hopeless romantics . . . or rather hopeless at remembering.

 

The other night I had asked Alexa to set an alarm for yesterday morning as we would be picking pears . . . or so we believed.  I had glanced at the calendar and realized that yesterday was mine and Richard’s wedding anniversary.  I started toward the back room to ask him if he wanted to do anything special to celebrate.  I don’t know if I even made it back to the room where he was working on watches.  I am so losing it.  We both are.

          Both of us forgot about it being our anniversary.  We went down to Medford to pick pears which we normally do at the end of August.  No smoke filled the air!  It was great!  But we wondered: Do the pears prefer smoky weather?  I have never seen so many puny pears EVER.  The majority were not even pickable.  What?  It was rather disappointing.  Two people climbed ladders and dropped them down to those who would catch and gently place in their bags.  Rings had been handed out and most pears missed their mark.  I took a few pictures before getting recruited to fold boxes.  I liked that job.

          We did stay longer than normal but have stayed longer if the pears were their normal size.  It wasn’t until we were almost home when we received a text from Ryan wishing us a happy anniversary.  Oh, yea.  Talk about your hopeless romantics . . . or rather hopeless at remembering.

          Facebook reminders of celebrations past . . . many with other nostalgia unrelated to the anniversary itself but anniversary of something else – like the planes crashing into the twin towers just two days after we were married.  Twelve years ago I had gone to Mrs. Cavanaugh’s candies with the second grade field trip. 

Evidently it was “Karen” day one year – I think before 2020 when the name Karen seemed to get a bad rap. That was the same year I put some presidential trivia online for two months.  Ten years ago my mom was dwindling between this earth life and the other side. 

Love and Friendship Dash

             In 2019 I made a goal to write at least one dash a week and fulfilled that challenge.  I was quite pleased with how much got recorded – or at least what I thought I had posted.  Recently I looked at all the questions and realized I probably have not answered even half of them.  So I decided that maybe I would continue with that starting with Dash LF#6 How does your significant other let you know that you are loved?

       There are several things that Richard does to express his love.  He always tells me.  But he also provides for me.  He doesn’t make excuses about the weather, or his health or what have you.  If something needs to be done, he does it.  He will do it regardless of the weather, or if he is not feeling well – he’ll paint the house or the shed, move heavy items, plant and weed.  He always makes sure there is gas in the car.  That’s a pretty huge deal as I am absent minded and never even look to see where the gas gage needle is.

 

Working Out at the Church

            After Roland and I were married, I remember having cleaned the church at least once a month.  Families were supposed to sign up to clean on Saturday – hopefully at least two families per Saturday.  But I remember many a times being the only family.

            Jenna doesn’t remember cleaning the church in Kearns but remembers in West Valley when we did it by organization.  We’d gone from cleaning the church once a month to often two or three times a month.  We would all be there whether it was the primary’s turn, Relief Society or Bishopric.  And that particular building was a huge building housing three wards that could overlap – which meant one ward could hold Sunday School, Primary and so forth meetings while another ward was in sacrament meeting. 

            The building in Myrtle Creek is the not the smallest building which I have ever attended but smaller than any I any I have joined to clean – which hasn’t been often.  We currently near the end of our sixth year living in Oregon and I think only the second time I have signed up to clean.  Normally there have been the same people assigned to clean and do so on Thursday but every once in a while they are not available and so others will take a turn.  Last week was the Relief Society.  There had only been six who had signed up.

            I took my turn with the vacuum cleaners as it is what we had normally done in Kearns.  The chapel is smaller and I can get most of it on just one outlet whereas the Kearns and West Valley chapels required moving the cord multiple times.

            That was Thursday. On Saturday we went back to the Church for an activity set up by the Elder’s quorum.  The turnout was tremendous.  If we had had the same turnout on Thursday, it would have taken only five minutes to clean the church. A bunch of trees had been cut down and several had signed up to chop wood or use their saws and create free firewood to those who are in need.

The last picture above is of a youth who was dressed up to go to the temple, but she wanted to assist.  Jenna was dressed in overalls but had a change of clothes in the car.

Aiming for the Ideal

            A couple of weeks ago we had the missionaries come over for dinner.  As we were talking, one of elders made the comment that several people don't see us a family oriented church.  I took the opportunity to explain to him why that might be.   Though there is a strong emphasis placed upon the family - even the definition according to the proclamation (see here) seems discriminatory.  We're not all like that.  The average family doesn't fit the mold. The proclamation gives us an ideal that we are supposed to strive for.  

