Family Hopping

 

We had made arrangements for Ryan (aka Tony) to come pick us up from the bus depot.  He met us at 6:15 in the morning and took us to my sisters house where we would sleep – or attempt to anyway.  We were introduced to the family dogs Sadie and Donny.  Gary was asleep on the couch where we’d be sleeping – or trying to and Jerry asked if we would give him permission to use us in a youtube video.  He then taught us a geography game which I had assumed he wanted us to play while filming for the youtube video.  But that is a far as it got.  Perhaps we weren’t worthy subjects for his channel?

          For the most part we spent time with Ryan and his family while Ryan was off and before the kids had to go back to school.  We played games with them and then Ryan took us all to Dee’s for dinner.  After he brought us back to my sister’s house, we played games with her family.  Playing games with different family members really was the highlight of our being there. 

          On Saturday we helped Todd (aka Bill Jolly) with cleaning the church.  Later Ryan came for us and we went to the park.  It was hot and the kids wanted to go swimming.  Jai or I had suggested going to Fairbourn to run through the fountains.  We drove from the park toward the Fairbourn station and Ryan parked in the lot of West Valley Library. As I was getting out of the car I realized that I had left my backpack at the park.  Thus we did not make it to Fairbourn as we stayed in car and headed back toward Vista Park. So grateful that my backpack was still there when we returned. 

        We chose not to go back to Fairbourn but to the apartment where Ryan's family lives.  He and the kids played in the pool while Jaime and I played games with our very pregnant Chelsey.  Jaime and I had brought our suits to Utah but they were in our suitcases back at Todd and Shelly's house and I didn't think returning for them would be worth the extra amount of driving it would take as       Utah is under construction.  Every spring and summer it always takes longer to get from point A to point B than in the fall.  So many roads.  So many polycones, barrels and signs.  So many detours. We crawled through traffic each time we were in the car 

There was construction on the road, on buildings, parking lots . . . very overwhelming.  So happy I had not driven.

     Todd and Jaime were watching an episode of Star Trek: Strange New World. I was talking to Richard on the phone and excused myself and went downstairs as to not disturb Todd's program watching.  Sadie was down there and had chewed me out for being in her territory.  Fine, I did not want to be there anyway.  Richard said I sounded tired and should get some sleep.    I slept great on Saturday night. Apparently I was out the minute my buttocks hit the couch.

          On Sunday we went to my sister’s ward.  There was a youth that gave the closing prayer in Sacrament meeting.  What an awesome prayer.  So refreshing hearing a youth give the prayer in Sacrament meeting.  There are two wards that meet in the building.  Each ward has their own sacrament but will combine for the second meeting to account for more activity.  That is a brilliant idea!  Wish we had that option.

Better Than Denny's

         I went to Church by myself last week.  Jenna had opted to go with Roland to pick up Randy and his family at the airport.  Roland and I had picked up a van the day before.  We had also borrowed a playpen for the baby to sleep in. 

I am happy I was there for sacrament meeting.  Bonnie’s doctor and his wife were the speakers.  We hadn’t seen Dr. Nay at Church since COVID began.  He still had a mask on his face which made me feel guilty that I wasn’t wearing mine (as masks are now optional at Church)

Sister Nay talked about taking upon His name and comparing simple reminders to power bars or power bites.  Reading the scriptures would be a power bar, performing service, being kind . . . Though I have put Sister Nay on possibly a higher pedestal than perhaps she would place herself, it made me realize that even those that seem to be natural at taking upon His name and wouldn’t need power bars do have to work at it. Spiritual power bars give us energy.

Dr. Nay had mentioned that oft times we may become offended by the choice of words or actions of another – but it isn’t as though most people are going around intentionally offending others.  Sometimes we just get rubbed the wrong way or see things out of context.  How we react is on us.  I wish I had taken notes.  Both talks were both very meaningful.  I enjoyed them a lot.

It appears I published a post after I returned figuring I would see them all within the hour.  Ironically, I could have created several more thoughts to post each day but had decided to finish watching a movie I had started the week prior.  I had even gone through a second and wondered: “Where in the world could they be?”

I did figure that they would stop for something to eat even though Roland had Chicken Cacciatore cooking in the crockpot.  They made the mistake of choosing a Denny’s that evidently was not fully staffed.  The ironic thing was that in the time they had ordered until the time they were served, they could have eaten the Cacciatore.  I had several reports that it was NOT a good experience.  But at least they got to visit, right?  Probably in a more productive way than the van would allow.

