To Err is Human . . .

Every once in a while I will see this message on facebook:

Wondering what in the world got removed so quickly for whatever reason.  I know it happened quite frequently in 2020 when those who would share false information which facebook (along with other social media from what I understand) repeatedly removed - which is a good thing. Facebook allows millions of people to use their platform and those who work for the facebook company are allowed to monitor that which they work for but sometimes I feel that perhaps contents are taken down in error?  And yet it somehow leads me to believe my privacy settings really are not.

I did not get the above message on my own wall but would imagine that is what others saw as the contents were deleted with a message that Ralph Waldo Emmerson was not the correct source.  Or it wasn’t RWE or something to that content.  Too bad I didn’t think of screenshotting that before deleting.  Hopefully I’ll never have another opportunity to do so.

I LOVE doing cryptograms puzzles.  For the most part I have loved the inspirational quotes and have decided to share them on facebook (as I rarely ever post anything on my personal page) and have been doing so since December 8.  I was booted after posting something that I saw as a RWE quote.  IT IS LITERALLY THE FIRST QUOTE GIVEN when looking up Ralph Waldo Emmerson.  Several sites credit him for saying this quote!  

(I did not find under Brainy Quotes however) I would like to ask facebook (whichever employee took down the quote) “How do we/you KNOW that RWE did not say that?”  “If you are such an authority on RWE perhaps you could provide a name of who actually said?”

I did find one quote simply titled Emmerson. 

Perhaps that is what snowballed everybody just assuming it was Ralph Waldo.  Perhaps it could have been Fred or George or maybe Emmerson is the first name.  Emmerson Johnson.  Emmerson Mahoney.  How do we know?

There is a rumor going around that Marie Antoninette had said, "Let them eat cake"

 My husband said that isn’t true.  How do we know what she said or didn’t say?  We weren’t there.  Was it documented?  Was it referenced?  Was the idea borrowed from another?  Because that’s how we’re supposed to think.  Borrowing ideas and referencing sources.  And what if the sources are wrong?

Human error happens.  It’s why AI was invented. Artificial Intelligence NEVER gets it wrong.  Alexa is ALWAYS right.

We were playing a game the other day 

(vintage collection probably as all the rides about questions are about the past and not the present) in which the card asked the question “Which of the three fairies wear green: Flora, Fauna or Merryweather.  The card gave credit to Flora which is not accurate as Flora wears pink and Fauna wears green. 

Nothing resolved.  Just venting.  Wondering.

hopeless romantics . . . or rather hopeless at remembering.

 

The other night I had asked Alexa to set an alarm for yesterday morning as we would be picking pears . . . or so we believed.  I had glanced at the calendar and realized that yesterday was mine and Richard’s wedding anniversary.  I started toward the back room to ask him if he wanted to do anything special to celebrate.  I don’t know if I even made it back to the room where he was working on watches.  I am so losing it.  We both are.

          Both of us forgot about it being our anniversary.  We went down to Medford to pick pears which we normally do at the end of August.  No smoke filled the air!  It was great!  But we wondered: Do the pears prefer smoky weather?  I have never seen so many puny pears EVER.  The majority were not even pickable.  What?  It was rather disappointing.  Two people climbed ladders and dropped them down to those who would catch and gently place in their bags.  Rings had been handed out and most pears missed their mark.  I took a few pictures before getting recruited to fold boxes.  I liked that job.

          We did stay longer than normal but have stayed longer if the pears were their normal size.  It wasn’t until we were almost home when we received a text from Ryan wishing us a happy anniversary.  Oh, yea.  Talk about your hopeless romantics . . . or rather hopeless at remembering.

          Facebook reminders of celebrations past . . . many with other nostalgia unrelated to the anniversary itself but anniversary of something else – like the planes crashing into the twin towers just two days after we were married.  Twelve years ago I had gone to Mrs. Cavanaugh’s candies with the second grade field trip. 

Evidently it was “Karen” day one year – I think before 2020 when the name Karen seemed to get a bad rap. That was the same year I put some presidential trivia online for two months.  Ten years ago my mom was dwindling between this earth life and the other side. 

Laundry and Electric Communication

 We left the hotel just after 4:00 a.m. on Saturday.  Jaime likes getting breakfast at Denny's and so we went there for food.  Richard and I don't care for Denny's and were each disappointed with our meal - though we had not expected much to begin with. I would rather have McDonald's than Denny's. Jaime said it could be our last time for going to Denny's.  

