Looking Forward to Having Space Again

           We’ll be picking Jaime up on Tuesday.  The other three should be out before her return.  They were supposed to move in today but a water line broke.  Always something.  I have really been trying to let things go and apply the scriptures to my current situation.  Sometimes I am successful but only sometimes.  More often I find myself irritated with all these little bits of ember that add up into a fiery blaze.

          I didn’t wish to focus on my irritations but at the same time knew that I needed to write things down as a reminder why they are never coming back to live under the same roof as me – smiling as I do it because I think about their also keeping a list of reasons why they will never return.  I’m guessing they are more excited by the move of finally getting out on their own than I am to see them go. I personally don’t believe they are financially prepared. We have tried to tell them but there are some things that need to be learned through experience.

          I see scenarios with our treatment toward them and our Heavenly Father toward us.  We may ask Heavenly Father for blessings but rarely does he grant us those blessings right away – at least in my experience.  He sends me the tools that I may obtain the blessing with His guidance. Sometimes the blessing I thought I wanted turns out to be something greater – but always in His due time though there have been a few that have been in mine.

          Richard’s solution has always been to provide – give, give, and give some more even when there is nothing left to give.  He still hasn’t been able to cut the apron strings.  It’s not that I wish to see Biff and Clair suffer.  I would like to see them grow.  I would like to see them find other resources – which perhaps they already have.  I don’t know.  They have slowly allowed us into their lives but for the most part have attempted to do everything without saying a word to us.  They have tried to do it on their own.  But really we can’t do everything on our own.  We all need others to draw from and to confide in. We need to rely upon our Maker.

          I wish they were moving away further than they are.  They wanted to be closer to Portland but are going to be ten minutes further – not that big of deal, but it would be nice if they could be only an hour’s drive instead of three – how they make it in just three, I’ll never know. That is the amount provided by Google.  Google doesn’t take into account the congestion of traffic or detours due to construction.  Apparently neither have they. 

          I wish them well.  Looking forward to having my space again.

I Would Have Rather Gone Through With the Family Outing to the Dentist

           Where do I start on this post?  At the beginning?  I don’t remember when the beginning was.  Sometimes I will see an ambulance parked (but still running) in front of one of my neighbors’ houses.  At least once I have seen a paramedic truck.  I have always wondered why they aren’t sent in clusters. 

          In Utah it seemed no matter what emergency vehicle we would specify, they would all show up.  I hadn’t seen that in Oregon since this post almost a year ago.  Jenna calls it cruel irony.  But let me back up again.

          Roland had an appointment to go to the dentist yesterday.  My appointment is not until July 29 but there was a cancellation for yesterday at 3:00.  How cool is that?  I charged both of my kindles expecting we’d fulfill this outlandish date.  Then they had another cancellation come up and asked if we could bring Jenna.  It was before Roland got off and so we would have to take two cars.

          The Saturn has been jerking and needs a new transmission.  We had even talked about whether to have it fixed or donate for tax purposes or what.  Truth be known, I do prefer driving the Saturn to the Impala.  The Impala really hurts my back and/or legs after a while – not that the Saturn doesn’t.  I guess it is a different pain that I can deal with better in the Saturn.  The Saturn is a city car.  It slows down with each hill it has to climb.

          Anyway, I have been driving the Impala to avoid the jerkiness.  But it was apparent that we would need both cars and so left the sluggish Saturn for Roland to drive to the dentist and thought I would drive it home.  Each of us would have a turn at each car but in different directions. 

          Smiles dental is located in Riddle.  It is about ten minutes away.  Yesterday I was about three minutes away from the dentist when the Impala collided with another car.  I did not even see the car until we hit. The car was silver but three of us had seen white.

Turning onto Pruner Rd. The road the two cars are on change
names at least six times.  The side with the black car is
Pruner Rd (which continues at the turn) while the white
car is on the side called Riddle Bypass Road. 

          I made a U-turn from where I was turning in order to pull off the road.  I did not see the other car again until after it was towed.  I had parked behind a man who hadn’t fully seen what happened but had heard it.  He, along with me and Jenna had seen white.  He made comment about how hard it is to see something white coming from that direction. I saw the car in real life about as well as what is on the above illustration.

         Good Samaritans had stopped their cars to ask if we were okay.  One of the drivers called 911. A volunteer firefighter was at the store close by and arrived on the scene within seconds.  He asked if we were okay and seemed to want to check us outside the car. It wasn’t until then that I realized my car door wouldn’t open wide enough for me to slip through – but he yanked it open.

          I am floored by how quickly and how many emergency vehicles arrived on the scene (and I’m certain that I didn’t even see them all).

 

It’s been less 24 hours and I’m still shaken up about it.  I suppose because I’ve had to recount what happened so many times.  Accidents happen so quickly and in my case I am always asking questions or coming up with “What if” scenarios. 

“Where was my brain two seconds ago?”

“Had I stopped or just slowed down?”

“Too bad we didn’t have the Saturn as it has sluggish problems as is;  I may have avoided this altogether”

“Oh, what would have happened if I had had the Saturn?  If I couldn’t open the door of the Impala I wouldn’t have been able to have been able to open at all.  My legs could have been severed!”

The excessive heat advisory was suppose to last throughout today, but the last two mornings have been so nice.  Overcast and cool.  The way it should be.  Perfect.

How blessed we were that we did not have to wait in the excessive heat. 

How blessed we were that neither Jenna and I were not injured.  The other driver unfortunately did receive pain to her knee.  Paramedics had looked her over, but she declined going to the hospital or other facility to get treatment.

