“Stepmom” Review and Comparrison

         “Stepmom” was released in theatres December 1998.  The movie is put out by Columbia Pictures and stars Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon.  

I enjoyed the movie the first time I watched it. I hadn’t considered being able to identify with any of the characters personally, though I did know of actual people that were real life characters.  I thought Jena Malone’s character was a brat.  Great actress.  I had seen her in a Hallmark production only two years earlier.  Ellen Foster and Anna Harrison – though played by the same actress – were two entire different people.  I did not even realize it was the same actress until only moments ago.

         Julia Roberts plays Isabel Kelly – the current love of Luke Harrison (played by Ed Harris) who’d been married to Jackie (played by Susan Sarandon) – and finds herself in a situation of “sharing custody” of Luke and Jackie’s two children, Anna and Ben.

         Jackie, not thrilled with the idea that there is another woman in Luke’s life, overall is a really good mother.  But she definitely lacks in kindness towards Isabel.  But we learn that she also suffers from health issues – which she has chosen to keep from her family.

         After 15 years I decided I would like to see it again and thus borrowed it from the library.  I have a much different perspective than I had had fifteen years ago as I now seem to identify with much of Julia Roberts character, Isabel – the stepmom that tries to love Anna and Ben.  She has to deal with much confrontation – especially on the part of Jackie.  Though Isabel and Jackie have limited conversation in the beginning – at least they have conversation – which is more than I ever got with Roland’s ex-wife.

         For those who haven’t been following my post, Roland has two daughters who are older than Jenna.  Though I have tried to steer away from the subject of his ex-wife there have been two of my posts in which I refer to her as Maleficent.  I honestly don’t know much about her and she doesn’t know anything about me.  I don’t believe she knows anything about anybody.  I don’t know if she’s just so cruel that it has eaten her away or if she really does have something such as bipolar or schizophrenia – which of course would be beyond her control – especially if she isn’t seeking treatment.

         I don’t suppose I should pass judgment as I have never walked in her shoes.  When Jackie Harrison lied it was to protect her children or even Luke to spare them the grief that her health has declined .  Maleficent lies to all people for various reasons – different lies as I don’t guess she can keep track of the ones that she’s already told.  Or else she has told them enough that she actually believes them and has somehow managed to swindle the courts (for the most part) into believing her also.  She tells lies to gain favor – or cover up her own actions.  I truly believe she needs psychiatric help and has actually been to therapy – but if a psychiatrist or doctor or therapist or psychologist or whatever happens to say something that sounds remotely like they disagree with her, she drops them like a hot potato – or so I’ve been told. 

         I have nothing against Jenna’s sisters – though it may have seemed that way.  I give Isabel a lot more credit at making a good effort than I ever did.  I would have liked to hug Roland’s daughters or given them a pat on the back or done something more to make them feel loved.  But I was afraid about showing any affection as Maleficent had taught them that all physical contact (be it from me or dad or brothers) was grounds for sexual abuse and would coach her girls into going along with whatever scheme she had come up with.

         Fortunately she was only able to brainwash only one at a time.  Unlike Anna, the girls were not the same type of brat that Jenna Malone had portrayed in the movie. In the beginning Frances ached to be with her dad and her brand new sister Jenna.  She was excited  each time she would come – more often without Pamprin who was a brat – but not in the same manner that Anna was.  I didn’t actually blame Pamprin for her behavior.  I knew Maleficent allowed Pamprin to have anything her heart desired – even at Frances’ expense.  She seemed to favor Pamprin over Frances and I think it had become obvious to Frances.

         We were finally awarded consistent visitation rights after a long battle.  But they were never consistent – Maleficent made certain of that.  All the stipulations and exceptions that the court made for her.  They still grate on my nerves.  She invited Satan into the lives of so many – and somehow I had allowed it into my own.  I cringed each time the phone would ring so that she could say good-night and “grill” her girls on the kind of day they had.

