52% Feeling

 

I think in many cases the “personality” quizzes are geared towards job/career and not so much “personal” life.  But I seldom ever take a quiz with a job in mind, let alone a career.  Why not just make a career out of uplifting others?  Even if it means one doesn’t get paid.  Money isn’t everything.  Nor does it necessarily equal success.  Not in my book anyway.

There have been many times I have passed up opportunities or advance in promotion when I know that someone else can benefit.  I think putting another’s happiness before my own can make me equally as happy if not more than if I allowed myself to take the reigns. 

One example that comes to mind is when a friend and I had joined a bowling team.  One of the members was a single guy who seemed to be interested in both of us, and I knew she liked him.  I could have gone out with him but thought she might do better in his company.  They were married and as far as I know are still together. 

I do tend to allow my emotions to get the better (or worst?) of me – especially when finances are involved.  I don’t think I’m nearly as sentimental as I used to be – still I do miss items based on sentimentality and not so much financial worth.  I will generally follow my heart over more head – or at least wish that I would.  When I go by my head it generally has a negative effect.

I used to be impatient with others for not understanding my point of view but have gone from tolerance to an almost compassionate state.  I didn’t think I would ever say or feel this, but I know that having Biff and Clair here has been really good for me.  They are different people who think different thoughts, experience different emotions and will never change to my way of thinking or how I feel. 

The diversity in our household right now is less than ideal but somehow has created a sense of peace and acceptance.  Be lying if I said I was totally happy with the situation.  I would still like my own space but have come to realize that they are more important.

Richard will often turn the TV on to Maury or some other related show where people argue in front of the camera.  I don’t enjoy watching people argue or take pleasure in other’s misery.  It isn’t funny.  It’s sad and pathetic.  I don’t support that kind of behavior.  And yet there are many in the nation who thrive on it.  The disrespect between others boost ratings.  Violence is fun to watch.  I don’t get it.  It either upsets or disgusts me. 

I do tend to allow my emotions to control me more than I control them, but I am learning.  I hope that through the experiences that I am currently experiencing that I have become a better person than I was last week or last month – surely I am a better person than I was a year ago.

I tend to let the weather control my mood also.  I don’t know how to change that one.

When the Train Stops

Yesterday I was watching a movie on Hallmark.  The movie title is one I have seen before – but with a different description.  I enjoyed the 2019 version of “Christmas Town” starring Candace Cameron Bure (here). 

           The movie starts out with the focus on a man and his little girl.  He is struggling with some health issues.  The tree has been put up and decorated and he somehow loses his balance causing the angel to fall and breaks off a wing.  He promises that he will send it off to have it fixed.  If he had just used a form of Elmer’s or Gorilla glue, we might not have the story that takes place roughly twenty years later.

Lauren has recently accepted a teaching position in Springfield, Mass. and is anxious to leave behind her life in Boston. We learn that she has a boyfriend and a promised relationship, but her wants and his wants are not the same.  She is frustrated that she hasn’t been able to contact him to let him know that she is leaving and is a bit put-off to find him home ready to pick up where they left off.  She lets him know that maybe they really aren’t meant to be.

          She takes the train toward Springfield. As the train nears a small “tourist trap type”  town full of the Christmas spirit, they make an unscheduled shop as either the weather has failed them or the train is need of repair or something . . . they stop and all the passengers are required to get off and find some means of lodging.

The scenario reminded me of how many of us have chosen a destination and create a path for ourselves on how to fulfill our goals.  There are many of us who may ride a metaphorical train that makes an unscheduled stop that may throw our entire plan off course.  We don’t know why, but something prevents us from arriving to the destination that we thought we wanted in order to fulfill something greater – although we may not see it that way in the beginning.

         I have grandnephews and a grandniece that I’ve never met.  Lucas is the oldest and was born a few months before my second and third granddaughter.  Each of them will be turning five this year.  Holy Cow!  Lucas has a younger brother.  The two of them are inseparable.   Each of them has had a hard time sleeping without the other in the same room.

            Lucas has cancer.  He’s been in and out of the hospital in order to get the treatments that he needs.  His mom and dad have become writers of a blog (here)  though even if writing had been a part of their plans, they most likely would not have chosen gaining strength in a collided “two worlds, one family” quoting Phil Collins December 31 because that is how it felt.  One parent with Lucas in the hospital while the other stayed at the house with the two-year old – who at first was allowed to visit his brother but banned after flu season – though not completely.  Just at the hospital. 

