We Should Travel - at least when it's safe enough to do so.

         My youngest son seems to be making more money than he knows what to do with.  Boo hoo, huh?  His wife's family has paid for a few outings for the entire family - like going to Mexico.  Recently he just purchased tickets to go to Hawaii.  Roland and I never traveled.  We barely had enough to feed the family.  

        There was one time we had gone to Logan to see my brother's performance in something.  I can't even remember what.  Each of the boys had made arrangements to sleep over with various friends and had not shown any interest in going to the play.  Since none of the boys were at home and Roland felt too tired to drive back, we just got a room to spend the night.

        Our youngest (the first to have made sleeping arrangements) calls about midnight to find out where we are.  Apparently the sleeping over plans had fallen through and he was alone in the house and had fallen asleep in our bed waiting for us.  I related this to Roland just a few minutes ago - though he says he doesn't remember.  I doubt Randy remembers either.  But it really did happen.

        There was a time when I thought I would enjoy traveling.  I suppose road trips are okay with the right companion(s) and car.  But I do not want to fly again - especially while there is still the pandemic.  Nor do I wish to gamble on staying at motels or hotels that may or may not be taking precautions for their guests. Too big of a gamble right now.

        I'm okay exploring places virtually - or reading about them.  Less costly and not so physically demanding.  Perhaps one day.  Perhaps not.  And it's okay either way.

Dash TV #33 Tucson, Arizona

          I don’t know how often the boys went to Arizona to visit Roland’s sister, Jean before I joined the family.  I know Biff had lived with her for a while – perhaps a couple of years.  He had returned to live with Roland shortly before I met them all.

I remember driving to Tucson with Roland to pick the boys up three times after summer was over.  The first time we had gone all the way to Tucson to get them.  The second time we met them in Panquitch, Utah, believing it was a half-way point.  The third time was further down south at Glen Canyon Dam.  

We toured the facility before we parted ways and made observations on how much both Tony and Randy had grown. 

          Biff asked, “What about me?  Haven’t I grown?” His hair was like a small “Sideshow Bob” afro.  He was taller due to his hair.  But once he got it cut, he’d be back to his same size. He had also asked Roland if I was pregnant.  I was, but did not know it at the time.

          I have been to Tucson five times to visit Roland’s family.  The first time was before we were married when we had gone to get the boys so that they could start school.  All three of them would be starting junior high. I really don’t remember many details except that the boys wanted me to move faster when I was behind the wheel.  But that was on the return.  I was pretty wiped out during our first visit.

          The second time was when Jenna was three.  Roland and I took his mother to Old Tucson shortly after we arrived.  We allowed Jenna to stay home and get to know her cousins.  I don’t know how many pictures I took of Old Tucson.  And one who has internet can look up photos or may be familiar with scenes from many westerns or Little House on the Prarie.  I will not put all the photos I took in this post, but will create another post of some of the ones that I took (or were taken of me)

When we came home from Old Tucson, we found Jenna painting Kristen’s nails.  

I think we spent two or three days and Jenna had a blast getting to know her cousins – so much that she and John decided that she just stay and live with him.  They decided that if they dressed Jenna in John’s clothes that we would mistake her for him and wouldn’t take her with us. 

Of course we knew it was her.  They were both disappointed that they hadn’t fooled us and so she hid in his room.  She would not budge not even to say good-bye to Roland and me – or his mom who we were taking with us.  I did finally manage to trick her into either saying good-bye to a beloved stuffed animal that we had taken with us, or to retrieve her so that it too could live in Arizona.  When she got out to the car, I seat-belted her in and she cried for a good portion of the ride. 

When we stopped across the Utah border, I asked if she would like for us to buy a cactus for her (as she had been hinting for one the entire time we were in Arizona).  But she saw something else that she wanted more than the cactus.  We ended up buying a stick horse which she named “Pinky” (the same name as the small bear we had brought with us) I think she ended up giving that same name to four of her toys.

Two years later we returned for Uncle Mike’s funeral.  It was in January and the weather felt nice compared to Salt Lake – though those who lived in Arizona thought it was cold.  It appears I took a lot of pictures of the family though we were not there for long.  We left right after the funeral.

The following year we spent some time with the family at San Xavier.  As we walked through there were several statues of different saints.  Roland told Jenna that if she was good her Aunt Linda would tell her the names of each of the saints represented at which point Linda slugged Roland and he laughed.

