A sense of grief

 

               I have twelve cousins – eight on my dad’s side and four on my mom’s.  My parents are each the eldest in their families.  Dad has a brother two years younger and baby sister (they are about twelve years apart).  My mom has two brothers.  All of my dad’s family lived in the Salt Lake area except for the few years that my Uncle and Aunt lived in Denver for a couple of years – that could be a different post and was several decades in the past.

         My mom’s family lived in different parts of northern California.  My mom’s first brother and his wife had three children – a boy and two girls.  The youngest brother and his wife had adopted a boy.  We had visited our cousins on occasion but didn’t know much about them beyond their names. And even with that one I am not certain of his given name.  I had thought it was Joshua and they changed it to Josiah.  He went by Joe so I am not sure what is was. I am five years older than the oldest of my cousins on my mom’s side.  None of us are close.

         The eldest cousin lives in Oregon.  Richard, Jaime and I have visited him and his wife five or six years ago.  That was it.  Our only visit with him as an adult and probably only three when we were in our youth.  I’ve had contact with his youngest sister on facebook but nothing recent – until yesterday.

         My mom and her first brother passed away the same year.  His children had given us updates about his health. He died shortly mom had moved into assisted living.  Their youngest brother had come to see mom a few weeks after he passed. She passed four months after he did.

         And yesterday  both of my brothers recived phone messages from San Mateo welfare system – one viewed it as a scam but the other one answered.  The call was to inform them of the passing of our uncle and as his son had passed the year prior the posterity of his siblings would be the sole heirs of his estate.  Say what?  Steven sent out a text message to us and asked if any of us knew how to get a hold of our cousins.

         I messeged the two who are on facebook.  I felt like a heel not knowing their lives or what their position is toward our late uncle but informing them that not only has he passed but that it has been requested that someone from family assist in matters.  I included the eldest of my cousin’s wife in the conversation as she is on facebook and though my cousin has an account is not on often it at all.  He is in his final stages with Huntington’s and will probably be gone by next year. I have learned of three deaths have happened (or will happen) within the matter of minutes. 

         There were tears in my eyes – for Uncle Bruce was a loner and died alone.  I have no idea when or how Joe passed.  I’m not even close to these people though I do have memories.  Only a few memories.  It was a hodgepodge combination of emotions brought to the surface.  My vision made the messages received blurry.  I was involved in a text conversation with my brothers relating messages I’d received from messenger from my cousins – trying to correct what I’d transcribed before sending it.  I was an emotional wreck. I wish I knew better than I do.

Who Are Jack and Louisa?

         So here is a family history find.  Jack Day Prather was born in Nicaragua to a single mother who had mentioned Jack’s father to him.  The name of his father is Ralph Prather – the same Ralph Prather that had married my Grandma Mary when my mom was sixteen.

 At age eighteen Jack decided he wanted to go to the states and needed proof of his birth.  His birth certificate had him listed as Jack Day Garcia – no mention of a father or even his last name.  Thus when Jack arrived in the states he dropped the Prather/Garcia and passed himself off as Jack Day and has gone by that name ever since.

Eventually Jack did have the desire to know his father – or the man he was told was his father and has been on a mission for many decades.  It’s too bad facebook and Google didn’t exist in the 70’s for both he and Ralph were living in California – though different parts.  He missed finding him.

He did find Richard through Ancestry.  The name “Ralph Prather” came up in Richard’s profile and in April 2021 Jack sent him a message which Richard passed on to me.  I knew that my brother Steven had been in contact with some of Ralph’s descendants and so I passed Jack’s name onto Steven (here). 

We have all become good friends with Jack and his wife Louisa.  Steven wrote his own post about them here.

 Their home is on the list of airbnb.  This is where we stayed on Saturday night.

On Sunday we went with them to Maddalena Restaurant at Antonio Winery – which we were supposed to tour.  Unfortunately we forgot and had not made the time.  Again fried brain. I think Jack was hoping we would return to the bed and breakfast but we parted ways at the restaurant. So good to visit with them.

Recycling Lights and Day 10

      Today’s Light of the World feature is to Highlight our hero on social media and just like last year (here) I think those who truly have Christ like attributes would NOT want to be showcased on social media.  Especially if they don’t see it in themselves.  Thus here is my post for day 10.

