Deceit Among Heroes and Villains

Roland often tells this joke about Satan entering a congregation of worshipers.  Frightened with his presence, the parishioners begin to flee the church except for one man.  Satan sits next to him on the pew and after trying a few more scare tactics finally says to the man, “Why is it that you are not frightened of me.”

The man just looks at him and shakes his head and says, “Nothing you can do will frighten me.  After all, I’ve been married to your sister for the last twenty years”

Roland’s marriage to his last wife did not make it to twenty years however.  But I think that is who he thinks about when he tells the joke.

           

            When I saw the advertisements for Disney’s Maleficent, I thought to myself:  “How quaint.  A movie about Roland’s ex-wife”

            For those of you who have read my blog from the beginning, you will know that Maleficent is the name I assigned Roland’s ex.  WARNING:  I am now about to reveal some spoilers from the movie itself.  To distinguish Roland’s ex and the movie character, I will refer to Disney’s maleficent creature as “mal A” and Roland’s ex as “mal B”

            The movie starts out revealing mal A as a youth – though quite young, she appears to be the ruler.  She cares about the other creatures within the moors where they all live.  She has a sense of humor.  She flies with large black wings.  She is happy.

            I had once heard that mal B had a heart at one time – must have been many years before I crossed paths with her.  I had heard that she would give the shirt off her back to one who was in need.  I find that hard to believe.

            Mal A meets Stefan – a young pauper who has a desire to be a king one day so that he can live in the grand Castle and rule over the humans.  Mal A lets Stefan know that humans are not welcome in the moors. Stefan is the first to make a sacrifice to save their friendship when he tosses his iron ring so that he may never hurt mal A and she is truly touched by his sacrifice. It seems like an unrealistic friendship for either one of them to pursue but each does wish to see the other again.

           

            As the years go by, Stefan comes around less often and seems to disappear altogether.  He had made his way into the human palace and stands a chance of gaining favor with the king.  A king who would like to make the moors part of his kingdom – but not the creatures themselves.  He promises each of his sires that whichever one of them will kill mal A and bring him proof – that sire will get to marry the king’s daughter and rule as king when the current ruler has passed on.

            Stefan goes to the moors to warn mal A that the king has sent out a death threat against her because he wishes for more land.  I found Stefan to be sincere – yet I knew that he desired to rule as king – and according to legend is the father of Aurora.

            Stefan drugs mal A and holds up a knife to stab her, but is unable to do it.  He clips her wings instead.  When mal A wakes up from her sleep, she immediately notices that her wings have been removed and she cries out with so many emotions: sadness, pain, anger, resentment . . .

            I had heard that mal B had been robbed of her innocence when she was younger – though I don’t know how young.  But I heard that it had been by people whom she trusted – those that should have protected her.  She may have felt their presence disappear the way mal A had with Stefan.  At some point she may have felt betrayed, as though her metaphorical wings (whatever that may have been) had been removed.

            Stefan is gone when mal A wakes, so obviously he must be responsible.  Mal A seeks vengeance upon him.  He must pay for doing her harm.

            Because she has no wings, she finds somebody who does.  A raven caught in a snare.  At first I think she saves him just out of habit – but when he asks she decides to make him her servant.  His first assignment is to find Stefan.

            After the raven finds Stefan, he reports back to mal A that Stefan has become king and that a princess has been born and that there will be a celebration.  Mal A, of course, has not been invited, but she shows up nonetheless.  Mal B used people all the time – still uses people I would imagine.  And ALWAYS inviting herself into positions where she is not welcome. 

            Mal A curses Aurora with a spell that she will prick herself upon the spindle of a spinning will and fall into an eternal sleep that only true love’s kiss can wake.  Mal A doesn’t believe in true love.  I would imagine that mal B may have believed in true love at one time, but she doesn’t anymore.  I think any flicker of love that may have been left has gone out from her life. And I wonder if she will ever get it back.

            Stefan is upset that mal A has intruded upon his little family.  He is upset with the very idea that she has cursed his little girl.  But I think that deep down he is more upset with himself – for the price he had paid to become a king.  For once he had betrayed his friendship with mal A, he had lost what once made him happy – never to find it again.  He’d allowed himself to be engulfed in the pain.  But instead of trying to repair the damage, he made things worse for himself and for his kingdom.  He fell into a state of darkness – darker than mal A dressed.

            That made me wonder if mal B was truly the victim or if she had gone after her desires in a way that Stefan had and had betrayed someone she loved and never got over it and allowed the pain to envelop her so much that she’d forgotten what made her angry in the first place.  Her heart needs to be softened.  Problem is that no one can find it.