We also went to Old Tucson as a family.  I think there were eight adults and three children who went. We all ended up riding the carousel and had stopped off for pizza on the way back to Jean’s house.  Jenna and I wanted pineapple on our pizza but Aunt Linda wouldn’t hear of it.  So Roland purchased two more pizzas so that Jenna and I could have our pineapple.  Guess whose pizzas were first to be eaten?

The pictures indicate that we had Tony with us.  As I recall, Biff could not get the time off work and Randy must have been on his mission.  I took more pictures of the family and our activities.  I am grateful to have the photographic memories.

My last visit to Tucson was in 2012.  That time we had Randy and Biff with us.  We had gone there for mom’s birthday (see this post)

Lessons of Our Lives

          Roland was watching a documentary the other day about the brain and its functions.  The first series was about the hippocampus and explained how sometimes our memories are distorted.  In other words, we sometimes remember details but do not relate them accurately, or else we are accurate but the memories are not our personal memories but rather someone else’s.  Examples that were used came from those who were affected by September 11, 2001 so much that they felt they had been there when the towers were struck and crumbled.  Sometimes our memories are fabricated.

          I notice the “fabrication” each time Roland relates experiences about our marriage or when he relates memories of the boys.  He always tells it a bit differently until after a while it doesn’t sound like there's much truth to it. But then again, I probably do that too - especially as I get older.  I notice that I don't remember all the details as vividly as I did at one time.

          Earlier last month, Roland bore his testimony in church and tried to relate the experience we had shared with the boys during a family home evening found at the end of this post.  He told about how each boy had been given twenty dollars and what the results were and made a comparison to their lives today.  While the analogy of his fabricated story seemed impressive, there were some inaccuracies – even from the way he tried to compare it to the scriptures found in Matthew 25 (he had retold that inaccurately as well) which is all the more reason each of us need to write things down.

           

          I know if I don’t have the opportunity of writing my thoughts down when they occur, I forget the details.  Believe it or not, I did not complete my original thoughts on Bandon but still managed to get out five posts.  But I know they weren’t as accurate as they would have been if I could have recorded it as it was happening.  Even Corey has been guilty of this (see here) – commenting that his head was full of ideas and he wanted to write future posts for so many subjects including my daughter’s baptism.  I looked forward to reading his thoughts, but alas, they never got posted as the details had been removed from his hippocampus.

          The point is: what we perceive as facts change over time.  Roland had the boys with our youngest making lots of money, our oldest doing okay but only breaking even, however he had our middle son spot on as he drank “his talent” – hid it within himself.  He compared it to the success that our youngest seems to be doing financially, our oldest living with his in-laws (his late wife’s parents) with his girlfriend and daughter – never having settled on just one job.  And then our middle son who has been on probation from his job and is currently on welfare.

          My oldest son seems to be living a soap opera kind of life – which I have touched on a little bit. Our youngest just moved to New York and has moved into an existing home.  I thought it an interesting analogy as Roland related their “talent usage” compared to real life.

We Really Need to Update Our Will

            When Jenna was a baby, Roland and I had our wills done with an attorney named Kevin Jackson.  We each received copies  -  but I have no clue as to where they might be right now. 

            I do remember taking my copy to my mom’s house so that each will was kept at a different location.  I may have put it in the crawl space off to the back of the house.  It could still be there, but may be discarded if the current owners come across it.  I don’t remember seeing it when we were cleaning out mom’s house.

            Regardless, it needs to be updated.  We certainly didn’t have much in the way of possessions at the time.  My main concern (still is) is that in the event Roland and I should go before Jenna is 18, I would want her to stay with my family – though I think only one address on the wheel remains valid.

            Kayla was the first name.  She was still single at the time and lived at my mom’s address.  The next person on the list was mom.  The third person on the list is one of Roland’s sisters – the one who has raised a number of children due to family situations.  The last on our list is Sunny and Patrick.  Theirs is the valid address.

            At the time all of our boys were still in school.  I had asked Kayla if she would raise Jenna and she said she would be honored.  Roland said he’d like the boys to stay with my family as well. 

            Meanwhile, Kayla has married and has three children of her own.  The boys are of age now where Jenna could live with one of them if he and his wife were willing.  I had taken Tony and Rochelle aside to tell them that they could raise Jenna in our house.  I figured they’d oblige to keeping Jenna in the dual immersion program – that was before we moved.

            Jenna said she doesn’t want to live with Tony and Rochelle.  They are definitely NOT on time people.  There seems to be tension on Tony’s part.  Always has been.  If someone gives him an inch, he’ll always wish he’d been given a mile.  He doesn’t seem grateful about things and is always complaining.  As mentioned in an earlier post, Roland’s nickname for Tony is Donald Duck.  I don’t think I want Donald Duck raising my baby.

