Having our Christmas Dinner in July

          Family has grown.  We used to do a dinner on Christmas Eve. We would gather at the house where Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Ted live.  That was a tradition for years.  My grandma Helen and her three kids and their children - we started out with just three of us -  I was the eldest, then my cousin, Michelle, my brother Patrick and then Michelle’s brother came along.  It was another seven years before Edmund and Corey were born and then Rosa and then Kayla. 

          Daddy’s only sister, Chrissy got married to Kim.  Eventually they had four boys and the family continued to grow.  Both Patrick and Michelle found partners and married. And the family continued to grow.  It seemed like there were more people than room. 

It got hard for Trudy to host not one, but two dinners each year.  Not that she was supplying all the food.  All of the families chipped in. Trudy and Ted had hosted at their house on Christmas Eve for the families of one of their brothers and Christmas day for another.  After a while she no longer felt the need to do Christmas day as (I would guess) other family members took over – and I suppose it wasn’t as meaningful to Don’s family as it had been to ours.

          Each year Aunt Trudy would tell the family that it would be the last year that she would have it. And then she would call us the following year to make arrangements until one year mom said we could do it at her house.  But still, the families all continues to grow.  In-law obligations.  Too much running around.  So one year Michelle had suggested that we start a new tradition.  Instead of having a family gathering in December, why not have a pool party in July?

          So that’s what we do now.  The weather is a lot more inviting for driving.  Everyone is more relaxed.  There is a Christmas tree next to the gate to the pool and Christmas music plays in the background. We no longer have the ham and turkey, the funeral potatoes and glazed carrots.  Hamburgers, hot dogs and salads fill our plates. Instead of bulky sweaters, we have on swimsuits and trunks and enjoy our Christmas much differently than we have in the past.

          This Christmas Eve it will just be Roland, Jenna, mom and I.  Possibly Biff.  It will be the smallest Christmas dinner that I remember.  But that can be nice.  It’s a matter of attitude more than it is people.  Later on today I will call Aunt Trudy and Uncle Ted and see if they would like to attend also.  They come to the pool parties – but never come into the pool.

Oh, No! Mom Fell Off the Tree

          I always think it’s kind of odd that so many ornaments are made from porcelain or glass as they break so easily and not all of us are blessed with a quiet environment in which the tree will rest looking perfect and undisturbed.  (Jenna’s eight.  I think she still rearranges the ornaments on a daily basis)

Several years ago my mom came home with a whole slew of ceramic ornaments that she had painted at a Relief Society activity.  I don’t know how many ornaments there were, but I believe I had at least four of them in my possession when Roland and I were married.  The fondest memories are of the Raggedy Anne and the gingerbread man Ornaments.

Mom had wanted me to have Raggedy Anne and Patrick was to have Andy.  But we also got to choose among the remaining how many ever there were. The gingerbread man is the first one I chose.  It had been left on the tree one year when the tree was on the curb.  One of our neighbors mentioned that there were still a few ornaments that were on the tree. 

I was devastated that my gingerbread man had broken in half.  I think it might have actually been the first year he was on the tree.  I glued him back together – and though he’d been somewhat of a sorry sight, I’d kept him around until recently.  I must have finally gotten rid of him as I can’t find him.  I was also willing to throw Anne away on December 9^th of this year after Jenna dropped her on the floor and she broke into three pieces.

Who knows whatever happened to Ann’s partner?  Or if Patrick still has him?  I don’t know.  But we have many ornaments. And true, I did have a sentimental attachment.  But ornaments break.  Life goes on.  I put it in the garbage can and told Jenna I was not/am not mad at her.  It was an accident.  It is okay.

With tears in her eyes, Jenna retrieved the broken pieces from the garbage can.  I explained again that I was not mad.  But she looked up at me and said, “But mama.  This ornament looks just like you and I want to keep it.  Can’t we please glue it back together?”

She’d been talking about the red hair (which is as natural to me as Lucy’s was to her) but I looked down at the broken pieces which symbolically represented the mood I had had all day. 

Roland’s check had gone into the bank and we are strapped – every pay check.  It’s not even going to make it for one week – let alone two. We can never get on top of it – let alone ahead.  And ORS doesn’t take into consideration that our family was on welfare for two years – nor do they care.  We need to hire an attorney – but with what?

We had tried doing without the internet – dropped it three times in fact.  But it’s needed for education.  It’s needed for checking locations and budgeting and looking up needed information.  Access to the Internet is required for filing bankruptcy – seriously.  And it it’s not something that can be done in the allotted time given at the public libraries.

