It’s NOT like I need your Approval

  

          Sit coms often come from real life situations.  We laugh at deception.  The sitcom characters put on a show for one played by a guest star.  They try to pass themselves off as rich, married, successful, high-ranking or whatever.   Their dishonesty snowballs into more lies and further deception until they realize they just can’t continue with the charade any longer. And yet we laugh.  If they just told the truth in the first place, there would be no show or else it would be a rather boring episode.

There are many real life people who continue to put up fronts and play charades with certain people from their past.  I don’t get it.  If you’re not close enough to this person that he or she really knows who you are, why would you care what he or she thinks?

          If anyone from my past is interested, I am NOT wealthy.  I am not in a high rank position.  I do not rub elbows with Hollywood’s finest.  My children did not go to Harvard.  Two of them simply don’t have the grades for it. I’m just not that prestige.  Nor do I pretend to be.  I am who I am.  Either you like me or you don’t.  And if you don’t, well that’s okay.  I am not a people pleaser – that is to ALL people.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to please ALL people. 

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you become – there are some who will like you and there are some that just won’t. And that’s okay.  It’s not the world’s approval that makes us happy (though I guess there’s some who believe differently).

 

Happiness is what’s within us.  It’s knowing who we are and what makes us tick.  It’s feeling.  It’s caring.  Why should having the approval of someone else be our deciding factor?  Doesn’t our own opinion matter?  Aren’t we valuable enough to decide for ourselves?   

          I have read a couple of posts from different Blogs in which reference was made for keeping up with the Joneses.  One seemed all for it while the other was not in favor.  I’m not in favor.  Couldn’t keep up if I wanted to.  And I really don’t want to.  Trying my best to show them up or show I’m equal.  Why?

          I see girls dating guys that they like – though I often wonder why.  What do they have in common really?  “Oh, he can/will change” says the girl.  Change into what?  Why change him?  Why not just go out with someone who fits the mold in the first place?

I’m grateful for the values that have been instilled in me and have helped me develop my character.  I wish that were the same for all.

Flat, Small and Neatly Folded

Roland is a great father.  Perhaps he was not always there for his boys – I know that his “work” excuses got old after a while.  And there were disappointments.  But I know he spent quality time with them – I even have pictures to prove it.  And I know that there have been many other countless activities that I don’t have pictures for.  Like Klondike camping.  And Roland hates the cold.  But all the boys were with him.

Recently he told Jenna that they would go “camping” though Jenna’s never really been camping before.  Both times it was putting up a tent in the back yard and roasting marshmallows before going inside.

Initially they were going to set the tent up on Saturday.  Roland would start off his father’s day waking up in the tent - but when he came home from work (which is unusual for where he works) with information about a community fair that featured bouncy houses and free pony rides. 

We could do only one or the other, but not both.  It would be Jenna’s choice.  If she chose the fair, we could always do the camping thing at a later time.  But if she chose the camping . . . well, who knows how soon we would have another opportunity for free bouncy houses?  He wasn’t trying to persuade her – he really was letting her choose.

She chose the fair.  Roland said that maybe they could go camping on a Tuesday night (as he doesn’t have to be to work until later time on Wednesdays) and so this past Tuesday she had been looking forward to their camp all day – constantly asking, “is dad home yet?”

I had the car and had taken Jenna to my mom’s house.  I left a message to ask Bill if he would mind bringing Roland to meet me at my mom’s house. They just happen to work at the same place – but don’t frequently car pool because of the distance our houses are from one another.

As mom and I pathetically tossed the Frisbee around with Jenna, Bill and Roland pulled up in the driveway and Jenna tossed the Frisbee around with them while mom and I rested.

We didn’t return home until just before 6:00.  Roland said he had a class and asked Jenna if they could postpone the camping until Friday.  I told her that we could still make some smores.  And we roasted marshmallows over the stove.

While Roland listened to the lecture online, Jenna played outside with a friend.  After his parents took him away, Jenna came inside and cried herself to sleep.  She didn’t believe that Roland would take her camping on Friday either.  I told him about it the next morning.