            I had told Tony and Rochelle my wishes verbally.  Nothing in writing.  I am grateful for that, as I have changed my mind.  I think it would be better if Jenna were to go with Randy and Carrie.  Randy has always had a great mannerism about him. He will lovingly provide any discipline that will be needed.  He doesn’t blow up.  I think Randy would be a much better choice.

            I hadn’t considered Biff.  He doesn’t seem to do well with finances.  Plus he already has his hands full with Jeanie – who often seems to break out into major mood swings of her own.  I seriously think there is a chemical imbalance on her part.

            Jenna and I would both love it if she could go with Kayla and Bill.  I think Bill would do it in a heartbeat and think nothing of it.  He and Jenna seem to share the same personality – which sometimes grates on Kayla’s nerves.  Having two of them – maybe more (I think Gary might actually have a lot of Bill in him) than she is willing to handle.  But then there are pluses.  Kayla certainly wouldn’t allow Jenna to go unclaimed.  (Not that that would happen)

            I’d rather she stayed with my family than go with Roland’s.  We teach values to Jenna that Roland’s family doesn’t share.  Biff had lived with Roland’s sister for a while, and they would send him to church, but they did not attend with him.  I don’t want that.  Besides Roland’s family seem to be getting up there in years.  My sibs are all younger than me.  Though I realize age is not always a factor – there are concerns.  I am already old enough to be Jenna’s grandmother.  I’m not as active as the parents of many of her friends.

            I don’t really think there is a cause for alarm.  Roland and I will both live long enough to see Jenna graduate and get married.  But there is always room for a back up plan.  I don’t think we have any material possessions worth anybody making the trip to Oregon to make a claim – unless it’s for sentimental reasons.  But I think I have scanned most of my pictures.  But I think my brother, Corey, is the only one who would even place value on anything like that – unless Jenna, herself, wants them.

There’s probably not a whole lot of value in leaving instructions posted to a blog.  I know my family members know who I’m talking about, but how would it ever be proved in court since I’m not even using real names.  Well, I did for the attorney.  His name is real.  Don’t know his location.  I believe he’s moved twice since we first met with him.

I definitely don’t want DCFS to be in charge of the whereabouts of my little girl.  DCFS is one fouled up system in my opinion.  I don’t wish for any family members to be fighting it out in courts.  We already did that with Jenna’s sisters.  It was a losing battle all along.  Not just for us, but for them.

Don’t know why it’s on my mind even.  But it is.  There is so much we need to take care of.  Getting Oregon drivers’ licenses and plates for our car.  Finding a doctor should we ever have the need.  Maybe a dentist.  Jenna LOVES to go to the dentist.  I think that’s weird.  

Loaded Paintbrushes and the Rest of the Story

After we had purchased the house

Roland put the boys to work

painting the trim red.

That was seven years ago.

Time to paint again.

Randy needs money

and Roland puts all three boys to work

and says he’ll pay them 100 dollars each

as soon as the work is done.

The instructions are fairly simple: 

Everything that is red needs to be painted over in green,

everything that’s white needs to be repainted white.

Biff was the first to show.

He works graveyard and comes

straight from his job

though two weeks ago

I think he went to the gym before coming here

Roland had to work that day

and so I had told Tony that he could be in charge

I didn’t want Randy to be in charge

because most of the time

he doesn’t even know what he’s doing

as he has managed to disappear

each time Roland taught the boys a trade

Randy appears to be genuine about helping

or at least that was the case two weeks ago

But he loaded the paintbrush

so that it dripped onto the cement below.

I know that’s not how Roland taught him

but listening has never been his greatest skill.

I am so grateful that he hadn’t tried painting Jenna’s room

Otherwise she’d have blue splotches all over her floor

not to mention we would have run out of paint

before all of the walls were finished

We put Randy in charge of moving the lawn.

All three boys showed up the week before last.

When Tony and Biff both took off

Randy continued to work

and may have finished

except for we ran out of green

Of course none of us were here last week

as Jenna had her 5K.  

That was the first morning

since Tony’s been married

that I remember him showing up on time.

Roland wants the job done ASAP

It’s taking too long.

He hired some other people to finish the job.

They didn’t finish.

They said they’ll be back on Monday.

Roland wants the job done NOW

so yesterday  Biff and Tony showed up

(Randy is out of town)

More got done.

It isn’t finished though.

There is more red trim to paint green

Jenna’s old room needed painting as well

After Biff and Tony left for the day

Roland recruited me to help him paint

We put a light beige over the pink

in Jenna’s old room.

