a use-it-or-lose-it vacation.  He has been driving Jenna to school each morning.

He had wanted to go see a movie on Monday.  We went to the 12:00 showing and sat through the previews.

  The projector (or whatever device they use now) was not working correctly. 

We had a choice to wait for the 1:00 or return at a later time.  We learned that it was a three-hour movie. 

Three hour movie!  I didn’t want to sit through a three-hour movie! 

We couldn’t wait for the 1:00 showing because Jenna gets out of school at 3:20. 

But Roland still wanted to see it.  So we returned the next day. 

He kept telling me that the movie was only 2 hours and 49 minutes.  That’s more than three hours when sitting through 20 minutes worth of ads and previews.

The movie is LOOOOONNNG – I think there is much that could have been edited. 

I also thought the film crew could have used better lighting. 

I really didn’t enjoy it overall.

I did enjoy the ending.  Well, near the end anyway.

When Murph and Cooper both make the discovery of what had taken place

and what the ghost/poltergeist – whatever-it-was represents. 

I didn’t make it to the very very end.

I just couldn’t hold my liquids anymore.

Tonight we had our Relief Society dinner.

I was supposedly in charge – but I am a flake and would be so lost without the presidency

or my committee

It will be the last activity this year.

My committee and I will be off in December.

We’ll meet back up in January to create an agenda.

It is cold now.  Unlike last week when it was cool, but nice.

It did get cold when sun dropped out of the sky – or at least started to.

About 3:30 – 4:00 the air went from cool to cold.

Now the entire day is cold.

It’s no longer just jacket weather.

It is heavy coat cold.

I took a Zyrtec – though cold medicine might have been better.

I’m certain I caught a cold in the theatre.  It was like sitting in a refrigerator

For three hours!

I had on my sweatshirt, my hat and Roland’s coat.

I’m wondering what in the world is wrong with me that I was colder than him.

I haven’t been out to my sister’s house for two weeks now.  It seems longer.

I feel like I haven’t seen her or my niece or nephews forever.

I am getting tired.

Removing Pains of February

I have never had a branch or knife gouge through my eye, but I would imagine the pain is very similar to what I have felt each year in February since moving to this cracker-box house in West Valley.  Apparently I had posted a few posts to my blog the first year I had it.  And I know I was driving.  This year I am in such awe that I was able to do it. 

Each year the pain has been worse than the last, and each year I have believed that death would be more preferable to the pain.  Because hey, once my spirit and body separate, I wouldn’t be able to experience the physical pain.

That first year I felt like a drug guinea pig.  Although the first drug issued was in December, but I had not posted the traumatic effects until February when the sinus pressure built up again.  I don’t know why I am so unfortunate to have this experience EVERY YEAR.  Enough is enough already (and I have had more than enough – thank you very much)

Worse than the pain is my distorted mind.  I feel so disconnected to my brain.  Last Sunday I did not attend Church for I knew that I would not get much (if anything) out of the meetings.

On Monday I went to a health clinic.  I told them which drug works best for me, and I got a prescription.  The packaging had changed and I’m guessing the formula did too.  It was after taking the meds that I felt worse.  I knew that the excruciating pain was due to the meds working to clear out the gunk.  I didn’t have dairy products or take any other kind of medication so that I wouldn’t jeopardize it. 

My eyelid and skin had surrounded my eye so that I was seeing the world through a slit.  I’d have the TV on and Roland would always turn it off – believing that my eyes were closed.  I didn’t realize how bad it looked until I went to put some eye drops in my eye.  It appeared that I had been stabbed by something or that a blood vessel had broken.  It was ugly – perhaps grotesque.

The next night the pain resembled that of a toothpick, and finally only a speck of dust which couldn't be removed.  Gradually the dark red faded into my natural white. 

I wrote a letter to Corey.  It took me three hours just to sort my thoughts.  If I read anything or write anything, it has got to be in a 24 font or higher.  It took me three hours to type up the letter and then the computer refused to save it and kicked me out of the system.

I cried.  I took the thumb to a different computer to see if anything was saved.  While I was waiting for the windows to open, I received a call from Harold’s daughter-in-law.  She called to inform me that Harold is now on hospice. I was crying.  But not about Harold.  Harold’s passing is actually a good thing.  I was still upset about the lost letter.  But it turns out it saved more than I thought.

I had the lesson to give yesterday.  Let me rephrase that.  I was supposed to give the lesson.  I had a few thoughts.  Not 30 minutes worth however.  I felt like a stone trying to keep myself propped up.  I was in a trans.  I would have been better off if I had stayed in bed.  Perhaps my class would have, too.

It has been a week since I went to the doctor. I feel better today than yesterday and certainly better than last week.  But not great still.  I still have a pain behind my eye.  But at least it’s not gouging.  It’s irritating.  But at least I can think more clearly than I could just yesterday or when I typed up Corey’s letter.  I miss him a lot.

I'm sorry that Roland says he is not feeling well, and I hope he isn't getting this same sinus infection that I have/had.  There are few people I would wish this pain upon: Hitler, Bin Laden, those who caused such horrible pain would still not experience the pain they caused.  But it would be a good start I suppose.

