As I was growing up, I can remember
doing a lot of role playing with my family members. What would you do if you were in this
situation? How do you think you would
react? What would you do differently? .
. . I can't speak for my sibs, but I believe they felt prepared as I when we
were approached with a given situation.
We didn't have to analyze because we already had the answers.
For example, when we had been
approached by the doctors in the final stages of mom's life (before we knew
they were the final stages)we were faced with a decision. We could have put mom on dialyses and had her
leg amputated. Long before she got
dementia, mom had been quite vocal about not ever wanting to be on
dialyses. With her state of mind, she really wouldn't have known whether we honored that wish or having even requested it. She wouldn't have understood a missing
leg . . . she would never be able to comprehend why it was missing no matter
how often we explained it to her. The
decision we made was unanimous. A no
brainer - for us anyway.
I did have one brother-in-law question
how we could have made the decision to put her on hospice as quickly as we
did. We didn't think of any time
involved. We reacted to what we had been
taught. We worked together as a
family. We were of one mind. Apparently a lot of families don't have
that. It boggles my mind that we are not
the norm.
My dad had always wanted to prepare
for our finances should he be taken away.
He wanted to explore options with insurance and burial plots. My mom never did. To her, preparing or talking about death
always seemed like a morbid topic. He
had reminded her that if he were to go first, she would have to deal at it
alone. But she wasn't alone. She had been a den mother and one of her
former scouts became an attorney and volunteered his time to straighten out her
finances with every insurance company I guess dad had ever talked to.
Both Patrick and Kayla had gone with
my mom to the cemetery to pick out a plot.
When I came home and asked how it had gone, my mom and Kayla both
started laughing as they related their experience. It sounded as if they had been in a sit-com
series. We were in pretty good spirits throughout the whole ordeal. Mom was such a trooper. I guess we all were.
After my dad had passed away, mom said
that one of us would have to take over the finances in the event that she
should die. We all voted for Patrick to
have that obligation. Only when it came
time, the stress that came with it was too much on his health. I couldn't do it because of my situation with
Roland and his ex. Fortunately for our
family, Corey grew up responsible and has
allowed himself to step in. I am
fascinated with his organizational skills and willingness. Wow.
What a tremendous blessing he has been not only for his sibs, but now
his cousins as well.
Corey does a lot of role playing too,
I would imagine. It's been his
profession, though I don't know how much of it has prepared him for where he is
now. How awesome it is that we all hold
respect and high value for one another.
I wish it were the same for Roland's family.
Roland just wrote to his brother with
the suggestion of having mom update her will and give him (his brother) power
of attorney. The sister that is supposed
to take over has not had the best of health and should not be in that position. Also he (Roland) senses a feud coming amongst
the sibs should mom pass. I highly doubt that all four sibs would be able to
meet with an attorney all at once.
I just don't relate to squabble and
possessions. When we met with my mom's
attorney, none of us had any financial secrets.
I was a wreck and said to the attorney, "I know that this is
probably a quite unusual request, but would you mind if we started with a word
of prayer?" I think Patrick said it
and it really had calmed me down.
We were told that the meeting would
last at least three hours. Apparently
the lawyer had figured in some squabbling time.
But Kayla and I were there for only an hour and a half. The attorney said he had dealt with a family
like ours only one other time.
I am so grateful for the role playing
that my family has taught me and my sibs that we have been prepared.
