When Did I Start Falling Apart?

            I remember walking with the boys and then with Jenna when we lived in Kearns.  I walked with Jenna to the bus stop and to the school from the bus stop and returned to the bus stop and walked between.  I did a lot of walking.

            Even when we lived on the rental property in Myrtle Creek Jenna and I walked nearly every day.  I go with her now when she is walking Bonnie and I have never felt so worn out.  Bonnie always sounds like I feel – exhausted and panting.  Maybe she’s not.  She’s overweight so I think the walk is stressful – especially because she always seems like she’s in a hurry.  She needs to pace herself.

            I preferred the walks in Utah and around Neal and Riverside or Millsite park.  I no longer enjoy climbing – which is what we are doing each time we “walk” because everything is hilly with more ups than downs.  

            I used to be in better shape.  Kayla and I used to go on hikes all the time.  I know she continued after she met Bill and now with her family.  I don’t get exhausted when I go out to the mailbox – or even on my return.  But I do find it more challenging to walk from the corner of our street back to our house for example.  I don’t think I snort like Bonnie does, but maybe.

            My favorite thirst quencher has ALWAYS been water.  I had worked myself up to drinking 3-5 quarts of water a day and gradually even more.  And then I got pregnant with Jenna and went through water withdrawl.

            It did not matter how quickly or slowly I drank the water – I would throw it up.  If I gulped it down or gently sipped it.  I drank because I was thirsty but I threw up a lot.  It wasn’t just the first trimester either.  IT WAS ALL NINE MONTHS!!!  Nine months of throwing up water and almost any kind of food I ate.  I could hold down dairy products and fish.  Nine months of less water which I tried to drink again, but never was able to complete my goal of more than three quarts until just lately.  I hope to get up to six.

            Jenna has always liked water too.  Even at a young age there were times that she just preferred it to anything else.  She drinks a lot of water – probably more than me.  Wish Roland would follow our example. 

Balancing

      I had written my last post as a free verse to make it seem more interesting, but I lost the vision of what I had intended. What had triggered my thought on climbing in the first place was watching Roland climb up the unstable ladder.  It looks unstable leaning in mushy ground.  He was fixing the porch light and connecting it to another stapling the cord in place.  I was awed at his ability to look up.

            I tend to lose my balance quite easily – especially if I am looking up.  I get dizzy when I am standing still on solid ground.  I think if I were climb a ladder now and looked up I would fall.  I have fallen at least twice because of whatever has made me dizzy.  I fell in my bedroom before we were married.  I don’t remember if I had even known Roland at the time. 

            My former neighbor Peggy had collected nativity scenes and would put them on display each year after I was married.  She had invited Jenna to play an angel in the Bird’s annual Christmas pageant.  She had brought home clothes for each cast member to wear and had opened the box in the room with the nativities.  I had fallen into one – I think one of the pieces may have broken.  I felt so bad – especially because I think Peggy thought Jenna had been responsible for the breakage.  But Jenna wasn’t even near enough the nativity that spilled over.  Nobody was except for me.  If someone else had been there, I may have fallen into them.

            I had an MRI in 2013.  The results did not prove anything about my brain activity.  Everything appeared normal.  The dizziness comes and goes.  Perhaps all the twirling I had done as a kid finally caught up with me.  I would spin and spin and never get tired of it.  Perhaps my brain was triggered somehow.

            I know old people who function quite well both mentally and physically.  I know young people who have been stricken either mentally or physically – sometimes both.  I think I fall into the category of the latter.  My dad was young when his body muscles were paralyzed by strokes.  Mom hadn’t even turned 70 yet when we learned she had dementia.  I don’t know if either are hereditary. I know I eat too much sugar.  I may have diabetes.  I would like to abstain from sugar for at least six weeks.  I heard that is how long it takes for the sugar to leave the system.

Climbing

 When I was younger

I was a climber

            I climbed on the furniture

did my best to scale walls

aimed for the tree tops

Climbing was a part of me

 

I may not have been the fastest runner

but I did enjoy running

playing tag and let us not forget

Climbing.

