More Patience, Less Judging

     It’s taken me YEARS to not become offended by the actions of my children.  I have one who could never sit still, one who would sulk, one who is considered gifted – he tends to get bored very easily.  Jaime figets.  I never considered her as having ADD or ADHD

screenshot of Google response

     I knew the oldest two had it but hadn’t considered the other two might have had it as well.  There are different signs, symptoms if you will, that one may experience that others may not and vice-versa.  There are countless websites which address these issues.  Some provide quizzes and council.  

      ADD was changed to ADHD in 1987  (reference) 

which is the year our oldest was born.  When I first met Richard the eldest boy had difficulty sitting still – or sitting at all.  He reminded me of a caged animal.  Over the years he’s gotten better at placement but still seems unfocused at times and is constantly misplacing things.

Our second son is a hoarder. I did not see any referencing to hoarding.  It is something he did when he was in junior high and still as an adult with four children.  He has always lacked focus.  He’s always dragging his feet and forgets things the moment he thinks of them.

I used to give him a paper to write his questions down as he thought them up. Sometimes it worked.  Not always. He isn’t very organized.  He is the one Richard nicknamed Donald Duck because of his random flares at the stupidest things. 

 My youngest has always been advanced academically whereas the other two tend to struggle.  He gets bored easily and recycles material things as though money is no object.  He has lived in seven different houses (or apartments) during his marriage of almost twelve years.  I was actually surprised when he announced he was getting married as I didn’t believe he was able to make a commitment.  He hasn’t been dedicated enough to any one company that he’s worked for – not enough to continue working with them but will find employment elsewhere (hence the moving around)

None of them seem to have the greatest listening skills and procrastination seems to be a major part of their personal life.  Jaime doesn’t procrastinate, but she does like to keep her hands busy while someone is talking.  Both she and the youngest boy are outgoing and well-liked whereas the oldest two are not outgoing.

     I probably have and have always had symptoms of ADD myself – though now it could just be classified as an aging thing.  But I have ALWAYS been a daydreamer.  My listening skills have not been the best either because of my daydreaming. 

     How much better my relationship is with them when I don’t react to what I often found offensive but respond with a knowledge that it is not their fault.  They are sensitive and I have been. 

This was shared on facebook; I do not
have a reference for original source

God Said "No"

 Jaime said she would not have classes today

or tomorrow and

could I come get her?

but she would need to return on

Saturday as she has tickets

to see a play.

An hour and a half is not that far

But gas prices are outrageous.

Perhaps I could just spend a 

few nights in Ashland.

Richard said it was okay.  

We prayed about our decision.

John Mayer did not reveal a

promising forecast - though 

yesterday did seem more driveable

than it is currently.

I went and got my hair done yesterday

and was talking to my hair dresser

who also advised against driving down

with all those mountain passes to go through.

What mountains?  

I'm from Utah.  

Those are just hills.

Snow is/was in the hills.

It melts pretty quickly.

Too cold to snow.

But not too cold to freeze.

And it has rained.

I could slip on ice.

Or another car could slip

into me.

So many drivers seem to be

in a hurry.

I wouldn't be in a hurry.

I would be hitting every rest stop

between here and Ashland

the way I had hit

every rest stop between Myrtle

Creek and the Young Women's 

camp that was located outside of 

Eugene.  I made it there

Surely I could make it to Ashland.

But it was better weather when I had

retrieved Jaime from camp back in

2019 (here).  It was in June - before 

the outlandish weather that seemed 

to come along side the pandemic.

Both Jaime and I were looking forward

to the possibility of my coming for a visit.

The warning signs are there.

The answer was "No" 

at least this time around.

Morning Drive

These are the signs I pass in the morning when I take Jaime and her friend out to the blueberry farm.

Between Country Market to Ray’s:

Between Ray’s and Horse Bridge: 

Horse Bridge: 

 

Riverside: 

Just before Riverside merges with South Myrtle I pass these three spaced out social distantly:

About half way to the farm:

 On the return: 

I pass at least 4 of these: 

And at least two of these:

Before I hit the fork between Division and Riverside: 

Either road will take me home though the signs are different if I choose to go through town.  But here is what I see typically: 

And now I am home.  Wasn’t that fun?