            Mal A watches over Aurora who constantly smiles at her.  She has a beautiful smile.  Meanwhile Stefan seems to forget about Aurora as he makes plans on how to destroy mal A.  His pride continues to eat at him.  And he is never happy.  But mal A becomes happy as she watches over Aurora – which she had never intended and does try to fight it a first. Aurora finds mal A’s heart – who wishes to undo the curse, but just can’t seem to.

            I love the twist of events as the end when Phillip kisses Aurora and what follows when she doesn’t wake up from his kiss.  I would hope that perhaps one day mal B’s heart can be found and that she may go from hero (Stefan) to Villain (mal A) the way that this movie has depicted.

            Often we may label what makes a hero and what makes a villain.  But there is always deception.  Maybe not always, but often enough.  We read about it in history.  We live with it in the court rooms.  We’ve seen corrupt rulers and governments and we have seen true heroes that wish to remain silent.  For that’s what true heroes are.

“Stepmom” Review and Comparrison

         “Stepmom” was released in theatres December 1998.  The movie is put out by Columbia Pictures and stars Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon.  

I enjoyed the movie the first time I watched it. I hadn’t considered being able to identify with any of the characters personally, though I did know of actual people that were real life characters.  I thought Jena Malone’s character was a brat.  Great actress.  I had seen her in a Hallmark production only two years earlier.  Ellen Foster and Anna Harrison – though played by the same actress – were two entire different people.  I did not even realize it was the same actress until only moments ago.

         Julia Roberts plays Isabel Kelly – the current love of Luke Harrison (played by Ed Harris) who’d been married to Jackie (played by Susan Sarandon) – and finds herself in a situation of “sharing custody” of Luke and Jackie’s two children, Anna and Ben.

         Jackie, not thrilled with the idea that there is another woman in Luke’s life, overall is a really good mother.  But she definitely lacks in kindness towards Isabel.  But we learn that she also suffers from health issues – which she has chosen to keep from her family.

         After 15 years I decided I would like to see it again and thus borrowed it from the library.  I have a much different perspective than I had had fifteen years ago as I now seem to identify with much of Julia Roberts character, Isabel – the stepmom that tries to love Anna and Ben.  She has to deal with much confrontation – especially on the part of Jackie.  Though Isabel and Jackie have limited conversation in the beginning – at least they have conversation – which is more than I ever got with Roland’s ex-wife.

         For those who haven’t been following my post, Roland has two daughters who are older than Jenna.  Though I have tried to steer away from the subject of his ex-wife there have been two of my posts in which I refer to her as Maleficent.  I honestly don’t know much about her and she doesn’t know anything about me.  I don’t believe she knows anything about anybody.  I don’t know if she’s just so cruel that it has eaten her away or if she really does have something such as bipolar or schizophrenia – which of course would be beyond her control – especially if she isn’t seeking treatment.

         I don’t suppose I should pass judgment as I have never walked in her shoes.  When Jackie Harrison lied it was to protect her children or even Luke to spare them the grief that her health has declined .  Maleficent lies to all people for various reasons – different lies as I don’t guess she can keep track of the ones that she’s already told.  Or else she has told them enough that she actually believes them and has somehow managed to swindle the courts (for the most part) into believing her also.  She tells lies to gain favor – or cover up her own actions.  I truly believe she needs psychiatric help and has actually been to therapy – but if a psychiatrist or doctor or therapist or psychologist or whatever happens to say something that sounds remotely like they disagree with her, she drops them like a hot potato – or so I’ve been told. 

         I have nothing against Jenna’s sisters – though it may have seemed that way.  I give Isabel a lot more credit at making a good effort than I ever did.  I would have liked to hug Roland’s daughters or given them a pat on the back or done something more to make them feel loved.  But I was afraid about showing any affection as Maleficent had taught them that all physical contact (be it from me or dad or brothers) was grounds for sexual abuse and would coach her girls into going along with whatever scheme she had come up with.

         Fortunately she was only able to brainwash only one at a time.  Unlike Anna, the girls were not the same type of brat that Jenna Malone had portrayed in the movie. In the beginning Frances ached to be with her dad and her brand new sister Jenna.  She was excited  each time she would come – more often without Pamprin who was a brat – but not in the same manner that Anna was.  I didn’t actually blame Pamprin for her behavior.  I knew Maleficent allowed Pamprin to have anything her heart desired – even at Frances’ expense.  She seemed to favor Pamprin over Frances and I think it had become obvious to Frances.

