Memories Through the Grief

 

unfortunately somewhat of a short post.  unfortunate because of lack of contact.

 

               Before starting my senior year in high school I had gone to San Francisco to visit my Grandma Mary.  Uncle Bruce picked me up at the airport.  I hadn’t seen him for quite some time and wasn’t even certain that it was him.  I got in the car with him anyway.

         I remember spending one day with his wife and son.  They had two cats.  I remember Joe had used two different methods of discipline one for each cat.  I also remember holding him when he was a baby.

         When Jaime was two or three she received a child sleeping bag from one of the neighbors.  Bruce was visiting my mom and I happened to have the sleeping bag in the car.  I was having problems rolling it up and asked Bruce if he could show me as I knew he was an experienced camper.  Jaime unrolled the bed at least twice while he was there.  I think she thought it was a game.

         I remember my other uncle having an upright piano in his house.  It had been painted bright orange.

         I remember having listened to his record collection without realizing that it was his. He had served as a police officer and said the mission district was his least favorite.  I remember Grandma having put me on the train at the mission underground.  I got off at a station above ground.  I remember meeting my uncle at the transport system in Lafayette. I spent a Sunday with the family.  I do not recall our interaction with one another.

        When my uncle returned me to the train station in Lafayette he gave me specific instructions not to go upstairs once I arrived at the mission but to wait for grandma to come and get me.  I related this to my mom after my trip was over.  My smiled at the thought on how I was to wait underground for a little old lady to come and save me.

         I met my cousin’s wife when we had gone to Salem for a convention.  Our visit with them was an hour or so.  Same with the convention. Richard, Jaime and I were the only non-staff who attended.  We won the two door prizes that were offered.  They had tons of food and told us to take as much as we wanted.  I called my cousin and his wife and gave the address and told them to bring containers.  They did not come. And we had a three hour drive so we didn’t take any food. What a waste.

         My mom seemed to be close with each of her brothers.  I do not believe they were close to each other.

A sense of grief

 

               I have twelve cousins – eight on my dad’s side and four on my mom’s.  My parents are each the eldest in their families.  Dad has a brother two years younger and baby sister (they are about twelve years apart).  My mom has two brothers.  All of my dad’s family lived in the Salt Lake area except for the few years that my Uncle and Aunt lived in Denver for a couple of years – that could be a different post and was several decades in the past.

         My mom’s family lived in different parts of northern California.  My mom’s first brother and his wife had three children – a boy and two girls.  The youngest brother and his wife had adopted a boy.  We had visited our cousins on occasion but didn’t know much about them beyond their names. And even with that one I am not certain of his given name.  I had thought it was Joshua and they changed it to Josiah.  He went by Joe so I am not sure what is was. I am five years older than the oldest of my cousins on my mom’s side.  None of us are close.

         The eldest cousin lives in Oregon.  Richard, Jaime and I have visited him and his wife five or six years ago.  That was it.  Our only visit with him as an adult and probably only three when we were in our youth.  I’ve had contact with his youngest sister on facebook but nothing recent – until yesterday.

         My mom and her first brother passed away the same year.  His children had given us updates about his health. He died shortly mom had moved into assisted living.  Their youngest brother had come to see mom a few weeks after he passed. She passed four months after he did.

         And yesterday  both of my brothers recived phone messages from San Mateo welfare system – one viewed it as a scam but the other one answered.  The call was to inform them of the passing of our uncle and as his son had passed the year prior the posterity of his siblings would be the sole heirs of his estate.  Say what?  Steven sent out a text message to us and asked if any of us knew how to get a hold of our cousins.

         I messeged the two who are on facebook.  I felt like a heel not knowing their lives or what their position is toward our late uncle but informing them that not only has he passed but that it has been requested that someone from family assist in matters.  I included the eldest of my cousin’s wife in the conversation as she is on facebook and though my cousin has an account is not on often it at all.  He is in his final stages with Huntington’s and will probably be gone by next year. I have learned of three deaths have happened (or will happen) within the matter of minutes. 

         There were tears in my eyes – for Uncle Bruce was a loner and died alone.  I have no idea when or how Joe passed.  I’m not even close to these people though I do have memories.  Only a few memories.  It was a hodgepodge combination of emotions brought to the surface.  My vision made the messages received blurry.  I was involved in a text conversation with my brothers relating messages I’d received from messenger from my cousins – trying to correct what I’d transcribed before sending it.  I was an emotional wreck. I wish I knew better than I do.

Recycling Lights and Day 10

      Today’s Light of the World feature is to Highlight our hero on social media and just like last year (here) I think those who truly have Christ like attributes would NOT want to be showcased on social media.  Especially if they don’t see it in themselves.  Thus here is my post for day 10.

        Jenna had an assignment in which she was to write an essay answering different questions about a book character or a personal ancestor.  She chose the latter and we found an ancestor I knew I had stories for.  She needed more words than the three stories combined. As we couldn't answer all the questions accurately we fudged a bit on “what might have been” – it was quite a good essay, but not exact as we have no way of knowing if all the facts were actual – only that much of it was “based on truth”.