That movie went on and on . . . the plot, Forgotten

          The cinema movie offered to the seniors this week was Dunkirk - which Roland wanted to go and see, but it was on Wednesday which overall is NOT the best day for me - especially when I have two classes.  Roland was finishing up his assignment and Corey was coming to town (and there is no movie that I would rather see over my brother, Corey) and I wasn't going to jeopardize that!  Roland's plan was to take me on a date to the theatre last night.  Unfortunately the last showing was on Thursday, and so we ended up not going to the big city of Roseburg. 

          Instead we decided to go rent movies from Redbox.  We drove to the  one located by McDonald's.  I was watching two men, one in a cherry picker and one in the McDonald's sign - which actually looks further up in the air when there is a cherry picker and crew inside the sign.  I wished I would have had my camera.  You think with all the times I've not had it with me, I would learn.  But no.  I was too lazy to have taken anything - even proper shoes.

          We selected two movies: Meagan Leavey and the Zoo Keeper's Wife,

but there was a problem with the machine and we couldn't get any farther than checking out the movies.  As Roland continued to fiddle with Redbox, I continued to watch the view of the two persons (I could only see the one on the cherry picker but figured there was also at least one in the sign itself).

          We drove to another Redbox location on the other end of town.  Roland couldn't find the Zoo Keeper's Wife and had selected the latest King Kong.  We did not spend as much time at the second RedBox.  We collected the two movies and returned to our house to watch them.

          I really liked Megan Leavey, which is the first movie we watched.  I  thought Kate Mara looked a lot like the real Megan Leavey.  What a remarkable turn-around of her life.

          I don't know what possessed us to watch King Kong in its entirety.  I think we both thought something would happen - maybe a plot would unfold.  I

t was kind of like a rip off of Jurassic Park meshed with some other movie. I saw Planet of the Apes, the Incredible Hulk and dare I saw Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?  We apparently lost sight of why the group had gone to Skull Island in the first place.  My recommendation would be that you do not waste your time on watching this King Kong but rent one of the other mentioned movies instead.  And the creatures, by the way, looked as realistic to me as the ones used in the King Kong movies back in 1976.

          This morning on facebook I posted a bogus picture of cherry picker raised to McDonald sign with the caption: "If you have a fear of heights, changing light bulbs in the McDonald's sign is NOT for you."  I don't know if that is actually what they were doing.  It certainly was interesting to watch - though from my point of view, there wasn't much to see, except for the inside of the sign which is normally yellow appeared to have open slats of white shining through.

Some Examples on Gifts of the Holy Ghost

           Lola gave the lesson yesterday on the gift of the Holy Ghost.  She asked for participation – though the first example that came to mind took more time to explain than I thought was appropriate.  As I listened to her lesson, I came up with a few examples from my own life.

         The first example I thought of was one of Warning  

      

         I was 17 and hadn’t had my driver’s license for long.  I hadn’t learned to drive a stick and thus drove the family station wagon (since it was automatic).

         My brother, Patrick, and I both worked at Snelgroves Ice Cream Store – approximately a 15 minute drive from where we lived.

I had asked Patrick if he would move the Honda, which was behind.  Patrick was only 15, but he had a lot more experience with the cars than I did.  He told me that if I wanted to drive the Honda to work, he would work the stick for me and tell me when to clutch.  I thought it would be good experience and decided to take him up on that.

         We were less than 2 blocks from Snelgroves when I tried to slow down using the brake, but was stepping on the clutch and not slowing down.  We rounded a corner going about 35 mph and I veered from the right lane into the left lane, went over a curb and came only a few feet short of hitting the store that sold organs. 

         Patrick’s eyes bugged out of his head, but he never said anything.  I have always admired him for that.  We were both somewhat shaken when we got to work.  I was determined NOT to drive home. 

         At that time the store closed its doors at 10:00 or 11:00.  Clean-up took a couple of hours – depending on what job task we were given.  That particular night we didn’t get out until well after 1:00.  The next day was Sunday.  Church started at 8:00 a.m.

         I handed the keys to Patrick and said, “If you want to get home, you’ll have to drive because I’m not driving.  We’ll say a prayer first.”

