A sense of grief

 

               I have twelve cousins – eight on my dad’s side and four on my mom’s.  My parents are each the eldest in their families.  Dad has a brother two years younger and baby sister (they are about twelve years apart).  My mom has two brothers.  All of my dad’s family lived in the Salt Lake area except for the few years that my Uncle and Aunt lived in Denver for a couple of years – that could be a different post and was several decades in the past.

         My mom’s family lived in different parts of northern California.  My mom’s first brother and his wife had three children – a boy and two girls.  The youngest brother and his wife had adopted a boy.  We had visited our cousins on occasion but didn’t know much about them beyond their names. And even with that one I am not certain of his given name.  I had thought it was Joshua and they changed it to Josiah.  He went by Joe so I am not sure what is was. I am five years older than the oldest of my cousins on my mom’s side.  None of us are close.

         The eldest cousin lives in Oregon.  Richard, Jaime and I have visited him and his wife five or six years ago.  That was it.  Our only visit with him as an adult and probably only three when we were in our youth.  I’ve had contact with his youngest sister on facebook but nothing recent – until yesterday.

         My mom and her first brother passed away the same year.  My uncle's children had given us updates about his health. He died shortly after mom had moved into assisted living.  Their youngest brother had come to see mom a few weeks after he passed. She passed four months after he did.

         And yesterday  both of my brothers recived phone messages from San Mateo welfare system – one viewed it as a scam but the other one answered.  The call was to inform them of the passing of our uncle (the youngest of mom's brothers; the one who had visited before mom passed) and as his son (Joe) had passed the year prior. The posterity of his siblings would be the sole heirs of his estate.  Say what?  Steven sent out a text message to us and asked if any of us knew how to get a hold of our cousins.

         I messaged the two who are on facebook.  I felt like a heel not knowing their lives or what their position is toward our late uncle but informing them that not only has he passed but that it has been requested that someone from family assist in matters.  I included the eldest of my cousin’s wife in the conversation as she is on facebook and though my cousin has an account is not on often it at all.  He is in his final stages with Huntington’s and will probably be gone by next year (according to his wife). I have learned of three deaths have happened (or will happen) within the matter of minutes. 

         There were tears in my eyes – for Uncle Bruce was a loner and died alone.  I have no idea when or how Joe passed.  I’m not even close to these people though I do have memories.  Only a few memories.  It was a hodgepodge combination of emotions brought to the surface.  My vision made the messages received blurry.  I was involved in a text conversation with my brothers relating messages I’d received from messenger from my cousins – trying to correct what I’d transcribed before sending it.  I was an emotional wreck. I wish I knew better than I do.