            Lucas came home for Christmas before going into the hospital again for what hopefully will be his final treatment.  I think the cancer probably made a lot of people stronger – though I don’t associate with them as they are in Minnesota and we are in Oregon and I don’t even see my brother who is the grandfather of these two boys and currently resides in Utah.

            The train not only stopped for their family but several others as well.  And each has had his or her free agency on how to react to what wasn’t a part of their plan.  From what I’ve read, they seem to be enduring greatly and yes, at times mom and dad have been emotional boobs.  But who can blame them for that.  All the while they have tried to remain strong for Lucas.  It turned out that Lucas was the strongest one of all.

            That’s only one example of a stopped train.  Not all lives experiences end being wrapped up as neatly as the Hallmark movies and certainly not in such a small amount of time.  Trials are not easy.  Some callings are not easy – especially when the person called really isn’t comfortable about having the calling.  Again, we have our free agency.  We don’t have to accept the callings.  But it is an opportunity to grow if we will accept the challenge.

            I am reminded of a sister in the ward I currently attend.  She has had the calling of a Relief Society instructor.  She taught lessons once a month and always made it known that she was not comfortable in her position.  Never vocalize your thoughts in front of a congregation.  She is now the adult Sunday School teacher and now gets the opportunity of teaching not just once, but twice a month.

            I am reminded of a poem written by Carolyn Pearson (here) in which she talks about auditioning for a play and not getting the desired role, but the coveted role actually goes to one that she doesn’t consider worthy to play the part.  A transition is made for the girl who lands the part and it makes the author realize that we all have potential if given the opportunity.

            I hope that when I find myself on a path that I don’t particular think fits in my plans, I will focus on Him who knows better than I and I may express more gratitude for where I am. 

I'd Rather Work Than Wait

          I think Monday might be the best day for subbing in the schools.  It’s right after the weekend.  Some of the aides would like to extend their time off.  The last time I had subbed at Coffenberry, I was asked by another aide if I had picked her shift up for the 16^th.  Unfortunately, I was told to keep that day open as Roland had a doctor’s appointment in the Big City of Roseburg and would be sedated and would need me to drive him home.  I told her I would not be able to do her shift.

On Sunday night I received another request – also from Coffenberry.  I would have liked to have said yes.  I had even double-checked with Roland who really would like to see an extra income.  Her name was on the sub list yesterday morning.  I felt bad.  Once again it feels like I am the only sub in the system.  I’m not as I met another in Canyonville.  Still, they are hurting for subs again.

We left the house at 7:30 a.m, and did not return to Myrtle Creek until 1:30.  There’s six hours of my life that I will never get back.  Not to see that I didn’t want to be with Roland or ensure his safety.  I was in the waiting room.  I, fortunately, had brought a kindle, a book, my journal – so I did have things to do.  It may have not been that big of an ordeal for Roland who was in a trance but had been told later on why the delay.

It seemed like whatever machine the staff had intended to use for the test results wasn’t working properly.  Someone from Eugene had been called to come look at it.  Eugene is over an hour away from Roseburg.  If I understand correctly, Roland was out of it the entire time and did not realize that much time had even passed.  I had looked at the time at 9:00 a.m. and then again at 11:30. I had become concerned.

Meanwhile, I received a request to work at Canyonville – which I would not have done even if I had not gone to Roseburg as the Coffenberry request had come first.  Initially, the Relief Society presidency met each Monday morning to discuss issues which I, myself, have now become a part of.  I guess that is why I couldn’t get a job in accounting – not that I really wanted one.  But an accountant’s pay would be nice.  Having the money to renovate just one of the Brady’s rooms would be nice, let alone the entire house. (see here)  

The weather was unique.  First was our drive to.  The fog was dense on one side.  No landscape could be seen.  The other side could be seen in the morning sun.  So weird that only interstate 5 separated the two.  By afternoon it was raining heavy in Roseburg.  Buckets.  30 mph was too fast for that rain.  I stopped at Arby’s in Winston.  The rain wasn’t falling in Winston.  Theoretically, Roland is not supposed to drive for 24 hours.  When we were at Arby’s I gave him the choice of either driving himself or taking the long way home with me behind the wheel. He did not wish to go the long way home and drove himself. He was fine at the time but is in a deep sleep right now. 

I have not seen any positions available for today.  A friend asked if I would spend an hour or so with her this morning.  I will not be working on Wednesdays as I asked the Relief Society if we could meet on that day instead.  I probably will be able to work on Wednesdays should I accept some long term assignments as I did last year.  Wednesday is not my favorite day to work as it is a short day and the parking lot is full of cars.  One time I had to wait for parents to move their cars before I could get out.  I don’t much care for school traffic.

