Beneath the Wraps

               When I was younger I remember psyching myself into believing I didn’t care.   I didn’t care about boys or dating.   I didn’t care about peers or school.   I didn’t care if plans fell through.   I knew it was wrong.   I knew it was unhealthy to deprive myself of feeling any other emotion. I just knew that if I could convince myself that I believed I didn’t care it would be so much easier to handle than disappointment or rejection.   It was.   It truly was.   This heartache and turmoil is such a bunch of crap that most anybody would rather do without.   We’re told the sad/bad/hard emotions gives us strength.   Boloney!!!    Disappointment  and heartache bite big time!             When Jenna was younger we befriended a family that consisted mostly of Khonnie and her two children.   Dennis was gone for the most ...

Before Jenna turned five she was introduced to Isaac – a cousin to Paula – who, at the time, was Biff’s platonic girlfriend.   Roland asked Isaac how old he would be (or what age he’d just turned – I forget what time of the year it was) We both figured at least nine.   Both of us were quite floored when he answered seven..   He was too tall to be only seven. He was actually quite tall for nine.    Surely Jenna and Isaac were more than just two years apart.      Isaac’s mom was involved with an Easter tradition.   Every year right after Church, the children would look for the plastic eggs that the adults had hid around the yard – her father’s yard to be exact.   Paula had outgrown the tradition and had asked Biff to bring Jenna so that Isaac and Paula’s brother weren’t hunting for eggs by themselves.   So from 2009 to 2012 Jenna has always done Easter with Isaac and his family.       ...

My brothers Patrick and Corey have each taken a leave of absence from their jobs.   Since she fell, all four of mom’s children have been spending several hours with her – though I’m quite certain that I have given her the least. I am the only one of her children who has not stayed the night.   (She had requested that she not be left alone) Patrick was with her all day Sunday – the first day of the month.   And Kayla and I were there on Labor Day.   I spent eight hours on Tuesday and Thursday.   Unfortunately I think she was alone on Wednesday from morning til mid afternoon. I had gone to a funeral that day.   I’d gone to the hospital afterward but mom was in emergency surgery.   The doctors were trying to save her legs.   I had to go get Jenna before the surgery was over.   But other family members had arrived when mom returned from surgery to her hospital room. She was full of conversation and smiles according visiting with fa...

         Actually, I don’t know why women leak.   We just do.   Perhaps not all women, but many of us. Whenever we feel sadness or sorrow, compassion or joy, empathy or misconduct, our eyes tear up and flood our face. Whenever our child (or children) is hurting, we feel their pain.   Whenever we see a movie or read a book that reaches into our hearts and connects to our tear ducts.   Whenever our hormones happen to be on overdrive (or overload?) Whenever we feel misunderstood. I have cried at the end of Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, and E.T . (to name a few) I wept through Alabama Moon and The Odd Life of Timothy Green.   I need an entire box of tissues each time I watch “Up” and I refuse to watch “The Notebook” ever again.   I’ve cried when reading Children’s books such as “The Robot and The Bluebird” by David Lucas or “You are Mine” by Max Lucado.   I cried during parts ...

          This post reflects stirred emotions that between October and mid December 2012           Poor mom.  For the most part we don’t know where she’s at.  The reality of her world is so far different from our own.           In her mind, she believes that while State Street was under construction, she and all the other residences in her neighborhood were evacuated.  The construction crew had asked them to move somewhere else.  Mom doesn’t remember where it is that she moved – but she is back – along with many of her neighbors.  For a while she wanted to make certain that everybody knows she’s back.  Now she wants to go back to wherever she thinks she lived before.  She doesn’t know the address though – but she says it’s a house.           She called Bill.  She always calls Bill’s cell phone when...

          We hadn’t put up our outside lights for Christmas this year.  I meant to bring them out with all the other Christmas decorations.  I remember seeing them.  But they must have gotten lost in the shuffle.  Just as well.  There were a couple of days when the wind blew hard.  So hard that some actually lost their decorations – which is NOTHING compared to what was lost in Newtown Connecticut on December 14 th .           Sandy, for me, was a lot easier to deal with, as the disaster was a result of the elements – not some psycho on the loose with a gun.  If a gunman is going to just turn the gun on himself – why not just start there?  And it’s not like the world will ever KNOW what became of this individual who’d gone on a shooting spree to wipe out innocent children.  Whatever reasons are given will be speculation – and even if we are given reasons tha...