         Frances developed her own set of health problems – I think most of that was psychological.  Maleficent was such a hypochondriac that she probably helped in the deterioration of Frances.  So she was finally able to turn Frances against us – meanwhile Pamprin finally started to come around.  Going to dads was not so bad.  It was actually a preferable environment.  Pamprin wanted to come.  And Frances didn’t.  Or so Maleficent had succeeded in making Frances believe that she didn’t want to come.

         Then there was the move to another state . . . our attorney said we could fight to have them stay in the state.  I honestly did not wish to have Maleficent sharing my same planet – let alone state and county.  We didn’t have the finances.  And Roland really didn’t spend that much time with or even know the girls anyway.  So long as Maleficent was near, our lives would be disrupted. Maleficent was going to turn them against us weather in this state or another.

         Jackie Harrison had a lot more compassion than Maleficent.  Jackie Harrison is actually quite likeable.  Oh, she seemed to have that desire to turn her kids against Isabel and seemed certain that Isabel would never be able to raise her children the way that she had.  Truth was she was jealous of the time that Isabel would be able to spend with her children that she herself would not.

         The scene in which Jackie and Isabel are having lunch together is a very touching one.  I cried along with the characters fifteen years ago, but even moreso today.  For I am in a better position for understanding each of the characters. 

         I can actually provide the girls with positive memories of what they did while visiting with Roland and me and their sister and eventually all three of their bothers.  I have many photos, many documentations.  But I could never explain to them things about their biological mother as all I have is negative vibes about her.  I suppose she loves them in her own way.  Unfortunately she tries to express so much of it in material things.

         Unfortunately I don’t have a lot for the boys.  No memories of them before the ages 11, 12 and 13.  Very few photographs.  No scrapbooks or journals.  Yet I have ten volumes and counting filled with photographs and daily to monthly accounts for Jenna. 

         I don’t want to replace Maleficent.  I really don’t.  I would like to understand why she is the way she is and get along for the girls’ sakes – or would have liked to do so.  Our relationship (should we ever have one) will be a lot different now than when they were children.  The youngest will turn eighteen  before the summer begins.  I don’t know if either one of them will put forth any effort at making contact with their biological dad or brothers.  We’ve been out of touch going on six years.  It’s not their fault.  Maleficent still interferes. 

         My favorite part comes at the end of the money.  SPOILER ALERT for those who have not seen the movie.  Isabel is taking pictures of the family and Jackie invites her to sit with them so that the picture will be of the whole family.  How great that would be for Anna and Ben to see that family picture with both moms together.  Would make the transient easier I would think.

         I have prayed that Maleficent herself might find happiness – true happiness.  She really isn’t happy.  As a result I don’t think the girls probably are either. I hope that I will have another opportunity to be a friend to Frances and Pamprin without the influence of Satan.  I hope that Roland will have the opportunity to get to know his daughters.  I hope that Jenna will be able to learn more about her sisters – from them.

The Woman in the Background

Formally titled "Walking in Another’s Shoes (or "What Are the Odds?")"

Miranda and her mother live in Arizona.  They had come to Utah to spend the Thanksgiving Holidays.  On Black Friday they found themselves at an Old Navy store in Sandy, Utah.  The two were smiling as someone took their picture, which evidently Miranda immediately posted to her facebook page.  The focus should have been on mom and daughter – to see their happiness.  But for some reason her facebook friends seem more drawn to the woman in the background.  Apparently she wore a sour expression that many “friends” felt the need to poke fun at. 

         I have not seen the photo myself nor read the hurtful comments.  But I’ve been told that they exist - or did.  And with the given track record of facebook, I have no reason to doubt it.  People can be hurtful and mean and put others down without even knowing them or the circumstances or background of the individual that we are demeaning with our hateful words.  We become facebook bullies. 