So now I have a week’s worth of family time plus another two unrelated but will perhaps be mentioned during their first day of June with us.  I have loads of pictures that Jenna had taken.  How great it is that she is documenting what I used to.  So, I’m back.  Don’t know how missed I was.

Praying For The Lincoln Project

         I believe it was Corey’s senior year in high school when the student directory came out.  On the cover was an art student’s work depicting the mascot and school spirit.  He had signed his artwork “Zion” as he had with many (if not all) of his other pieces.  It wasn’t meant to stand out as the main theme of his drawing but rather blend into the design.  However an instructor who was anti-religion especially anti-LDS had discovered the “hidden” Zion and made such a great fuss over it that it drew much more attention to the drawing and the word than was intended. 

            It’s quite a small example of how even negative criticism can be used to boost something positive.  Take the Lincoln Project (here) for instance, a group of former Republicans no longer affiliated with the party either by choice or perhaps they were asked to leave.  Each may have killed their political career for not standing by Trump.  They now create anti-Trump ads which frankly are quite clever.  Of course, Trump gets mad and has to tweet to his followers about how “fake” it is which evidently works to the advantage of the Lincoln project according to this interview with 60 minutes.

            I don’t know any of those who personally started the Lincoln Project but I know many who support their cause.  An entire family in Utah who would campaign and run for office under the Republican party are advocates of NOT voting for Trump.  And I respect them.  I know them.  I have had intimate conversations with many family members who are involved.  All of the people I know who are anti-Trumpers are highly educated, focused, learned in a variety of topics, well read.  I’m learning that I really don’t know my Trump supporting friends, and many of the ones I do know seem have their heads in the same mind-set as these people.

            Our nation is hurting.  Our nation is not going to heal in the next four years if Trump is voted back into office.  And even if he’s not, he already made it known that he is not exiting gracefully.  I think it’s the only thing he’s ever said that I actually believe.

Relationships: September Babies and Baptisms

         Four grandchildren were added to George and Peggy Bird‘s list of grandchildren in 1998.  I believe all four were in September.  Three biological and my niece who was an honorary member as Ellen and Kimball did not have cousins on either side of the family before Candy was born.  I think she was the eldest of the four cousins. I know she was the largest.

          Before Christmas, Birds had held their annual Christmas pageant.  Ellen reluctantly played Mary (as the only two other girls at the time were babies) and held one of the twins in her arms.  He was wailing.  I remember someone saying that Baby Jesus wasn’t being very reverent. 

 

Sarah Fitch - LDS clipart

          Corey and I had to excuse ourselves from the pageant as we had another commitment – I don’t even remember what.  Whatever it was hadn’t taken very long, for we had returned in time to see the wise men arriving in Bethlehem.  Ellen no longer held either twin, but had her sister.  I remember thinking how appropriate that was that she had a larger child as Jesus was two or so when the wise men arrived. 

          Fast forward to October 7, 2006.  There was no way all of the Birds could make it to all four baptisms unless all four were baptized the same place.  Arrangements were made for the four of them to be in one building at the same time.  How awesome it was that they were able to share their special day together and no one had to choose which one baptism to attend.

          I would have been in that predicament today if we were in Utah.  Tony had called to let us know our eldest granddaughter was being baptized and had even given us advanced notice in order to make the drive.  But driving to Medford is hard on the body – going to Utah two years ago had really been rough.  

LDS clipart

Jenna didn’t wish to take the time off school.  We can't always go to events or wait for life to stop for those we wish could come.  Tony was unable to make it to Jenna's baptism or either of his brother's weddings.  In a way I wish I was closer to my grandkids, but I really don’t know them.  I have lost touch with the boys.  Life seemed to get in the way (for them – even in Utah – for Tony anyway.  I suspect if we did live in Utah that Biff and Claire would be living with us instead of the in-laws and life would be more chaotic)

          My sister had told me that her oldest boy was scheduled to be baptized the following week, but that seemed to change at the last minute to today.  So of course we would have probably gone to Ester’s out of obligation and perhaps to my sister’s house afterward though I know I would be wishing we were at my sister’s house to begin with.  I am just closer to her children than I am to my own.  Roland says he misses the boys, but it’s not like he’s ever been close either.  I think that’s one reason they all seem estranged. A “Cat’s in the Cradle” (here) type thing. 

