A sense of grief

 

               I have twelve cousins – eight on my dad’s side and four on my mom’s.  My parents are each the eldest in their families.  Dad has a brother two years younger and baby sister (they are about twelve years apart).  My mom has two brothers.  All of my dad’s family lived in the Salt Lake area except for the few years that my Uncle and Aunt lived in Denver for a couple of years – that could be a different post and was several decades in the past.

         My mom’s family lived in different parts of northern California.  My mom’s first brother and his wife had three children – a boy and two girls.  The youngest brother and his wife had adopted a boy.  We had visited our cousins on occasion but didn’t know much about them beyond their names. And even with that one I am not certain of his given name.  I had thought it was Joshua and they changed it to Josiah.  He went by Joe so I am not sure what is was. I am five years older than the oldest of my cousins on my mom’s side.  None of us are close.

         The eldest cousin lives in Oregon.  Richard, Jaime and I have visited him and his wife five or six years ago.  That was it.  Our only visit with him as an adult and probably only three when we were in our youth.  I’ve had contact with his youngest sister on facebook but nothing recent – until yesterday.

         My mom and her first brother passed away the same year.  My uncle's children had given us updates about his health. He died shortly after mom had moved into assisted living.  Their youngest brother had come to see mom a few weeks after he passed. She passed four months after he did.

         And yesterday  both of my brothers recived phone messages from San Mateo welfare system – one viewed it as a scam but the other one answered.  The call was to inform them of the passing of our uncle (the youngest of mom's brothers; the one who had visited before mom passed) and as his son (Joe) had passed the year prior. The posterity of his siblings would be the sole heirs of his estate.  Say what?  Steven sent out a text message to us and asked if any of us knew how to get a hold of our cousins.

         I messaged the two who are on facebook.  I felt like a heel not knowing their lives or what their position is toward our late uncle but informing them that not only has he passed but that it has been requested that someone from family assist in matters.  I included the eldest of my cousin’s wife in the conversation as she is on facebook and though my cousin has an account is not on often it at all.  He is in his final stages with Huntington’s and will probably be gone by next year (according to his wife). I have learned of three deaths have happened (or will happen) within the matter of minutes. 

         There were tears in my eyes – for Uncle Bruce was a loner and died alone.  I have no idea when or how Joe passed.  I’m not even close to these people though I do have memories.  Only a few memories.  It was a hodgepodge combination of emotions brought to the surface.  My vision made the messages received blurry.  I was involved in a text conversation with my brothers relating messages I’d received from messenger from my cousins – trying to correct what I’d transcribed before sending it.  I was an emotional wreck. I wish I knew better than I do.

My Church Friend

 It must have happened shortly after

she was taken to the doctor for a

different medication.  I hadn’t seen

her for a few weeks.  I called and left

a message.  I had more than once. 

People were starting to worry.  Her

family hadn’t let us know that she

was gone. 

We could have offered our assistance.  Why

didn’t they tell us she had been called home to

our Heavenly Father?  She passed two

months ago and I am just learning about

it today.  Perhaps the family didn’t know

how to get in touch with us just as we

don’t know how to get in touch with them. 

At least I didn’t.  I didn’t know her for long. 

What an impact she has made.

That Time of the Year

               After we returned home from the ward party on Saturday I could feel my throat starting to get sore.  I made the mistake of taking a lozenge and allowing it to sit under my tongue all night.  My teeth hurt the following morning – and I just got to the point where I am no longer pained by cold drinks or food.  Now I have to start all over again.

        I missed church on Sunday – turns out that Richard was the only one to leave the house.  Ally had a slight cough and I had heard that her throat was sore.  She didn’t act sick.  Not like I was sick.  Still, I don’t know why both mom and dad had to stay home with her.  But whatever.  My head throbbed.  It felt like the beginning of a sinus infection.

        Carolyn had asked if I would like to go get coffee with her and Dan on Friday but I told her I might still be sick (not even thinking about health the rest of my household.  Since the start of the pandemic Carolyn has been cautious about germs) and she suggested I get tested for COVID. 

        Yesterday I called the doctor’s office – still not impressed with the facility.  They referred me to Urgent care in Roseburg.  The Urgent and Care part seemed like an oxymoron.  I called the office in Roseburg, put on hold, and heard the recording three times before they hung up on me.  Richard finally decided that we would just drive up there.  I got tested for COVID which came out negative.  I was given a prescription for a Zee Pack and started taking that yesterday.

