Instead of Complaining About What is Wrong, Be Grateful for What is Right!

Recently my brother Corey experienced a problem with his car.  Instead of complaining about it, he wrote a list of  things that he was grateful for about his situation.  He posted his list to facebook.  I tried sharing his post with my friends – though I think the only ones who might actually have an opportunity to view it are those that Corey is friends with already.  I just really like the attitude he has incorporated into his life.

He was grateful that his car had died in the parking lot and not on the crowded streets of Las Vegas.

He was grateful that the break down didn’t happen on the way to taking Joh or himself to work.
        

He was grateful to get roadside assistance through his insurance.

He was grateful that the weather was not typical of this time of year, but much cooler to wait in than the normal July heat.

Neither he nor Joh were on a schedule in which they had to be somewhere at a certain time.

Roadside assistance arrived within an hour, and because no one was parked next to him, made it easier for the technician to get to his car.

The car started!

The problem is no more serious than a bad battery cell.

Corey and Joh were able to finish whatever errands they had started as Joh’s car was working.

Coery was able to get his car into his auto dealership and drive it home the very next day.
        

Coery leaned that his warranty was only 300 miles away from expiring and did not have to pay for his battery’s replacement.

The dealership washed his car for free.

Moral: Even when bad, inconvenient, annoying things happen, there is still so much to be grateful for.

I try to apply this attitude to my own life because complaining does not solve a problem.  Hearing others complain has dampened my spirit – and yet I know I have been the complainer.  I have tried to do better and look at the bright side of whatever situation may come my way that I may make a list of things to be grateful for in a similar situation.

We All Have Obstacles to Overcome

The Monument:

God,
Before He sent his children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems,
These,
He promised, smiling,
Are yours alone, No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness, Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
Are a symbol of that love.
These monuments you make of your life
With the help of your problems
Will be a symbol of your
Love for me.
Your Father

                               intro thought to Charlie's Monument by Blaine Yorgensen

How many of us know 11-year-olds who willingly place themselves in front of the learning channel?  and enjoy it?  Jenna has always enjoyed learning.  Always.  From the time she was three and could pick out her own books from the library, we did check out picture books and easy reading like the “Frog and Toad” series.  

But we would also check out a lot of non-fiction to answer her questions about bees and honey, or why certain dances are performed in different countries and why the sun doesn’t fall from the sky.  She has always loved non-fiction books.  She would play games of “Let’s pretend” to understand how it would be to be without sight or limbs.  She never questioned why there were differences in humans.  She just accepted them and has always tried to learn from them. Today she loves the learning channel.  

Each morning after she gets up (which is actually quite early for a youth – I have never known Jenna to sleep past 7:30) she will turn to the learning channel to watch “Cake Boss” 

 it is because of advertisements of other programs that has held her interest in watching other shows – like “Born Without Limbs” featuring NickVujicic.

It’s fascinating to learn of others who have overcome what many of us consider physical challenges or obstacles and have often embraced their uniqueness and use it to help others. We all have choices after all.  We can be bitter, or we can be thankful.

I, myself, have always enjoyed watching even a portion to the lives of “The Little Couple” – saddened that their lives may not be as private as perhaps each of us would hope, but happy that they have been willing to share so much of their lives with an audience – that we might learn.

Everyone has their challenges.  I just think having a physical challenge seems to be more obvious in appearance than say an alcoholic or a mentally disturbed individual.  On average, I don’t think we, as a whole, consider a floor plan and living quarters that works for us may not work or even be practical to someone who is an obvious different height or is blind or walks with a limp.

I have known overly tall people.  My brother, Patrick (who really isn’t overly tall – just tall) could unscrew and screw in ceiling light bulbs without having to stand on something in order to reach – whereas my daughter-in-law seems to need a foot stool just to reach into the back of the freezer that may be placed above the fridge.  I'm not overly short, but there was one side of the kitchen in which the cabinets were not within my reach unless I used a footstool to stand on or long handled spoon to push cans out.

