Happy Birthday Jenna and Archer

 Jenna has never appreciated having her birthday fall on Conference weekend.  Often Conference has not been the factor for postponing or cancelling her birthday - but rather the weather has played a part on activities held.

Last year was nice and she had met up with a friend and went on an Easter egg hunt downtown.  She enjoyed his company and enjoyed the day.  Yesterday she had also met up with friends for a small gathering.  They met at a table at the park. Originally she had scheduled an indoor activity on April Fool's day but realized that more guests had been invited than what she had planned and felt our back room might not be large enough to hold them all.

It was a lot cooler yesterday than last year or the year before.  As I recall, the weather was quite awesome on her 16th birthday - but it was 2020 - a unique problem by itself.  That was the year that Archer was born.  We were able to see him just ten days ago.  Jaime would sing the song "We are the Dinosaurs" to him and so I ordered Laurie Berkner's "Whatdaya think of that?" after we had returned home and sent that to him - though it won't arrive until after his birthday.

For Jaime's birthday, Richard had made a card featuring Hamilton

On the inside he had included a ten dollar bill which he folded to pass off as a wallet size picture

and for Archer he had made a card featuring a Two-Rex.

I am grateful that Conference is recorded and I can refer to the talks more times than just the live session.  My thumb still hurts from Valentine's Day and my handwriting has always been horrible as is.  Throw the wounded thumb into the mixture . . . lets just say I will get more out of rewatching the talks than relying on my notes..

Tomorrow I will continue on with my spring break journey with Las Vegas and other parts of Nevada.  Now going into the kitchen to have some of Jenna's (Jaime) favorite breakfast.  That is French toast.

Aiming for the Ideal

            A couple of weeks ago we had the missionaries come over for dinner.  As we were talking, one of elders made the comment that several people don't see us a family oriented church.  I took the opportunity to explain to him why that might be.   Though there is a strong emphasis placed upon the family - even the definition according to the proclamation (see here) seems discriminatory.  We're not all like that.  The average family doesn't fit the mold. The proclamation gives us an ideal that we are supposed to strive for.  

          When I wrote this post, I referred to a couple named Juleen and Al Jackson.  I mentioned how I'd been under the impression that Juleen had believed that the show should have focused more on their story (or families of similar living) rather than explore those that didn't quite fit into the mold of "Mormon living"  - she DID NOT say it that way, rather that is my own interpretation.  In her mind she represented the higher population of what and LDS person is.  In my mind she represented what the "ideal" Mormon "should" be - to a degree anyway.  Probably the family values would fit into the mold of the "ideal" family - not to say they don't have problems.  Everybody has problems. 

          There were times of tension in my mom and dad's house - nothing like the average family.  As Corey and I have both mentioned, our family was not perfect, but by comparison to so many others, it almost seems too good to be true.  Same with my brother, Patrick and his wife.  I know there have been struggles with fitting into the perfect mold - but even so, I think theirs may also be one that many may view as too good to be true.

          I definitely don't fit into the mold - not even close.  Too much tension between me and my middle son - even from this far away.  He says things that set me off.  Even without that added stress, I just don't believe our family (with me as a parent) fit the "ideal" mold.

          Corey and his husband have Christianity and a great love and respect for mankind - but they're certainly not part of the "ideal" family - not according to the proclamation.  They are shunned.  Oh, the Church says "we welcome them" and they may feel it among certain members, but I don't believe the Church as a whole. 

           I remember attending the temple ceremony when my cousin was married to his wife.  She had a large family, and as I recall, by the time Roland and I had entered the room, it was just standing room only.  There was my Uncle Ross and Aunt Fern to support him.  It was the first time I had felt a personalness and connection during the ceremony and not just the routine of going through the motions.  It was special.  It was the most awesome temple marriage ceremony that I have attended. 

          Not all family members are welcomed to the temple.  There have been many invited to wait in the foyer and not be part of the ceremony due to a sacredness.  But when you are on the outside waiting, it is kind of hard seeing that the church is family oriented when all of the family is not together for the great event.  I think that's why all the hoopla with wedding receptions.  ALL of the family members can be included whether they hold temple recommends or not.

