Beneath the Wraps

             I remember walking with the boys and then with Jenna when we lived in Kearns.   I walked with Jenna to the bus stop and to the school from the bus stop and returned to the bus stop and walked between.   I did a lot of walking.             Even when we lived on the rental property in Myrtle Creek Jenna and I walked nearly every day.   I go with her now when she is walking Bonnie and I have never felt so worn out.   Bonnie always sounds like I feel – exhausted and panting.   Maybe she’s not.   She’s overweight so I think the walk is stressful – especially because she always seems like she’s in a hurry.   She needs to pace herself.             I preferred the walks in Utah and around Neal and Riverside or Millsite park.   I no longer enjoy climbing – which is what we are doing each time we “...

           I miss my mom.   I have missed her since before she passed.              As I start aging, there are more things that I appreciate or understand about mom that I may have taken for granted many times before.   I don’t have the exceptional hearing that my mom did, and my eyesight is no longer what it used to be.   I find that I am often blowing up the screen or font size – especially when I am trying to view two windows at once.   I will still do a spell check but am unsure if a suggested word is the one I really want to use;  I can’t see what is being suggested – not from a comfortable position anyway.           I remember going to the pool with mom – who seemed to have worse eyesidht then than I do now.   She was literally blind without her glasses.   There wold be a clock right above the pool.   She could see the clo...

            Tuesday morning I woke up with a stinging sensation on my left arm as though it has been used as a pincushion.  Why all the pain?  I must have encountered a plant that doesn't like me (most plants don't) or heat rash perhaps?  My arm doesn't appear to have a rash visually, but from the inside, the prickly feeling was driving me bonkers.             Jenna and I had gone to the library.  It wasn't until after I returned that I felt what must have been small cuts on my index finger (just under the knuckle).  Must be from dry skin.  Yesterday I realized it was a sliver of some kind - probably wood.  My left index finger was turning pink. I think I might have gotten it out when I soaked myself and opened up my pores.             In addition to our house trim in need of p...

            All of my life people have thought or think that I am younger than I am.   My mind finally agreed with them and has accepted myself as younger.             When people had asked me how old I was, I seriously had to stop and think about it and subtract 62 from whatever year it was.   Now I add 42 years to whatever Jenna’s age happens to be.             Before I gave birth to Jenna, I had a bad case of tendonitis – or maybe it wasn’t that bad.   My cousin Michelle had experienced something with her hands – only with her there was pain.   With me it was just numbness – like Novocain numbness.   I’ve never been paralyzed – but I did have a tingling sensation sometimes.   Mostly my fingers just felt lifeless – even after Jenna came along.     ...

          I have mentioned my Aunt Gertrude (Trudy) in at least five posts before.  She will be 95 at the end of this year.  Her brother, Ted, just turned 99.  Both are hard of hearing, but very sharp and knowledgeable.  Their bodies have weakened over the years, especially Trudy's.           Aunt Trudy was always doing for other people.  For many years she drove a friend to the grocery store.  Up until a year ago, Aunt Trudy was still driving - even in her overly bent shape.  I don't know that she ever had an accident, but I still felt a sense of relief to know she wasn't able to renew her license again.  If she just hadn't taken that spill on Easter Sunday in 2013, she probably would have her driver's license.  For she wasn't so frail until after that.           My cousin, Michelle, sent ou...

  One day a month, Roland and I try to set up a double date with one of our boys and his wife.   At least two have suggested that we go see a play.   But we cannot just drop by a playhouse and expect to get tickets.   They have to be reserved. In March we had gone to the park for picnic with Tony and Rochelle. After we got home I looked into buying theatre tickets for the date this month.   I purchased four tickets to Desert Star’s “Into the Hoods” for yesterday afternoon.   I first approached Jeanie and Biff. Jeanie declined, as she and Biff would be celebrating their wedding anniversary – ALL DAY and Not With Us.   Okay.   If they had already made plans, no big deal.   I could call Randy and Carrie and if they couldn’t go, there’s my sister Kayla and her husband, Bill or we could go with Tony and Rochelle again – though they are notorious for NOT being on time – and that could put a damper on our plans. Rand...

         I notice as I age, parts of me don’t seem willing to move as well and my balance seems to be thrown off.   Actually has been for quite some time.   Sometimes it’s like when you have your arms spread out to either side from your shoulders and you lift one foot while trying to close your eyes.   Go ahead and try it.   I’ve not met anyone yet that can make it to a full minute. Two years ago I had an MRI as I thought I’d been having stroke related symptoms.   Nothing was found.   But today I keep dad’s walker quite near the bed and have used it at night just to balance myself while getting up.   I have not yet used it to assist my walking. As of now I don’t feel any different as far as balance goes. I do seem to be experiencing a little more pain in different places – like just behind my left knee – when I twisted it while exiting a bus.   The pain comes and goes.   The other d...

I don’t know when mom became an avid walker or how many years she and Pam Sanders had walked together practically every weekday morning.   I know that Corey was still in high school and driving because many times mom and Pam would end their walk at the high school and take the car.             Once, as they were leaving the parking lot, a security officer from the high school pulled them over to see their ID – wondering why the car was being driven off the high school grounds during school hours.   I guess he figured out that they weren’t high school students. They laughed about the experience of being pulled over and stopped by a diner on their way home.               The girl behind the counter started to ring up their order.   I don’t know what they ordered, but evidently it was available at a senior price.   Neither one of them were ...

Today’s visit has been quite the interesting and somewhat traumatizing.  No easy way to explain it.  I have made mention of my great Aunt Gertrude in a couple of my posts – but I don’t know that I went into detail about the “great” part. Aunt Trudy is the youngest of four children.  Three brothers: Harold, Earl and Ted.  My paternal grandfather is Earl.  He fathered three children, my dad, my Uncle Ross and my Aunt Alice.  Each child has four children – many of whom are close to Aunt Trudy and may have more knowledge of the intimate details of her life than I. Harold had one son who in turn had four children.  It is through this line that Aunt Trudy would like to handle her affairs.  But I don’t know.  She was talking to me through medication – sounding so much more confused than mom ever has. Uncle Ross and family had invited Aunt Trudy and Uncle Ted to an Easter Brunch.  It was during the Easter festivities when Aunt Tru...

          There are some who age gracefully – some whose minds and bodies appear to be so much younger that many are surprised to learn that they are actually older than they appear.  And then there are those who seemed robbed of their minds and or bodies long before their prime and often give the illusion that they are much older.  And then there are those who don’t appear to be that old but their minds seem younger than their bodies – much younger.  How did Corey put it?  Elderly children.    Leon Goodman  described Alzheimer’s in this way:    Her life is being chomped away from present to past by a voracious PacMan which cannot be stopped.   My mom does not have Alzheimer’s, but I think the comparison here is just as accurate.  Only it’s not so much from present to past as it is just a very different time frame.  A time frame real to her but in an imaginary zone from the a...

          A week ago yesterday mom was discharged from the hospital A week ago yesterday I drove her home – her actual house.   She wanted me to take her to the one in her mind. A week ago yesterday I drove her to my house where we waited for Nate (my nephew) to come get her and take her to her real home.   A week ago she was still distorted and not satisfied with where she was. A week ago today my brother Patrick and his son-in-law Nate moved some of mom’s furniture.   A week ago today my sister-in-law Sunny and our friend Becky helped pack clothes. A week ago today unbeknownst to my mom, she spent her last day in the house where she started a new life with dad and raised all four of her children. A week ago today my sister Kayla took my mom to the doctor.   A week ago today, Patrick and Sunny and their daughter Ellen rearranged mom’s furnitu...