I’ve known small people who have struggled at reaching to the “average height” world around them – perhaps not knowing better.  It’s how they were born. It’s how they did things all of their lives.  Nick Vujicici didn’t have limbs to begin with.  I think it’s easier for a person to learn without than to adjust with what’s missing.  I don’t know – I’m just thinking that.

I have known a wide variety of people from all walks of life.  Some have physical challenges. Some are misguided and struggle to fit in.  Some have struggled with balance. I don't think I've met anyone who hasn't had at least one challenge to either overcome or embrace.

We programmed our cable to record “I am Jazz” and “My Giant Life” as Jenna is genuinely interested in those – but they don’t start until after she’s gone to bed.  I am grateful that she is learning and understanding and seeing differences and doesn’t judge but accepts and tries to embrace as well.  I wish we would all have her understanding and eagerness to learn. 

(I’m not saying she enjoys learning all things.  She struggles with the clarinet.  But Roland has purchased another (second hand, of course) and is planning to learn along side of her.  That makes it easier for her.  And I admire him for doing that.  Learning the clarinet: their special bonding time together) 

I Can’t Believe You’d Put Me in Band!

       Being in Oregon still feels so surreal to me – like at any given moment I will wake up and be in that cracker box house in West Valley.  Take this morning for instance.  It was definitely cooler than any day that we’ve been here since we had come out for spring break.

        I had dropped by the middle school to ask a few more questions.  The front door was open, and there was a light on one of the offices.  I think I heard a vacuum cleaner in the distance. It was before 9:00 am and perhaps was too early and so I decided to return at a later time.

        I drove to the pool which was still closed. I decided to sit on a bench and read until the instructor and lifeguards started filing in, and then walk down to do some water aerobic workouts.  I took a few pictures from my cell phone (as I had left my camera at home by the computer) before I notice the manager and then the instructor.  As I made my way over the hill and around the building, I couldn’t help thinking how none of this had existed for me just a month ago.  I wasn’t even aware of the existence of this part of the world.

        My aerobics start at 9:00 and go for an hour.  Jenna has swim lessons that start at 10:30. I allowed her to stay home while I was in the water and then returned home for her.  We had twenty minutes of waiting time and stopped at the school to ask the questions and I was also given the forms that I’ll need for registration. 

        After her swim class, we went to the music building which sits between the elementary and the middle school.  We introduced ourselves and I told the instructor that I was interested in putting Jenna in band.  He assigned her the clarinet and she had a four-minute instruction on how to put the instrument together and take it apart and gave her a first ten minute lesson on how to play each note.  He gave us a book and the clarinet and instructed us to return to the school to pay a rental fee. 

        Students are encouraged to practice the instruments during the summer so that they will be somewhat familiar once school starts.  I had been interested in starting Jenna in band when she was in the 5^th grade, but when the leadership program was introduced to elementary school she attended in Salt Lake, it appeared that they had dropped the band program.  Now Jenna has the opportunity – which at this time she is not at all happy about – but she felt that same way about my having put her in the dual immersion program and theatre and those turned out to be pluses and band will, too.

        The school district does not offer a foreign language program until High School, but I am happy to say that Jenna will not lose her ability to communicate in Spanish.  Halla, a student who moved to Myrtle Creek from Mexico, speaks no English and so the school plans to assign Jenna as Halla’s buddy.  I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

        Last night Jenna played with friends for the first time since we’ve moved here.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offers a program to girls ages 8-12 which is supposedly similar to what the boys get with scouts.  The program is called achievement days or activity days.  We had taken Jenna to the church last night and she and Casey decided it would be great to continue playing together after the activity was over.  We brought Casey home with us.  Jenna was sooooo excited to have a play date with somebody – finally.

        I think we had only been home just 30 minutes or so when Casey’s younger sister, Carly knocked at our door.  She had with her Casey’s friend, Callie.  So Jenna, Carly, Casey and Callie played together and Jenna was in her glory.  It’s the happiest I have seen her in a long time, actually. She was hoping her play date would never end.  Of course it did end.  The skies grew darker and Roland’s eyes became heavier and he suggested sending the girls home.  I told Jenna she could walk down the street with them and then return.  I went out to the street to watch her – but it was so dark outside I really couldn’t see them.