        In addition to my sinus infection I am also having a cough which has never been part of the infection.  This morning Richard also coughed.  Our brother-in-law just passed and Richard had planned to go to Arizona to show his support to his sister.  I thought I would go with him depending on how I feel, but with our current coughs I highly doubt that the airlines would allow either one of us on the plane – provided they are still taking the same precautions that they have in the last two years. 

        I would like for us to show our support but it may have to be at a later time.  Hopefully my head does not hurt so much tomorrow and I may express my thoughts about this year’s Halloween.

Dash VB#3 Values & Beliefs

Do you feel your beliefs and values are shared by most of the people you are surrounded by each day?  Or do your beliefs set you apart from those around you?

The answer to both questions is “Yes”.  Allow me to elaborate:

Less than half of all those living in Salt Lake are LDS.  Not all LDS are active.  Though many wards have great support and members work well together, there are just as many whose members may go through the motions each Sunday but may not carry it out the remaining six days – like the “Come Follow Me Program”  -  I’m just curious.  Although I have good friends in the Church who really do live a Christian life 24/7,  I didn’t often feel my values were the same as others living in Salt Lake. As a whole, I usually felt so uptight with the hurriedness, the crime, profanity, dysfunctional relationships, etc.  I was part of the minority – which is not a bad thing.  Evidently, I’ve been part of the minority my entire life but was unaware.

          Here, in the entire state of Oregon, the LDS population is less than 4%.  In Myrtle Creek at least half the population share standards, values and beliefs that are common enough to hold to the community together.  Overall I see people who serve others, who are concerned for others’ welfare, and who live Christ-like lives.   Oh, I know not everybody does.  There is still evidence of crime, profanity and dysfunctional relationships.  But I haven’t been uptight or experienced the stress that I did while in Salt Lake.  I miss my friends and family that I left behind.  I value the friendships I have made in Oregon.  I am more at peace.

       Of course, some of my beliefs are different than those around me.  As I explained in this post, my views on death are different than the average. The LDS church is the only I know of in which the talks that are delivered during the meeting each week are given by members of the congregation and not the same minister each week.  In fact, I will be delivering a sermon tomorrow in my ward.

 Many of my values are based on religion and the way I was raised.  I'm grateful for my values.

April milestones

          It’s been just a few years since I wrote this post – referring to the stages of life and changes that we hope will never come.  Yet we are tried.  We can’t control what things might happen – good or bad.  For my oldest son’s in-laws, June is a hard month.

           

          For Roland’s family it seems to be April that seasons the time line.  His mom turned 92 yesterday.  Seven years ago we’d gone to Tucson to celebrate her birthday (here).  Nine days later, Roland’s eldest sister passed.  Today we learned that another sister died this morning.  Facebook reminders of two of my boys who married their wives in April.  

      Missionary papers and homecomings in April.  Jenna was also born in April.   This is my first recorded timeline. 

Change & Responsibility

          For many of us change is a difficult thing.  We change instructors each time we advance a grade in school.  Our insurance doesn’t allow for a certain expense and we change doctors as a result.  Death always creates change.  We must deal with the void in our lives.  Some do this gracefully.  Others may complain.

          Often, we are asked to accept responsibilities that we certainly hadn’t stood in line for. Some of the responsibilities accepted force us to grow in ways that we may have not otherwise understood.  Take my brother, Corey, and cousin, Michelle for example.  Both had been placed in situations regarding finances attached to an estate.  Corey took over what Patrick had been assigned to do initially.  We had all voted on it.  Patrick seemed the logical choice.  He could have easily cheated each of us out of our inheritance but we all knew that he would not. 

          The day came long before my mom passed.  Corey and Patrick had worked together – each having the power of attorney.  I don’t know that Patrick even wanted to be in that situation – even long before he was asked.  A long time ago - when we had put it to a vote.  I don’t think he voted for himself.  Corey was a teenage kid with little to no tolerance for math.  Patrick had been experiencing health problems and didn’t need the burden. When Corey took over he was obviously more prepared than he was when we had taken the vote.

