As I was growing up, I can remember doing a lot of role playing with my family members. What would you do if you were in this situation? How do you think you would react? What would you do differently? . . . I can't speak for my sibs, but I believe they felt prepared as I when we were approached with a given situation. We didn't have to analyze because we already had the answers.
For example, when we had been approached by the doctors in the final stages of mom's life (before we knew they were the final stages)we were faced with a decision. We could have put mom on dialyses and had her leg amputated. Long before she got dementia, mom had been quite vocal about not ever wanting to be on dialyses. With her state of mind, she really wouldn't have known whether we honored that wish or having even requested it. She wouldn't have understood a missing leg . . . she would never be able to comprehend why it was missing no matter how often we explained it to her. The decision we made was unanimous. A no brainer - for us anyway.
I did have one brother-in-law question how we could have made the decision to put her on hospice as quickly as we did. We didn't think of any time involved. We reacted to what we had been taught. We worked together as a family. We were of one mind. Apparently a lot of families don't have that. It boggles my mind that we are not the norm.
My dad had always wanted to prepare for our finances should he be taken away. He wanted to explore options with insurance and burial plots. My mom never did. To her, preparing or talking about death always seemed like a morbid topic. He had reminded her that if he were to go first, she would have to deal at it alone. But she wasn't alone. She had been a den mother and one of her former scouts became an attorney and volunteered his time to straighten out her finances with every insurance company I guess dad had ever talked to.
Both Patrick and Kayla had gone with my mom to the cemetery to pick out a plot. When I came home and asked how it had gone, my mom and Kayla both started laughing as they related their experience. It sounded as if they had been in a sit-com series. We were in pretty good spirits throughout the whole ordeal. Mom was such a trooper. I guess we all were.
After my dad had passed away, mom said that one of us would have to take over the finances in the event that she should die. We all voted for Patrick to have that obligation. Only when it came time, the stress that came with it was too much on his health. I couldn't do it because of my situation with Roland and his ex. Fortunately for our family, Corey grew up responsible and has allowed himself to step in. I am fascinated with his organizational skills and willingness. Wow. What a tremendous blessing he has been not only for his sibs, but now his cousins as well.
Corey does a lot of role playing too, I would imagine. It's been his profession, though I don't know how much of it has prepared him for where he is now. How awesome it is that we all hold respect and high value for one another. I wish it were the same for Roland's family.
Roland just wrote to his brother with the suggestion of having mom update her will and give him (his brother) power of attorney. The sister that is supposed to take over has not had the best of health and should not be in that position. Also he (Roland) senses a feud coming amongst the sibs should mom pass. I highly doubt that all four sibs would be able to meet with an attorney all at once.
I just don't relate to squabble and possessions. When we met with my mom's attorney, none of us had any financial secrets. I was a wreck and said to the attorney, "I know that this is probably a quite unusual request, but would you mind if we started with a word of prayer?" I think Patrick said it and it really had calmed me down.
We were told that the meeting would last at least three hours. Apparently the lawyer had figured in some squabbling time. But Kayla and I were there for only an hour and a half. The attorney said he had dealt with a family like ours only one other time.
I am so grateful for the role playing that my family has taught me and my sibs that we have been prepared.