             Our youngest son now lives in New York.  If neither one of us had moved to another state, I suspect I would know his oldest daughter the best of any of my grandchildren.  I would have had more opportunity to spend time with her.  And I suspect I would have taken her on bus trips and she would have gotten to know her generational cousins.  But alas I am in Oregon.  I am breathing and I am happy.

                Each day Roland will ask if I’ve checked the mail if he hasn’t already checked it.  I know there have been times when he has been expecting a check or medication or something else.  I wondered what it’s been he’s been searching for lately.  He says he had found the address of his eldest daughter and has sent a letter each month and has been hoping to receive a letter from her.  I doubt she lives on her own.  She is probably not getting the letters if she still lives with her mom – though her mom has poisoned her mind against having anything to do with Roland.  Too bad.  I doubt that he will ever hear from her.  I hope I’m wrong.

Dash TV #33 Tucson, Arizona

          I don’t know how often the boys went to Arizona to visit Roland’s sister, Jean before I joined the family.  I know Biff had lived with her for a while – perhaps a couple of years.  He had returned to live with Roland shortly before I met them all.

I remember driving to Tucson with Roland to pick the boys up three times after summer was over.  The first time we had gone all the way to Tucson to get them.  The second time we met them in Panquitch, Utah, believing it was a half-way point.  The third time was further down south at Glen Canyon Dam.  

We toured the facility before we parted ways and made observations on how much both Tony and Randy had grown. 

          Biff asked, “What about me?  Haven’t I grown?” His hair was like a small “Sideshow Bob” afro.  He was taller due to his hair.  But once he got it cut, he’d be back to his same size. He had also asked Roland if I was pregnant.  I was, but did not know it at the time.

          I have been to Tucson five times to visit Roland’s family.  The first time was before we were married when we had gone to get the boys so that they could start school.  All three of them would be starting junior high. I really don’t remember many details except that the boys wanted me to move faster when I was behind the wheel.  But that was on the return.  I was pretty wiped out during our first visit.

          The second time was when Jenna was three.  Roland and I took his mother to Old Tucson shortly after we arrived.  We allowed Jenna to stay home and get to know her cousins.  I don’t know how many pictures I took of Old Tucson.  And one who has internet can look up photos or may be familiar with scenes from many westerns or Little House on the Prarie.  I will not put all the photos I took in this post, but will create another post of some of the ones that I took (or were taken of me)

When we came home from Old Tucson, we found Jenna painting Kristen’s nails.  

I think we spent two or three days and Jenna had a blast getting to know her cousins – so much that she and John decided that she just stay and live with him.  They decided that if they dressed Jenna in John’s clothes that we would mistake her for him and wouldn’t take her with us. 

Of course we knew it was her.  They were both disappointed that they hadn’t fooled us and so she hid in his room.  She would not budge not even to say good-bye to Roland and me – or his mom who we were taking with us.  I did finally manage to trick her into either saying good-bye to a beloved stuffed animal that we had taken with us, or to retrieve her so that it too could live in Arizona.  When she got out to the car, I seat-belted her in and she cried for a good portion of the ride. 

When we stopped across the Utah border, I asked if she would like for us to buy a cactus for her (as she had been hinting for one the entire time we were in Arizona).  But she saw something else that she wanted more than the cactus.  We ended up buying a stick horse which she named “Pinky” (the same name as the small bear we had brought with us) I think she ended up giving that same name to four of her toys.

Two years later we returned for Uncle Mike’s funeral.  It was in January and the weather felt nice compared to Salt Lake – though those who lived in Arizona thought it was cold.  It appears I took a lot of pictures of the family though we were not there for long.  We left right after the funeral.

The following year we spent some time with the family at San Xavier.  As we walked through there were several statues of different saints.  Roland told Jenna that if she was good her Aunt Linda would tell her the names of each of the saints represented at which point Linda slugged Roland and he laughed.

We also went to Old Tucson as a family.  I think there were eight adults and three children who went. We all ended up riding the carousel and had stopped off for pizza on the way back to Jean’s house.  Jenna and I wanted pineapple on our pizza but Aunt Linda wouldn’t hear of it.  So Roland purchased two more pizzas so that Jenna and I could have our pineapple.  Guess whose pizzas were first to be eaten?

