I don't know
for certain how many children Raone had, but suspect there were at least
eight. Leisel was among the eldest. Roane was a devout member of the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was diligent in her callings and offering
service. Leisel did not recognize her
mother's great efforts. Instead, she
grew up resenting her mother's choices with neglecting her own family and
blamed the church. When she was
eighteen, Leisel moved out of the house, she never had her name removed from
the records of the church, but had stopped attending meetings and I believe
disconnected herself from the family that she had helped raise.
I remember meeting her only once. She was nice enough and seemed to have her
act together - perhaps not financially.
She remained positive so long as church or family were not the topic of conversation
- otherwise she would disappear.
I don't recall how Raone and her
husband ended up living in the house that Leisel and her husband had purchased
in Kearns. I think they must have been
paying Leisel and her husband rent. I'm
aware of the tension that Leisel felt growing up - especially on Sundays when
the family members were given instructions on how to act, dress, behave, and so
forth. I don't know if the same tension
existed for her when she was an adult.
Raone was not in the best of health,
but continued serving as best as she could and Leisel continued to stay away
from the church. As a teenager, I hadn't
particularly liked Sundays either. There
was always so much tension particularly with my mom and one of my younger sibs.
I had thought it was her and Corey that had a squabbling fest each week, but he
says that her verbal arrows were aimed towards Kayla - which surprises me.
I do remember Kayla being independent
and wearing some outlandish outfits as she always insisted she could dress
herself - but Kayla didn't talk much.
For the most part I remember different family members taking advantage
of her willingness to become our personal slave. In my mind Corey was the opinionated
know-it-all who didn't always agree. It
really doesn't matter which one - the point is that there was always tension in
the house on Sunday. For the most part I
would choose to stay in my room and try to avoid any confrontation. I hated Sundays, but not as much as mom
appeared to as we'd get into the car and she had the look of an angry person
ready to kill; not someone who was even close to eager to go to Church.
It's so weird to think about it
now. I'm happy that we outgrew whatever
it was that made us so uptight on Sundays.
If Leisel's memories of Sunday were anything like that memory, I
understand why she would stay away from Church - especially if it continued her
whole existence - whereas my situation was not the same every year. It fortunately did get better and I had
actually forgotten all about the tension or Leisel and Raone until the last
three Sundays after Roland's gotten on Jenna's case based upon her
appearance. It's true that Jenna is
quite casual about her appearance and should probably put more thought into it
but I am not going to harp on it the way that Roland does. She's a rebel like I was and may start doing
it out of spite and stubbornness. I
don't wish for her to feel bad about who she is or stop being who she is
because of criticism. By the time we get to Church, none of us want
to be there.
There was an impromptu choir (because
that's all we can seem to manage with this ward) and Jenna and I both went
up. I smiled as I would playing a part
on stage. That's all I was doing -
playing a part. Roland is not one to
hold grudges. He is always the first to
apologize, but it took him longer on Sunday. A lot longer.
And Jenna and I both cried about it.
The theme has been on self-reliance -
which really is an important topic - but I don't generally feel the Spirit
anymore. I feel more like I am at a
rally or seminar and not church.
Missionaries have been working with many who need to hear the words that
are spoken. It is their turn, not
mine. I feel like I am going through the
motions every week. Sunday really isn't
my favorite day of the week. I guess Satan's probably happy about that.
Unlike Leisel, I did not fill
neglected by the service and compassion mom had shown others. She was a great example for me and I loved to
assist. Mom taught me many values. Thanks, Mom.
