I’ve always been an advocate of journal
writing – but especially now that mom has passed.
After we put my mom into assisted living and
were cleaning out her house in order to sell it, my brother, Corey, took mom’s
journals with him to Las Vegas and has been transcribing them ever since. He also took a couple of boxes of
photographs. There have been several parts of her journal which have
corresponded with unlabeled photos or have provided memories that have had us
thinking, “Oh, yea.”
Other passages have given us more insight
to our overly quiet dad. And lately –
mom’s emotions about caring for dad mirroring our own with caring for her. It’s been a rather interesting journey.
Some journal entries often seem boring and
it feels pointless to even write about.
Journal entries written by teens can often sound funny or disheartening.
Recently I discovered a journal while
cleaning out Biff’s old room and converting it to Jenna’s.
Biff had received a journal upon his
baptism when he was eight years old. It
had been signed by his bishopric. It
took him thirteen years to fill less than forty pages. It amazes me that he has moved at least six
times since receiving his journal and has it still – though he's never once
written in it since we moved to West Valley.
His entries from 1995 to 2000 are quite
simple. He didn’t start dating his
entries until after then. Thus it’s hard
to tell what lines were written during what point in his life. Here are some examples:
Today
I was mad. We played horse in the
gym.
Today
I went outside to play. It was fun
Today
I went to the zoo
I
had a good day today.
I
am 12 years old now. 6th
grade is hard for me. I have two girl
friends (lie) named Charlene and Nollie
His
first dated entry is Jan 24, 2000
1/24/2000
That
got on my last nerve
1/25/2000
School
1/26/2000
School
2/15/2000
Party
9/11/2001
I
am now 14. There was an attack on
America. How it happened
Plane
crash in building
9/17/2001
All
night this is my life. I go to school,
smile at people.
I
go home, smile at people, then go to bed.
That’s
my life right now.
Hopefully
it’ll get better. I know it will
12/28/2001
I
am now 14
I’m
bored . . . there is nothing to do at age 14
I
had a girl friend. I forget her name,
but I wish she never lost my number because I lost hers.
For
some reason I keep thinking about her. I
have another girl that I think is cheating on me, but what do I know. I’m still little and there is plenty of fish
is the sea. What I mean is there are
plenty of girls out there.
1/11/2002
Today
I wasn’t so bored like always.
I’m
wresting. I started wresting in Nov. 28,
2001.
And
it’s now 1/14/02.
The
big thing about this is I pinned some guy
in
2 seconds. It never felt better.
I
hope I can do it again.
1/8/2003
I
keep falling in love with people who probably are not interested in me. Oh, well.
I wish that I was, will and be bigger than anyone in the world muscle
wise.
That
is I also wish I had a girlfriend that’s love and cares for me. I hope I won’t be so alone with no one at age
16. I’m bored. “Sigh” good-night
10/07/2003
I
like school and school likes me. There
are people to talk to don’t feel so alone today as you can tell. Sometimes I feel alone but today I just don’t
care. I hope it’s the same tomorrow. It would be popular. We’ll see.
6/26/2006
Graduation!
From high school. I’m sad. I’ll miss all that were so nice to me.
4/13/2008
Wow! Looking at what I’ve said in my journal makes
me want to burn it or start over. I’ve
skipped so many things and also I’ve skipped the good things that happen to me. Now my journal doesn’t even make sense to
me. Oh well, in October last year I’ve
met my girlfriend, [Sharon]. I love her
and now I can’t go so crazy. Any more.
LOL Like when I put in my journal that
I’m “ing lonely”
This
journal makes me sound like a little boy, a sad, dad, little boy
Last
entry:
What
is wrong with me? How come girls won’t
talk to me. And when they do, they don’t
want to? I do the best I can to be good. I’ve heard so many times good things come to
those who wait LOL not happing. I really
really really want a girlfriend. My
heart hurts because no girl is giving me a chance to love.
I had mentioned writing from journal jars in this post and as I was answering a question, I
thought of a new way to journal and clean up my photos at the same time.
I have gone through different photos and provided more
detail than just the title of the photo.
Most of my descriptions have been really short.
“I can’t say for certain why this photo was
taken, but I can give a brief description about the outfits that Kayla and I
are wearing.
“Grandma Mary saved up money and would
travel each year to different countries.
With this particular year she had gone to Scotland. She purchased the red plaid in Scotland and had
sent the fabric to mom. Mom made these
matching outfits for me and Kayla”
I suppose I could elaborate more about mom’s willingness
to sew and her diligence to finish projects.
She said her favorite part about sewing is that she would get so caught
up in whatever project that she would forget to eat. She believed that by forgetting to eat that
she would be able to lose weight.
“This was taken on Christmas morning. Patrick and I are wearing our new
pajamas. I also received this robe. That was the same year I received my first (and
I suppose my only) Chrissy doll and a paint spinner”
Other descriptions were more elaborate and had nothing to
do with the photo really. For example, I
had come across one of my cousin Jackie and me and my mom holding Corey when he
was just a few months old. Didn’t remember
the picture. But I wrote about Jackie
and how we’re related and houses I had remembered visiting in Magna, Utah.
I wrote down the names of all of Jackie’s siblings and
her husband and four children. I also
mentioned that Jackie and mom and I had worked together at the ice cream store
several years after the picture was taken.
Mom once wrote: “My journal writing
has been so erratic. I wonder if anyone
will ever read these or be in the least bit interested in what I have written.”
Perhaps we don’t feel like what we write is worthwhile or
carries any value. Actually our words
are quite valuable – especially to our posterity who is experiencing the same
feelings that we felt.
Mom and I have often used our own journals as a
reference. We’ll need to provide a
specific date for work or health and when we know the details of the
surrounding events, we can usually find whatever it is we’re looking for.
Corey says mom always detailed the amount of tips that
were taken in or that we each received each night she worked at the ice cream
store.
I don’t expect that my journal will ever be made well
known as the diary of Anne Frank (for example) but that isn’t why I keep a
journal. I do it for myself. I continue for Jenna.
My writing gets hard to read at times. Especially when my mind is going faster than
my pen (which it often does) and there have been times when I have tried to
transcribe my own journal. That is
actually quite difficult for me as I often want to change it. I would elaborate with some entries and choose
to discard others. I don’t even know how
much original I have. Now that I think
about it, I know there is some that got thrown out when mom’s house was
cleaned. Nate had told me that there was
a box of stuff that belonged to me. I
told him to throw it out without even looking at it. I figured if I hadn’t bothered with it for
over ten years, I could certainly part with it.
Too late now.
My advice to all my readers would be to take the time to
write your own history. It will mean the
world to those you leave behind.
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