 

After my sister Kayla had come along

we learned that she was a better climber

We have at least one photograph of her

between two walls of the door frame

head near the ceiling

Mom had returned home one day to find

Kayla

 sitting on the closet door

I suppose that is not as scary

as finding me on the roof           

of the house

across the street

 

My daughter Jenna loves to climb

She used to climb on furniture

                        Don’t remember her ever scaling the walls

Mostly

she loves trees

has been climbing them

since she was tall enough

to reach branches

 

I seemed to

have stopped somewhere

along the way

as Jenna continues

She may never stop climbing

                        I hope that she doesn’t.

Reminders of Missing Poetry

            I remember loving nursery rhymes – I think because they rhymed.  Most were silly and didn’t mean much other than the rhyming words.  I tried my hand at poetry at a very young age.  Hey, my rhymes weren’t so off the wall as Mother Goose.  That must have been my first introduction to poetry.

            I remember discovering free verse and gradually introduced to limericks and haikus.  I read the Childcraft book 1 more than any of them. 

 

           Whenever the school offered book fairs or sent home scholastic brochures, I would order books that specialized in poetry.  One of my favorite was an introduction to American Poetry – I forget the title but the cover from front to back was covered in blue print of each author’s name and the title was in red and blue. My favorite poets were Carl Sandburg and Christina Rossetti.

 In time I turned to black poetry and found I loved Phillis Wheatley, Paul Laurence Dunbar and Langston Hughes – especially Langston Hughes.  I could not read enough of his poetry and would later read anything written by him or about him.

In high school I took a creative writing class and contributed to the school publication called Expressions.  I treasured those books for a long time.  I am certain that I brought them into my marriage but don’t know if they ever made it to West Valley or Oregon.  I have my doubts.  I had tried to introduce Jenna to my love of poetry, but she didn’t seem interested – although she did enjoy Dr. Seuss and loved nonsense poems. 

She is currently taking an English class which at this moment in time have poetry themed assignments.  It has triggered many memories of the poetry I used to love but somehow became bored with as it hasn’t been in my repertoire for a while now.  I don’t remember when I had stopped reading or writing.  Probably after I got married.  We’ve lived in this state for over five years.  For the first time since we’ve been in Oregon I find myself missing the collection I once had.  I would like to share some of those written by my classmates and peers – but alas, they have become part of yesteryear never to return.

Hey, I Know That Guy! We Used to Work Together

           The first meeting we had attended in our current ward happened to land on Fathers’ Day -  though I don’t recall any mention of Father’s Day whatsoever.  The two talks given seemed to focus on Social Media which I thought was a strange topic to be delivering over the pulpit on a Sunday morning. I didn’t realize that only five years later it would become a necessary tool for the missionaries.

We didn’t have social media when I was on my mission.  Facebook was out when my three boys had served their missions, but it certainly wasn’t encouraged and now the missionaries are required to have facebook accounts. We had two elders over on Saturday night and they asked if they could leave a thought before they drove away.  Their thought was on contacting others through facebook – which is what triggered the memory of our first meeting which one elder said must have been an inspired theme.

Though many churches have met as a congregation there are still a tremendous amount of people who do not attend because of age and health risks.  Thus many wards and stakes offer the option of viewing though social media.  In our ward the viewer has to belong to the ward page to click on the facebook link.  We were told that the meeting can no longer be viewed once it ends.  But I have been able to view it within an hour or so after returning home.  I think it might vanish once everyone has left the building.

Then there’s my sisters stake as well as others in the surrounding Salt Lake Valley that offer church services through YouTube.  I know my daughter-in-law had provided a three hour window before the video of the meeting was removed.  My sister hadn’t provided a time limit when she has sent videos.

There is a sacredness which could easily be desecrated by sharing on social media.  On the other hand, I also see this as a missionary tool – perhaps a stronger one than a disappearing share.  One may accidently stumble across a meeting and might find someone they know.  They may recognize my brother-in-law for example as someone they had worked with or who had taken their pictures.  That seems like it would be an effective tool for those who are curious enough to explore beyond his words and research the church and ask for the missionaries who do teach outside of the home but are able to set up virtual meetings too.