          When Aunt Gertrude was in rehab we all told her that she would need to update her will.  She would have to give power of attorney to someone eventually.  She picked her two surviving nephews and finally gave in to finding an attorney.  I had heard her oldest nephew didn’t want the responsibility and passed it on to his youngest daughter – though it sounds like Michelle has picked up most of the pieces.  Aunt Gertrude Uncle Ted outlived all three of their nephews and a niece.  Aunt Gertrude outlived Uncle Ted.  He was 100 when he died two years ago.  Aunt Gertrude passed just this year.  She was 97.

          I know that at least three of my cousins have a hard time dealing with change.  When their father passed, it was very hard for them.  She has had to deal with quite a bit of change: Aunt Trudy’s deteriorating mind and physical condition, Uncle Ted’s health, his death, Aunt Trudy’s death . . . I think the experience has made her a stronger person. 

          We all have trials that can make us strong if we allow.  Change doesn’t have to be a horrible thing.  It’s all a matter of perspective.

The Hardest Part is Not Being There

                Uncle Ted passed away yesterday.  He and Trudy were our eldest living relatives (here). This year Uncle Ted celebrated 100 years of life.  His goal was living to 105.  Now Trudy survives alone.  She is a lot more frail than the last time I saw her.  Her health has declined since we have moved to Oregon.  My cousin has scheduled different family members to rally around the clock so that someone has been with Ted and Trudy at all times.  I wasn't there to assist.  And now Ted is gone.  I cannot even get back for the funeral. 

            We overspent when we went back to Utah to attend Jeanie's funeral and show our support to Biff.  We've also had the demolition of our house, but not a full restoration  and so it probably wouldn't be wise to leave it unattended.   Even if we could afford it, I doubt we would go.  My body has decided that it no longer wants to travel (even though my mind would like to)

            Myrtle Creek Festival starts today and Jenna and I have been assigned to man the booth between 4 and 6.  That will leave us time to attend the pre-solar party in Riddle today.  Hey, maybe this is the year we will actually be able to view sky.  Every other time we have tried to view whatever sky event was taking place, it was always overcast and the clouds were in the way of whatever spectacular view we were supposed to see.

            Good-bye, Uncle Ted, have a great reunion with all of those whom you outlived!

DelEv Blueberries

          I don't know how long it's been since Del Blanchard started his blueberry farm.  I don't know if it was his dream or how just how he got started.  The public hadn't been invited to pick until the year that we moved in.  Evelyn had made some flyers and posted them around town.  Roland saw the one that was hanging at the Pizza Palace - where we had gone to get something to eat.  We copied the address and went blueberry picking the next day.

          That first year we dealt solely with Evelyn - who teaches school and I believe prefers it over the blueberry farm.  Del had been sick off and on and so we had to call first to make sure somebody would be there to let us onto the property as there were several days when Evelyn had to take Del to the doctor.

          Summer seemed to get away from us last year.  We didn't go as often - probably because we got more pounds from just one bush in 2016 as opposed to an entire row of bushes in 2015 - thus they lasted longer.  I finally met Del, but do not recall having seen Evelyn last year.

          I had mentioned that Jenna and I had gone last Thursday.  We returned with Roland on Saturday and picked over 30 pounds - bringing our grand total of blueberries to just over 46 pounds (still haven't gotten the 50) and Evelyn told us that Del had passed in March.

          Her nephew John had come to be with them.  His profession is in nursing, but now it appears that he has run on the farm - at least during one season.  I am happy that he is there to assist her.  I feel honored to know John and Evelyn.   

If Dead is the Look they were Going For, They have Succeeded

          Though I have had a small hand and say in making funeral arrangements, I have not had the opportunity of having to find a mortuary nor have considered every financial expect.  Before either of my parents had passed, there needed to be a record of what funeral home to contact should they expire.  My dad lived out his final days at Cottonwood Hospital in Murray, Utah.  Ironically, he had also been born there (or so I was told) but at that time it had been called Cottonwood Maternity Ward and wasn't the full blown hospital where he had died.     

          Mom had used a local mortuary as a contact I’m guessing because it was familiar territory as it had been used by other members of our ward.  Before mom passed, Corey had made arrangements for Premier Funeral – though none of us had heard of it before, it really does seem the most economical way to go. 

          Premier doesn’t offer a chapel or a show room in which members can walk around and look at caskets.  They offer a catalogue – which I suppose doesn’t go over well with some people, but Corey and I were fine with it.  Premier has a lot to offer – for one thing the body is embalmed right away – at least where it is possible. (autopsy would be an exception)

          Jeanie was already gone when the paramedics arrived.  Possibly before she fell- or why she was falling.  Her mother said that seven clots had been found in her lung(s) and not just one.  I don’t know what shade she was when the paramedics arrived or how pale she must have gotten in the morgue.  It feels a bit morbid wondering. 

