My Mind and My Body Don’t Seem to Agree

            All of my life people have thought or think that I am younger than I am.  My mind finally agreed with them and has accepted myself as younger.

            When people had asked me how old I was, I seriously had to stop and think about it and subtract 62 from whatever year it was.  Now I add 42 years to whatever Jenna’s age happens to be.

            Before I gave birth to Jenna, I had a bad case of tendonitis – or maybe it wasn’t that bad.  My cousin Michelle had experienced something with her hands – only with her there was pain.  With me it was just numbness – like Novocain numbness.  I’ve never been paralyzed – but I did have a tingling sensation sometimes.  Mostly my fingers just felt lifeless – even after Jenna came along.

            She was the most patient baby.  I would cry as I would try to do up her snaps.  There were only three of them, but it always felt like I spent more time with snapping and unsnapping than I did at changing the diaper itself.  My hands had no strength.

            Gradually the feeling came back and I knew once again that the blood was flowing into my veins.  But lately I have experienced the same numbness – especially when I am writing – or even just holding the pencil/pen.  Both of my wrists have given out on occasion and now it’s the right knee.  My body is aging and my mind isn’t handling it very gracefully.    I don’t wish to live in a body that’s breaking down.  I would like a new one.  Or I say I do, but then I go and mistreat it by feeding it ice cream or chocolate chip cookies and really haven’t done a great intake of fruits or vegetables. 

            I don’t totally blame myself.  Sometimes things happen no matter what precautions are made.  A traffic accident.  A slip on a missed step.  Getting a body part caught in the door or between things.  Though my hearing is not the best, I am grateful I have not lost it completely.  Though I no longer have the same vision I did at ten, I am grateful to have glasses to help aid my vision.  I am grateful for the many people who have chosen to become doctors and for scientists and engineering and for the things that have been created to assist my aging body.

            Jenna LOVES the TV series, Brain Games.  There have been a few episodes that pit one generation against another.  We all have strengths we all have weaknesses.  The part of the brain I didn’t use as a child has apparently gotten stronger for me as I’ve grown older.  I guess as those parts have strengthened, the others have become a bit more lax about sending the right signal to my ears or eyes or fingers.  I don’t know if it’s a good trade off.  Perhaps. 

            Hopefully I can use my mind to its fullest and fulfill my desires in other ways that perhaps my body won’t allow.  I already know I won’t be doing “Pirates of the Caribbean” again.  The last time we went to Disneyland, my legs complained.  I don’t know what kind of desk job I’d be able to find in Myrtle Creek, but I have decided against working as a cashier or in food industry.  I can’t stand for very long anymore.  I think this move ruined what was left of my body.

            I really am trying to focus on the positive.  I’m really not graceful about aging.  Not that 53 or 54 or whatever age I am is all that old.  My mind thinks I’m in my 30’s still.  My body is telling me I may be pushing 70.  I’d like for my mind to win.