Understanding Death

          Many people are upset by death or have a lack of understanding.  It’s really hard when it is children whose lives have been claimed before they have much of an opportunity to live.  Or a young parent with children still in diapers.

          Many believe that death is the end.  It is when the Spirit no longer needs the body.  Death is the end of mortality – but not the end of existing on earth in a human sense.  The Spirit lives on and has the opportunity to reunite with loved ones who have already passed on.

          Roland started off last month attending his sister’s funeral.  Her death was very unexpected – but I’ve learned to handle sudden death rather graciously, I think.  I have seen too many spend their last years dying – and that, for me personally, is a lot more difficult to handle.

          Roland said the priest had a thick Jamaican accent and was hard to understand.  He did turn the time over to the family members who wished to say something.  Roland, of course, jumped at the opportunity and explained the spirit world to his family and defined his sister’s whereabouts – how she is now reunited with their father, her husband, her youngest daughter and countless others who have passed before her.  

          I would have taken the opportunity also – had I been there.  Jenna had already missed two days of school when we had gone down for the party.  I couldn’t risk three more, could I?

          As it turned out, Jenna was throwing up the night before.  With her sensitive stomach she does NOT do well in the car.  I doubt we would have even made it out of the city. 

          Roland can make it to his family’s house in about 12 hours when he is by himself – but when Jenna and I are with him, there are more stops required which have added two to four hours to his time. 

          I would rather deal with death than deterioration whether of the mind or the body – or both.  My dad’s mind was very sharp and alert – up until his dying day.  But not everybody saw that.

          After the strokes robbed him of being able to use his muscles, his brain would tell his mouth what to say but it was slurred – hard to understand for most.  And so many thought he had lost his mind as well.  But he knew fully well what was taking place.  It must have been so frustrating Not to communicate that.

          And I know dad is not alone.  There are many who are robbed of health physically.  And even though their minds may be active, their thoughts are not always conveyed – and that hurts.

          And then there’s my mom – whose mind seems to be going before her body does.  And because she forgets, she also neglects her physical health.  Either way seems to be a raw deal.  But I don’t always think of death as a raw deal – but sometimes the way one dies is unbearable and often too hard to think about.

          Roland’s sister went quickly.  There was little suffering on her part.  Her daughter had a really hard time with it.  I don’t think she would if she understood that this earth life is just a test.  It is where we do things with physical bodies that a spirit by itself cannot do.  But we only have these bodies on borrowed time.  The spirit lives on.  So people don’t really die – they’re just separated from bodies they don’t need any more. 

Those who have touched so many lives live in our memories and are shared with others through words, through books, through the Internet.  Those who have made such impact and impression never really die.  We know their names.  We have their histories.  They are a part of us.

I Bet the Enterprise Crew didn’t Have to put up with the same Malarkey

Actually you can use your own adjective in place of malarkey.  I can actually think of better words, but so as not to offend certain parties, I choose malarkey for the sake of keeping the post clean.

          Long before Jaime Lee Curtis started advertising Activia – she used to act out skits for VoiceStream commercials.  I made my first cell phone purchase through VoiceStream.  My mom and I got two lines – one for each of us – but the plan was (and still is) in my name.

          My phone line was for emergencies.  I bought it for that reason – not to be a camera, not to text (though neither was offered when I initially opened my account) and certainly not to be my primary source of phone use.  I don’t even like the phone

          After a while I started getting what I believed was junk mail from T-Mobile.  Never heard of them.  Wasn’t interested.  I didn’t realize that T-Mobile had bought VoiceStream out.  

          I never had a problem with T-Mobil until quite recently.  A word of advice:  DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH A STORE THAT ISN’T CORPORATE – though it doesn’t seem to matter – bet the run around at corporate is exactly the same.  DON’T ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY – SCREW THE CUSTOMER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN . . .

          I have two accounts.  One plan was for me and my mom.  The other had my husband’s phone which we couldn’t add to my plan – so I had two.  Later on I decided I wanted my mom’s phone going to her house and Roland’s coming to mine.  I was told I couldn’t switch my phone line with one store, but was told I could by another.  I could save money.  HA!  This T-Mobile has been the biggest nightmare ever!!!

          First off they are charging me for a line that I was told would discontinue.  My pre-existing number now shows up on both bills.  I sent a letter to corporate and one in with the bill (which as I predicted would get ignored) and now I’m even more upset about it than I was two months ago. 