        When Jenna learned what Day 10 would be she excitedly asked if she could share her essay on facebook.  At first I told her that perhaps she shouldn’t as certain family members might take it as truth, but the more I thought about it I wondered how many would take the time to read it especially since "posting s story" seems more inviting to her than having to post it to the "wall".  

            I have many stories that I have shared throughout this blog. For the most part I have not posted them on facebook - mostly due to lenghth.  That’s too much information for facebook in my opinion.  And yet my brother would often write lengthy posts - especially during the time that his mother-in-law had COVID.  Those I would read - but sometimes would only scan.

        The experience that I am now sharing was from a different ancestor and another side than the one we used for Jenna. For facebook I will end up with only one paragraph that explains a journal but not much of a story line.  But I will share the story here and send a link to any of those that may be curious enough to want to read more:

        Just a brief history to hopefully make this easier to follow.  My great grandmother had four children.  Her only daughter married and had three children: my dad, his brother and his sister. Great grandma’s oldest son married and had six children (three boys and three girls).  The eldest of his children also had six children – five girls and a boy.  I will provide the names of four as I am about to mention the “story” and what unfolded as a result.

        My dad’s sister had four sons.  One I will refer to as Skyler. Dad’s cousin had the six children.  Her only son is Brett. He fits somewhat in the middle. The last time I remember seeing my second cousins was when Heidi was four to six years old.  I had forgotten that dad’s cousin had also given birth to twins after Heidi. I don’t believe Skyler knows about Brett or Heidi or any of the living relatives on that side.  But I could be wrong.  I don’t suppose it matters to the point of this story.

 

On March 29 this year was our second Sunday since the schools shut down and we were on a Stay-at-home order.  Skyler had shared a post about great grandma’s grandfather on a family facebook page.  He sent a Acrobatic link which included pages of Richard’s journal.  Richard is our 3^rd great grandfather. 

I did write a brief synopsis at receiving the journal (here) but did not mention what took place shortly after that. 

Brett has been active on ancestry and I thought he would be interested in Richard’s journal as well – though some of it is really hard to read.  At the time it did not appear that Brett had an account on facebook – though I have seen his name quite recently so must have created an account during the pandemic – I’m thinking in August.  I don’t know if he’s posted since then.

I am facebook friends with one of my dad’s cousins – Brett’s uncle, his mother’s brother.  I knew the names of three of his sisters but had no idea what their married names were and so went to their uncle’s account to see if I could possibly find them that way.  I saw that Heidi and I had two fb friends in common – her uncle and my daughter-in-law.  What?  How would my daughter-in-law know Heidi?  Turns out they had lived in an area that Heidi’s mom had grown up in and seemed to dislike.  I smile every time I think about her saying “Who wants to live in [place]” – and here she has at least two daughters living there.

 I messaged Heidi:

         “I understand that Randy and Carrie used to live in your ward.  I am Randy’s mother.  I am also your second cousin by way of your Grandpa J and my Grandma Helen.  I used to work with your mom at Snelgrove’s ice cream store.”

I mentioned that I’d been searching for her brother as I believed he might be the family historian and told her about Skyler sharing a piece of our 3^rd great grandpa’s journal and asked if they might have seen it.  Unfortunately I was unable to send the pfd. I asked Skyler if he could email it to her but do not know if Heidi was able to view it.  But I have shared other things with her – a photo of Randy and Carrie’s baby, a family photo of our grandparents, great grandparents, and her mom when she was three or four years old.  I also shared a photo I have shared on my blog before and our relationship with the Bird family (see here) 

          The point is I had made a connection with living relatives which to me is more important than lineage.  Not to take away from ancestry or those who thrive on it.  I have shared other discoveries on my blog as well as my lack of enthusiasm for family history in the past;  I do enjoy maintaining present and keeping records for posterity so they may hopefully have a better attitude toward genealogy than do I.

          Though I don't share the story of the ancestor himself,  I have briefly shared our lineage and the experience of connecting over social media.  I don't guess that's showcasing my ancestor - though he has become more than just a name to me. He evidently wrote some poetry in addition to his journal.  

not all the pages are this hard
to read but much of it is

Relationships: September Babies and Baptisms

         Four grandchildren were added to George and Peggy Bird‘s list of grandchildren in 1998.  I believe all four were in September.  Three biological and my niece who was an honorary member as Ellen and Kimball did not have cousins on either side of the family before Candy was born.  I think she was the eldest of the four cousins. I know she was the largest.

          Before Christmas, Birds had held their annual Christmas pageant.  Ellen reluctantly played Mary (as the only two other girls at the time were babies) and held one of the twins in her arms.  He was wailing.  I remember someone saying that Baby Jesus wasn’t being very reverent. 

 

Sarah Fitch - LDS clipart

          Corey and I had to excuse ourselves from the pageant as we had another commitment – I don’t even remember what.  Whatever it was hadn’t taken very long, for we had returned in time to see the wise men arriving in Bethlehem.  Ellen no longer held either twin, but had her sister.  I remember thinking how appropriate that was that she had a larger child as Jesus was two or so when the wise men arrived. 