He wasn’t aware that she had been looking forward to it all day and that she had cried herself to sleep.  I did not intend for him to feel bad, but he took Jenna aside and told her that they could set up the tent the minute we got home from his work last night.  And we did.  And all before the sun set.

We finished roasting marshmallows and making smores before the sun appeared to leave the sky.  And the sleeping bags were laid out with LOTs of extra blankets.  I slept in the house but relieved Roland at 3:00 this morning knowing he had work at 7:00 or 8:00.  Needless to say that I am sore and tired.  And I hope that three hours in a real bed was enough time for Roland.

At six I coaxed Jenna back into the house.  She went to the TV to watch Phineas and Ferb – and I want back to bed.  I think I slept for another hour and decided to see if I could take down the tent and roll up the bedding.  What a chore.

Taking the tent down was not a problem.  Got the stakes in their bag, and the poles in their bag – now the challenging part – folding the tent into a tiny pillow to put in its bag.  I am really horrible about returning anything to its original container – everything seems to expand once I remove it from the box – or else the box shrinks.

I sat on the tent and tarp and each sleeping bag and tried ever so carefully to squish out the air and fold it ever so carefully.  I would think that I weigh enough that I could squish it to incredible flatness with just one sit – but alas – no matter how flat and careful I think I’m being, the flatness is never small enough.

I remember attempting to fold a child’s sleeping bag that had been given to me by a neighbor.  One of my uncles happened to be visiting and watched with amusement.  I looked up at him and asked if he and his wife were experienced campers, and could he assist me in folding up the sleeping bag.  I don’t recall his exact words, but it was something along the line that he thought it would be easier just to do it himself.  And he did.  But Jenna had it undone within a matter of minutes.  My uncle had already gone when I came across the opportunity of rolling it back up.

          It can be done.  I’ve seen people do it.  Not my talent however.  And the heat of the blazing sun did not help matters.  It was only 8:30 in the morning and I felt like it was high noon.  I stopped.  I think the folding part is a two man job.

Reading is Wonderful

          I have been blessed with two children who thoroughly enjoy reading – the other two tolerate it at best.  If the subject is one that they are interested in, of course that gives them more incentive.

          I’ve been reading to Jenna since before she was born.  I’ve taken pictures of her with various others as they have read to Jenna at various ages.  And now she is reading on her own.  And she usually does go after very educational reading – and often times older than her geared age group.

          When my daughter-in-law was still pregnant with my granddaughter, Roland and I had gone to the library.  As it happened, they were having a sale on used books.  Ten cents a book.  What a wonderful deal!

          Roland picked out one to send to Rochelle and Tony – who still hadn’t picked out a name for our baby.  Funny how most every item I’ve sent to my boys throughout the years has cost way more in postage than the item(s) that the package contains.

          There were a few books that I purchased for Jenna.  One was almost text book style about animals.  I figured the two of us would study them together when she got a little older and wouldn’t be so bored by all the wording.  Currently she is reading it to herself.  She has also read many of the stories in the “Friend” magazines.  And the more she reads, the more she wants to read some more.  I think that is so cool.  So wish that Tony had had the same enthusiasm.

          Jenna likes to learn.  She enjoys making new discoveries.  This morning she told me about almost every animal that she read about – and is currently reading. It’s really great to smuggle in learning through books!

Understanding Death

          Many people are upset by death or have a lack of understanding.  It’s really hard when it is children whose lives have been claimed before they have much of an opportunity to live.  Or a young parent with children still in diapers.

          Many believe that death is the end.  It is when the Spirit no longer needs the body.  Death is the end of mortality – but not the end of existing on earth in a human sense.  The Spirit lives on and has the opportunity to reunite with loved ones who have already passed on.

          Roland started off last month attending his sister’s funeral.  Her death was very unexpected – but I’ve learned to handle sudden death rather graciously, I think.  I have seen too many spend their last years dying – and that, for me personally, is a lot more difficult to handle.