         We were finally awarded consistent visitation rights after a long battle.  But they were never consistent – Maleficent made certain of that.  All the stipulations and exceptions that the court made for her.  They still grate on my nerves.  She invited Satan into the lives of so many – and somehow I had allowed it into my own.  I cringed each time the phone would ring so that she could say good-night and “grill” her girls on the kind of day they had.

         Frances developed her own set of health problems – I think most of that was psychological.  Maleficent was such a hypochondriac that she probably helped in the deterioration of Frances.  So she was finally able to turn Frances against us – meanwhile Pamprin finally started to come around.  Going to dads was not so bad.  It was actually a preferable environment.  Pamprin wanted to come.  And Frances didn’t.  Or so Maleficent had succeeded in making Frances believe that she didn’t want to come.

         Then there was the move to another state . . . our attorney said we could fight to have them stay in the state.  I honestly did not wish to have Maleficent sharing my same planet – let alone state and county.  We didn’t have the finances.  And Roland really didn’t spend that much time with or even know the girls anyway.  So long as Maleficent was near, our lives would be disrupted. Maleficent was going to turn them against us weather in this state or another.

         Jackie Harrison had a lot more compassion than Maleficent.  Jackie Harrison is actually quite likeable.  Oh, she seemed to have that desire to turn her kids against Isabel and seemed certain that Isabel would never be able to raise her children the way that she had.  Truth was she was jealous of the time that Isabel would be able to spend with her children that she herself would not.

         The scene in which Jackie and Isabel are having lunch together is a very touching one.  I cried along with the characters fifteen years ago, but even moreso today.  For I am in a better position for understanding each of the characters. 

         I can actually provide the girls with positive memories of what they did while visiting with Roland and me and their sister and eventually all three of their bothers.  I have many photos, many documentations.  But I could never explain to them things about their biological mother as all I have is negative vibes about her.  I suppose she loves them in her own way.  Unfortunately she tries to express so much of it in material things.

         Unfortunately I don’t have a lot for the boys.  No memories of them before the ages 11, 12 and 13.  Very few photographs.  No scrapbooks or journals.  Yet I have ten volumes and counting filled with photographs and daily to monthly accounts for Jenna. 

         I don’t want to replace Maleficent.  I really don’t.  I would like to understand why she is the way she is and get along for the girls’ sakes – or would have liked to do so.  Our relationship (should we ever have one) will be a lot different now than when they were children.  The youngest will turn eighteen  before the summer begins.  I don’t know if either one of them will put forth any effort at making contact with their biological dad or brothers.  We’ve been out of touch going on six years.  It’s not their fault.  Maleficent still interferes. 

         My favorite part comes at the end of the money.  SPOILER ALERT for those who have not seen the movie.  Isabel is taking pictures of the family and Jackie invites her to sit with them so that the picture will be of the whole family.  How great that would be for Anna and Ben to see that family picture with both moms together.  Would make the transient easier I would think.

         I have prayed that Maleficent herself might find happiness – true happiness.  She really isn’t happy.  As a result I don’t think the girls probably are either. I hope that I will have another opportunity to be a friend to Frances and Pamprin without the influence of Satan.  I hope that Roland will have the opportunity to get to know his daughters.  I hope that Jenna will be able to learn more about her sisters – from them.

It would have been less costly just to have her committed.

          I have two friends who are currently going through the divorce process.  One couple, though hurt, remains civil.  Their plan is to go through mediation.  The other . . . well, she sounds like she has turned into the Maleficent that Roland was married to for seven years.

          I’ve actually known him a lot longer – and have had conversations with her – but not day to day.  She seemed nice.  Perhaps a bit naïve when the two of them were married – someone a chauvinist would marry.  Someone who could be controlled.

          Of course I don’t know all the insides and outsides of their marriage.  I know that she posted to facebook that they were getting a divorce.  I think posting anything to facebook is opening a can of worms.  Her family (or friends) didn’t see it that way when the comments turned into bash and dispute.

          I’ve heard there are mental issues involved – so most of what I read sounded to me like she had turned into Maleficent – Roland’s ex – who I was told at one time had a heart.  Hard to believe.

          I always told Roland that it was too bad that he didn’t have Maleficent put away in some asylum – and certainly there would be costs – but I’m certain that it would be less expensive than what we are seeing now.

          The difference between Maleficent and my facebook friend (who actually shows up as “sister”) is her lack of family support – where as I think my facebook "sister" has family who would fight it out in court if her husband were to have her committed.  He’s got many years of financial hell ahead of him.  Too bad.