          I was not impressed with the makeup job - but I have no idea what of Jeanie's facial condition when she arrived to the mortuary.  Perhaps they had done a marvelous job with the "canvas" given - I just didn't see that.  Mommy and Daddy had looked so natural, so peaceful, as though they were sleeping.  Jeanie looked like a corpse – like in a really low budget movie when everything looks fake.  It appeared that she had jaundice underneath the make-up.  It was hard seeing her like that.

          Biff had never been involved with any plans concerning funerals – except when we had asked him to be a pall bearer at my mom’s.  But that was the extent of it.  He had never gone to look for a casket or a burial plot.  I’m sure the funeral home they went through was the same one his in-laws had used when they had buried their other two children.  It was right next to – perhaps even part of the cemetery.  I think Biff just went along with what they wanted.  What did he know?  They had been through it before.  Roland and I have both gone through it, but we weren’t there.  We weren’t involved with the decisions or give advice or hold our son’s hand.

          I don’t know that his in-laws would have felt comfortable using Premier as they had the viewing in one location and the funeral in another.  The mortuary was in a familiar place where family and loved ones had already gathered.  They would have had to make arrangements for another chapel with Premier. But I think they would have saved a tremendous amount of cost.

          My son, Randy, had set up a fund for Biff and his daughter – a plea to help pay for expenses.  The goal was to hit 5,000.  3,000 had been raised in eight days by 62 different people. I cried every time I would see donations being made.  I know there were many who knew Jeanie personally, but still many that did not know her at all.  Some hadn’t even known Biff for that matter, and that touched my heart.  My nephew, Brian, was the first to contribute to the cause.

          I don’t know how many chapels and "comfort" rooms the funeral home offered.  I would guess at least seven.  It felt as if there had been seven different viewings all scheduled for Sunday night.  Perhaps there had only been four or five.  We had to pass them all in order to get the room where Jeanie and family were waiting.  The lines were long.  I’m sure that is why they had put us at the end.

          When mom died, we had her at the Relief Society room in the building where she attended church.  We were there Friday night and the mortuary took her away and brought her back the following morning and then we moved into the chapel. Premier had driven her back and forth.  I'm not knocking the full blown centers but am in favor of using Premier again.  They did an awesome job for us.  I was overwhelmed by the amount of traffic involved with Jeanie.  I never felt overwhelmed with Premier.  The situation was always calm and respectful. 

Reasons to Hate June

               Two years ago this month, we were contacted by a property rental with availability.  I have a friend who had said she'd be driving to Newport the following day.  I talked her into leaving a day early so that I could ride with her and she could take me to my destination. 

                Two years ago we parted ways.  After securing the rental, Denise dropped me off at the gas station where I planned - and eventually did catch a bus.  I was somewhere between Boise and Salt Lake June 6, 2015 when my brother called to let me know of my Uncle's passing.

                Facebook memories have provided memories of the trip and of Uncle Ross's passing.  My daughter-in-law Jeanie passed away exactly two years later.  She is the third child of her mom and dad to pass away within the last eight years.  All three children were each been 32 of age when they passed.   All three children died in June.

                After the funeral, Jeanie's mom had invited everyone to their house for "refreshments" - it was more like a potluck meal.  Jeanie's dad announced that Jeanie's mom might have to leave as her father is in the hospital with cancer and was taking a turn for the worst (although leaving your mortal body is sometimes really not the worst - though that is often how it's expressed) but she was still there when it came time for us to leave.

                Roland's sister and husband grilled Jeanie's parents to make certain that Biff would be alright.  They seemed satisfied which I was grateful because it helped back up my own thoughts which I had tried to relate to Roland (I am much better at sorting my thoughts out on paper than verbally in my head).  We came home without Biff or Ally - which is fine.  I truly believe that Biff needs his space right now that Roland unintentionally might not allow.  Biff has to cope at his own pace - not anybody elses.  His in-laws have at least been through this before.

                Biff didn't know that it is proper to ask others to participate with the funeral - assigning them pall bearer or for prayer or whatever.  Randy, Tony and Roland all fulfilled their roles without question.  None of them knew they were involved until they saw their names on the program. 

