Before Jenna turned five she was introduced to
Isaac – a cousin to Paula – who, at the time, was Biff’s platonic
girlfriend.
Roland asked Isaac how old he would be (or what
age he’d just turned – I forget what time of the year it was) We both figured at
least nine. Both of us were quite
floored when he answered seven.. He was
too tall to be only seven. He was actually quite tall for nine. Surely Jenna and Isaac were more than just
two years apart.
Isaac’s mom was involved with an Easter
tradition. Every year right after
Church, the children would look for the plastic eggs that the adults had hid
around the yard – her father’s yard to be exact. Paula had outgrown the tradition and had
asked Biff to bring Jenna so that Isaac and Paula’s brother weren’t hunting for eggs by
themselves. So from 2009 to 2012 Jenna
has always done Easter with Isaac and his family.
Each year the hunt happened at Grandpa’s
house – until last year. Ruth and Nim
had moved into a new house – she felt that her yard was ready. Biff and Paula hadn’t spent much time
together, but he was still friends with Isaac’s mom, Ruth. She had asked him if he would assist with
Easter set up. He took Jenna with him
and they spent the night.
Paula had told me that she came from a
dysfunctional family. I didn’t realize
how dysfunctional until earlier this year. It’s true that Ruth had been excited
to have Easter at her house – but it was not the same as it had been at grandpas. I think Grandpa himself had been invited, but
nobody else in the family had. There had
been a falling out, continuous squabbles – quite strained relationships among
Ruth and her siblings. It sounded
horrible. I feel quite grateful that I couldn’t
(nor can) relate.
When Jenna was in first grade, Grandpa’s home was
a sanctuary – I told her that if I was ever late picking her up, she was to
wait for me at Paula and Isaac’s grandpa’s house. That was before the adult
brother moved in and basically pushed his parents into the back room – taking
away almost every inch of space from the house to store his worthless
belongings and himself. This year I told
her NOT to go to Grandpas. Even Ruth and
Isaac would rather not be there. I now
understand why it takes him so long to cross the field.
Ruth, from what I understand, has always been
insecure about her looks. She has always
felt overweight and unhealthy. Others
had made fun of her size and said unkind things that did hurt her
emotionally. But she was very strong
willed and never unkind to anyone. She
was a friend to everyone – including those that had put her down. I thought she was beautiful both inside and out.
She did not have the Easter hunt this year. Her health has been poor. She was scheduled to have her hernia removed
back in May. But there was the issue
with her weight. She needed to lose
several pounds and reschedule. I don’t
know how many times the surgery was postponed.
I had talked with her over the phone only a few times during the
summer. I had been to her house only one
time.
Ruth’s home was always in chaos. She just didn’t seem to have the strength to
pick up after her two boys. She
considered them more than a blessing.
She said that Nim and the boys completed her life. But
somehow the boys didn’t appear to give her any help. I don’t know why. Isaac is such a sweet and thoughtful
boy. He has been a tremendous friend to
Jenna.
His little brother has a crush on Jenna. He also looks older than he is – a little
replica (well, smaller version – both boys are huge) of Isaac. He just started kindergarten this year and
Isaac will be starting junior high (or middle school) next year.
Ruth’s last surgery was scheduled for Friday,
October 11. She so wanted to lose the weight and get healthy not just for herself but for her boys. She died on the operating
table. I seem to be shedding more tears
than with my own mom’s death. I just
feel so bad for Isaac and Marvin. Marvin
was so attached to his mother. I don’t
know if he will fully understand that mommy isn’t coming back or why. He cannot depend on her anymore the way he
used to.
Biff and I attended her funeral this afternoon. We had gone early to attend the viewing. I saw Ruth’s brother in the hall. Her mom was near the casket – but that was
all the family I saw. No grandpa (her
father) no Isaac, no Marvin, no Nim. Ruth was in her casket smiling. It was small, but still, it appeared as a smile. I don't think I've ever seen a smiling corpse before.
I visited with the principal of the school that both Isaac and Jenna
attend. She was the only person (besides Ruth) that I recognized. (How convenient it was for both
of us that the funeral was just next door to the school.) School let out before the funeral was
over.
You would think a family like that would have seen
death before – but the funeral itself seemed to be a very unfamiliar situation
for most of the family – at least from my point of view. I would imagine both Ruth and her dad have attended funerals before.
Somebody escorted the two boys into the chapel. I went to where they were seated and gave
Isaac a hug and asked if he was okay. He was holding a stack of homemade cards that I'm guessing had been created by his classmates. I started crying before I returned to my seat. I just couldn’t seem to pull myself together.
Nim joined his boys shortly after I sat down. I’d never met him before and so introduced
myself. He looked broken. They sat in the chapel with some other of his
family members. I don’t know if they
were ever in the same room with the casket
Nim and the boys missed out on the family prayer
as it was in the RS room and they were in the chapel. Perhaps it was easier for them. I don’t know. When the congregation was told
to stand while the family filed in, Nim and his family stood along with the
congregation and thus most all of the family members who filed in remained
standing also.
I think it is the first LDS funeral I’ve been to
where I have seen the family stand and not take their seats once they had filed
in. I know I've taken my seat as a family member while the congregation stood for us.
The services were nice. Ruth is very well loved. I enjoyed learning more about the great woman
that she was. I hope Isaac will remember
the love and that he will take the advice of the speakers. She will definitely be missed.
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