We drove by way of Boise.  Though we hit almost every rest stop between Salt Lake and Myrtle Creek we seemed to make good timing.  I think it was after 5:00 when we drove passed the sign that indicated we were in Douglas County, but then it took another two hours before we arrived in Roseburg. (I have mentioned how incredibly large our county is) We could see the smoke before we arrived in Glide.

For the most part I don’t check my facebook or email while on vacation.  I’m on vacation.  This is how things looked when I returned

 

Before our backroom was built Richard had hung two clothes lines that came down in 2019 and were never replaced.  I could use the lines 2-4 months of the year.  I could hang about three loads.  Richard has since replaced one line but it is much shorter and holds only one load at best. 

I was able to take in a few more classes of the water fitness before the pool closed for the season.  The last day was August 25th although we had scheduled a pool party for the 26th.  Open swim and party were both cancelled due to the poor air quality.  We had worse in 2017.

When I returned home I had used the dryer as the skies were filled with smoke.  The rain has since chased the smoke away.  It seems pointless to hang the laundry with a chance of rain. 

Day One: Donate and Share on Social Media

        I am not the type of person who seeks recognition for performing an act of service or feel the need to blow my own horn and yet so many of the “Light of the World” suggestions want us to use social media to post our accomplishment or share suggestions.  This day for example

 

As though social media is not already flooded with donate to this cause – donate to that cause.  So and so is raising money for this charity or that – and now light of the world wants me to add to that:

 

        “Look what I did!” 

I can share a link I suppose. But I’m not going to.  I am not alone.  My RS president is not too thrilled with the idea of posting our every move when it sounds like we are blowing our own horns which I’m sure is not the intent of the church.  It’s probably more of a missionary tool and because of COVID may be limited to activities that we have done in prior years. 

 

        I have written something for day 10 which in my opinion is too long for a facebook post. I am sure I will be posting it to this blog before the 10^th.  Perhaps I will provide a link to the paragraph I have selected for my day 10 fb post.  I don’t think all my Light the World activities will make it to facebook however.  Does that mean I am not sharing the light appropriately? Would sharing a link on facebook make my light more genuine?  I don’t think it would.

I Don’t Get It

                I think there are gremlins bugging the social media right now – or some aspects of it anyway.  I have noticed it on facebook and YouTube, but I don’t know which order – probably facebook.  Each time they try to improve the site, there are millions of bugs that cause havoc for the user.

            Lately facebook has ignored my requests of who I would like notifications from and have been throwing in notifications at random.  Just the other day I received a notification for someone I wasn’t even aware I was facebook friends with (which goes to show how close we are) and so I have been typing in the names of family members just so I am updated about their latest thoughts.

            As I have mentioned in at least two other posts, I created a Relief Society page for the ward that I currently attend.  Each of the wards I have attended have communication pages, but I did not see one for this ward and thus almost five years ago I took it upon myself to create one.  I did not have permission nor did it occur to me to seek it.  But nearly everybody loved the idea and requested that I keep it (even if I had to change the name).  Thus I am the administrator. I now come up as an administrator of our newest ward page.  What the heck?

            Another member of the group has tried to add pictures of thoughts to the group, but evidently access has been denied.  Thus I took it upon myself to repost her thoughts and received “badge” for joining the administration.  Say what now?  Why am I getting this “badge”?  Why do I all the sudden have this title of “founding member’?  I did not have anything to do with creating the ward group – but as I look into again, it appears that anyone who has posted anything receives a “founding member” except for the one who initially invited me in.  I don’t see next to her name.  Weird.

            The bishop, who did start the page, cannot open private messages which I had sent to him in facebook.  Three examples of facebook’s current gremlins.  Now let’s move on to YouTube, shall we?  Allthough the bugs may have been worked out now – but I haven’t completed this post.

            Viewers are given the option of not having to view ads for those who can afford the fee.  Although ten dollars a month may not seem like a big deal to some, I am not readily on YouTube enough that it is worth it. I can skip the ads  if I am near the computer, but if I’m across the room . . . well that’s a different story.  I brought YouTube up because I wanted to listen to the music to help me fall asleep.  I once had a computer that came with a remote.  I wondered why a person would ever need a remote to work the computer.  As I sat up in bed annoyed – not by the ads but the repeated plays (though I would rather hear the same song two or three times than any ads) I finally figured out why a remote would be handy.