          Roland said the priest had a thick Jamaican accent and was hard to understand.  He did turn the time over to the family members who wished to say something.  Roland, of course, jumped at the opportunity and explained the spirit world to his family and defined his sister’s whereabouts – how she is now reunited with their father, her husband, her youngest daughter and countless others who have passed before her.  

          I would have taken the opportunity also – had I been there.  Jenna had already missed two days of school when we had gone down for the party.  I couldn’t risk three more, could I?

          As it turned out, Jenna was throwing up the night before.  With her sensitive stomach she does NOT do well in the car.  I doubt we would have even made it out of the city. 

          Roland can make it to his family’s house in about 12 hours when he is by himself – but when Jenna and I are with him, there are more stops required which have added two to four hours to his time. 

          I would rather deal with death than deterioration whether of the mind or the body – or both.  My dad’s mind was very sharp and alert – up until his dying day.  But not everybody saw that.

          After the strokes robbed him of being able to use his muscles, his brain would tell his mouth what to say but it was slurred – hard to understand for most.  And so many thought he had lost his mind as well.  But he knew fully well what was taking place.  It must have been so frustrating Not to communicate that.

          And I know dad is not alone.  There are many who are robbed of health physically.  And even though their minds may be active, their thoughts are not always conveyed – and that hurts.

          And then there’s my mom – whose mind seems to be going before her body does.  And because she forgets, she also neglects her physical health.  Either way seems to be a raw deal.  But I don’t always think of death as a raw deal – but sometimes the way one dies is unbearable and often too hard to think about.

          Roland’s sister went quickly.  There was little suffering on her part.  Her daughter had a really hard time with it.  I don’t think she would if she understood that this earth life is just a test.  It is where we do things with physical bodies that a spirit by itself cannot do.  But we only have these bodies on borrowed time.  The spirit lives on.  So people don’t really die – they’re just separated from bodies they don’t need any more. 

Those who have touched so many lives live in our memories and are shared with others through words, through books, through the Internet.  Those who have made such impact and impression never really die.  We know their names.  We have their histories.  They are a part of us.

I Bet the Enterprise Crew didn’t Have to put up with the same Malarkey

Actually you can use your own adjective in place of malarkey.  I can actually think of better words, but so as not to offend certain parties, I choose malarkey for the sake of keeping the post clean.

          Long before Jaime Lee Curtis started advertising Activia – she used to act out skits for VoiceStream commercials.  I made my first cell phone purchase through VoiceStream.  My mom and I got two lines – one for each of us – but the plan was (and still is) in my name.

          My phone line was for emergencies.  I bought it for that reason – not to be a camera, not to text (though neither was offered when I initially opened my account) and certainly not to be my primary source of phone use.  I don’t even like the phone

          After a while I started getting what I believed was junk mail from T-Mobile.  Never heard of them.  Wasn’t interested.  I didn’t realize that T-Mobile had bought VoiceStream out.  

          I never had a problem with T-Mobil until quite recently.  A word of advice:  DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH A STORE THAT ISN’T CORPORATE – though it doesn’t seem to matter – bet the run around at corporate is exactly the same.  DON’T ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY – SCREW THE CUSTOMER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN . . .

          I have two accounts.  One plan was for me and my mom.  The other had my husband’s phone which we couldn’t add to my plan – so I had two.  Later on I decided I wanted my mom’s phone going to her house and Roland’s coming to mine.  I was told I couldn’t switch my phone line with one store, but was told I could by another.  I could save money.  HA!  This T-Mobile has been the biggest nightmare ever!!!

          First off they are charging me for a line that I was told would discontinue.  My pre-existing number now shows up on both bills.  I sent a letter to corporate and one in with the bill (which as I predicted would get ignored) and now I’m even more upset about it than I was two months ago. 

          *I did remove this post for a couple of days, but have opted to put it back.*
July 17 update:  FINALLY they removed the extra line.  They took my phone off one bill and placed it on the other.  But instead of saving money (as I was led to believe) I am now paying over 45 dollars more.  I am upset at myself for allowing myself to believe that they were looking out for my best interest.  What a crock!