The wall came out a light tan.

I like the color.

After the room looked finished

(though there are still a lot of flaws)

Roland took the bed apart 

and leaned it against the wall.

He then drilled a hole into the floor

and went under the house

to change the cable.

There was a time in my life

when I had gone spelunking

with a large group

and actually had fun

exploring the cave

underground

It wasn’t until just before our exit

that I became freaked

at the very idea of the closure

and the "what if"s.

I have not been underground since.

Roland’s not at all fazed by the crawl space

but I am definitely having problems about it.

So he was in the crawl space and I was

over the hole that he drilled.

He could hear me. 

I could not hear him enough to

understand what he was saying to me

so I sent Jenna to stand over the crawlspace

and translate what Roland saying.

She hung upside down as she watched him.

The cables were too short and he and Jenna went to the store

to pick up a longer cable.

I tried to take a nap while they were gone

but my body was so sore that

I couldn’t relax.

I’ve never been eighty.

I’ve seen some 80 year olds who are quite healthy

and move like they’re twenty.

But I’ve seen more who seem hunched over

and have trouble walking

as though they are experiencing a shooting pain

with every step.

That is how I feel –

like the misshapen 80 year old

and every part of me hurts

even went I’m not moving

I couldn’t sleep

and so I turned on the television

to see if that might help

I flipped around until I landed on the BYU station

announcement is made that

“Granite Flats first episode is coming up next”

I hadn’t ever seen it. 

I started watching it although

I figured Roland and Jenna would return

before the program ended

and I still would not see it.

The doorbell rang

and I got up to answer the door.

Roland and Jenna were standing there with several packages

half of which were food

I helped them unload their bags.

When I returned to the other room,

the TV had been turned off

Roland returned to the crawl space

and we threaded the cable through.

He then moved in the computer from one room

We hooked up and moved the desk

from the bedroom

Hard work

Both of us were tired.

Both of us were sore.

My mind was the only thing NOT sore

as it kept of thinking of things

I wanted to post.

I’m still sore.

When I got out of bed this morning,

I walked slower

and less gracefully than

Frankenstein’s Monster.

A True Story That Makes Me Laugh

 

All three or my boys were in high school at the time.  (I don’t remember if I had given birth to Jenna yet) They were 15, 16, and 17.  My husband often referred (and still does) to the 15 year old as Casper as he had a way of disappearing for every chore.

One night Biff and Tony were washing dishes when Randy went on one of his disappearing jaunts.  He had excused himself to get music – or perhaps it was already playing – his idea of music anyway.

Biff and Tony listened to Soft Jazz and oldies.  Randy listened to what kids his age would listen to – I guess.  Still listens to bizarreness with no beat really.  I don’t care for what he thinks of as music.  Apparently neither did his brothers.

As Biff and Tony (who are both older than Randy – but only by one of two years) continued to do dishes they went into discussion about how Randy was of another generation.  I started laughing.  So they tried to correct their mistake by saying, “Well, kids that are Randy’s age” which made me laugh all the more.

“You guys are all actually of the same generation and pretty close in age.”  I reminded them.  Still, they were convinced that the distance between them and Randy was the same as between them and Jenna.   She’s technically the same generation also, but there is a distance between technology and current events. 

Academically, Randy and Jenna seem the brightest.  Biff has innocence and can often recognize things that the others overlook.  Tony is currently the only one with children – well one daughter.  But long before he even thought of getting married, he was the only prepared for changing diapers.  Still is.  He’s the only one of my three boys who would change Jenna – though Biff took a stab at it, the change was unsuccessful as he couldn’t figure out how to work the diaper.

Having them believe their age is so much greater always cracks me up when I think about that night when they were doing dishes.

A Thin Coat of Paint

I wouldn’t say that I’m a “friend” of scouting

I think Hannah is the one who made the announcement that “you are not an acquaintance of scouting, but a “friend” of scouting” 

“No I’m not,” I thought.  I have truly never been a friend.  I’ve actually had regrets about it.

I think the scouting program is a great program for those who truly want to be involved.  I guess the thing that has always bothered me the most about scouting is all the hoopla and fuss that seems to go with it.  It would be fine if there was an equal amount of hoopla given to those not even associated with scouts – if that is what’s desired. (Some of us don’t like hoopla and fuss; my brother Patrick and his oldest son truly loved scouting and were heavily involved.  My brother Corey and nephew Brian appear to have reached a point where they almost loathed it)

The boy scout program was adaptedby the LDS church in 1913 and cub scouts were adopted as a part of the primary in 1952. None of the other Church organizations require a uniform or guidelines from outside of the Church.