            When I was taking accounting and other classes I was on YouTube all the time.  Because I would look for accounting and business videos, the ads would be geared toward such.  That was annoying.  However, YouTube's latest glitch was repeating the song that just played.  It wasn’t just my device or personal playlist.  Jenna was getting the same thing.  And although they are songs that we like, we like and would like to listen to others as well.  I have not experienced that problem at all while I type this. It has actually been quite enjoyable.

            As I did not have a remote to work while I was in bed I finally changed the position of YouTube coming through my computer to an alternate through the TV.  Our bedroom is not that far from our living room.  It’s not like we live in a mansion or anything that the two televisions or computers would have to be on different signals, and yet they seem so distant from one another as far as signal goes when theoretically it is less than 30 walking steps from one devise to the other.  Thus I don’t think the living room YouTube would cut out like the bedroom YouTube does.  Neither play an entire ad.  Both cut out, which I find amusing.  Both will make its own playlist.  The one in the living room will play until we stop it.  I have always fallen asleep in the bedroom except recently to see that after only six or seven songs it will freeze for several minutes before it kicks back to the regular station.  Gremlins.  Bedroom Gremlins.  Computer gremlins.  Facebook gremlins.

            Technology.  Fascinating but definitely imperfect.

Save Our Library Crusade

Just over a year ago this month, I had finally been accepted to sit with the library board to make decisions - though our county libraries were in jeopardy.  I had turned in an application at the end of May and attended my first meeting in June.  I don't know why they hadn't accepted me as a board member at the time as I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO APPLY!

I started a crusade and campaigned on facebook from September until November's election.  Here are some of the clipart I had used as profile, post or cover.  It may not have been very effective as the majority of responses I received were from my Utah friends.  I had not thought to create at page for public awareness.

my sister-in-law had sent me this post.  I, in turn, had

shared it with some class mates from a management

class I had been taking at the time.

This includes 6 different profile pics

I incorporated pics of granddaughters in previous Halloweens.  Each remained on my profile for a  week. 

I wish we were part of a county library system still.  Our future still bears so much uncertainty.

A Passing Phase Perhaps . . .

        From the time she was eight years old, Jenna had always asked me for her own personal facebook account.  She enjoyed watching the JibJabs that my brother-in-law will occasionally post and wanted the opportunity to make comments herself instead of having me type "Jenna says . . ."  Over the years, many of her friends started their facebook accounts and she would ask if she could start one.  Each year the request was included on birthday or Christmas lists.  At the end of 2014 I created this post. 
     
          It wasn't until we had moved to Oregon - so far away from our family - that I understood why so many of her friends may have had "illegal accounts" as they all had family members they didn't have many opportunities to spend time with.  We had lived in Oregon for almost a year when I set up an "illegal" facebook account for her.  The objective was to keep contact with her brothers and aunts and uncles.  At first she seemed leery about adding people whose names she didn't recognize (good for her), but after a while many school mates made it to the facebook friend list.  She  found former acquaintances she had known in different parts of Salt Lake.  She had fun creating posts and playing games - though I had reminded her several times that is not why the account had been created.  I discouraged her from playing games or sharing her profile.  I don't know how many times she was hacked.  I suggested that she change her password either weekly or bi-monthly.

            I think the novelty had worn off as it had for me in this post.  There are certainly some advantages and disadvantages of being on facebook. After a year, Jenna is bored with facebook and asked if we could delete her account.  We haven't figured out how to close it permanently and so currently it's just deactivated until she decides that she would like to use it again.  And it's okay if she decides not to return.  My brother, Patrick has never had an account nor do I suspect he ever will.  There are leaders in the primary who don't have accounts. 
          I think it is a great source of communicating among certain groups.  I know many who post for upcoming Church activities, or community functions or family gatherings.  In fact I have given examples here and here and I've known some who have been inconvenienced when they no longer have that connection (for instance it was the policy of  Granite School District that all employees must not have facebook contact with the students;  one of my facebook friends, who fixes computers at all the schools in the district, was expected to delete those students he kept in contact with to make them aware of scouting events that had nothing to do with the school - but it was for protection reasons that the "unfriending" thing happened)

            Jenna isn't great at controlling her emotions - especially during that time of the month.  But hey, I was a teenage girl who had issues with that time of the month.  I understand.  Facebook didn't exist when I was her age, but I'm certain I would have gotten bored with it also.  She loves to draw and color.  It's the only passion she's been consistent about.  Everything else has been a fad.  Perhaps one day she will find something that she is willing to hang onto. Perhaps she will do something with her art.  She says she would like to lean towards cartooning.  That would be cool.