You're A Grand Old Flag

In honor of flag day, I thought I would share just a couple of amusing stories:

Patriotic Show Up

My mom and sister had gone out of town over the Independence Day Holiday the first year that Roland and I were married.  My mom had meant to put the flag out before they had gone out of town.  She called me (from wherever) and asked if I would do it and she would take it down when she returned.

Roland and I had gone to her house and I went downstairs where the flag was kept – the only flag I knew about.  My grandfather had had a military funeral approximately 30 years before.  Mom took home the flag that had been draped over his casket.  It was actually a lot bigger than I had remembered.  Mom must have been talking about another flag.

I took the huge flag upstairs and told Roland that I had no clue how to hang it.  Roland is a solution finder.  He came up with a brilliant idea for hanging it in the front window.  As I recall we attached the flag over the curtain rod so that it would hang behind the drapes and would visible to the outside world. 

As we pulled out of the driveway we couldn’t help see the front window filled entirely with the enormous flag.  Nor could my mom and sister upon their return.  Nor anyone who passed the house.  It couldn’t help but be noticed.

Mom called me shortly after they pulled into the driveway.  “Why did you use such a big flag?”

“Is there another?”

“Well, yes.  I didn’t mean for you to fill the entire window.  My neighbors probably think I’m trying to show them up.”

I didn’t know she had a normal sized flag in her basement.  It was even included on its own pole.

Amelia Bedelia strikes again

          I had a piece of mail to put out in the mailbox so that it would be picked up by our mail carrier.    Jenna anxiously jumped at the opportunity of putting the letter (or bill or whatever) out to the mailbox herself. 

Now our post office does not seem all that close and so our mail carrier will stop at the mailboxes that have mail to go out provided that the flag is up to tell the carrier that there is something which needs to go out.  And so I told Jenna to be sure and put the flag up.

Sometimes the flag will stick as though it’s welded to the side of the mailbox.  It hadn’t occurred to me that Jenna might not know what it was for – or that the red handled part was called a flag.  I headed out the door so that I could assist in her struggles – only she was having struggles with something else.

She was indeed trying to put the flag up – but not from the mailbox.  She was dragging the flag pole across the driveway and looked up at me and said, “It’s just too heavy mom.”

I tried to hide the laughter from beneath my smile.

I meant to detail the games we played

          My mom has a huge variety of games in the back room.  There are at least three word games, at least six versions of trivial pursuit, and a bunch of party games. 

The first game that we played on Thursday was Scrabble.  My mom wanted to play and Jenna joined us.  I was impressed when she found the word “raisin” among my tiles – of course it wasn’t worth much.  But Jenna against grandma?  Those were fair odds.  And so I decided to put Jenna in charge.

But after only about four words she got tired of spelling and decided that she would just keep score.  And she was really doing fine until she misaligned the 30 and gave us 404 points instead of 134.  Silly girl. 

The game was long, and Jenna slipped away to play with the tangram puzzle my mom had purchased years ago.  We ended up playing several games including Upwords, Taboo and Apples to Apples.

          Celebrity Taboo did not work out too well, but Jenna and my mom both seemed to enjoy the regular taboo – except for when Jenna insisted on using the buzzer (which my nephew had once used as a toy electric razor and gave it the name “shaver”) but I told her to stop because it was “annoying grandma and making her flustered” which really was the truth, but Jenna didn’t seem to believe me.

          The game that had us laughing most was Apples to Apples.  The cards in our hands didn’t always go with the word.  That’s when mom would laugh – at the two obviously stupid choices.  Like the word “charming” describing “a terrorist attack” or “Adolf Hitler” for example.

          My biggest laugh came with Jenna’s mispronunciation.  The green card gave the description word of “Horrid” I had thrown in “Bad Dogs” onto the table as it was the most horrid of my hand.  Jenna was about to pick it until I made her read them both out loud. 

          She held the other card and read, “The Attack of Pearl Hairball” – after my mom explained to her what it really was and why it was picked, Jenna decided that it was a lot more horrid than “Bad Dogs”

          It really doesn’t matter who wins or loses the game (especially now) just so long as we’re having fun.  And it is actually the most fun I’ve had playing games with my mom in the last couple of years.