        I heard my neighbor across the street and yelled out to her, “Hi, Judy.”

        When she seemed to respond, I had to cross the street to ask her to repeat whatever she had said as I couldn’t hear her.

        I saw Jenna return to the house – along with the three girls she had walked down the street with.

        “You girls cannot walk each other back and forth to each other’s houses all night!” I yelled. 

        Judy started laughing.

        “Casey’s mom wants to talk to you.  She’s right behind us.”

        The girls started playing games on the front lawn before Callie and Casey’s moms walked across the street to join Judy and me.  We must have all been visiting for 20- 30 minutes before Josie and Tara collected their girls and each went in a different direction.  Jenna was beaming and excitedly asked me, “Can I tell you what we did?” and started in with every detail beginning with activity days. It was quite amusing to hear her trip over the names of the other three as she explained the details of “duck, duck goose” and “mother may I”.  I am so happy to see that sparkle back in her eyes!

        This afternoon I took Casey and Jenna to the library for an activity.  We met the mayor – who, as it turns out, is my neighbor from just up the street (next door to Judy) and there was a programs and gifts and prizes and Jenna received a free t-shirt from a drawing. 

        I had planned on creating this post while Jenna and Casey played together, but Jenna asked if I would play a board game with them – which I suppose was necessary as Casey wasn’t quite getting the joy of playing it.  After a while, Callie came over and the three girls played together.  Now Jenna is at an outdoor concert which I could have attended as well, but chose to write this post instead. 

        I did feel a few drops fall down from the sky.  Not a heavy rainfall.  It looks like it could rain however.  It really has been a great experience being here. 

South Umpqua Memorial Pool

There is a pool in Myrtle Creek.  We have been there a few times. As I have mentioned several times before, Jenna LOVES the water.  She would like to live in the water 24/7.  We went there yesterday, but I did not get in with her.  I sat on the side lines and mostly read, but every once in a while I would look up to see how she was doing.

         Public swimming is from 1:30 to 4:30.  I was surprised to see her willingly get out of the pool and wrap a towel around her and met her on the side.  It wasn’t until then that I learned she had NOT gotten out willingly, but had been kicked out along with everybody else.  I decided to sign her up for swim lessons.

         As I stood reading over the schedule, I noticed that water aerobics is taught 5 days a week.  3 days offered Mon, Wed and Fri at 5:30 (which is when the sun is still blasting down) and Tues and Thursday at 9:00 am.  I figured Jenna could wait an hour for me and then I would wait a half hour for her.

         I enjoyed the intimacy of the pool and the amount of space in which the class was allowed to travel.  It has actually been a while since I’ve been to aerobics (not since I lived in Kearns) and I enjoyed the workout and the welcome to the class. 

         Unlike the pool area in Kearns – which always seems dark to me – the class was held outdoors in the bright sunshine and there is an awesome view of Oregon and there was a nice breeze and I really loved being there.

         Jenna seemed uncomfortable with the swimming level I had chosen for her, and so we changed it to a different level that will go for two weeks, and then I can probably put her back in the level she was in this morning and then to the next level after that.  Thus by the end of summer she should have three levels completed and know how to actually swim instead of just being able to save herself from drowning (which is good – but not as complete)

         Here’s to an incredible summer!

 

The Choices We Make

     You ever notice that the choices we make not only affect you but those around you as well?  Take my decisions to leave the majority of my family to move to another state for the sake of my health.  And yet I personally have known others who have said, “I’m not going to leave my family.  Even if the doctor says it’s in my best interest, I won’t give up my children, my grand-children . . .” or what have you.  That’s their choice.
 

     Some live long lives and are successful with their health choices.  Others continue to hack out their lungs while babysitting grandchildren while their children are at work and end up dying anyway.

 

     Sometimes it becomes a larger burden for the child (or children) to bury the parent than it would have been if the parent had just moved out of state.  Sometimes it’s easier, realizing the sacrifices that were made by said parent.  Often there are questions with either decision.  Some questions go unanswered or are misunderstood.