        Jenna had an assignment in which she was to write an essay answering different questions about a book character or a personal ancestor.  She chose the latter and we found an ancestor I knew I had stories for.  She needed more words than the three stories combined. As we couldn't answer all the questions accurately we fudged a bit on “what might have been” – it was quite a good essay, but not exact as we have no way of knowing if all the facts were actual – only that much of it was “based on truth”.

        When Jenna learned what Day 10 would be she excitedly asked if she could share her essay on facebook.  At first I told her that perhaps she shouldn’t as certain family members might take it as truth, but the more I thought about it I wondered how many would take the time to read it especially since "posting s story" seems more inviting to her than having to post it to the "wall".  

            I have many stories that I have shared throughout this blog. For the most part I have not posted them on facebook - mostly due to lenghth.  That’s too much information for facebook in my opinion.  And yet my brother would often write lengthy posts - especially during the time that his mother-in-law had COVID.  Those I would read - but sometimes would only scan.

        The experience that I am now sharing was from a different ancestor and another side than the one we used for Jenna. For facebook I will end up with only one paragraph that explains a journal but not much of a story line.  But I will share the story here and send a link to any of those that may be curious enough to want to read more:

        Just a brief history to hopefully make this easier to follow.  My great grandmother had four children.  Her only daughter married and had three children: my dad, his brother and his sister. Great grandma’s oldest son married and had six children (three boys and three girls).  The eldest of his children also had six children – five girls and a boy.  I will provide the names of four as I am about to mention the “story” and what unfolded as a result.

        My dad’s sister had four sons.  One I will refer to as Skyler. Dad’s cousin had the six children.  Her only son is Brett. He fits somewhat in the middle. The last time I remember seeing my second cousins was when Heidi was four to six years old.  I had forgotten that dad’s cousin had also given birth to twins after Heidi. I don’t believe Skyler knows about Brett or Heidi or any of the living relatives on that side.  But I could be wrong.  I don’t suppose it matters to the point of this story.

 

On March 29 this year was our second Sunday since the schools shut down and we were on a Stay-at-home order.  Skyler had shared a post about great grandma’s grandfather on a family facebook page.  He sent a Acrobatic link which included pages of Richard’s journal.  Richard is our 3^rd great grandfather. 

I did write a brief synopsis at receiving the journal (here) but did not mention what took place shortly after that. 

Brett has been active on ancestry and I thought he would be interested in Richard’s journal as well – though some of it is really hard to read.  At the time it did not appear that Brett had an account on facebook – though I have seen his name quite recently so must have created an account during the pandemic – I’m thinking in August.  I don’t know if he’s posted since then.

I am facebook friends with one of my dad’s cousins – Brett’s uncle, his mother’s brother.  I knew the names of three of his sisters but had no idea what their married names were and so went to their uncle’s account to see if I could possibly find them that way.  I saw that Heidi and I had two fb friends in common – her uncle and my daughter-in-law.  What?  How would my daughter-in-law know Heidi?  Turns out they had lived in an area that Heidi’s mom had grown up in and seemed to dislike.  I smile every time I think about her saying “Who wants to live in [place]” – and here she has at least two daughters living there.

 I messaged Heidi:

         “I understand that Randy and Carrie used to live in your ward.  I am Randy’s mother.  I am also your second cousin by way of your Grandpa J and my Grandma Helen.  I used to work with your mom at Snelgrove’s ice cream store.”

I mentioned that I’d been searching for her brother as I believed he might be the family historian and told her about Skyler sharing a piece of our 3^rd great grandpa’s journal and asked if they might have seen it.  Unfortunately I was unable to send the pfd. I asked Skyler if he could email it to her but do not know if Heidi was able to view it.  But I have shared other things with her – a photo of Randy and Carrie’s baby, a family photo of our grandparents, great grandparents, and her mom when she was three or four years old.  I also shared a photo I have shared on my blog before and our relationship with the Bird family (see here) 

          The point is I had made a connection with living relatives which to me is more important than lineage.  Not to take away from ancestry or those who thrive on it.  I have shared other discoveries on my blog as well as my lack of enthusiasm for family history in the past;  I do enjoy maintaining present and keeping records for posterity so they may hopefully have a better attitude toward genealogy than do I.

          Though I don't share the story of the ancestor himself,  I have briefly shared our lineage and the experience of connecting over social media.  I don't guess that's showcasing my ancestor - though he has become more than just a name to me. He evidently wrote some poetry in addition to his journal.  

not all the pages are this hard
to read but much of it is