I’m grateful to those who are skilled in medicine and are able to create potions to put inside of little pills so that we might feel better.  How horrible it would be if we had to endure such pain without medicine.  

Over the Counter

Ever watch “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? Toula’s large extended family reminds me so much of Roland’s side of the family - with a few minor differences.  They’re Hispanic, not Greek.  They are not devout to any particular religion. And instead of a fascintion with Windex, Roland’s mother swears by Vicks Vapor Rub.

 

Roland well remembers the taste of Vicks.  His mother would smother the inside of each of her children’s mouth.  There is a warning on today’s label NOT to do that.  I don’t know if it was there in Roland’s youth.

 

I do admit that I have also taken it internally – which I do not recommend.  But it really is the best throat medicine I’ve ever had.  I felt a tinge of excitement the first time I saw Vicks Vapor Syrup.  It is rare to see more than two bottles on the shelf – if at all.  It seems like there are only certain stores that carry it.

 

The taste is truly NASTY.  But it does work.  Well, it does for me.  Jenna says it doesn’t work on her.  There are a lot of medications that doesn’t seem to work on her and vice-versa. 

Over the counter drug Advil would work on Jenna.  I might as well take candy, as Advil does absolutely nothing for me.

The cough syrup that works best is Buckley’s.  Also nasty.  Their motto is: "It Tastes Awful. And It Works.".  Perhaps Canadians can find product in most of their stores.  Unfortunately it is not as easy to find among this American.  Why do stores always discontinue carrying products that work?

I seem to identify with Emily Owens

          I could have never become a doctor.  I especially couldn’t have been a surgeon.  For one thing I’m really not smart enough.  Even moreso, I am squeamish.  Major squeamish.  Finding myself nauseated by special effects shown in medical shows and even commercials.  I am a whimp. There really is no denying it.  I can’t pretend that I’m not.  Anybody who knows me knows that I can act my way out of a lot of situations, but not when it comes to my extremely weak guts.  I don’t have nerves of steel.  They’re more like silly putty.

          So except for the given profession, I just seem to relate a lot to the Emily Owens character on CW’s Emily Owen, MD.

          She has compassion for her patients – perhaps too much compassion.  She feels things and allows emotions to get in the way.  Sometimes what she says doesn’t match what she thinks.  Often it does as she scolds herself for saying the words. 

         

          She understands hurt feelings.  She understands feeling left out.  She understands certain emotions expressed by others.  She would like to be there for everybody and spread comfort and joy and has been told by her colleagues and supervisors NOT to get involved. 

          She’s attempted friendships with the friendless, has hurt feelings when “profession” gets in the way of others whom she’d like to be close to.  And has a rival who continues to insult her no matter how hard Emily tries to reverse it.

          It’s also given me a better understanding of doctors who seem to be inhumane with emotion – they have to be.  Otherwise they would be basket cases.  Tearing up during surgery is not a cool thing for the surgeon or any of the assistants.  They are actually better to do their jobs by not getting emotionally involved.  Perhaps that’s with any profession.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTgwBWdYvNQ includes lyrics

I wish the lyrics were included in the actual video.  I’m big on KNOWING what’s being sung.

Maybe I’m Allergic to the Alka-Seltzer

          When I was little, I used to spin around until I got dizzy and then spin some more.  Especially when I had pleats on.  My skirt or dress would twirl with me.  I thought that was major cool.

          I don’t know how old I was when I lost my balance or perhaps I had just spun into the end table.  Either way, I was bleeding from a gash just above my right eye.  I had to have stitches.  As a result I have a small indentation just above my right eye.  Sort of like a dimple.  Small though.  Not actually noticed by many.

          I have had some people notice that my right eye does look smaller than my left.  Not a noticeable difference to most people – but those who study my face harder have wondered about it.

          In December I had a sinus infection which pained my left eye.  In January it was my right eye – but only for a day. With January’s eye infection, there were been few people who didn’t noticed  the difference in eye size as my right eye appeared to have swollen almost all the way shut.  It was weird. I had considered making an appointment with the doctor again on the following day (for it was a Sunday that my eyelids revealed only a slit of my eye) but by Monday morning it was gone.

          By coincidence I had also taken Alka-Seltzer plus cold medicine all three times.  I used to think it was the absolutely best cold medicine for me personally.  But now I wonder if they changed the formula.  Or perhaps it’s counter-reacting to something else I had that day (like chocolate? maybe) or if it’s the very dry air in our house.  Or if it’s the water itself.

          The pain behind the eye is not the worst part.  The worst part is being so disoriented that I’m not quite aware of what is going on around me.  So disoriented that I forget to drink water and become dehydrated.  In December I was just such a neglectful mother towards Jenna – who was home from school for the holidays.

          Today it is my left eye.  The closure of the lid makes it appear almost even with my right eye.  They haven’t looked near the same size as one another in over forty years.

          I am grateful for modern medicine.  For medical science and research.  And for those who take the time to learn it and pass it on.