         I have mentioned my sister-in-law, Sunny and her enthusiasm and her remarkable spirit.  Evidently she teaches the gospel doctrine lessons – which she says is somewhat intimidating, as most of the class members appear to be old enough to be her parents or grandparents.    Sunny always prays and studies out her lessons (or talks or sharing time or whatever her calling is) and always seems to have a fountain of Spirit pouring out of her.  She radiates! 

         Her subject was on the Proclamation of the Family.  Because of the signs of the time and issues in the media, she knew that subjects may be brought up with confrontation and judgment – and did not want her class to become a sideshow or debate.  She did a lot of research and called Corey to ask his approach.  Corey ALWAYS has good advice, as the Spirit seems to be with him ever much as it is for Sunny.

         Sunny ended up writing a huge list before the class had even started.  On her list she had put gay marriages, unwed mothers, child abuse, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, spousal abuse, divorce, temple marriages, civil marriages, single mothers, mixed families . . . . there were a lot.  It sounds like her list covered the entire board.

         After the opening prayer she shared the story at the beginning of this post – from her point of view.  Sunny was the sourpuss woman in the background of the photo.  She has some sibs who happened to be facebook friends with Miranda.  What are the odds?

         After far too many hurtful comments, one of Miranda’s friends contacted her and asked her to please remove the photo with all of it’s comments – for the woman in the background whom the “friends” were bashing was her sister – and it was hurtful to see all those unnecessary comments who had lost focus of what the picture really should have represented.

         Sunny (an enthusiastic shopper and person by nature) hadn’t had a proper amount of sleep and fully admitted that she was not in the best of mood when she returned to Old Navy for the third time in less than 24 hours.  It is quite evident from the photo that Sunny did NOT want to be there - but she is such a great mother she had sacrificed her time to take her fourteen year old daughter and stand in line while Candy found items that she wanted to purchase.  (Sunny is not her actual name.  I call her that because of her normally sunny disposition - which evidently is quite hidden in the photo) 

         Sunny finished relating the events that had taken place and concluded with a plea to not pass judgment.  She pointed to words on her list while saying, “This is my brother”,  “This is my sister”, and “Everybody in this room knows somebody on this list”  

         Sunny said the Spirit had been invited into the room and stayed throughout the class.  She said she felt great about the lesson and knows that others were touched as she received heartfelt compliments.  She really is a great teacher – great person really.  And those in Miranda’s circle would never say the mean things they did if they actually did know Sunny.

         As Sunny shared her lesson and as I later related this all to Roland, I realized that I am guilty of jumping to conclusions long before I try walking in another’s shoes.  May I always keep this with me that I may recognize that all people are a part of the human race – always somebody’s brother, somebody’s daughter, somebody’s parent, somebody’s friend.

         May we all recognize others as our own family members.

 

Cropped Photos

Roland brought a camera to give to me for Christmas.  Here are some of the photos that I took yesterday:

Not in January

 

The other day I took

off my hat and gloves

shortly after I boarded

the bus. 

I put them back on just

before I exited the bus. 

At least I thought I did.

I made my way from the

bus stop to

Jenna’s classroom. 

While I waited I once again

removed my hat and gloves –

oops - glove. 

How is it I had only

one glove on.  Why hadn’t

my hand mentioned to me

that it wasn’t covered? 

I looked around the area

where I was standing. 

I must have lost it

somewhere along the way. 

Weird.

So yesterday I kicked the

snow in a few areas where

I could see color. 

No pink glove but a lot

of fall autumn leaves.

                          Most of the trees stand

naked outlined in the snow. 

But there are actually a few with

leaves still clinging to the branches. 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen

autumn leaves in January. 

Not real ones. 

And some still had their

crunch even beneath

the soggy snow. 

I find that fascinating!

kfralc

One of Us Has to Wait in the Snow

What goes around comes around.  I thought about that when Alley’s mom offered not only to drive us to Jenna’s school, but pick her up as well.  When I was driving I had stopped to pick up Jorge and his mom whenever I would see them walking to church.  I was also willing to drive them to other destinations as needed. I’ve given rides to various people for various reasons.  I actually haven’t had a problem with it so I don’t know why I’m having such an issue at the receiving end. 