On top of a 14 year old boy  had killedhimself possibly due to being bullied – there is no call for that.  It’s just wrong and senseless and hurtful and mean. I did not know the boy but there is an obvious pain. Not just on his part but that of his family, classmates, the media and so that has also stirred me emotionally as well.

 I am still checking out assisted living and the weather had been gloomy and I was 99% positive that it was that time of the month.  (I was wrong) I haven’t been a Scrooge really – but I have been an emotional wreck.  I’ve been broken. 

I set the ornament aside so that if we ever found the glue (the glue from the glue gun just made it globby and less desirable to look at than the broken pieces) I still don’t think it’s worth saving – but if it makes her feel better, maybe it’ll be worth it.  We can throw it away after the holiday season and perhaps she’ll forget about it by next year. 

Or perhaps I should keep it around as a reminder.  A reminder to pick up the pieces and help lift and repair soles of others who stand in need of comfort.  I need to focus on others’ needs and not just my own.

more on Giving Gifts (and crushed enthusiasm)

          When I asked Jenna what she wanted to get her dad for Christmas last year, she did not even hesitate with an answer.

      

          “A Bow Tie,” she announced proudly.

          I visualized an elastic and paper doily all bunched up.  

          “What kind of a bow tie?” I asked.

  “A Black one.”  And so it was.  We purchased a black bow tie for Roland – the only black bow tie that we found.

          I was reminded about gifts – precious to the child’s mind, but very impractical.  For instance my wanting to buy my dad a pink Batman shirt for a gift.  I don’t remember it, but my mom said that it happened.

          First off you need to understand that my dad was very conservative.  At that time he would never wear a t-shirt out in public nor would he ever wear the color pink. There are several family photos in which dad wears a crew cut and a blue-green-gold patterned sports jacket – the same sports coat in every photo.  Well, not every photo.  But anyone who saw him in a family photo could tell right away that he was not the pink Batman shirt type.

          My mom steered my brother and I in a different direction to pick out a gift that was much more practical – and then wondered why he didn’t do the same whenever we would go shopping to buy a gift for her.

          Plastic flowers.  I saw the most gorgeous plastic flowers – the entire arrangement was just so pretty and unique – I thought.  Imagine flowers cascading in a long arrangement.  Why it could fit nicely on a door! 

          Actually I didn’t know what it was for. Obviously I had no sense of what the display was really used for.  I remember my maternal grandma letting out a laugh and then covering her mouth as mom unwrapped her beautiful funeral spray. 

Had I known what it was for I don’t think I would have picked it out.  But then again, maybe daddy did tell me and it just hadn’t sunk in – even though I had been to many funerals before.  Even though I had probably seen them on caskets, I obviously hadn’t really paid much attention.  I saw it as something to be displayed – and appreciated.

          I remember mom had arranged the flowers in a bowl – but in order to make them fit properly, she had to cut off the ends.  I was crushed.  She wanted to show appreciation for our thoughtfulness without offending me.  But she did.  I mean, the bowl she had chosen looked nice and everything – but the beauty just wasn’t complete anymore.  But now I do understand why she did it. 

          Jenna beamed as Roland opened his gift.  He gave her an enthusiastic “Thank you” and put his bow tie on before we finished unwrapping gifts.  He wore it to Church which pleased Jenna quite a bit. 

          We were unable to find it so that he could wear it to the Christmas dinner this year.  But Jenna hasn’t said anything since 2011.

Tears in Heaven

          We hadn’t put up our outside lights for Christmas this year.  I meant to bring them out with all the other Christmas decorations.  I remember seeing them.  But they must have gotten lost in the shuffle.  Just as well.  There were a couple of days when the wind blew hard.  So hard that some actually lost their decorations – which is NOTHING compared to what was lost in Newtown Connecticut on December 14^th.

          Sandy, for me, was a lot easier to deal with, as the disaster was a result of the elements – not some psycho on the loose with a gun.  If a gunman is going to just turn the gun on himself – why not just start there?  And it’s not like the world will ever KNOW what became of this individual who’d gone on a shooting spree to wipe out innocent children. 

Whatever reasons are given will be speculation – and even if we are given reasons that are sure knowledge, they can NEVER justify the tragedy.  It will never make it better.  It won’t bring peace or comfort that thousands will need.  It’s not something that can be overcome.