          I hope the state won’t be so doofus as they have been with Roland – though I have my doubts.  As with Maleficent (the original) they are certain to believe all the lies of my facebook "sister".  They will issue her restraining orders upon her word of mouth.  They will cater to her every need.  She will be awarded custody and use her children against my friend the way that Roland’s ex has with him.

          I get upset by the whole idea of divorce – especially when it becomes so ugly and there’s a partner who will never let go.  She seeks vengeance.  And every passing year she becomes more and more vile and her poison gets stronger and stronger and the state realizes they made a mistake but will never admit it. 

          Roland’s girls haven’t ended up like Josh Powell’s kids.  I don't know what my facebook friend's condition is. I don’t know the severity of the mental illness she refuses to face.  But hey, I doubt the state will even take that into account.  Aren't we supposed to learn from history in order not to repeat?

          Dear friend who I’ve known for over forty-five years . . . I’m sorry for your current and future situation.  At least she can’t have custody of all your kids – and it seems like the harder she tries to turn them against you, the more she turns them against herself.  I hope the road you are on doesn’t take you to the same financial or emotional hell as we have traveled.  I feel for you.  I’d like to be able to do more for you. I just don't know what.

                                                Love, LaTiesha 

Triggers and the Mighty Thorn

I have a friend named Heather (actual name) who has this blog  in which she will often ask questions at the end of her posts.  Three of my answers have been so weighed with detail that I answered by email rather than leave a comment on the post, as some of my comments turn out to be larger than the post itself.

 The first question I remember actually sending an email for was when she asked, “What are your triggers?”  At first I couldn’t think of one.  It was ten days before the Christmas tree skirt came out.  There was my trigger.  A horrible memory that I should just get rid of. And yet it’s a busy time of year and replacing the tree skirt is never a priority – and it’s probably petty of me to feel the need to replace it anyway.

Before you can understand the trigger itself, you’ll need some background.

          All too soon after the boys’ mother passed, Roland decided to marry Satan’s sister.  In addition to our three boys and daughter, my husband has two other girls, Francis and Pamprin – whom I wasn’t even allowed to meet until over a year after Roland and I had been married.   

After another two year battle in court, we were finally able to have them for overnight visits – but not every other week.  Roland’s ex did everything in her power to sabotage the visits.  I had so many nicknames for her: the greedy snake, Malificent, Adolf Hitler, the peroxide cow (which in itself is an insult to all cows everywhere) and Satan’s spawn to name a few. 

I sent the following email to Heather:

“The thing that triggers me is the Christmas tree skirt.  The emotions are buried within me when the skirt and tree are put away - but each year we decorate I growl inside. 

“I bought the skirt the same year that Roland's pampered princess spent the holidays with us. It wasn't totally her fault that she was such a brat - her deranged mother catered to her every need - often at the expense of her older sister - whom they both treated like a pack mule.

“I think I actually invited Pamprin to go with me - or rather gave her a choice - she could go with me or stay home with Tony (their absolute favorite brother and probably the only reason they agreed to visitations in the first place) She chose to stay.

So I left the girls with Tony - Jenna included. Jenna was less than a year old.”

“The handyman had come to finish up in the bathroom.  Pamprin was "scared" - called her deranged mother the second I left the house I'm sure.  Maleficent (my nickname for Roland's ex) in turn called the sheriff’s department - who pulled up to our house the same time I did.  I was so mad.  I still get upset about it [whenever I see the skirt].  Maleficent has been a thorn in our side for years.  I have many wicked and unpleasant thoughts because of her interference.  (I think she is bi-polar - for real)”

          Recent news stories about the deranged Josh Powell (one of many stories is found here) triggers up anger to a less-than perfect system – one that failed Charlie and Braden Powell – the same one that awarded custody to Malificent who has robbed the girls of their minds.  She has not attempted to blow up herself or the girls – too greedy.  Needs them so that she has something to leverage with.

I need to get over it – I know.  I should be more compassionate towards her.  She needs professional help.  But it is the girls who suffer the most. 

That is actually another reason why my blog gives a false identity.  Malificent will take me to court if she should ever read my blog and figure it out.  She’s one of those sue happy psychopaths – who often will get her way as the system continues to fail those who are really trying or need protecting. 

I’m not even sure why I have created this post.  It’s not pleasant to read or look at.  It is something that I need to overcome.  Perhaps if I post it for the whole world to see it will provide me some sense of relief.  Some sort of goal that I need to set for myself. Only time will tell.