                We listened to a program on the way home.  The speaker was relating an experience where a man had been away from his family for three years.  "Three years is a long time"  Jeanie and Biff were married three years ago in April.  "Three years is not a very long time".

Life Changes . . . and Connections

        Before we moved to Tri City, I had a premonition that one day Roland and I would be involved in helping to raise Ally.  It's not that I was trying to write Jeanie off into the next life - although it wasn't unexpected.  There was concern that she would die before Ally had finished school.  Ally will be two in August and therefore has not even started school.  And just because I had that premonition doesn't mean Biff will be packing up and moving to Oregon any time soon.  It may not be in his plans to come to Oregon at all - unless Roland talks him into it.  Biff does have other options - or will have. 

        His mother comes from a rather large family, and although half have now moved on to the other side, he does have family in Wyoming.  One aunt wrote me to say that Biff is welcome to stay with them.  At first it puzzled me.  Why would she offer to put up this young man that she doesn’t really even know?

        She and her husband have two daughters.  One of them had actually been named after Biff’s mom.  His maternal grandparents had raised their eleven children on a dairy farm. When Roland had gone back to visit, he went out with the family to milk the cows and feed and whatever other chores are involved.  They thought he was a hard worker and had actually offered him the farm for his future.  But Roland was a city kid.  He was having fun at the farm, but wasn’t confident or even had an interest to take over.

        I hadn’t thought much about it until now.  I know there was a brother who lived in Ogden who had planned to move their with his wife and take over.  He had coached the high school wrestling team and taught classes during the school year.  By summer he would take off for three months to go boat fishing in Alaska.  I believe it would be the last Alaskan adventure he had lined up before the move back to Wyoming.  Only he went to his bed sometime during the time that the fishing boat was in the water.  One of his comrades had gone to wake him and learned that he had passed during his sleep. Wyoming wasn’t meant to be for that brother.

        But now I wonder, maybe the request came not just to assist Biff, but allow Biff to assist them at the farm.  Biff said cows just happen to be Ally’s favorite animal. 

        Before he and Jeanie were married, he spent a lot of time in Syracuse with her family.  He practically lived with his in-laws before they were married as we'd see him less and less.  Because of Jeanie's health, and then her mom's health, and I'm certain that finances were a factor, they had never moved out from her parent's house.  I would think it would be awkward for all of them to have him continue living there. But I don't know. 

       My brother-in-law Bill is really good friends with his late wife's family and keep in touch.  Even Kayla has become friends with her family. I know I have mentioned on at least two posts, that Roland and I have actually had more contact with his late wife's family than his own.  So there are possibilities. 

        I sent an email to his mother's oldest sister (this is not the same one as the one in Wyoming) to let her know.  She was actually the first person I contacted - even before my own family. I can't even explain why - except that it felt important to let her know.  Perhaps Ally and Biff could stay with her while he's adjusting to transition.  I think she lives the closest of all of his relatives - including his brothers.  Perhaps that's why I felt impressed to write her.

        Of course I had to tell Kayla.  Both of our husbands have been in Biff's shoes.  Biff was six when his mother passed away.  There will be a viewing tomorrow night and the funeral is set for Monday.  Two locations so far apart from one another.  Probably an equal driving distance from the ward where our three boys finished junior high and graduated high school. I had asked the bishop to post a link on the ward page in facebook (as I, myself do not have access to it) He wrote back to say not only would/did he post it to the pages (plural) but would announce it in sacrament meeting as well.  I hadn’t expected that.

        There are so many thoughts flowing through my brain right now.  I hope to get at least half posted.  May Biff find the strength that he will need to carry on and proper guidance and assistance from the rest of us.  We all have been truly blessed.

Honoring the Memory

                The school held a hat day sometime last month.  Jenna couldn't find any of her fedoras and so she took the plastic tiara that she had received during a young women's lesson earlier that week.  Meanwhile she found a fedora but ended up taking the plastic crown anyway. 

                Through the course of the day she would ask guys to try it on and take pictures.  On February 10 she posted pictures other friends on facebook.  At least nine guys proudly wore that crown.  One of them was Andrew.  She did not get one of Nick.  The last words she said to him was to ask him to put the tiara on his head.  The last words she had said to Andrew was to let him keep a pencil that he had borrowed.