27 souls were lost that day – from earth.  But so many more were destroyed – many permanently.  It will take some decades to forgive, to heal, and to move on.  And some will remain bitter and do themselves more harm than the shooter did.  And that also is very tragic.

After I dropped Jenna off at school today, I bawled.  I’m still producing tears as I attempt to create this post that will never express the emotions that all too many of us have right now.

Twenty little angels never to be driven anywhere again.  Never to be dropped off or to wave good-bye to.  They have left their earthly bodies – but they still exist.  I have every ounce of faith that they have made it to the highest kingdom within heaven.  They are pure.  It will be they who will have to look out for their families – to help them move on.

I was saddened by this post and feel for the author who wishes it was the positive events that would put Newtown on the map.

It is my prayer that the residence of Newtown may find some kind of closure and return to the picturesque Norman Rockwell town that they were less than a week ago.  Don’t guess it will ever be that way.  May your angels protect you always.

What Christmas is Really All About

Finding Christmas at the Zion’s Mall

          Okay, to my knowledge, there really is no such thing as Zion’s Mall.  It had been the name for a Relief Society activity that was held during the holiday season in 2008.  A wonderful presentation and activity that I have never experienced before or since.

I had signed up to take a relish tray – and as I was arranging the pickles and olives in an ordinary way, Roland (who is all about presentation) rearranged them so that the arrangement itself appeared 

to be a huge sunflower

The cultural hall had been set up with tables all around for booth display. There were ten “shops” surrounding the seven round tables located in the center of the room which represented the food court.

          When we entered the “mall” each sister was presented with a “master-in-charge” card and a shopping bag to fill.  The object was to visit all ten stores and collect bookmarks. Each bookmark contained a key.  The keywords given on the back would be unscrambled after all ten were collected.

  

          In no particular order there were a toy store, music store, Christmas store, book store, candle shop, art shop, one with fashion and accessories, a sweet shop, farmers market, and a bakery. At each table were thoughts to take along with little gifts and trinkets to remind us of certain things.

Call me a scrounge but I save Everything . . . used to anyway.  I’m trying to weed out the clutter.  But I did find this to be a fascinating workshop and glued all the thoughts into a book and have handwritten descriptions to go with each.  I suppose it might make a nice treasure for Jenna to see something in my actual handwriting

The music shop and toy shop happened to be next to each other. From the music shop we received both little plastic flutes and whistles and a kazoo with this thought: 

“For my soul delighteth in the song of the hear; yea, the song of the heart: yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.” – D&C 25:12

.  From the toy shop we received three gifts – one of which was a paddle and ball.  Attached to one of the gifts was this note attached:  

“Now and then it’s good to pasuse in the pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

From the candle shop were two candles – one marked with 24 lines – an advent candle to be burned each day.  The other was peppermint scented and came with this note:  

“You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours burn brighter”

The Christmas shop offered several gifts including sliding puzzles with either reindeer, Santa or snowman.  The snowman seemed to be the most popular.  

“Life can sometimes be a puzzle.  Reading the scriptures can help you keep all the pieces in place.”

Another ball and paddle (this one had the nativity scene printed on the paddle side and this thought: 

“Keep your eye on the “ball” Do not let your testimony be bounced around”

We also received ornaments – one inflatable and one in the shape of a snowflake with this attachment:  

“Each snowflake is unique – Just like You!”

At the art table was a picture of Jesus and an article of faith card.  And God’s Greatest Gift presented a magnet of the nativity.  I don’t even remember it.  I don’t believe it came with us when we moved.

Many books had been donated or purchased by several RS sisters who donated to the bookstore. There was one on Bible Trivia and one on faith that were given to each sister.  Plus we could choose others to keep.  I picked out a set of books called portable 7 Habits

The “habits” included: Vision, renewal, trust, synergy, purpose, abundance, choice – each book had pages of thoughts.  I still look at them and keep them.

          From the farmer’s market we were given three pieces of fruit.

 “orange” you glad we have the prophets to tell us the words of God and give us the whole truth

An apple a day keeps the doctor away – a scripture a day keeps discourage away.

There’d also been a thought on the banana – but it had disappeared from my “treasures” and I had not committed it to memory.

The Sweetshop featured a candy cane – one with the legend of the candy cane as explained here and the other that described the colors of faith  and we were given a loaf of bread from the bakery.

There was also a 

fashion show illustrating 

the importance of 

modesty.