The pictures indicate that we had Tony with us.  As I recall, Biff could not get the time off work and Randy must have been on his mission.  I took more pictures of the family and our activities.  I am grateful to have the photographic memories.

My last visit to Tucson was in 2012.  That time we had Randy and Biff with us.  We had gone there for mom’s birthday (see this post)

Dash #44 Three Values

 

          There are definitely many values that our parents instilled in us, but the three I would pick to answer this question would be prayer, family and service.

Prayer

          From an early age, we learned that we could communicate to our Heavenly Father through prayer.  We were taught not only to ask for things but to thank God as well for the many blessings that we had.  And there truly were many.  Mom and dad were able to help us understand what the blessings were.  Especially dad.  He had tremendous faith and find the blessings where we could not such as in car failure or his swelled foot (here)and in his final years could see the blessings with his deteriorating health.          

          I remember on several occasions seeing my dad kneeling in front of the green chair which I dubbed “the prayer chair”.  After mom passed, the green chair went to live in Kayla’s home and remained there until recently from what I understand.

Family

          Each of us was important and our parents made certain that we knew we added value. It was important for us to respect one another and treat each other kindly.  They did not show favoritism.  They taught us to work together and took an interest in everything we did.  They would support our dreams and include us with big decisions – like where to go and what to do on vacation or the décor of the newly finished basement.  I don’t know that I appreciated that so much at the time, but I certainly do right now.  I wish I had been able to pass that on to Jenna’s brothers.

Service

To the best of my knowledge, neither of my parents ever turned down a church calling.  Both were diligent in their callings – even when they were discouraged or really did not care for the calling.  For example, my mom taught a primary class in which one youth, in particular, would act up and had made her calling difficult.  She had made an appointment with the bishop to ask if she could be released.  Another child in her class had called my mom from another state (back in the days before cell phones, and often calling another county was long distance, let alone another state) to thank my mom for a lesson she had learned.  It convinced my mom to stay with her calling despite the temperamental youth.
 Mom cared for dad’s family as they became her own (here).  Both of my parents served others until they started losing functions in their brains.  I learned a lot from each of my parents and am grateful for their examples in my life.

A Mother's Day talk for Christmas

            In November of 2016, I felt impressed to write a talk about Mother's Day.  I started my research and played around with different ideas.  May came and went and I wasn't asked to talk.  In fact, there was little mention about it even being Mother's Day.  The first speaker truly loves Mother's Day and I think must have desired for a Mother's Day program.  She expressed her gratitude for Mother's Day and then went into her talk which had nothing to do with Mother's Day at all.

            Perhaps the Bishop had changed the theme to spare the feelings of oh, so many who despise the holidays as it may trigger reminders of estranged relationships, imperfect relationships, non-existing relationships, or discomfort.  I realize that not everybody loves Mother's Day.  I know of several women who refuse to attend meetings on that day because of painful reminders or words mentioned that tend stir up negative emotion.

          Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis provided nurturing by setting up work clubs to improve health and sanitation in various towns in Virginia.  Despite her personal tragedies, Ann Marie never stopped her community service.  Upon her death, her daughter, Anna, received a great deal of cards and expression from the community about the great feats provided by not only Ann Jarvis but the community as well.  They provided nurturing.

https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796

            Anna envisioned Mother's Day as a celebration of the home and all that your mother did for you. "On the second Sunday in May of 1907, Anna held a small memorial service for her mother at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, Va. The mourners present received a white carnation, which had been Ann Marie's favorite flower. Anna organized another one a year later, and this service is generally accepted as the first official Mother's Day event." This holiday was designed not only to honor the mother of Anna Jarvis, but the women of the community as well.  It was more than just about motherhood.  It was designed to honor nurturing.

            If I were to talk just about my own Mother, I could easily fill an entire meeting with stories and examples, but I know that all mothers are not like my mother nor are all relationships like the one that my sibs and I have and have had with my mother.  I know that there are many who do not honor their mothers or feel honored by their own children.  I know many woman who are not mothers and most likely will not be during this lifetime.  Why should they be made to sit through a meeting honoring something that they don't feel they'll ever be?