         Patrick was nervous, as he knew what the consequences were involved if we were pulled over and he was found behind the wheel.  At the same time I think he may have had a secret desire to “test his wings” so to say. 

I swore him to secrecy that he was never to tell anyone about this until he was interviewed by the bishop for his mission.

         During Sacrament meeting, my mom turns to me and says, “Did Patrick drive the car home last night?”

         You think that would have surprised me, but I was actually quite offended that she would even think such a thing.

         “Why would you even ask me that?” I let her know that I was offended. 

         “I don’t know”

         She asked me two more times in the process of arguing with herself – or rather questioning the promptings of the Spirit.  It finally came out that “Yes – Patrick had driven the car.”

         I think that she was in greater shock than how I felt offended. 

         It turned out that I had broken the rims of the wheels – probably all four of them.  And if my dad had taken the Honda to work the next day, it may have landed him in an unnecessary accident. 

         Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had inadvertently asked for that blessing before Patrick and I had left the Snelgrove’s parking lot the night prior. God does answer prayers – often in ways you don’t expect.

         The next example that came to mind was a time when Sunny was preparing for a primary sharing time on the subject of the Holy Ghost and the gifts we can receive.

         She had pondered all month about her approach.  On Saturday night (12 or so hours before the sharing time message was to be shared) she had a dream about a video she really had seen in real life.  She felt that was the message she was to share.

         She had gone to the Church early enough to reserve the video.  However it couldn’t be found in that library, but Sunny knew she had seen it before – at a stake activity.  So the stake center library was called, but they didn’t have the video either.  Sunny was frantic.

         She went into the primary room and got on her knees and poured her heart out as the tears fell.

         Meanwhile, a sister (I’ll call her Pat) who was in her same stake, was walking passed the Church when she felt a prompting to go inside and find the primary room.  She thought it strange as the ward she attended did not even meet in that particular building.  Fortunately she followed the prompting and went inside.

         She found Sunny in the primary room crying and asked if she could help.  Sunny blubbered her thoughts and described the video in detail. 

         Pat knew what video Sunny was talking about.  It was one that Pat had in her personal collection.  She went home to get the video for Sunny to share with her primary children.  But it wasn’t so much the video that Sunny had to share – it was more to relate the experience she had had in obtaining it.

         Translation          One of the first primary baptisms I had attended in this stake was one conducted by the Spanish ward – which then was just a branch.

         The first speaker gave a talk on baptism.  She spoke in English, but there was a brother there who translated her words into Spanish (as there was a youth from the Spanish ward being baptized that day) The second speaker spoke in Spanish about the gifts of the Holy Ghost and the same brother translated in English.

         The English Speaker paused after every sentence or two to allow the brother to translate, but the Spanish speaker didn’t seem to allow much for translation. 

         I remember one part in particular as she was rattling on, I thought, “Give that poor man the opportunity to translate.”

         And when he got up (I don’t remember the exact quote) he said that one of the gifts of the Holy Ghost is the power to translate.  Let me demonstrate as I finish my talk and let Bro. Hill translate what I say.  But he will be translating by the Spirit  . . . “

         Wow!  That demonstration was so powerful.  I really did understand the message that was brought by the Spirit.

         At the time Jenna was baptized, it was also the Spanish ward that was conducting.  Each speaker had brought his/her own translator.  The second translator seemed to miss much in translation.  But oh, you could so feel the speaker’s spirit, and that was more powerful than any words that were spoken.

         As Lola concluded her lesson, she focused on the Holy Ghost acting as a comforter. I know I have more recent experiences, but this is the one that pressed most on my mind.

         I was working for a privately owned business in which communication was just not that great.  Only five people were involved.  The owner (Thomas) his wife (Penny) her mother (who was co-owner) Charity (my co-worker) and me.

In frustration, Charity and I decided to put in our notice.  Penny seemed quite understanding about it, but Tom did not seem so understanding.  Charity and I were both in tears when her mom came to pick her up. 

It sounds unprofessional that Charity’s mom was acting as the mediator on our behalf – but I know that if Tom didn’t understand us when we were speaking clearly, there was no way he was going to understand our blubbering noises.