          Earlier this year I noticed his wife's name had been removed from a family conversation.  I emailed Corey and asked if he knew the reason.  Apparently the two had divorced the year before.  He forwarded an email that another cousin had sent about the situation.  I read it as though the family was trying to erase the former wife's existence out of their lives.  How would they ever be able to succeed after eleven years of marriage?  She and Michelle's daughter had read the eulogy together at my uncle's funeral. Surely there are good things to remember? I'll admit that I did not get to know her all that well.  It would be easier for me to erase her as part of family, and yet there are things that I will never forget about her.  I will remember the feeling that I had at their ceremony.

          I have another cousin who also got divorced just this year.  Corey did tell me about that one before her name was also removed from the family conversation. I heard his wife just left him.  I don't know what happened. He's now a single parent. I believe his children still lives with him, but I don't know.

          I'm sure Dallin Oaks wasn't implying discrimination, and yet that is what I heard as he gave the statistics of mothers having children out of wedlock.  I thought of another cousin who many have always considered odd.  She brought her fiancé to Tony's missionary farewell.  My boys had thought him even odder.

           I represented the family by going to the luncheon and wedding reception.  They looked happy.  They divorced after she gave birth to their daughter.  I don't know why.  She said having a baby freaked him out - which is weird as he is the eldest of at least four sibs and sounded like a good brother making sacrifices and assisting in their upbringing.  I had assumed he would also make a great father.

          I remember when she announced her decision to have another baby.  She had gone for artificial insemination.  I don't know if there were any that understood or supported her choice - which may have not been hers alone just as my decision to marry Roland.  Roland and I both know God had a hand in getting us together.

        Tina is quite prayful.  She's temple worthy.  The decision made was not made lightly.  It may have been a struggle for her.  I know her finances have been even worse than ours have ever been.  And yet she went through with it and gave birth to a second daughter.

          I am one who questioned her choices then .  I have since commended Tina for her brave decision.  She provided a sibling for her daughter among other things.  I don't know all.  Perhaps she doesn't either.  She's had a lot of challenges and a lot of hardships.  She is a great mother.  But she certainly doesn't fit the "ideal".

          It's tough being a Mormon.  I can deal with the persecutions outside of the church better than I can with the ones that seem to be coming from our leaders.  In her case, she had the option of not carrying the second child - or even keeping the first for that matter.

          In the case of divorce, you do not have that option to control the decisions of another - and why would you want to?  Things often happen beyond our control that lead us on a path different from that which we planned for ourselves or led us to believe that we were on the right path.  It's bad enough being put in that position.  Single mothers don't need the reminders that they are single.  Sisters who attend church without their spouses don't need reminders that they also don't fit the "ideal" because their partners choose to be inactive. 

          Overall I enjoyed conference.  I really did.  But I had allowed something about this one to set me off.   I suppose it is me not listening to the Spirit rather than how the message was delivered. This is why we have so many speakers often speaking to us about the same topic.  Not everyone resonates with everybody else.  Some talks will touch some people while others allow their minds to wander and as I pointed out before, we don't all receive the same message.  I'm happy that Jenna was able to take away something more positive than I.  I really am grateful for diversity.  All of us need that.   

From What I Recall . . .

            I think my favorite talk for this past conference was this one given by Elder Ronald A. Rasband.   

He talked about a subject that I have touched on my blog before.  I was reminded of a post I created just over a year and a half ago.  I had briefly discussed Wendy Ulrich's book "Habits of Happiness".  The particular subject was "Don't try to get  Help from your Problems" - in other words, ask God to help you make your weaknesses become strengths - rely upon Him as the path you thought you may have chosen isn't necessarily the right one for you.

  

            It is interesting that so many of us can listen to or read the same exact talk and walk away from it with a different interpretation than another might - just as with the parables the Savior would deliver to those who would listen and those who were in tune (or are in tune) with the spirit will take from it what is needed in our life at that moment.

            I know there have been many unwilling to accept that the course of the path they travel is perhaps the best plan for them - or perhaps they are supposed to meet or influence others that they might not if circumstances were different.  Sometimes we feel that a situation might be better if we hadn't been at "the wrong place at the wrong time" but how do we know it was wrong.  Maybe it was a part of Heavenly Father's plan all along.  Maybe we had to overcome challenges to learn humility or some other lesson.  Maybe we need to set an example for somebody else.  

            In this post I compared Merida (from "Brave") and her desires to what was expected, what was desired, and how the course hadn't even been close to what had been expected - but had helped her to grow nonetheless. 