            I was raised in a fairly new neighborhood.  On our street there were at least 30 houses at the top half where I lived, and although not all houses had children living at there,  there had to have been 50 - 60 kids just on the top half of our street.  At that time it was the norm for the mom to stay home and take care of the children while dad was at work.  We fit the 60's stereotype in which the man was the bread winner and would take the garbage to the curb and the mother would stay home, bake bread and cookies, rear her children, and was always pregnant. I remember having known only one mother who worked outside of the home.  The rest of the mothers in the neighborhood seemed to have a hand in raising all the children.

            Each of them had a similar method for nurturing yet many of them varied in how they disciplined and the manner of tone in their voices.  I came to know many mothers when I was young.  Each tried to raise her kids in a similar manner and yet all were different.  Each had come from a background different from my own mother's.

            Take our neighbor across the street, for instance.  She had four boys at the time.  Each time a new son was born, she would talk to him and praise the baby's older brother which allowed the older brother understand how important and valued he was though the baby may have required more attention at given times.

            Peggy had been raised in American Fork with a family who was very active in church and had learned all domestic ways of life.  My own mom had been raised in San Francisco with very inactive church attendees.  Her mom and dad had divorced when she was thirteen.  She became a latch key kid and she took charge of helping her mom with nurturing her brothers.

            I don't know how old I was when I learned that Peggy despised Mother's Day.  I was shocked.  How could anybody possibly hate Mother's Day? I LOVED Mother's Day.  It was an opportunity to spend time with dad as he took my brother and I shopping to find a gift for mom and grandma.  On Sunday, the primary was able to participate in sacrament meeting when we sang to all of our mothers.  I didn't fully understand the reason behind the holiday, but I thought it was a cool holiday and thought it would be an even better holiday when I too became a mother. I still don't know what reasons she had to despises the holiday though I have made speculations.

           

            There are many definitions of what makes a mother.  Most definitions agree that she is a provider of affection, care, nurture, rearing children, etc.  I have never once seen a definition which makes the mother out to be perfect or says that all relationships between mother and child are perfect or that a mother's attitude is always perfect.  Mothers ARE NOT perfect.  Relationships are not perfect.  The only perfect person who ever walked this earth is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He wasn't a mother.  And yet we have been given a metaphor of Christ being compared to a mother hen.

    

https://www.circleofhope.net/dailyprayerdeeper/2016/09/15/september-15-2016-listening-julian-norwich/

       

            In this article, we are told about the relationship between the hen and her chicks.  Christ provides nurturing and protection. People make mistakes and sometimes may not seem capable of providing nurturing, but there are so many who can.  Some who aren't even biological mothers.  Some who aren't even women. Aside from a cousin living in Salem, Roland, Jenna and I don't have biological roots in Oregon.  The ward we attend has become our family.  I have been impressed by the nurturing welcome we received from so many members.  Our friend Marva, who is currently taking the discussions, and who has set her baptismal date for December 29, has said the same thing.

            She was not raised by her own mother.  She hasn't experienced the visitations with grandma.  She has two children but has not been allowed to raise them both.  She hasn't had much exposure to nurturing but does understand its value.  We are all capable of receiving and providing some kind of nurturing.  Keep that thought the next time Mothers' Day should come around.  Value the virtue.  Honor the nurturer - whether your mom, your neighbor, or maybe someone you just read about.  It doesn't have to be a day of negative emotion.  Focus on the blessings.

           Just for the record I don't dislike Mother's Day but I certainly don't love it.  Sometimes it will fall on the same date as my oldest son.  I would rather celebrate his birthday than Mother's Day. [Type Mother's Day in the box in the top left hand corner next to the B in the orange box.  That may give you more insight about tolerating Mother's Day]

World Culture and Featured Films

            The class I am currently taking is a social studies class which was not part of the curriculum I had pulled from the 2016 student catalog.  Apparently, it's one that has recently been introduced into the system.  Many of the other students whose names I see are ones that I recognize from several classes before.  

           

            Most of the videos I have been watching are ones I can relate to the class - well sort of.  I have actually used one as a reference already.  Friendship Field is a story that takes place in Idaho.  Three sisters are obligated to work the farm as the youngest sister, Iris who goes by Ira, enjoys he last summer of "freedom" as she will be obligated to work the following year.  Meanwhile, a family from Mexico, hard on their luck, cross the border into the US looking for work and end up on the family farm in Idaho to assist the girls unable to get the crops in on time by themselves.