I remember having to knock on doors to find people – not the most effective way in my opinion.  Missionaries aren’t even allowed to knock on doors anymore – not even a member who has invited them over for dinner - at least in this area.  They stand outside and wait for someone to remember to open the door without the knocking reminder.

I’m grateful for the good things that can be found on social media and having it available to me.  I enjoy being able to view other wards I can’t realistically attend in person.

Assigned to Write on Current Events

 

                Jenna has three current event assignment to turn in today – or turned in rather.  She had known about the deadline on Monday but had decided to wait to see if something would happen.  Something happened alright – nothing she wanted to research however – and really how do you sum up the January sixth tragedy to just a few paragraphs?  Her other two current events consisted of Burger King changing their logo and compared hairy crabs to pumpkin lattes – funny.  But her third one was not as light but perhaps not as tragic as storming the state capitol had been on Wednesday.

            Neither of us are avid fans of reading and researching certain topics – especially if it relates to mandatory school work.  When I was doing online school the past three years I did a great deal of research on YouTube – it’s easier to watch and listen than to make sense out of something that is so often written with absolutely no tone whatsoever.  I need it to be explained to my ears and not try to decipher the language by reading it.  I pulled up this story that took place only six days ago. 

Should ex-cheerleader B.L. be suspended because of some comment she made on snapchat using the name of the high school in an unflattering way?  After all she was not even on school property when she sent it.  Does the school have a right to make an example out of her?  I think so.  Whenever a tired instructor posts something out of frustration he or she is in jeopardy of losing his or her job.  There are real cases and examples of those who have been dismissed from their jobs due to derogatory comments or language.  There are some companies that may not even hire you if you are friends with certain people who may have potty mouths or antagonistic opinions.  I learned that while going to online college.

I did not read Jenna’s report but had thought of how Trump’s tweets had gotten out of hand – and the dude doesn’t learn.  His followers don’t learned.  I wonder if B.L will learn or if her lawyer will fight in the offensive way that Baby Trump has – threatening to take each case to the Supreme Court.  So relieved to know that he still did not get his way.  He tweeted that he won’t be going to Biden’s inauguration.  Now there’s a shocker.  They’ll need to beef up on security.  I hope Biden does not plan on moving into the white house for a month or so – when the messes have been cleaned up and hopefully remains COVID free.  I would like to see Donald Trump get the help that he needs – perhaps in a galaxy far, far away.    

Gazing At Me Through Barbie Doll Shades

           Whenever Roland and I happen to be watching Game Shows together, without fail he will ask what I think about the dresses the models are wearing.

          “What do you think of that dress?”

          “I bet that dress would look good on you.”

          “Would you wear that dress?”

          I’m flattered that he believes I would be able to fit into anything that a game show model is wearing as I was not that size since college.  Overall I’m really NOT impressed with whatever.  I would be even less impressed if it did come in my size.  There are just some fashions that somebody my shape should NOT be wearing.

          “Do you like that dress?” he asked yesterday as we were watching The Price is Right.

          “I think it would be great if I had the desire to look like a disco ball. If it did come in my size I would be for shortening the sleeves and making a longer hem.”

          I rarely ever see a dress that I might wear – even at my college size.  I would not wear them as dresses though, but as tops – except for the long ones that go down past the ankle.  There was one he said I would look good in and he is always genuine about it.  I told him thanks but I thought the model looked like a wedding cake topper and if I was to wear something like that I would look like the tiered wedding cake itself and not just the topper.

          I asked Jenna for a description of how Roland views me.  She is the one who had suggested that he’s been wearing Barbie doll shades.  That seems like an appropriate description. I don’t mind wearing dresses and I do admit that I don’t have the greatest sense of fashion, but I’d rather be comfortable in my clothes than self conscience – especially now. But perhaps I would do better in model dresses during the pandemic as Roland and Jenna are the only ones who will see me.  All dressed up and nowhere to go.  So why bother?

          My husband has always looked at me with puppy eyes.  Puppy eyes wearing Barbie shades.