  

            Although Elder John D. Pingree's talk (here) seemed more aimed toward missionary work, it also reminded me of the examples that I used just trying to make it through our everyday lives and how to incorporate these four steps into helping others through service and talents and allowing ourselves to grow from our trials and use that to help others also.

           

    

It's "Accountable" not "a Cannibal" - sometimes it's okay to Laugh

          I suppose it depends on one's frame of mind if one gets upset with another who does something that may seem disruptive during conference - or perhaps laugh where it's not appropriate or - and here is the grandest of them all - be so focused and in tune with the Spirit, that the talks are the only focus and what may be viewed as disruptions by everybody else go unnoticed by the individual who is in tune.  I have been the grouch upset with disruptions, the one who laughs where it's not appropriate . . . unfortunately I have never been the individual who is so focused and so Spiritually in tune that I don't feel the least bit distracted.  That is my fault.  I haven't spiritually prepared to allow myself to remain focused.

          I was impressed at Jenna's willingness to take notes during conference.  I smiled as I watched her expressions - particularly with Todd Christofferson's talk - who made metaphorical reference to the sacrament.  I don't know why Jenna appeared to take it so literally as she wrote: "Bread makes you immortal and a cannibal" - when she finally understood the subject of his talk, she started laughing, and I laughed with her.

          It triggered another memory which didn't have to do with conference, but rather sacredness.  Sunny, my mom and I were gathered around the dining room table.  We honestly weren't even paying attention to whatever Ellen ( who was maybe five) had been watching from the couch.  (As I recall, two of us actually had our backs turned toward the television anyway, so it would have been awkward to watch) We started laughing at whatever the conversation had led us to.

          Ellen stood up and chewed us out, "This is not funny!" she scorned us.  "You shouldn't laugh at this."  We all moved our eyes toward her.  Behind her on the screen was the animated Savior being crucified.  I can guarantee that is NOT what we were laughing at - but in her mind we were being very disrespectful.

          I remember Corey sharing an incident with us about being in his Las Vegas ward.  He said the congregation was singing "God of Our Fathers" in which the third verse goes: "From war's alarms, from deadly pestilence"  only the word "pestilence" is broken up and "pes-ti" reads on the first line while "lence" continues on the second line.  So Corey is singing his heart out and belts out "pesti" and finishes with the first suffix that his mind can think of "cides"  When he realized his error, he was embarrassed and found it silly that his brain would allow him to believe the word "pesticide" would be used in any hymn.

          I personally don't believe that God is an eye-roller.  I think there are many times he is just as amused as we are.  I know there are times that He laughs just as we do.

          While searching for a children's song for primary, I ran across this site that I would like to share.

I Hope You Find Your Rainbow

          Today is Jenna's birthday. It is also "Find a Rainbow Day". She now starts life off as a teenager although she has absolutely no desire of growing up.  She tried watching conference yesterday.  I admire her for trying.  And I know she really was trying to make comments each time she made an off-the-wall comment that brought a smile to my face.

          The first was during the morning session yesterday when the camera had swung around the men performing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  The view was from behind and two the side.

          "Is that Donald Trump?!?  That guy [in the choir]'s hair looks like Donald Trump's!  Why would anyone want his hair to be like Donald Trump's?!?"

           I think it was during Ronald A. Rasband's talk in which a picture was shown of two missionaries.  Jenna's comment: 

          "I like their suits.  It looks like they're going to prom."

         Don't know that's really the image that the Church would want to be portrayed.  I guess that's why the dress code has more restrictions now.

          In the afternoon session, she didn't think Joaquin E. Costa's  voice matched his face. When he showed his wedding photo, we both agreed that he looked like John Francis Daley who played Sweets in the TV series "Bones"

          We did watch conference and did get more out of some talks than others.  She said her favorite talk had been given by Joy D. Jones.  I think she related more to the youth centered talk and finding examples among her friends.  Plus she has always liked the story of Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego.  

          I don't know if Jeffery R. Holland's (from Saturday morning session) was my favorite or not.  I did enjoy his illustration of being a part of a choir to our very existence all while interweaving "sunshine in my soul" - I enjoyed his analogy.

          I hope Jenna may find a rainbow like the one that shown on March 30.  Perhaps it will have to be a metaphorical rainbow. Her party won't be until the 8th.  Happy Birthday, honey!