            The youngest boy, Oscar, befriends Ira and they spend the majority of summer together being kids.  Oscar enjoys meeting Ira at the cemetery as his culture recognizes the death symbols with peace and respect.  Ira, like many of us raised in white culture, sees the cemetery as something spooky and to be afraid of.  Oscar had explained his culture to her and I was reminded of the Disney movie Coco and how much time and respect went into the production in order to make it authentic as possible.

             The next movie I watched started with a flashback of a woman dying.  The story focuses on her husband and their daughter.  They are well-to-do financially, but no amount of money can buy the comfort of one's loss.  

I forget the name of the little girl who goes through a series of nannies but has established a friendship with a waitress, Faith, who "lives on the wrong side of the tracks" (so to speak) who eventually becomes a nanny to the girl.  Possibly more, as the story ends with the girl's father making a connection with Faith.

            I enjoyed the narration in Lost in the Barrens.  Jamie, a white orphan, tells the story about being removed from an all-male academic school and riding a train to live with his uncle.  I thought it was a part of rural Alaska, but as he took the train there, probably not.  He meets another boy, Angus, about his age.  Angus has a huge chip on his shoulders as he is treated with disrespect by the white man and doesn't seem to fit in with his own people although he'd like to.  He becomes angry with Jamie when his father goes on a hunt without him;  he feels like he has been asked to babysit Jamie who is curious about things but obviously has no connection to the wilderness.  He disrespects what Angus views as sacred.  It is a story about survival evolving to friendship.

            

            I tried watching Words by Heart and Girl of the Limberlost but couldn't get sound for either one of them.  I had seen both before but do not remember much of Words by Heart.  I was sad about Girl of the Limberlost as I do remember liking that show.  

            Tomorrow's primary lesson is about Wisdom.  I will be teaching the class in Valiants.

No Dice

                I don't know how old the "Feature Films for Families" is.  The earliest date I can find for my research is 1991.  But it seems like my mom purchased films through the company long before then.  Perhaps I am mixed up with my memory thinking that Kayla and Corey were still in elementary school, but maybe it was 1991 and the children were Ellen and Kimball.

               

                I remember "Banjo, the Woodpile Cat" which I believed was an original of the FFFF company as the story takes place in Payson, Utah before Banjo runs away to Salt Lake City.  According to Wikipedia (here), the release date was December 21, 1979.  It makes more sense that FFFF got its start in the 70s rather than in the 90's as the quality of film I've come across has been screaming 70's - although the dates on the case imply years from the 1990 decade.

                FFFF (here) was created with the intention of wholesome entertainment to not only watch with the family but establish conversations and learning.  "What was the purpose of the film" broken down into "Why do you think this character made a certain choice?" and "What did he/she learn?"

                Last year I came home with a box of videos that the library had given away.  There were many from the FFFF collection - some I had seen before but thought I might like to see again.

                I don't know why I hadn't tried viewing any of them sooner, but they stayed untouched for almost a year.  Recently I decided I would watch some of them.  So far, while the stories themselves have been okay or even good, the acting and/or quality of film have been disappointing.  It doesn't know that I was bothered by it before, but a lot of it thus far has appeared amateurish to my eyes.   Some I have finished watching.  Some I watch in parts.  Others I have stopped and rewound and will never finish.

                I have started a pile of antique relics that most people may not even have machines for.  They will go in the next yard sale at 10 cents or less.  I hope that they will find a good home.  I like the concept of the FFFF.  I even see some on their list that I have enjoyed and would watch again.  But thus far, I have not seen it among the VHS tapes that are currently in our possession.

Medication: Often Trading One Problem for Another

               It's been a year since Jeanie passed - not that I dwell on dates when people died.  Her mom does.  She's always posting the birthdays and death dates of those who have passed on.  Some days are better for her than others.  I think some days may be worse for her than they were for Jeanie.  I can't say for certain since most of the correspondence I've had with them has been through facebook.  I didn't even have that with Jeanie those times that she not only unfriended me but blocked me as well.  Apparently, it was the medication disrupting her otherwise rational mind.  It not only shattered her own emotions, but I had allowed myself to become upset as well.  I may never know the entire scheme of things; I did learn so much more about her at her funeral than I had ever known about her before.