There were also the periodic “drawings” – if your name was mentioned over the “loudspeaker” you were given the opportunity to choose from the gift table.  I took home a cabbage patch doll – a preemie.

I took home my shopping bag filled with treasures which I had planned to share with Jenna as I figured she would enjoy the majority gifts more than I. 

 

There had benn a HUGE turn-out.  Probably the most well attended of any RS activity I had even gone to in that ward.  Those who had planned the activity had not been expecting quite that many people and unfortunately not everybody who attended was able to get everything.  (I personally had collected only 9 out of 10 bookmarks)

Each bookmark contained a Keyword: are, Scriptures, Happiness, and, Living, to, Reading, keys and two with the word “the”

Translation: “Reading and Living the Scriptures are the keys for Happiness"

Each of us were given a 100 Grand (candy bars) to pay off our Master in charges cards.

          Jenna had fallen asleep before I could show her all the “treasures” I had come home with.  I remember hanging the snowflake up near her ceiling – I’dforgotten to give it to her, and I didn’t want it to get lost in the shuffle. (Our tree wouldn’t be up for another few weeks at least)

On Nov 16, 2008 Jenna came to me with such joy at her new discovery, 

“It’s a miracle,”  she announced proudly as she took me by the hand to lead me to her room.  

She pointed toward her ceiling where I had placed the star.  “Look!” she said, “It’s a Christmas miracle!”

How simple the pleasures of a child.  How great the reminders!

Loving My “Christ Centered Christmas” Book

A few years before I met Roland,  I had gone into a Deseret Book Store in search of something.  Sharon Velluto was doing a book signing on her new book, “A Christ Centered Christmas” 

         

          I remember picking up a book and thumbing through it.  It looked interesting.  It was on sale as I recall.  I took it home and started reading it.

“How to Use this Book” – the very first words on the very first page.  “This book has been designed to satisfy the needs of all families {bold italics added} from those with small children to those whose children are grown, as well as singles and seniors . 

. . 

          How many times have I heard or read that . . . “and to all of those that are single, we love you as well” (though you are really not our main focus – we don’t want to exclude you – but these words will not be at all helpful to your current situation

          But it does!  Her book is seriously designed with everyone in mind.

          There are 24 devotionals that are designed to be as long or as short to cater to each individual or family needs and times.  I was so super impressed that the single person was not just mentioned – but embraced as well. 

          There are basically four sections – Devotionals, Optional Materials.  Cards and Activities, and Ornaments.

Illustated icons give the outline or theme on each devotional page

         

       In a nutshell: the jest of the 

       devotional outline

         

         The lesson

       

        Activity ideas (outlined in the 

        first section – detailed in the 

        activity section)

         

              Suggested song and scripture

         

              Stories are found in 

              optional materials

         

          I really like having an outline and being able to pull other resources that are available.  Not all the stories from the manual are among my favorites – but I especially enjoy the outlines and the activity suggestions.

          It’s NOT just a Christmas manual.  It’s a family home evening manual and resource manual to be enjoyed throughout the year – not just on Christmas!  It is such an awesome creation.  I actually ended up purchasing one for my sister-in-law for her birthday.  I don’t know if she’s used it near as much as I have.  My manual has actually taken some beatings during its life.

          I printed up the star ornament for the children in my primary class and we made them to go with our lesson.  But for the most part I really hadn’t done much with them until last year.  Jenna found excitement in creating a new ornament each day.  They continue to hang on our tree this year.

I have since adapted guidelines and themes for my own book with 24 sections and covers – instead of the four sections offered in “A Christ Centered Christmas” . I have my favorite stories and traditions and wanted to incorporate color and jacket protectors that can easily be removed or added to. And personalize it for me and my family. 

Gift Cards or Gift Giving

Anyone who knows me knows that gift cards ( for the most part) say, “I don’t care enough to be creative or to know you well enough to know what you really want.”  Anybody who truly knows me knows I loathe shopping.  I would rather have a useless gift that comes from the heart than a gift card.

I am probably in the minority as not everybody feels that way. I know my sister-in-law would much rather have the gift card than an item that she’s just going to exchange anyway.  At least two of my boys love receiving gift cards and being able to get what they want (with pants and shoes it’s just as well; they can’t just be purchased as they have to be fitted to their bodies)

For a while I refused to buy gift cards.  What does that say about me.  Giving someone a gift that I would never want for myself.  And yet how often do we buy or make things for people that we would never purchase or make for ourselves?