          *I did remove this post for a couple of days, but have opted to put it back.*
July 17 update:  FINALLY they removed the extra line.  They took my phone off one bill and placed it on the other.  But instead of saving money (as I was led to believe) I am now paying over 45 dollars more.  I am upset at myself for allowing myself to believe that they were looking out for my best interest.  What a crock!

You're A Grand Old Flag

In honor of flag day, I thought I would share just a couple of amusing stories:

Patriotic Show Up

My mom and sister had gone out of town over the Independence Day Holiday the first year that Roland and I were married.  My mom had meant to put the flag out before they had gone out of town.  She called me (from wherever) and asked if I would do it and she would take it down when she returned.

Roland and I had gone to her house and I went downstairs where the flag was kept – the only flag I knew about.  My grandfather had had a military funeral approximately 30 years before.  Mom took home the flag that had been draped over his casket.  It was actually a lot bigger than I had remembered.  Mom must have been talking about another flag.

I took the huge flag upstairs and told Roland that I had no clue how to hang it.  Roland is a solution finder.  He came up with a brilliant idea for hanging it in the front window.  As I recall we attached the flag over the curtain rod so that it would hang behind the drapes and would visible to the outside world. 

As we pulled out of the driveway we couldn’t help see the front window filled entirely with the enormous flag.  Nor could my mom and sister upon their return.  Nor anyone who passed the house.  It couldn’t help but be noticed.

Mom called me shortly after they pulled into the driveway.  “Why did you use such a big flag?”

“Is there another?”

“Well, yes.  I didn’t mean for you to fill the entire window.  My neighbors probably think I’m trying to show them up.”

I didn’t know she had a normal sized flag in her basement.  It was even included on its own pole.

Amelia Bedelia strikes again

          I had a piece of mail to put out in the mailbox so that it would be picked up by our mail carrier.    Jenna anxiously jumped at the opportunity of putting the letter (or bill or whatever) out to the mailbox herself. 

Now our post office does not seem all that close and so our mail carrier will stop at the mailboxes that have mail to go out provided that the flag is up to tell the carrier that there is something which needs to go out.  And so I told Jenna to be sure and put the flag up.

Sometimes the flag will stick as though it’s welded to the side of the mailbox.  It hadn’t occurred to me that Jenna might not know what it was for – or that the red handled part was called a flag.  I headed out the door so that I could assist in her struggles – only she was having struggles with something else.

She was indeed trying to put the flag up – but not from the mailbox.  She was dragging the flag pole across the driveway and looked up at me and said, “It’s just too heavy mom.”

I tried to hide the laughter from beneath my smile.

I meant to detail the games we played

          My mom has a huge variety of games in the back room.  There are at least three word games, at least six versions of trivial pursuit, and a bunch of party games. 

The first game that we played on Thursday was Scrabble.  My mom wanted to play and Jenna joined us.  I was impressed when she found the word “raisin” among my tiles – of course it wasn’t worth much.  But Jenna against grandma?  Those were fair odds.  And so I decided to put Jenna in charge.

But after only about four words she got tired of spelling and decided that she would just keep score.  And she was really doing fine until she misaligned the 30 and gave us 404 points instead of 134.  Silly girl. 

The game was long, and Jenna slipped away to play with the tangram puzzle my mom had purchased years ago.  We ended up playing several games including Upwords, Taboo and Apples to Apples.

          Celebrity Taboo did not work out too well, but Jenna and my mom both seemed to enjoy the regular taboo – except for when Jenna insisted on using the buzzer (which my nephew had once used as a toy electric razor and gave it the name “shaver”) but I told her to stop because it was “annoying grandma and making her flustered” which really was the truth, but Jenna didn’t seem to believe me.

          The game that had us laughing most was Apples to Apples.  The cards in our hands didn’t always go with the word.  That’s when mom would laugh – at the two obviously stupid choices.  Like the word “charming” describing “a terrorist attack” or “Adolf Hitler” for example.

          My biggest laugh came with Jenna’s mispronunciation.  The green card gave the description word of “Horrid” I had thrown in “Bad Dogs” onto the table as it was the most horrid of my hand.  Jenna was about to pick it until I made her read them both out loud. 

          She held the other card and read, “The Attack of Pearl Hairball” – after my mom explained to her what it really was and why it was picked, Jenna decided that it was a lot more horrid than “Bad Dogs”

          It really doesn’t matter who wins or loses the game (especially now) just so long as we’re having fun.  And it is actually the most fun I’ve had playing games with my mom in the last couple of years.