                Someone had taken several facebook pictures to make a collage.  Her photo of Andrew was included in the tribute that was passed from wall to wall.

                I have been disoriented, so it's not hard for me to imagine being so out of it that I don't know where I am or how I got there.  I've also been sedated.  I have watched enough sci-fi movies to imagine what it must be like to open my eyes only for a second to have someone stick me with a needle to put me back to sleep.  I can imagine what it's like to wake up in a hospital and wonder what I am doing there. 

                I can't imagine being told that six members of my family were lost in a fire during the wee hours of the morning - while the majority of the community slept.  I don't even know if they were aware of the fire or just who called it in. The reporters didn't say how the fire was discovered.

           
                It hasn't even been a week since my last post, and yet it feels so much longer.  Nick's life was lost with three other children whom he treated like brother and sisters.  Andrew and his mom passed away the next day at the hospital in Portland.

                The father figure is still in critical condition.  I don't know if he will survive and continue his life on earth or if he will be called to return along with his family. I can't even imagine.  How would I react if I was left alone to survive without them?  How strong am I that I would have the courage to go on and face life with an attitude pleasant enough that others would continue to want to be there for me.   Would I blame God?  Would I blame myself?  Would I constantly be in denial and wish it was just a horrible scene from a televised movie?  My prayers is for this man to find the strength that he will need.

                Jenna says the attendance at school has been less than half.  Coffenberry changed the facepage to profile the two boys who had attended that middle school.  Now they are selling tee shirts in honor of their memory.  They will not be forgotten. See here and here.

Let's All Wear Red Tomorrow

            Our local news comes from Eugene - located in Lane county which is north of Douglas.  The news stories usually start off with some criminal activity in Springfield or Eugene.  Sometimes human interest stories in Eugene.  Rarely is the focus ever on Douglas.  Except this morning.  And updates throughout the day.

            Tri City recorded population is 3,931, but Myrtle Creek says 3,439.  I would guess both cities put together fall somewhere between the two numbers as we use the same zip code.  The city of Riddle lies just south west of us.  Their recorded population was 1185.  That number has gone down by four due to a tragic fire.

            I first heard about it after Jenna returned home from school.  She reported that one of her classmates was killed in the fire, and another in critical condition at Legacy Emmanuel Medical Center in Portland  which is more than four hours away by car. I don't know how they (his mom and dad also survived) were taken. 

            I remember a helicopter landing in the parking lot of the church that I lived across from in Kearns, Utah.  It was there to life flight a victim to Primary Children's hospital in Salt Lake.  Life Flight was offered, along with a lot of convenient medical options.  The options don't seem so convenient in Oregon - at least much of it.

   

            There is so much devastation in our small little community.  The names of the family members had all been released to the press.  The children who lost their lives were 4-year-old Gwendolyn Howell, 7-year-old Haley Maher, 10-year-old Isaiah Young and 13-year-old Nicholas Lowe. 

            Jenna said that all the kids at her school are wearing red in Nick's memory and perhaps to show their support to Andrew who's still alive - we hope.  Our prayers are with the family.  

Thank you to all the men and women who serve as firefighters.  Thanks to all of thos who are willing to serve on the volunteer fire departments.  God bless you all.

Not the Reunion We Were After

          My Uncle Ross had battled cancer off and on for I don’t know how many years.  His last time in the hospital was majorly hard on his wife and children – but he kept up a positive attitude, I believe for their sake. 

         

          When he left the hospital, he was told that he would have no more than a year left on earth.  (Probably not in those exact words – but you get the gist)

          My cousin, Michelle, had sent out a request for an early “Christmas in July” celebration – hoping that we would all enjoy one last celebration with Uncle Ross and have those treasured memories as we had for mom.  Only her request came as a plea on my part: “LaTiesha is moving to Oregon.  Let’s have our Christmas early this year before she goes” She didn’t want to say what she really meant “before Dad goes”

          The date was set up for June 14^th – though not everyone would be able to attend.  I don’t think we’ve ever had a “Christmas in July” party in which all of us were there.  And yet when we had celebrated in December, I don’t remember anyone NOT being there – even if it was just to put in an appearance (which seemed to become more popular as the family grew) 

          The celebration for this year would take place at the same time when my family attended Church – which is why I had announced in my ward that the 7^th would probably be my last week (I was still tired from bus trip mentioned in my last post; wasn’t thinking clearly)

          On June 6^th I was on the bus going toward Salt Lake.  I had the option of using my laptop but did not actually make the discovery until the last leg of the trip, but chose not to deal with it in such tight quarters as it was.  Corey had texted me in the event that I wasn’t on facebook.  Michelle had messaged family members to let us know that Uncle Ross had chosen not to fight anymore.  Corey had just seen him two days earlier, and though he had lost a tremendous amount of weight, Corey said that Uncle Ross seemed to be in good spirits.