          Biff had tried to explain it to Roland who either misunderstood Biff or perhaps Biff hadn't explained it well enough or really hadn't understood it himself.  By the time it got to me,  there were things lost in translation or miscommunications and until the day of her funeral, I did not know, wasn't aware, hadn't understood that Jeanie had been molested as a child. 

          One of her brothers had announced it over the pulpit.  It was shocking and seemed out of place for a speaker to make that the topic of discourse at a funeral - and yet I understood his emotions and the pain of the entire family.  Jeanie had been traumatized.  It left some thick emotional scars that still have not healed.  It was both disturbing and extraordinary at the same time - not the topic itself but for the love and concern that the speaker not only had for his sister but several generations of children and adults who have also been traumatized by one they should have been able to trust.  A person who should have been there to protect her and care for her.  It was sickening and so much of what he said had a profound ring.  I wondered if their other sister had been molested as well.

          Jenna had chosen to assist in the nursery, which I was truly grateful for as the subject was uncomfortable to me - I knew it would be for her as well.  And yet his talk was truly from the heart.  It was still disconcerting to learn what had happened and his plea to talk about it.  

          I knew Jeanie had been seeing a psychiatrist.  I knew it was for some kind of abuse - though I had thought it had been inflicted on by her ex-husband.  He was never even mentioned. I didn't realize it had stemmed all the way back to when she was five.  A time of innocence that she had attempted to live out again.  How difficult it must have been for the family when she would ask why her parents looked so old.  And where were her siblings?  And who was the stranger named Biff?  And where did the baby come from?  Of course, if she thought she was only five, she wasn't going to believe that Biff was her husband or that she had given birth to the baby girl.  Two of her sibs had already passed on before her and the other two were living in other states.

          We had a few family get-togethers when we would see Jeanie. Twice I remember her feeling flushed and excusing herself.  Two other times I remembered when she genuinely seemed happy. That is who she really was.  Happy.  Full of life.  Unfortunately, we didn't get to know that person.   She would cancel appointments with us.  Sometimes Biff would show up by himself.  He wasn't allowed to take Ally her first year.  Jeanie was quite possessive of Ally.  She would get verbally abusive towards Biff and her mom.  That was the person I saw.  The one that was sick.  The one that had become violent through medication.  I think when she realized who she had become, it wasn't worth taking the medication.  And so she chose to suffer as silently as she could and tried hard not to upset the rest of the family.

          I was included in that "rest of the family" and did not understand what demons she'd been dealing with. I was aware that there had been demon's in Biff's life but did not know to what extent.  I admire Biff so much for putting up with it.  He knew that the outbreaks were not her fault.  He stayed with her and blamed himself for not being there to catch her when she fell.  It wasn't his fault.  It wasn't medicine's fault.  We don't know if it was her death that caused the fall or if she died when she landed or on the way down.  The autopsy revealed that there were seven clots in her lung. 

          Some days her mom is accepting and knows that Jeanie is better off in another world where she doesn't have to take medicine to overcome emotional or physical pain.  She is free.  And she is with a brother and their sister.  But there is still a hole.  A void.  A longing.  An emptiness.

          Biff moved on with his life.  He moved in with Claire and they are raising Ally together, although Jeanie's mom would still like to be involved.  She remains in touch with Roland's sister who is a retired nurse and has been in contact and has had a better handle of the situation than either Roland or I.  Jeanie may not have unfriended or blocked Roland's sister.  They stayed in touch. 

          Our youngest son recently texted a family photo or all three boys and their families.  They are with Roland's sister and her husband and two youngest children.  Even after Biff's outbursts with behavior at times and seemingly lack of gratitude,  I was taken aback to hear that it was Jeanie's parents that were providing room and board for Roland's sister and family as my own boys were unable to make room for them.  (Randy lives in the largest space of the three - our old house in WV - which is teeny) I'm happy to hear that they are well liked and that bridges may be mended.  

        For family home evening the other night, we wrote letters to each of the boys.  I finished my thoughts yesterday and mailed the letters along with Jenna's most recent photo from school.  I am so happy to see all of my boys together again.  Jenna's been a little sad that she is not sharing their lives in person.  I guess we all are.  If only we could get all of them to come to Oregon.