Alley’s mom is a really good driver – unfortunately not all drivers are that careful behind the wheel.  If she were to get in an accident because she was out shuttling Jenna and me around, I would be quite bothered by it.  But I didn’t want to discourage her or take away from her act of kindness.  The last time she picked Jenna up from school, her own children nearly beat her home.

Jenna, who usually considers herself late for school if she hasn’t crossed the playground at least 30 minutes before school starts, would rather take the bus than be to school fifteen minutes before we would normally board the bus.  But I’m not always thrilled with the idea of having to return to the bus stop to wait in the freezing cold either.  And so we made a compromise.

Alley’s brother normally takes the bus to the junior high but during the cold months and elements, their mom has been dropping him off and has offered to take Jenna the rest of the way to her school as Vantanna really isn’t that far from Dwight Jr. High.

But as I mentioned in this post Alley’s school let’s out only five or ten minutes after Jenna’s and though they return to the neighborhood by way of school bus, the timing is not always convenient from my point of view.  I think she needs to be home for their return – though I do appreciate her willingness and have accepted her offer – I still am having a hard time with it.

Jenna, who also likes to dawdle (which I have mentioned here and here and probably another number of places) has been good about crossing the field on time.  But I think she is more bothered about crossing the field immediately after school than she is at arriving early.  And so we made a compromise

.

We will ride with Alley’s mom in the morning and I will return for her by bus in the afternoon.  Roland hasn’t been coming home on time the last few nights and so I’m not worried about having his dinner ready (whenever I do, he’s late; whenever I don’t, he’s home on time – I can’t win)

I’m grateful to those people who serve others and assistance and genuine concern and kindness.

This morning I handed a card to Alley’s mom to thank her and let her know about the compromise between me and Jenna.  I am comfortable with it.  I hope that she is too.

Over the Counter

Ever watch “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? Toula’s large extended family reminds me so much of Roland’s side of the family - with a few minor differences.  They’re Hispanic, not Greek.  They are not devout to any particular religion. And instead of a fascintion with Windex, Roland’s mother swears by Vicks Vapor Rub.

 

Roland well remembers the taste of Vicks.  His mother would smother the inside of each of her children’s mouth.  There is a warning on today’s label NOT to do that.  I don’t know if it was there in Roland’s youth.

 

I do admit that I have also taken it internally – which I do not recommend.  But it really is the best throat medicine I’ve ever had.  I felt a tinge of excitement the first time I saw Vicks Vapor Syrup.  It is rare to see more than two bottles on the shelf – if at all.  It seems like there are only certain stores that carry it.

 

The taste is truly NASTY.  But it does work.  Well, it does for me.  Jenna says it doesn’t work on her.  There are a lot of medications that doesn’t seem to work on her and vice-versa. 

Over the counter drug Advil would work on Jenna.  I might as well take candy, as Advil does absolutely nothing for me.

The cough syrup that works best is Buckley’s.  Also nasty.  Their motto is: "It Tastes Awful. And It Works.".  Perhaps Canadians can find product in most of their stores.  Unfortunately it is not as easy to find among this American.  Why do stores always discontinue carrying products that work?

My Life as a Ball

My body is sooooo sore and has been for a few days.  I feel like I’ve been used as a ping-pong ball by two very expertise players.  But of course I could never be used as a ping-pong ball.

A bowling ball maybe.  And not one of those shiny ones that glide smoothly down the lane to shatter pins.

I would be one of those dust collectors that has a flaw so that there is no speed involved whatsoever.  Or perhaps I feel like the pin that has been hit over and over.