          When I wrote this post, I referred to a couple named Juleen and Al Jackson.  I mentioned how I'd been under the impression that Juleen had believed that the show should have focused more on their story (or families of similar living) rather than explore those that didn't quite fit into the mold of "Mormon living"  - she DID NOT say it that way, rather that is my own interpretation.  In her mind she represented the higher population of what and LDS person is.  In my mind she represented what the "ideal" Mormon "should" be - to a degree anyway.  Probably the family values would fit into the mold of the "ideal" family - not to say they don't have problems.  Everybody has problems. 

          There were times of tension in my mom and dad's house - nothing like the average family.  As Corey and I have both mentioned, our family was not perfect, but by comparison to so many others, it almost seems too good to be true.  Same with my brother, Patrick and his wife.  I know there have been struggles with fitting into the perfect mold - but even so, I think theirs may also be one that many may view as too good to be true.

          I definitely don't fit into the mold - not even close.  Too much tension between me and my middle son - even from this far away.  He says things that set me off.  Even without that added stress, I just don't believe our family (with me as a parent) fit the "ideal" mold.

          Corey and his husband have Christianity and a great love and respect for mankind - but they're certainly not part of the "ideal" family - not according to the proclamation.  They are shunned.  Oh, the Church says "we welcome them" and they may feel it among certain members, but I don't believe the Church as a whole. 

           I remember attending the temple ceremony when my cousin was married to his wife.  She had a large family, and as I recall, by the time Roland and I had entered the room, it was just standing room only.  There was my Uncle Ross and Aunt Fern to support him.  It was the first time I had felt a personalness and connection during the ceremony and not just the routine of going through the motions.  It was special.  It was the most awesome temple marriage ceremony that I have attended. 

          Not all family members are welcomed to the temple.  There have been many invited to wait in the foyer and not be part of the ceremony due to a sacredness.  But when you are on the outside waiting, it is kind of hard seeing that the church is family oriented when all of the family is not together for the great event.  I think that's why all the hoopla with wedding receptions.  ALL of the family members can be included whether they hold temple recommends or not.

          Earlier this year I noticed his wife's name had been removed from a family conversation.  I emailed Corey and asked if he knew the reason.  Apparently the two had divorced the year before.  He forwarded an email that another cousin had sent about the situation.  I read it as though the family was trying to erase the former wife's existence out of their lives.  How would they ever be able to succeed after eleven years of marriage?  She and Michelle's daughter had read the eulogy together at my uncle's funeral. Surely there are good things to remember? I'll admit that I did not get to know her all that well.  It would be easier for me to erase her as part of family, and yet there are things that I will never forget about her.  I will remember the feeling that I had at their ceremony.

          I have another cousin who also got divorced just this year.  Corey did tell me about that one before her name was also removed from the family conversation. I heard his wife just left him.  I don't know what happened. He's now a single parent. I believe his children still lives with him, but I don't know.

          I'm sure Dallin Oaks wasn't implying discrimination, and yet that is what I heard as he gave the statistics of mothers having children out of wedlock.  I thought of another cousin who many have always considered odd.  She brought her fiancé to Tony's missionary farewell.  My boys had thought him even odder.

           I represented the family by going to the luncheon and wedding reception.  They looked happy.  They divorced after she gave birth to their daughter.  I don't know why.  She said having a baby freaked him out - which is weird as he is the eldest of at least four sibs and sounded like a good brother making sacrifices and assisting in their upbringing.  I had assumed he would also make a great father.

          I remember when she announced her decision to have another baby.  She had gone for artificial insemination.  I don't know if there were any that understood or supported her choice - which may have not been hers alone just as my decision to marry Roland.  Roland and I both know God had a hand in getting us together.

        Tina is quite prayful.  She's temple worthy.  The decision made was not made lightly.  It may have been a struggle for her.  I know her finances have been even worse than ours have ever been.  And yet she went through with it and gave birth to a second daughter.

          I am one who questioned her choices then .  I have since commended Tina for her brave decision.  She provided a sibling for her daughter among other things.  I don't know all.  Perhaps she doesn't either.  She's had a lot of challenges and a lot of hardships.  She is a great mother.  But she certainly doesn't fit the "ideal".

          It's tough being a Mormon.  I can deal with the persecutions outside of the church better than I can with the ones that seem to be coming from our leaders.  In her case, she had the option of not carrying the second child - or even keeping the first for that matter.

          In the case of divorce, you do not have that option to control the decisions of another - and why would you want to?  Things often happen beyond our control that lead us on a path different from that which we planned for ourselves or led us to believe that we were on the right path.  It's bad enough being put in that position.  Single mothers don't need the reminders that they are single.  Sisters who attend church without their spouses don't need reminders that they also don't fit the "ideal" because their partners choose to be inactive. 