Social Media

            I am the administrator of two groups in facebook.  The first is a Relief Society page that I had started for the ward that I'm in as it has been the only not to have a ward or RS page, and I missed it.  The second group Jenna and I had volunteered to get started in April (I believe) after Myrtle Creek Library closed its doors and several library users wanted to form a group in hopes to reopen the library.  The group page has existed for less than three months, but twice as many members and A LOT of contributors.  Though each says she really appreciates the group page, getting other sisters to post their thoughts on the RS page is like pulling teeth.  We have twice as many members in our "Friends" group and thankfully I'm not the only one who has been posting everything.

            We had a meeting last night for the "Friends" group, and I will have another one this morning with the Summer Reading Program committee.  Myrtle Creek does a city wide yard sale each year for four years now.  It will take place in two weeks - which doesn't give our group much time for renting out booths and tables as suggested by one member.  No one in our group has a key to the library nor permission to use facility (although Marilyn often gets her way with the mayor - it's still something that has to be voted on by the council) and so we'll be setting up shop at the old laundry mat (which actually is where the last two meetings were held - it is weird hearing projected voices of the acoustics that are very different from the City Council building or Nazarene church where we used to meet) and so I posted the information last night before I went to bed.  Thus far there have been three shares - one included the Winston Wire (I'm guessing their newspaper) Wow.

            "Friends" caught on like wildfire. Would like to see that with the RS page.   

VENTING

What is up with Roland picking the absolute hottest part of the day to do the yard?  Would you believe we actually had the heat on this morning and now I am attempting to cool off as I sit beside the A/C?  What fickle weather we have.

Speaking of weather – I will be using the bizarre weather to promote my pretend business that I’m now in the process of creating for my assignment for the next four weeks.  If imagination counts, I should do well in the class. 

So I was actually on the tail end of this week’s assignment  (which may vary from week to week – I don’t know) when I received a text from my sister indicating that my facebook had been hacked.  Oh, great.  I signed onto facebook and discovered three more p.m. to inform I’ve been hacked.  Now four, five . . . I also was expecting a call and had to prepare for that – plus Roland needs me to take pictures of him on a weekly basis so that he can send them in to his health advisor and even though I had taken the pics, I hadn’t sent them over.  The frustration was setting in and swallowing me up the way algebra does.

I couldn’t deal with facebook – and somehow pressed the wrong button and found myself on the email page only I couldn’t get in, but I could on another tab.  What the flip?  If more of my family would use email and not rely solely on facebook, I might just give up my facebook account.  But it’s hard as there are only three of us in Oregon, one in Las Vegas and all the rest of the family in Utah so far away.  I like having the social media but it can be very irritating at times.

By the time I get on facebook, I am up to nine friends who tell me I’ve been hacked.  Kayla has also posted a warning on my wall for all people NOT to accept friendship requests from friends who know me.  And there were comments left from others who were just about to private message me.  What take a good thing and create a monster?

Roland is now on his way to Roseburg with Jenna.  I have both phones.  Dang.  I should have left mine in the car.  I did try to get them before they pulled out of the driveway.  That's sort of how my entire day's been going.  I better read over my assignment before I turn it in. 

DANG IT! 

Familiar Faces

            About a year and a half ago, I was on facebook checking out their statistics, though I generally don't put a lot of stock in what results are given.   According to facebook, my husband Roland and I are the most opposite of me and any of my facebook friends.  I can believe that.  According to facebook, my soul mate is Carolyn - who I had known less than a year.  I've now known her for almost two.  The more time I take to get to know her, the more it feels like we have in common.  I guess facebook was right.

            Not only that, but every time I added a family photo, facebook will automaticlly tag the pictures and actually get most of them right.  But every time my mom is in the photo, facebook puts Carolyn's name on the photo instead of my mom's. I guess there is a resemblance.  I do see more between my mom and Carolyn than I do between my mom and Peggy Bird.  Peggy was our neighbor from across the street.  I bet  one was mistaken for the other at least once a week.  None of their children saw it.