          Fast forward to October 7, 2006.  There was no way all of the Birds could make it to all four baptisms unless all four were baptized the same place.  Arrangements were made for the four of them to be in one building at the same time.  How awesome it was that they were able to share their special day together and no one had to choose which one baptism to attend.

          I would have been in that predicament today if we were in Utah.  Tony had called to let us know our eldest granddaughter was being baptized and had even given us advanced notice in order to make the drive.  But driving to Medford is hard on the body – going to Utah two years ago had really been rough.  

LDS clipart

Jenna didn’t wish to take the time off school.  We can't always go to events or wait for life to stop for those we wish could come.  Tony was unable to make it to Jenna's baptism or either of his brother's weddings.  In a way I wish I was closer to my grandkids, but I really don’t know them.  I have lost touch with the boys.  Life seemed to get in the way (for them – even in Utah – for Tony anyway.  I suspect if we did live in Utah that Biff and Claire would be living with us instead of the in-laws and life would be more chaotic)

          My sister had told me that her oldest boy was scheduled to be baptized the following week, but that seemed to change at the last minute to today.  So of course we would have probably gone to Ester’s out of obligation and perhaps to my sister’s house afterward though I know I would be wishing we were at my sister’s house to begin with.  I am just closer to her children than I am to my own.  Roland says he misses the boys, but it’s not like he’s ever been close either.  I think that’s one reason they all seem estranged. A “Cat’s in the Cradle” (here) type thing. 

             Our youngest son now lives in New York.  If neither one of us had moved to another state, I suspect I would know his oldest daughter the best of any of my grandchildren.  I would have had more opportunity to spend time with her.  And I suspect I would have taken her on bus trips and she would have gotten to know her generational cousins.  But alas I am in Oregon.  I am breathing and I am happy.

                Each day Roland will ask if I’ve checked the mail if he hasn’t already checked it.  I know there have been times when he has been expecting a check or medication or something else.  I wondered what it’s been he’s been searching for lately.  He says he had found the address of his eldest daughter and has sent a letter each month and has been hoping to receive a letter from her.  I doubt she lives on her own.  She is probably not getting the letters if she still lives with her mom – though her mom has poisoned her mind against having anything to do with Roland.  Too bad.  I doubt that he will ever hear from her.  I hope I’m wrong.

Switching Bodies

I thought I would share some thoughts on the bizarre dream that I had this morning – though many of the details were already gone before Roland requested that I make pancakes – and then chop up some vegetables for the meatball stew . . .

“I’m not even dressed yet!” I thought.  After all I had mentioned that I had two hours before I would leave for work and that I needed to take a shower.  Thus this post has been put on the back burner.  So do I start with the dream or the cake? 

          I took pictures of the cake that we made on Saturday.  Jenna had done the entire cake part by herself and I frosted it and poured over coconut.  The intention was not for the purpose of giving the appearance of a giant snowball, but that is what I thought it looked like:

          So moving on to the dream which took place sometime between 3 and 6 this morning.  I remember it involved multiple documents – I don’t know if they were from bill collectors or court documents or what they were – but I didn’t want them.  They were wrongly given to me and I was trying to dodge them.  Granted, I am reading a mystery novel in real life and so I suppose some of my reading could have made their way into my dream but the weird part was trying to hide from it and driving to someone’s house to discuss it. 

I don’t even know whose house I had driven to except for my cousin was there and in the dream she had gone into nursing and knew the secret of body switching – which I had heard of, but was really nervous about it – yet I was willing to take the gamble in order to dodge whomever was behind the paperwork.

Now in real life I used to see my cousins often which gradually turned into perhaps twice a month and less than that after grandma died. And that was just my dad’s side.  I don’t even know my cousins on my mom’s side.  Ironically the oldest one lives in Salem just three hours away.

          So probably out of all my cousins I have spent the most time with Michelle – but Michelle was not even in this dream, but rather her sister Rose.  She is the one that suggested we switch out bodies and she taught me what I needed to do in order to make that switch.  It seemed to make sense in the dream, but doesn’t even remotely make sense as I write this.

          So I returned to Myrtle Creek and she returned to Logan (or is it Layton?  I don’t know . . . some city north of Salt Lake that starts with an L.  See how close we are?) and I am me on  the inside, but my outward appearance is Rose.  The documents stop coming and I am no longer harassed.  I am skinny.  I can wear eight layers of clothes sopping wet and still not weigh as much as Rose does in my body.  Why is it she was willing to make the switch with a heavy blob?  Is she in trouble with the law or creditors, too?

          I am able to eat several pieces of the snowball cake and my allergies haven’t bothered me.  

with banana ice cream made on MLK day

But the chin ring that Rose wears is killing me (I highly doubt that Rose has ever had a ring in her chin) and at the end of the dream I ask her when she wants to make the switch back.  She doesn’t seem anxious and I tell her I’m going to have the chin ring removed.

          I don’t know why my eyes fluttered, but I asked Roland what time it was.  He groaned as he turned to look at the clock and reported that it was six o’clock.  Jenna had forgotten to wake us again!  I woke up before Rose reacted or know if the chin ring was removed or not.  Weird