          Overall I enjoyed conference.  I really did.  But I had allowed something about this one to set me off.   I suppose it is me not listening to the Spirit rather than how the message was delivered. This is why we have so many speakers often speaking to us about the same topic.  Not everyone resonates with everybody else.  Some talks will touch some people while others allow their minds to wander and as I pointed out before, we don't all receive the same message.  I'm happy that Jenna was able to take away something more positive than I.  I really am grateful for diversity.  All of us need that.   

From Primary to MIA

When I was in primary, our classes were made up of those in the same grade at school.  We went to a class from September to September (or whenever the school year started.)  Primary was on Thursdays – just right after school. Each class had it's own name: Sunbeams, Stars, CTR, Targeteers, Merrie Miss and Blazers.

We were given paper crowns in Sunbeams and Stars and a CTR ring in CTRs.  We were given a flag in the Targeteer class.     

I don’t know if it was every other lesson, or once a month or exactly when the ribbons were passed out.  Each ribbon was a different color as I recall (I don’t know if the color was symbolic) – and I think they came with printed verse or scripture as a reminder of that lesson.  We were supposed to tie each ribbon on the “pole”, I guess just under the flag.  I can’t remember if we “earned” our ribbons or if they just came automatically.  I don’t even know what became of my flag.  It is one of the few things from my childhood that I didn’t manage to hang on to.

The only pic I could find with Targeteer anything.  Notice
the flag is rolled up so I still don't know its true shape.

Blazers and Merrie Miss were each for two years.  The boys were put in the Blazer class while the girls went to Merrie Miss.  We were given challenges and “awards” for passing off each Article of Faith and more.  Somewhere in my pack-rat memorabilia I have saved my Merrie Miss marker (banner passed out the first year) and bracelet (earned stones the second year) and Highlight Circle (which I couldn't find a picture of on the Internet, but have packed away - probably somewhere in Kayla's house - I do have a Merrie Miss Circle - still.  I'll have to photocopy it if I ever get the opportunity to do so)

I remember from early childhood that my mom had taught the Blazers.  I remember seeing the bandlos that the class members had to work on – particularly her youngest Blazer as he seemed to be the only one present for many of the classes. I don’t recall having bandlos in the Merrie Miss program, though they evidently did exist at some point

We didn’t go into Mutual (contrary to belief about some of our youth, the LDS term for “MIA” does not stand for “missing in action”) we didn’t enter just one at a time according to whenever our birthdays were.  We “graduated” from primary as an entire class.  We had a ceremony of recognition and we each received a pendant – though not from the LDS Jewelry collection offered today’   

Mine had a red flower on a white background similar to this:

 The chain broke, but I still had the medallion part until before the move to Oregon.  I don’t know what became of it after that.

I remember having learned my articles of faith – having memorized them so that I could “graduate” and not be held back in primary.  What a dork.  I realize now that I would have gone onto young women’s no matter what.  But I remember having had pushed myself just to get out of primary.

Today we still have Sunbeams and CTRs.  We no longer have classes called Merrie Miss, Blazers or Stars. The children 4 – 8 are CTRs.  The older classes are all Valiants. (I personally liked singing the Targeteer more than the Valiant song)

Primary youth no longer wait until the final class to pass off Articles of Faith.  Jenna had her AofF memorized before we moving to Oregon.  She also has the opportunity of attending Activity Days (or Achievement Days as referred to here)

Achievement Days wasn’t offered when I was a youth, but then again, neither was the three-hourblock.  Meetings were held Tuesdays through Thursdays as well as two to three meetings held on Sunday (as mentioned here)  The three-hour block wasn’t introduced until a few months before my 18^th birthday.

When I attended Mutual, each girl was given a “Treasure of Truth” book.  I could only find one picture on the web – it appears to have been around a lot longer than mine.

The one I had been given was pink with yellow flowers or white with pink and yellow flowers as I recall.  Title circled in white.  I saved everything, every handout, every scrap of paper used during each lesson.  It’s disgusting that I was such a pack rat at such a young age.

Before we had moved my mom into assisted living, I scanned a portion of my Treasures of Truth book as I just didn’t have the room (or desire with a lot of it) for storing aged memories and mostly garbage.  I did keep the binder. I’m guessing that may also be in Kayla’s possession.  Maybe not.  It could have got thrown out when Tony moved out of the WV house and Randy moved in.  Oh, well.  Not important. 

Personal Progress was not introduced until five years after I had moved on from Young Women to Relief Society (sort of) .  My sister, Kayla was able to work through it as a young woman.  I hadn’t been given that opportunity until after I had been called as a leader.  Perhaps I’ll get into that later on this week.