            I know I have a face that often looks familiar to most people.  Perhaps that is why people always used to talk to me on the bus; they thought they were talking to somebody else.  I know for a fact that some doors were open to me on my mission because they thought I was somebody else.  We would start our approach and they would look at us and then our name tags and finally figure out I wasn't who they thought I was.  That was weird.

            Carolyn said she thought my mom looked younger than her.  I would have never guessed that Carolyn is as old as she is.  She and my mom are two years apart.  Carolyn is younger.  I had mentioned that my mom had passed away in 2013.  She was quite disappointed and said she wanted to meet mom.

            "You will," I assured her. "But just let's hope you don't meet her soon."

You Can't Change Others - You Can Only Change You

            When my sister brought her family to Oregon for a visit, she also brought a box that I had left in the shed back in Kearns.  In the box were several photos - some that had already been scanned; some were not.  I decided to scan most  of them and post them to facebook.

            I had found Pamprin (here) on facebook a while ago.  I have clicked on her profile just to see updated photos and have shared them with Jenna and Roland.  

            When I started clicking on photos that included Pamprin, her name came up to tag.  That seems weird as we don't seem to have any mutual friends. But then again, she is the only one in there. I thought that it might be a blessing and that perhaps she or her sibs would feel the desire to reconnect.  However, when I went back to tag some untagged photos, I noticed her name had been removed from all the photos.  So here are my theories:

            A.  Pamprin has no desire to be a part of the family.  She removed all of my tags and prevented me from tagging any pictures of her in the future.  I wasn't trying to stir up ill feelings.  I was really hoping to make a connection between her and her sibs.  But apparently, the feeling is not mutual.  

            B. She deleted them to prevent her mom from seeing them, thus preventing confrontation with one who is psychologically messed up.

            C. She never got to see the photos as she and her mom share the same computer and her account was still up when her mom got onto the computer and deleted all tagged photos.  

            D. Granted, some of them were not the most flattering photos.  Pamprin seems weight conscience.  I know she hasn't had the best eating habits in the past, but she is also big-boned.  I don't know of any diet plan that can produce weight loss in bones.  Perhaps she was embarrassed by the photos.

            Whatever the reason, I'm sorry about our situation.  It would be nice if Jenna and brothers got to know their sisters.  At this point, I don't even think the boys care anymore.  Tony never send Pamprin a friend request because of Maleficent's  piercing eyes and constant interference. Maybe some things are  better left alone.

            I remember  I once had a family history teacher that found her sister after years of searching.  Both had grown up in foster care (obviously separated from one another) and the woman she had found had discarded her past - or so she had hoped.  So while my friend had searched for a connection and finally found one - the person on the other end turned all her hard work into a dead end.  If someone doesn't wish to be contacted, what do you do?

            At least Pamprin did not make the request for me to remove all of her photos from my wall.  Nor has she blocked me from viewing her account (at least not yet). I am  unwilling to remove some photos as she's still a part of Jenna and their brother's past.

            We can't change the past.  We can learn from it, treasure it, try to escape it, or just deal with it.  I hope that one day the issues at hand may be resolved and new discoveries can be made.

Drop Kick That Blonde Spider

       Recently I had a dream that I was cleaning around the house when I noticed a plastic bag with a collage of items inside.  I was startled to see a rather large spider crawling toward the top.  Of course I freaked.  This was not any ordinary spider - it was one that would be displayed at a zoo or museum because of its enormous size - 2-3 times larger than the tarantula.  And dirty blonde.  It was creepy.

       I thought by sealing up the plastic bag, I would have better control over the fate of the spider, but it managed to escape - which of course made it more scary.  Though it appeared to be larger than many rodents, it moved quickly and I didn't always know where the spider was.

The spider I dreamed was more blonde (not as much brown) but the size
is about the same.  Too many pictures to wade through.  I still have chills.

       It's not something I could scoop into a glass and set free. I knew in order to kill that thing, I would have throw a dictionary on top and proceed to stomp on the dictionary and still would be too scared to lift the dictionary back up for fear the spider would still be alive. If I left the dictionary in place I would not be able to sleep - wondering how long it would be before the spider found the strength to move the dictionary and wander off.

       It seemed I was experiencing this spider-turmoil all night long.  There was a point I questioned as to whether I had dreamed it or if it was real.  Of course it was a dream - and it probably wasn't even that lengthy of a dream.  I wondered if maybe it wasn't/isn't symbolic of the relationship I am currently experiencing with my eldest daughter-in-law (Biff's wife) who has managed to turn herself into Roland's ex shortly after giving birth to my currently youngest granddaughter. 