          Less than two hours later I received another text.  Uncle Ross had passed.  At that point I didn’t have (nor expect) any details about the funeral.  It may not have been until Monday that I learned that there would be a viewing on Thursday and the funeral would be on Saturday, the 13^th.  So of course we wouldn’t be having the “Christmas in July” on the following Sunday.  

          Roland had graduated from his collage courses and already had his diploma in hand.  But he had signed up to walk across the stage in a graduation ceremony that same Saturday – an activity that I was never truly excited about to begin with.  I would seriously rather attend a funeral than a graduation or award ceremony that always seems to drag and make me feel like death would be an awesome option for ending the many hours I feel like I spend at said ceremony.  But it’s not like I wished for it to happen just so I’d have an excuse not to go.

          Meanwhile, Roland seemed to forget about it as well as he planned to leave Utah on Friday night after he got off work to take a load of furniture and packed boxes to Oregon.  He didn’t attend either viewing or funeral.  He and Bill both work late on Thursday and so Bill did not go to the viewing either.  Kayla stopped by with their three children and we rode to the viewing address together.

          The viewing, without doubt, is the most interesting that I’ve ever attended.  Corey would have loved it, I think.  There was a “celebration of life” theme.  Nothing wrong with it – just different.  It wasn’t something that Kayla and I are used to.  It just felt irreverent when we first arrived.  I felt like we had walked into a cocktail party rather than a viewing. But it was a great send-off. Made it easier on my aunt and cousins – who for the most part, were out mingling amongst the “guests”.  Uncle Ross was left in a room by himself (for the most part).  Aunt Fern said it made it so much easier for her not to be in the same room with his lifeless body. 

          They had dressed him in golf clothes and he held a golf ball.  Kayla and I tried to visit with family members while taking turns supervising the children as Anna wanted to go in one direction and Gary in another and the food wasn’t as important as they thought.

          Anna wanted to go upstairs in a closed area and Gary wanted to stand near enough to the water to play in it.  BJ was very good, but after a while he wanted to get down and explore as well.  Neither Kayla nor I were willing to allow that to happen as he could have easily been stepped on.  Didn’t seem like a very kid-friendly environment – but than neither is the traditional viewing that we are used to. Children acting up or misbehaving seems more noticeable at a viewing than it does at Church services.  But given the amount of volume level amongst those who had come to pay their respects, their behavior seemed to be overlooked by everyone except me and Kayla. 

         I had asked Earl how they had found the funeral home or made the arrangements. He said that the family had been introduced to the services after an uncle had died.  His mom liked the feeling of “life” as opposed to the mourning for death.  The family agreed and made the arrangements.

         Kayla and I did not stay long as the kids really needed to removed from the situation at hand.  I think all of us were tired.

          The Saturday service was really nice.  Three of my cousins gave talks and shared memories of their dad.  Michelle’s husband played guitar while Corey sang “Landslide”, a song that neither one of them were familiar with, but I had heard it before.  Michelle mentioned that the song had been chosen as her family doesn’t seem to deal well with change – at least where death is involved.

           Golf balls had been purchased for mementoes to take for each person who attended the services.  One son-in-law works with the police force and made arrangements for a police (on motorcycles) escort to be with the old fashion looking Hearst.  People may have seen it and thought there must have been an important person in the casket.  It was indeed a great honor.

After the services were over at the cemetery, we all threw paper airplanes.  A balloon was tied to one to send on high.  Just a few minutes later many of us returned to the church to have lunch with the family.  I went around and said my good-byes to all of the family members who had usually turned out for Christmas dinner.  Some who said they couldn’t or wouldn’t make it to the BBQ for an early July Christmas. It was Uncle Ross’s final farewell and everyone turned out for it.  And it was great.

  

 

Now he is reunited with his mom and dad and brother and sister. This picture is my dad with Uncle Ross long before they were my dad and uncle.