How blessed we are with this community and all of those who volunteer their time and services.

The firemen were grateful to be holding signs and pushing brooms at the scene of an accident rather than being out fighting fires. 

Many blessings really.  Some that we may not even recognize right now, but possibly sometime in the future we can look back and say “I can’t believe the accident was a blessing.” 

I don’t know how the other driver views the situation.  She was worried about her son getting to work on time as she was delayed at getting to him to watch his children.  May she and her family be blessed as well.

Roland came and got us.  The deputy who took our information escorted us across the street to where he had parked.  Tow trucks arrived.  Jenna took several pictures.

our Saturn parked across the road

  

We were not hurt in the car accident, but did manage
to encounter this blackberry bush.  Had we needed
the paramedics, it would have been because of this.

A firefighter took this picture.  Another moment of
"What was I thinking?" as that was not my true
emotion.  Nothing about this photo implies that 
we were shaken up.

May You Allow Inspiration to Guide You

A virtual stake conference was scheduled for Sunday.  Of course we couldn’t watch it at home as we had no internet.  Our options were to either miss church or watch the video at the church building. I think Roland was planning on working with connecting the internet as soon as it was warm enough, but I told him if he wanted to be blessed that he would have to go to Church with Jenna and me.

When we hold ward meetings each Sunday, the podium and microphone are wiped down between each speaker.  They did not do that at stake center in Roseburg (we did not go to Roseburg but watched the broadcast at the building in Myrtle Creek) and it was kind of freaking me out – especially since two of the stake presidency were quite moist with emotion.  I guess when you are on the stand behind the speaker you don’t notice what the speaker is doing or how he/she might be spreading germs around unintentionally.  I personally don’t enjoy sitting behind the speaker as I get more out of the talk when I can watch the person speaking.

I hadn’t grabbed my notebook when we headed out the door.  At first it felt too dark to even see what I was writing.  Jenna sang but I did not.  Even if I could have seen the words I have a dry cough from the fan being left on all night. It’s so awkward singing behind a mask at that.

One of the counselors shared a thought about ignoring inspiration is denying yourself privileges and blessings that God has intended for you.  I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I don’t.  It reminded me of a paragraph I had written down to give to the elders:

“Often we think that we want our lives to go a certain way – or perhaps it is expected of us.   Perhaps we acknowledge deity and ask for assistance to take us down the road of our desires.  God does provide us with assistance, often sending us tools that we may “grow” our own blessings. But often we don’t realize that what has been “planted” is not at all what we had asked for.  I have learned to trust my Father in Heaven’s guidance – even if it is in a direction I did not believe I wanted to go.  We can choose to follow in faith or we can be misguided by our own weakness or pride.  We can find tools that will help us on the path to eternal life or we can find paths that may lead us to destruction.”  from this post.

There was a couple who gave a talk together.  Their talk was about ministering. She talked about a sister who had been inspired to bring her dinner which triggered my own thoughts of receiving potatoes the year I was pregnant with Jenna (see here) and how touched I am about it still.

 There was another talk about prayer and specifically asking ourselves three things during the meditations: 

– what have I done today I shouldn’t have done –

 

What have I not done today that I should have?

 

What am I grateful for today

 

Jenna had heard that before but I don’t think I had.  If I did I didn’t commit it to memory – which by the way has not been that great. I left church feeling spiritually fed and wished it had been recorded so that I could watch it again.

After we returned home Jenna made lunch for all of us and I went outside with Roland who managed to make a temporary connection to the internet and so did not have to try and connect with the internet at the church.  Prayer works.

Prayer in a Mustache

          Somewhere in my memoirs is a Beetle Bailey comic strip printed in September 1999 – maybe 2000.  Of course, I can’t locate it and thus I will describe what happens (although it will take more time).

          For those not familiar with Col. Hathaway (or General – whatever he is) he is bald – which I had never thought about one way or the other as his head is always covered with his army cap.  The only hair that is visible on his face are two little white eyebrows and a small white mustache (about the same size as his nose).  In this strip, Hathaway has his hat off and placed on his desk.  He announces that he has heard that hair can be grown through meditation and so he wants to try it.

          For the next four frames we see Hathaway deep in meditation trying so hard to get his hair to grow while his staff poke fun at his desire.  In the last frame, Hathaway touches his still bald head and comments that it must not have worked.  He doesn’t notice that his mustache has grown six times its size and extends beyond his face. 

          Although I would guess it probably wasn’t Mort Walker’s intent (Walker the creator of Beetle Bailey) that his pun should represent prayer, that is how I saw it.  I did not laugh when I saw his large mustache.  I saw a “prayer” being answered but not the way the Col. had wanted.  Yes, I probably read too much into this simple comic strip, but I refer to it as an analogy but must describe it in detail so that I can compare.

          So often I will look so long and hard at my metaphorical scalp where I think the blessing ought to be that I do not notice that which has been placed beneath my nose. In other words, God provided the tools I need that I may “grow” the blessing that is needed and not necessarily the one I was hoping for.  I have learned that often the direction I think I should go is not necessarily the one I should take.  God doesn’t rob me of my free agency.  I can still choose my own direction, but after some years of experience, I have learned that He is so much wiser than I and my faith is increased if I follow the path which He sets for me.

          Many of us have climbed mountains and often feel we don’t have the strength to go on.  But I know that trials make us stronger. Climbing mountains gives a sense of visibility that we are not able to see from the bottom.  I know that struggles will help to strengthen me one day.  I have to have faith.