       The blonde spider may be symbolic of the turmoil that I had felt at the time I had the dream (back in December) or stirred up anger I have toward bullying and irrational behavior.  I want that blonde spider out of my life.

       As I copied to post, I read this thought from the blogs that I read.  Thank you, Debbie Crews.

Mending the Broken

          Yesterday morning was overly dark.  It was cold and raining.  It mirrored the emotions of my heart

          I had heard a quote from a TV show that got me thinking.  The quote was something to the affect of, "sometimes things get broken and sometimes broken things just can't be fixed"

                    There is a number of tangible items that have had to be discarded as they have either gone beyond repair or just don't seem worth the effort.  How blessed we are that we are God's children and are worth the effort of not being broken - though for many of us some trials have made us question our worth.

          Earlier in December, my eldest daughter-in-law chose to not only defriend me on facebook, but block her account as well.  Less than two weeks later, she sent a friend request along with a mountain of apologies and excuses.  She said that her new meds were to blame and made the promise that she'd never again unfriend me. 

          I did believe in her apology for her flippant behavior.  But even before she and Biff wed, she seemed to have a personality that could turn from hot to cold within the manner of seconds.  I'll admit, I do not know her very well,  but I do see her as having unstable behavior.  At least she is seeing a therapist or psychiatrist of some kind - unlike Roland's ex who refused to go back to anyone who may offer any criticism or not agree with her every word.  At least she is trying - or so I'm told.

          I accepted her friendship request knowing full well that I may be blocked again sometime in the future.  The future has arrived.  Not only has she blocked herself, but managed to block Biff as well.  How dare she. 

          Thus far there hasn't been a response to the texts or voicemails that I left for Biff.  If she managed to take his phone away, I don't know how to communicate with him - unless he lets us know how we can make contact with him.

          Before she removed us from her account,  Biff called to explain about his latest - but unfortunately familiar predicament.  We have two granddaughters who were born in August.  They share a month, and Jeanie can't stand that her daughter has the same birth month as her cousin.  They are two weeks apart  and her claim is that everybody in the family loves Devin more than her Ali.  According to her, nobody in Biff's entire family has showed support (which is so not true - or it's been because of Jeanie's incredible mood swings and nothing to do with Ali herself.  Talk about stepping on egg shells - egg shells with rattle snakes in them!)

          I don't know how many times I've been down this road of emotional turmoil and flippant behavior.  I was so hurt and distraught in December.  But this time, in addition to the hurt and heartache,  there is anger.  I have been down this road with Roland dealing with his deranged ex.  I had another unstable friend who displayed childish behavior with her defriending and blocking and changing her mind again until finally I said, "You know what?  I've had enough!"

          Jeanie's behavior is so identical to Roland's ex and to Hitler and Satan.  We don't know our own granddaughter and probably never will just as Roland and I don't know  Francis or Pamprin.  Their mom has used them as leverage to manipulate and control others.  Jeanie is doing the exact same thing with Ali.  Alienating Biff from the family (or at least trying to) and Ali from Biff.

          Both women are cookie cutter molds out of the Grimm's fairytales where there is no hero - only a large fire breathing dragon who has that time of the month all month long - except for that occasional few minutes of remorse.  But it doesn't last.  Sybil goes away and another personality takes over.

          Through God's mercy today's trials can become tomorrow's testimony - should I allow for that.  Right now this part of me feels broken - a part that cannot/will not be fixed.  Not in this lifetime anyway.  I hope I'm wrong.  I hope I live to see Roland's girls and my granddaughter Ali and I hope that their moms' issues may be resolved.  But as of now, I need to put all these negative emotions behind me and allow my focus to be elsewhere.    I would like this heavy weight lifted while I'm still on earth and of sound mind.  My time isn't God's time.  In my mind, it's already been too long.

          If we still lived in Salt Lake, I predict our situation would be worse than just facebook.  I know I would see Devin at least twice a week - more often than Ester and Ali put together.  Not because I'd choose it that way, but because I am actually a priority for Carrie and Randy and have been with all three of my boys.  But I'm not a priority for my other two daughters-in-law - or at least that is how I feel.  Jeanie has had interfering health and Rochelle seems to be afraid of forming bonds or just prefers spending time with her family and childhood ward members. 

           The healing between Jeanie and I is going to be long and slow if at all.