Beach balls, though big, are light and airy and can pop quite easily.  I am thin-skinned and have cut my fingers peeling back egg shells (on occasion)

I could never be a basketball or rubber ball or super ball.  I have no bounce – though I may have had at one time.  I’ve long since outgrew my ability to bounce.

I suppose I could be a soccer ball that’s been kicked too many times

Or pool ball that’s been poked and prodded. 

You ever experience body pain a few days after you’ve come down with a cold?  You ache all over. That is how I feel – except no cold.  At least not in the body.

It’s been below freezing - in most of the nation it seems.  I think that has contributed to my soreness – along with my unstable bed and body weight.  Plus I haven’t been walking to the bus stop on a daily basis.  I haven’t been trudging through snow or climbing.

The air is gunky right now.  I don’t want to go outside and get that in my lungs.  I suppose I could walk in place within the house.  I’d rather take a bath in Ben Gay.

I could be a medicine ball.  Heavy.  Kind of soft.  I don’t think I’m therapeutic however.

I should work at being an exercise ball and assist others if not myself.

Tomorrow we get our new bed base.  I think that will help ease the pain.

There Are More Than 40 Hymns

        

         I can’t say for certain, but I think it’s highly probable that there are several wards (or congregations) that tend to sing the same 40 – 80 hymnals with each meeting.  That doesn’t even cover 50% of what we’ve been given.  And there are some choristers who have tried to introduce new hymns – which may have been enforced in recent years.  If I was called as chorister, I’m afraid our hymns would be the same familiar ones that we have sung at least 20 times during any given year.  I don’t think I have to be concerned about being called to chorister position.  I enjoy listening to music – and I will even lead – but not with expertise I’m afraid. 

         My brother, Corey, has often made the complaint that with over 300 hymns (and those are just the ones currently published in today’s hymn book – there’s got to be even more that we don’t have access to each week) – why is it that someone feels the need to sing the same hymns over and over again? 

         I’ve been in a few wards in which the chorister has introduced the hymn and we’ve actually had a “practice” but I don’t remember any of those becoming part of the curriculum for future meetings.  I think we have the opportunity to sing it one time and depending on how badly our voices butcher that hymn depends on whether we will ever sing it again or not (apparently our voices haven’t worked together well enough to pursue keeping it on our agenda.  That’s also a guess on my part.  I really don’t know.)

         Corey would LOVE the ward I am at now just for the opportunity of singing new hymn each week – even ones that the congregation obviously does not know.  I believed our chorister had given us every hymnal to sing three times over, until today when we were introduced to hymn #13 which only a few of members from the High Priest group were familiar with.  They sounded awesome.  I don’t know why this ward doesn’t have a choir.  Thus far it is the only ward I’ve attended that doesn’t have one.

         There are some hymns I obviously enjoy more than others.  Many people (who are familiar with it) like the hymn 284 – and I notice that all of those who admit to liking the song are very gifted with voices and knowledge of music.  I personally find it haunting and draggy.  I like the hymns to be uplifting and move.  There are some that drag on like you’re walking in a death march or something.  I don’t mean that disrespectfully.  It’s not even the words, but the tunes themselves.  Maybe sometimes it’s the words.  Perhaps it is just from my own lack of understanding.

     I do enjoy reading what is printed in the back pages of the hymnal – how to lead, finding hymns with scripture reference, and being able to sing the words of one hymn to another.  Take  “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief” for instance.   I remember Corey singing that and changing to the tune of “I know My Redeemer Lives” and it was beautiful.  Corey and Joh can sing a cappella.  I can listen to them without a piano accompaniment.  They are that gifted.

         Between Relief Society and Sacrament meeting there are usually at least two hymns that I am not familiar with.  Sometimes there are only two that I am familiar with.  And our chorister should be praised for her persistence.  I think she’s too stubborn to give us familiar. I suppose that’s a good thing.

         How awesome it is that we all given talents that we might share and learn from one another.  How great it is that there are those who take initiative to go beyond the familiar.