     My decision to move has affected Jenna’s education, as she will not be able to continue with in the dual immersion program – not at this time.  I don’t want her to lose what she has been taught and continue with her Spanish.  But foreign language is not even offered until she’s in high school. I hope to be living in a different part of the state by then.

     Our decision to leave Utah so abruptly caused stress for both Tony and Rochelle – who were also facing challenges of imperfect health. Our unorganized chaotic house only added to the stress – I’m sure.

     Mom had a good friend mentioned here and here who had secluded herself from everyone she knew – including her own family.  They all knew that she was sick.  They just didn’t know how sick.  She chose not to tell them because she did not want them to worry.  Though I do understand her choices, I think her decisions made it a lot more difficult on her family members – who knew how opposed Pam was to funerals and thus the family chose not to have one for her.  For me, it seemed symbolic to the end of her life: It felt very empty as if there was no closure. 

         I have learned throughout my life that funerals are for the living – not the deceased. I would actually be a lot more gracious with being honored once I’m deceased as it isn’t something I’m too comfortable with while I am living. I’m not big on hoopla. I didn’t even want a wedding reception. But there were a huge number of people that hoped that I would. And so I had one – for them. It did not take place until after Roland and I had been married for over a month.
    

     Are the choices we make good or bad?  Do we regret our decisions?  I don’t regret moving to Oregon.  I know that I am breathing better.  My oldest son says I definitely look happier. I am for the most part.  I smile a lot more when I go to church.  I laugh at situations that I can’t control.  I don’t worry.

     I took Jenna to the pool today and while I sat outside waiting for her, I cried for the first time since we've been in Oregon.  I was crying about being so far from my family members.  Jeanie’s having a baby shower this week. Jenna wishes we could go.  I did give shower gifts to my two pregnant girls before I left – but it’s not the same.

     I won’t hear my grand-daughter tell me she wants to go jump on the trampoline or see BJ’s smile light up when he sees me.  It makes my whole day.  I miss playing games with Kayla and Bill or the boys.  I miss their asking, “Where’s dad?”  “Where’s Jenna?”

     Two of my boys actually fought over taking Jenna trick-or-treating last year.  Tony was promised that he would get her this year.  There’s a promise broken.  I’m not sending Jenna back to Utah just to go trick-or-treating.  I think she is getting too old for trick-or-treating anyway.  Although it is easier to get away with when going door-to-door with your three-year-old niece or your five-year-old cousin.

     Corey (who actually posted this same subject and similar title to his blog here which I didn't realize until just before I posted) kept himself closeted for years knowing his decision to come out would not only affect him – but each of his family members.  I think he was scared on how we’d react.  He had already had a taste of what he thought was a bad reaction from me – and it was. 

I had behaved poorly – but not because he said he was gay – but because I had figured out that I had stopped caring about him somewhere along the way and it didn’t matter to me whether he was gay or not because I just didn’t care about him anymore.  (see post here) And that’s what is most upsetting – that I had stopped caring. 

   I am so so grateful that we’ve mended the fences that were built between us and that we are supportive of one another and that he is truly happy.  I love him with all my heart.  I love each of my family members.  It does hurt that I am so far away.
 

But I can breathe.

      Perhaps it’s selfish of me to prioritize my health over being with them.  Perhaps it seems selfish that I would rather communicate electronically rather than have my children or grandchildren remember me as hacking all the time and eventually gasping for air until I die.

     I don’t particularly want to die alone – but like Pam, I don’t want my children to worry about a funeral as the expense of them coming to Oregon or shipping my body back to Utah seems quite unnecessary.  Bury me quietly and remember me as having more years because I could breathe.  Because really, what good (or fun) am I if I’m constantly gasping for air.  I don’t want my death to be a relief to them.  I’m sure they wouldn’t (or don’t) miss the sounds.

     I’m grateful that I didn’t have to move here by myself but that I do have Roland and Jenna with me.  And as a member of the Church I automatically have a support group in the current ward (church) that I attend. I hope my decisions will bless those here as well as those that are still in Utah (and Nevada) 

     Whether I had stayed in Utah or come to Oregon, my choices would have affected my family either way.