Abnormal Weather and Our Wonderful Neighbors

          Yesterday I received a phone recording to inform me that school had been canceled.  Outside there was more snow than we had seen since arriving in Douglas County - not enough to close schools in Utah.  I remember taking Jenna to school when the snow was higher than she was - though I'm sure even Salt Lake would consider closing if the snow were actually as tall as she is now.

          Northern Utah is equipped with salt and bulldozers and snowplows, etc.  It's actually routine.  And the schools calendars account for snow days.  The citizens don't encounter the harsh weather in this part of Oregon - or so we've been told.  Bus drivers already have the challenge of a narrow and windy road with drops on either side.  They haven't been trained to deal with the elements of slick roads due to snow and ice.

          My son has complained about getting stuck in the snow, and Jenna offers no sympathy it has been her hope to have an opportunity to play in the white stuff as she did in Utah. Yesterday provided her that opportunity. She decided to spend her snow day sliding down hill. 

        She moved to an area closer to the house - closer to the pipe where the hose is connected.  She crashed into the pipe and we had a fountain in our yard for about 20 minutes.  We're not blaming her.  I think the person who sold the house tried to cover up the flaws rather than repair them.  I honestly believe the weak pipe was one of those flaws.

          Plumbers aren't as available here as they are in Salt Lake.  Contractors, electricians and so forth might live within the county, but it's highly probable that they come from another county altogether.  I don't even remember who we called, but I thought it would take a while and wanted the water shut off so that we wouldn't have to be billed for the ice skating rink that was starting to form in our yard.  

         

          After the water was shut off, our neighbor from behind us drove around to assist.  I don't know if he's a licensed plumber, but he's certainly less costly and just as efficient.  Roland was still on the clock as he tried to remove the water from the pipe so that our neighbor could repair.  They turned the water back on and everything seems to be working.  We covered the pipe so it didn't freeze overnight.

          Buses were delayed again for two hours this morning.  The snow can be seen on some of the hilltops, but no longer on the trees.  I suspect any snow that can be seen from the house will be gone by the time Jenna returns.

           After she had gone to school on Tuesday, I had purchased some chocolate cherries for Cherry Chocolate Day.  We held our candy upside down so that they looked like cups and we made a pretend toast. 

          Yesterday we made up questionnaires and looked up trivia games on line as it was trivia day.  Today is whipped cream day.  Before she left the house I had her listen to "Whipped Cream" by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass (here) and we started watching the 1961 version of the parent trap as I thought the twins might have worn whipped cream on their faces in the scene where they are fighting during the dance at camp.  They don't.  But it almost looks like it could be on one face.

          We did not finish.  We will watch the remaining 45 minutes after she gets home.  Maybe we could even make and eat whipped cream.  We'll see.  We obviously can't make purchases for every single (non) holiday.  That would get too expensive.

Enjoy the Journey

        I don't recall how many vacations we may have taken when somebody in the car called, "Are we there yet?"

        I give my parents credit for livening up the journey for us - allowing us to enjoy the traveling part - well, as much as can be expected.  Our car problems were never a part of the plan - in fact it actually deferred us more than once.  After a while, though we still couldn't plan for whatever car problem might occur, we learned to roll with the punches.  No family vacation was complete without car problems and/or rain.

        I wasn't able to go to Yellowstone with my family the year that car broke down 18 miles outside of Pocatello, Idaho. My mom and sister left my brother, Corey, and my dad in the car while attempting to walk to the next town on foot.  Back in the day when we just had road maps to go by.  No GPSs to let one know the upcoming mileage or nearest service station.

        As with ALL vacations that we took, prayer has always played an important role. Before long, they were picked up by couple who opted to spend the next three hours with my family. This is how Corey remembers it:

 None of us knew how to get the car working again.  Dad was in no shape to walk and we felt one of us should stay with him.  It was also decided that I should be with the car in case I was able to get it started again. I do remember feeling bad that I was essentially making the two women walk into town.  Mom and [Kayla] decided to walk however far they needed to walk to get to town.  Before they ventured off, I suggested we say a prayer that we would get to Pocatello somehow.  I remember as Mom and [Kayla] walked off, I felt helpless in this car that wouldn't start with my ailing father watching my sister and mother walk away. 