My mom called me just as we were wrapping things up.  She was wondering why I hadn’t gone to a tithing settlement I had signed up for.  In all that had happened, I had forgotten, but was told I could drive to the church to meet with the bishop as soon as I was done.

At the conclusion of my tithing settlement, my bishop asked if there was anything that I needed.  Still in tears and upset with the prior situation, I asked if I could have a blessing and explained a bit about the events that had taken place. 

At that point I didn’t care if I still had a job or not, I just wanted to feel some peace.  And I did.  Immediately.  It was awesome.

For me it is easier to write about the past than to post something I consider sacred right now.  Perhaps I will share more at a later time.

Little Reminders

     I decided I would take an early bus and get some snacks for the girls.

     When I first walked in the store, I noticed the display set up for Mother’s Day.  A sign said, “Don’t Forget MOM” Tears welled my eyes as I thought, “I won’t.  I can never forget her.  I wish she were still here with us.”

     After I purchased the snacks I went on my way and passed drug store advertising some kind of Shingle prevention shot – at least that’s how it appeared.  I thought about the commercial that advertises that if you have had the chicken pox the virus is already in you. 

     Mom told me that she could find only three chicken pox on my entire body.  It’s quite unfortunate that the worse case of chicken pox she had ever seen was that of my brother Patrick.  She said he had chicken pox on top of chicken pox all over his entire body.  She said he looked like a little monster . . . or something like that.  That must have been terrible for both of them.  

     I also remembered when his children, Ellen and Kimball were quite younger, they were playing with the neighbors across the street.  There must have been five or six of them total.  They each took turns playing a toy flute or a whistle of some sort.  Gradually all of them came down with chicken pox.

     With each step I took, I could feel my pants slipping and would have to tuck and adjust.  Could I actually be losing weight? 

     The sun’s been hot, but there’s been a cool breeze for the most part.  I continued on my way to the school and noticed that ball fields are being made over.  Season is about to start.  Won’t bother me so much now that I’m not driving anymore.  At least I don’t think it will.

I sat on the first bench I came to.  The sun was too warm.  I moved to another that had more shade. I read a bit as I waited for the bell to ring and school to dismiss.

     Jenna had her first friend-from-class play date and I didn’t know what they had planned, but had suggested some options.  The girls decided that we would go home and they would picnic on their snacks.

 First they jumped on the trampoline while I prepared their snacks.  After two hours I got ready for a date.  Roland likes me to wear make-up.  I also wanted to change into a nicer shirt. 

The Sign Came Down

            Near my daughter’s school is an assisted living facility – at least that’s how it is advertized.  I think it is more of a retirement home or independent living.  No memory care is provided (but there are many facilities that don’t have the memory care included). To me it appears that the residences are free to come and go.  I don’t know that for a fact.  It just appears that way.

            Two months before the family assigned me the task of looking into care facilities I looked into the one close to Vantanna.  The man who showed me around was very nice and gave me a binder of all I had seen and the cost.  He encouraged me to look into other facilities but guaranteed that all would be more expensive.  And he was right.

            I remember giving Corey the information.  He said he thought it was all too soon to worry about that.  I didn’t think it was.  But as there was no memory care I didn’t think it would work for my mom.  When Corey finally did get around to realizing that one day we would have to find a place for mom, he checked out the facility and walked away even less impressed than I was.  We both agreed that escaping from the facility would have been no challenge to our mom.

            Because it was only four months before we were forced into finding something where mom couldn’t escape from, I still get a bit nostalgic whenever we pass by the first facility near Jenna’s school.

            This morning she dismissed me before we got to the school.  I walked back to the bus stop near the assisted living.  As I approached I could see a couple of guys standing near the pillar with the facility’s name on it.  One was dressed like a grim reaper.  “How cruel,” I thought.  But as it turns out it was not for the residence but for the sign and pillar itself.  For it was being demolished.

 

            It makes me wonder if the facility has changed ownership and will receive a new name or if it will still be used as a retirement home or  if the families of the residence will have to find a new place to live and start paying more money.  I wasn’t the only one who was curious about it.  The bus driver who stopped for me had his head turned in wonderment as he watched the caterpillar at work.  It was the longest he ever stayed at that stop.