  Sending a gift card to a newlywed couple in another state is more convenient than putting a care package together.  And even though there is often joy at the receiving end of the package, will the contents really work for their wants or needs?

Gift cards at a shower or reception for newlyweds actually seems more acceptable for me than as a Christmas gift – as the couple may really be in need of something more practical than the nine toasters that made it to the gift table. 

Gift cards also make great stocking stuffers for the fuss budgets who are hard to shop for and don’t mind shopping on their own.  Jenna feels quite grown up when she has an opportunity to use a gift card.  They are convenient for both the giver and the receiver.  But still, not everybody appreciates them. 

         

          I like surprises.  I always have.  There for a while when mom would ask me what I wanted for Christmas I would always answer, “To be surprised.” And I rarely was.  My sister-in-law asked the same question last year after we had drawn names.  I think Sunny is creative enough to come up with something on her own – which she did – as she didn’t go for any of my suggestions.  And that really made me like it all the more.

          I could never find the right words to express what I was feeling though until one day when Roland had returned home from the work Christmas party with a note from his boss which included the words I was feeling.  And so I quote a part of that letter because I agree.

          “Selecting the right gift takes time and thought.  In the words of one “expert” on gift-giving, ‘The art of giving a gift is that it must come from your genuine desire to acknowledge the kindness and value this person has shown you throughout the year. 

“‘A gift should be about honoring something you share and value with this person.  When you don’t know someone well and can’t really know what they would like, then you should give them something you, yourself, like.’ She suggests sharing one of your own values with them.”

         

          After reading that, I thought, “Wow.  That is exactly what I want to say.” Well, perhaps not exactly, but close enough.  The words convey how I feel.

          As it turned out, though the gift was one that was truly a part of the boss’ character, it really wasn’t something that nearly anyone in the office would purchase for his or herself.  However Roland could totally see Biff being thrilled with the item, and as we never know what to get Biff anyway, the office gift became a recycled gift for Biff.  And he loves it and is getting way more use out of it than we ever could.

My youngest boy is into recycling his gifts.  Perhaps we’re all guilty of that.  There is usually not so much thought put into recycled gifts other than getting rid of it and convenient self from having to go shopping or creating or whatever.  But I still think I’d rather receive a recycled gift than a gift card.  If I don’t like it, I can always recycle it next year.

We receive gift cards from Roland’s family.  Understandable.  They live in another state.  One sister in my ward gives out gift cards to her 30 grandkids and great grandkids.  Also understandable.  How does one find the time for personalizing that many gifts  - especially with her given health?

I do like the idea of still being able to personalize many gift cards as so many places will give a variety of choices on what your gift card looks like.

          So there you have it.  For what it’s worth, this is my opinion: People are different.  We need to focus on the people and not so much on the gifts.  

Power of Prayer

          Christmas is the season for miracles.  But miracles happen everyday.  Not just at Christmas time.   

          Often my mom and I would drive to Bakersfield to see my brother and watch him perform in whatever current play he was in.

          One February when we happened to be on our way down, it was not the greatest of weather.  Snowing hard.  Blizzard almost.  It was ugly.

          We had stopped off in Nephi to get something to eat.  Mom asked if we should check into a hotel and continue our journey the next day.  I left it totally up to her – for I was for getting off the freeway two exits passed our home town – which is less than ten miles.  I definetly wouldn’t be driving in that kind of weather.  But mom opted to go on.

          Going through the canyon was worse part of our journey. We probably should have gotten a room – but than I wouldn’t have this incredible experience to share:

          The snow was falling so hard and it was dark outside and the headlights seemed to make this small star-shaped outline and was our only window to see not too far ahead.  Sometimes we didn’t even know if we were actually on the road or not.

Every once in a while a car would pass us.  Mom would speed up in order to follow the lights from the other car.  But then we’d have to slow down again.  If an animal ran out into the road, we would not see it.  Besides we couldn’t do over seventy in that particular car as it would sound as though it would fall apart.

 At least three cars had passed us and mom would speed up and then slow down again as we watched them disappear.  They were going too fast.  How could anybody possibly drive that fast in that kind of weather?  It was as though we were the only car being snowed upon.

          And then out of nowhere a truck appeared.  The driver guided us through the canyon.  We followed the lights until we were in the clear – and the truck was gone.  Vanished – like it had been beamed into the cold wet sky. 

          The truck was a miracle – whether real or imaginary – it had been a blessing.  An answer to thousands of prayers that were given in our behalf.