"Mom and Kayla hadn't gotten too far (maybe two or three city blocks; I remember they were still in sight) when a car pulled over and asked them if they needed help.  They picked them up and backed up to our car and then maneuvered behind us and pushed us to the next town.  There [had been] only one lane of traffic at one point, so there were a whole bunch of cars behind us. 

"Once they pushed us into town they pushed us to a repair shop and then they took Mom to Pocatello to get the part and then drove her back and did the repair.  The man and his wife spent a good portion of their day with us and they really went the extra mile.  Because of them, we did eventually get to Pocatello just as we prayed for."

        There was there was one time when the tire flattened or the rim had broken, forcing us to turn around and drive back to a town we knew was there as opposed to uncertainty of how many miles ahead.  We spent more than an hour in Mojave - which put us behind.  Sure, mom may have rolled her eyes, but we were able to deal with it.  I think we played a game to pass the time.

        We also broke down near Beaver, Utah.  A tow truck took our car to Beaver.  We were really impressed with the mechanic and would have liked for him to be able to service our car all the time - but that was not realistic.

        A rollover on the road prevented us from getting to Corey's college graduation on time.  It had been a really long day.  My niece took a nap in the car, but became cranky before we arrived to Ephraim.  My sister, Kayla, and our niece, Ellen and I were dropped off at a park while the rest continued on to Snow College.  I wasn't sorry I had missed Corey's graduation.  I know Kayla, Ellen and I enjoyed the park more than we would have the graduation ceremony - particularly Ellen who probably would not have allowed either of her parents to focus on the ceremony either had we gone.

        Many vacations are often better planned than is life itself.  Often what we strive for or believe will be the end result doesn't necessarily work out to our expectations - which isn't always a bad thing - perhaps, for some, it turns out to be a better thing.  Definitely a different thing.  And there are some who feel they've wasted time preparing for something that never came to pass while others simply enjoy the journey and are grateful for the experiences that sent them to the path that they are on now.  They continue to learn and to enjoy their journey - always moving forward - even if they don't always see what's up ahead.

        It took the Willy & Martin handcart companies  111 days to reach the Salt Lake valley. That was close to the number of days  it also took Brigham Young and the first Latter Day Saint settlers to reach the Salt Lake valley as well! 

        Between 1856 and 1860, nearly 3,000 emigrant members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints joined ten handcart companies--about 650 handcarts total--and walked to Utah from Iowa City, Iowa, (a distance of 1,300 miles) or from Florence, Nebraska (1,030 miles). This journey or “Trek” took them about 111 days to complete.

        Many of the handcart pioneers were foreigners who had sold their homes and possessions for money to get passage on a long boat trip from European countries to be gathered with the saints in Zion. When they arrived in America, they had so little that they could not afford wagons, teams, and provisions to make the long journey to the Salt Lake valley. Then they were advised to leave behind everything they did own except for the few essential items necessary for their trek across the plains and mountains to Zion. These “pioneers” knew that they faced many dangers and hardships, even death along the way. Yet, they chose to do it! What POWER could cause so many people to undertake such a challenging and dangerous trek?

        Jenna has two weeks left of primary.  The week after Conference, she will be attending Young Women instead of going to singing/sharing time with the entire primary.  We've already started attending the Trek themed firesides and activities geared to the youth.

        On Sunday we went to the stake center in the big city of Roseburg, where she had the opportunity of meeting her new Ma and Pa.  It was the start of their 111 day challenge. One stake, six wards, 17 families, 161 youth (and counting) - half are (or will be) 12 years of age.  Jenna said there was only one in her group who has done the trek before and it wasn't Ma or Pa.

        Each youth was given a packet that outlines each week from April 13, 2016 to July 1 when the group returns from their four-day pioneer experience.  Tomorrow night she will return to the stake center for another activity.  Next week will be her last opportunity for attending Achievement Days for primary as she will be attending the young women's every week after that.

        “What a story it is. It is filled with suffering and hunger and cold and death. It is replete with accounts of freezing rivers that had to be waded through; of howling blizzards; of the long, slow t forgotten. But hopefully it will be told again and again to remind future generations of the suffering and the faith of those who came before. Their faith is our inheritance. Their faith is a reminder to us of the price they paid for the comforts we enjoy.” - Gordon B. Hinckley

        I hope that Jenna understands this opportunity she has and will be as excited as I am for her.  I hope that when she returns home from her activity tomorrow that she will have more enthusiasm than "being forced to go" and that she will look forward to the day that she will reenact (among others) the journey of our pioneer ancestors (if even only a small part) and that she may enjoy the journey she is currently taking in getting there.  I hope that all the youth do.