Wonderful Wednesday, Mundane Thursday

          Jenna and I were blessed with good weather on Wednesday as we took public transportation ALL DAY. 

          My initial plan was to catch the train near where we live – but Roland took us to the location near the library – which right now is the end of the line – and we were waiting for the train on the wrong side.  No big deal.  There was no time destination on our part.  We were free to ride all day.

          We got off the train to transfer to the bus.  My initial plan was  to get off after the bus passed I-215 – but the driver said that the construction forbid the busses to stop between the two main streets.  So Jenna and I ended up walking a lot further than I had anticipated . . . we might as well have just stayed on the train.

          But it was nice outside.  Jacket weather.  Jacket weather in June – when just three days before it seemed unbearably hot.  My family and I were sweating in the shade while posing for photographs here which was nothing compared to Corey’s marching here in the blazing sun.

We also walked back across State Street when mom decided that she

 wanted to go out for lunch.  She let Jenna pick the restaurant – I would have gone with the one that was on the same side of the street as my mom’s house.  But alas, we walked some more.

          My brother Corey (who lives with mom when he has work in this state) told me that her blood sugar is the lowest it’s been since his return.  So that is good – though Jenna did ask for some candy which caused mom to get four candy bars (one for each of us) so I’m wondering if my and Jenna’s visit may have kicked it up again.  

Corey had warned my mom that he wouldn’t be home at his usual time and might be as late as 7:00.  My niece and her husband (who also live with mom) would be leaving after 5:00 and so there would be two hours unaccounted for – two hours of being alone – which two months ago mom had said it is something she preferred.  And now she is just hungry for company. 

Unfortunately Jenna and I had to leave as Jenna has a class on Wednesday nights.  And so I was a bit reluctant leaving her for two hours hoping that she would just stay home and wait for Corey and not attempt venturing out on her own

          Jenna enjoyed taking the train – especially when it turned – she stood on the center circle in order to get the full feel.  It’s her favorite part.  She says it’s boring when we go straight.  I guess we could have gone downtown and returned – but I wanted to rest up at the house for an hour before taking her to class.

          Yesterday we drove to work with Roland.  I took the car and planned to meet him at lunch.  I called mom beforehand.  And she was expecting me, so that was good.  So before we left the house, I had given Jenna a peanut butter sandwich to eat and figured I would just eat left overs with my mom.

After I picked up Roland, he drove us to my mom’s where we stayed for over five hours.  The first thing she wanted to do was to go out for lunch.  I was actually surprised that all of the leftovers were gone.  No big deal.  We decided to go to a drive through on the same side of the street as mom’s house.  She was good.  She was alert.  My sparring partner was back!

           

We played lots of games (most through Jenna’s initiation) and mom seemed alert through most of it.  We had fun.  But it really did make for a long day.  Fortunately mom was comfortable with us being there and didn’t seem anxious to see us go. 

Corey returned before Roland arrived.  Corey added graphics to my blog as I don’t know how to do it myself.  He was going to show me – but as his spouse had called just as we were signing on, Corey ended up toying with inserting my graphic  before posting it.  And so I still don’t know how to do it.  No matter.  I’m satisfied.  (For the time being anyway)

 

          Jenna has been great about the chart.  Got up early today and we were finished by 8:30.  Except with the fun part – which she somehow believes needs to be incorporated into all the hours left.  She has also made snacks a very important part.  My child’s growing.  I fear that in eight months that the clothes she is wearing currently will all be outgrown.

          I did scold her for asking mom for candy bars and cookies as grandma will not give them to her without at least getting one for her.  We all know where the cookies are kept.  I have no idea where (or how large) her stash of candy bars is – and why they’re all king size?

          Might be able to post on Sundays, but Saturdays feel like they’ll be a thing of the past – for a while anyway.  Unless it’s really early in the morning.  Roland’s class takes precedence.  Oh, well.  I really need to focus more on the house anyway. 

and so the summer begins . . .

         My blogging may become more sporadic this summer as I will be spending more time with Jenna – continue education and form habits.  I made a chart for Jenna and I to work on – one month at a time.  Above is the list that I came up with.  Here is Jenna’s:

Go to the beach

Make the family tree

Doing Lots of math

Have a math quiz

Snacks

Cursive

More math

Computer break

Snack and drink

                                                Dancing

                                                Singing

                                                Playing freeze dance

                                                Have fun!!!!!!