My mom had been a den mother to the boys when Patrick was in scouts.  I was involved in many of their activities.  It didn’t seem to be a big deal for non-scout members to participate when their parents were the leaders.  I enjoyed hanging around with them and meeting with them once a week and I especially enjoyed activities such as climbing the trail to the Timpenogous Cave or visiting Pioneer Village (located in Sugarhouse at the time) and stopping off at Snelgroves for an afterward treat.  As a recall, the majority of the boys got double scoop cones with blue bubblegum and black licorice flavored ice creams. 

I don’t remember ever feeling envious that the focus on the boys seemed to outshine the focus on the girls.  I usually always had a better time with boys than girls anyhow.  I suppose I did feel left out at times when cub scouts would earn rewards and there was always a ceremony for their achievements – not that I felt the need for a badge or material satisfaction.  I just remember sometimes wondering why so many thought the boys were so great and allowed the girls to sit on the back burner or barely be mentioned.

We didn’t have activity days – which may have been created to run parallel to the scouting program.  I don’t know.  With the girls – be it Activity Days or Young Women – the leaders focus needs to be on the girls.  Leaders should be without children when serving the girls.  So why can the scouts include non-scouts in their activities but the girls cannot? So perhaps it’s okay that they hold scouts every week while the girls hold Activity Days only twice a week.

When we moved into our current ward, I would have Jenna with me while attending Relief Society.  The scout leader invited her to participate in the activities that were planned the same night as Relief Society.  And so Jenna happily believed she was a scout.

I tried enrolling Jenna into the girl scouts program as she was not of age to participate in Activity Days – but was not successful in finding a good fit.  Oh, she enjoyed the few activities we had gone to, but we have always done things as a Juliette.  I still haven’t been able to find a good troop for her. I don't believe it is ever something I had wanted for myself, but Jenna and I have our differences.

Jenna has since had the opportunity to attend activity days and would love to attend every week.  In her mind it isn’t fair that boys get to meet every week.

We had gone to the Church Museum the day before school started.  There were two exhibits featuring the boy scouts – both of which she refused to attend out of rebellion.  She’s nine years old.  She doesn’t understand that boys (in general) seem to need more structure and may be in scouting  their entire lives and still not “get it”  whereas there’s a compassion or understanding or structure that seem to come more naturally to most girls.  But still . . .

Fund Raisers with the boys scouts happen with or without the church.  The boys go from door to door trying to raise money for their organization.  And certainly the girls will have fund raisers when they get into Young Women, but it’s not going door to door collecting money with only a receipt that may or may not be a tax write-off. 

The girls work hard and may involve others to donate baked goods or other items.  They sell product.  

Recently I read a post in which permission was given to share a post from a closed blog.  The following was brought up:

• meeting frequency- scouts are advised to meet weekly, while activity day girls are directed to meet NO MORE than twice a month

• activity types- scouting is a structured program with a clear directive to have activities of many differing types, activity days has no directive whatsoever other than "work on Faith in God for girls." The boys also have this program, but just happen to have scouting as well.

 
• recognition and awards- cub scouting is famous for its intricate advancement and award system, AD has no such system

 
• budgeting- do these programs have equal budgets?

 
• leaders- would a couple ever be called to lead AD groups? Why do boys have access to leaders of both genders, while girls do not? Also, cub scouts have a much higher ratio of leaders to boys than AD girls do

 
• formal, parent-attended pack meetings- there is no similar equivalent in the AD program.

 
• the Church's website- there was tab after tab on the church's primary page devoted to explaining and promoting Cub Scouting, but barely a mention of the AD program. You have to click on 'leader resources' and if you scroll down to the bottom, there's a SINGLE LINK that takes you to the SINGLE PARAGRAPH from Handbook 2 that gives direction on AD programs for leaders, and there's not much in that paragraph either.

 

I know that boys and girls are different – and my interpretation was not that the opinions are to treat both genders as equals but allow equal time, equal budgeting, equality in organization – not in person.  We’re all individuals who hopefully support and lift one another.  “Scouting” does not “lift” me however – or at least the political aspect and blown out manner that might send the message to some girls that they are lower class and not as important.

It is said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and yet there are some members of this church who feel discrimination because there seems to be a lack of equality. And not just with our attitude towards scouting. (I've actually mentioned the feelings of discrimination in several posts.)

These are just some of my thoughts.  I have more.  Lots more.  But I had to borrow somebody else’s words to get this post. The ideas I have (or had) are so disjointed still.  I apologize that this entry may not sound polished at all.