Oh, she also included in great big letters to walk the dog.  But that will have to be done in the morning.  I cannot stand the weather outside when it is hot (that, in my opinion, would be anything over 72 degrees)

Initially I thought I would start off with a math question (mostly with times tables or division) and if she answered correctly, we could forgo math on the days she got the answers right.  Only I think she would like to actually devote more of her day to math than anything else.

We actually started her family tree on Saturday and finished yesterday before meeting my family at the church (last post) We did only 31 branches.  There are six names missing on Roland’s side.

The tree was her idea.  She took her English teacher’s suggestion and said I should email a picture to her.  I don’t know if she even checks her mail during the summer.

          I wasn’t actually planning on starting the work until this morning – but she wanted to go over some math last night.  She had made flashcards for herself.  So this morning I pulled out every unfinished math paper that she has brought home in the last two years.  After we do times tables, I will use those to tie her over.  And then we’ll start practicing our letters. 

I don’t know what fun activity she’ll want to do.  I will let her pick.  The beach may not be within reach this summer.  We are definitely NOT going back to Antelope Island – which never offered a real beach anyway.  But now the lake situation is even more pathetic.

She did make her bed and is now eating breakfast.  I gave her the option of starting our work at 8:00.  I may even give her a “Martha” break.   She’ll still be learning, right?  And I’m sure I can find something to snack on.  So far we’re off to a good start. 

Finding Time for Family Portraits

          My mom had always made arrangements for family portraits each year – not that big of a deal when we were living at home.  But after my first brother got married and started having children of his own, and mom’s grown children all had jobs – the portrait scheduling thing became more of a challenge while trying to work it around everybody’s personal schedule.

          It’s funny – because I don’t recall any family photos with mom or dad’s siblings and their posterity – though we attempted at least a few times on my dad’s side.  I think there are at least two photographs – but I have no idea whose possession they ended up being in.  I haven’t actually seen them since the years they were taken. 

          I don’t know when it was that I took over the scheduling of trying to get everybody at the same location at the same time.  Not that I did a terribly great job.  The last time that we did a family picture with my sibs and our posterity was a week before Jenna turned one. 

          I used to keep the photo by the door of our old house.  Everytime Bill (my brother-in-law/photographer that I mention here) would say that we were long overdue for an updated portrait.  Well yeah.

          That’s just my side of the family.  Six weeks after the family photo with my sibs and posterity, we went back east to see Roland’s brother get married.  Roland and all three sisters were there, and we did get a shot of mom and her five children – but that was the extent of it.  We hadn’t tried posing the entire family clan – not that the entire clan was present.

          We did get pictures of a bunch of us when we went to Tucson for his mother’s birthday mentioned in this post but still not the entire gang was there.  I haven’t actually met all of his family.

          Most of the family photos we have are of my family.  They are the ones in all the wedding photos and any additional family portraits we may have taken.

          The last intermediate family picture we had taken was when Jenna was four.  It was taken less than a week before Tony left for Brazil.  The following year Randy left for Portugal.  And now I have a nephew serving in Canada (all LDS missions by the way)

          So this week I have all three of the boys  in Utah and still found myself working around schedules in order to get some pictures done and asked Bill if he’d be able to take family pictures this morning before my first granddaughter (first grandchild) was blessed.  We were still missing three from my extended family.  My nephew (though his family had a large cut out of Mitt Romney with my nephew’s face glued over Mitt’s), my brother Corey and his spouse.  (Wish I would have thought of getting cut outs for them).

          I realized that not only is it harder to schedule, but to actually position everybody and keep them laughing though the position is causing them pain or the baby is getting heavy or running out of shot or what have you.  I am so grateful for my brother-in-law’s willingness to take the time to take our photos – unfortunately he was not in many of them because of trying to get the perfect expressions from our rather large group. There were eighteen of us plus the cut out plus the two that may be photo shopped in with us.  That would be awesome. 

          That’s still not as large as mom’sneighbors (our second family)  who have roughly 35 individuals to work with.  That’s a lot of people.  A lot more schedules to work around.  I don’t know how long it’s been since their last family portrait.  I don’t think they actually are able to get their entire clan together each year – but I could be wrong. 

          I’m grateful to be able to preserve memories through photographs and for the love and support my family has shown one another and working with me to make it possible.  Thank you all.  And thank you Bill!