Roller Skates and Scooters

       Shortly after school started, Jenna found some roller skates at a second hand store and Roland bought them for her.  She would never admit that they were tight on her, but I think they were. 

        She did try using them on occasion, but never really got the flair for using them comfortably.  After two months of leaving them outside in the cold, I told her to put them in the car and give them to Anna – not that they would currently fit her four-old cousin - but Anna can grow into them, whereas I believe Jenna has grown out.

         The wind has been howling something fierce.  Yet the last two days have been like a spring/summer transition.  Neighbor kids were riding up and down the street on bicycles and scooters.  How fun it would have been for Jenna if she did still have her skates – or maybe she'd feel embarrassed as she is the tallest of all the children by a long shot and wouldn’t have been able to keep up with Trume on his scooter.  She would have lagged behind with his sister – who hasn’t seemed to master gliding gracefully either.  

        Tank tops, shorts and bare feet in some cases.  Though I told Jenna I wanted socks on her feet when she jumped on the trampoline.  Last month I would make her wear three pair in addition to her jacket.  Yesterday she did not need a jacket.  I don’t recall ever having sent anyone to jump on the trampoline outside during the months of winter.  We’ve had strange weather. Could be the start of a drought.

         Would be nice if the weather would just remain.  Not get any hotter.  Not get any colder.  Perhaps the wind could ease up a bit.  I LOVE how awesome our current strange weather is right now.

The Elements Seem to be Teasing Us Still

This post was created two summers ago.  I don't know what button I hit that made the post change to Feb 2015. Today the winds blew strong - but it was warm outside.  Go figure.  We did use the air conditioning in the car (never have I done that in February) and although it has been warm today, it hasn't been SUMMER warm.

I wrote a few verses about how I am personally handling this heat (not well) and emailed them to a friend who made it into a song.  He’d sent me the chords and the fingering.  But seeing it on paper really doesn’t mean that much to me.  I think it was sweet of him to send it to me.

I've had two showers today but my body doesn't know it

I've planted flowers and beets but my garden doesnt' show it

I wash more clothes in summer than any other season

I'm so tired all of the time and summer is the reason

Why can't heat just stay away from me

Allow my body to breathe free

Allow my mind to think clearly

Please just let me be

cool again

I'm standing in a rather large pool of sweat

I can't believe I haven't melted away yet

And in addition the sun has fried my brain

Before this summer's over I will have gone insane

I want to be inside with the A/C blasting on

I'm looking forward to when the summer's gone

Why can't heat just stay away from me

Allow my body to breathe free

Allow my mind to think clearly

Please just let me be

alert again


My clothes are on the line and would enjoy little breeze

 
My allergies are so severe that all I do is sneeze

 
I'm washing sweat drenched clothes every other day

 
I can't believe that I have not melted away.

Why can't heat just stay away from me

Allow my body to breathe free

Allow my mind to think clearly

Please just let me be

clean again

And now my groceries are spoiling in the car

They weren't there long Nor did I drive too far

I spent more time just waiting in the line

But now I'm home and my groceries are not fine

                                                                krfalc

He didn’t include the last verse.  But I didn’t think of it until after I had sent the first three.

I actually hung the wash up and the wind started blowing fiercely.  It actually seemed to make the hotness more bearable – except it was almost too windy.  Jenna and I had gone to the park to eat lunch.  Everything kept blowing off the blanket.  After about three or four times of retrieveing items, we finally called it quits.  It appeared overcast later on in the day – teasing us with a chance of rain.  Rain made by perspiration.

Roland came home with some treats for family home evening.  They were pretty much melted by the time he got home – less than 2 blocks away.  In summer time there is no point in purchasing items such as candy bars or ice creams unless you carry a cooler in the car or if your intention was to turn those items into liquid anyway.

1st verse

  Am                                                                 G

I've had two showers today but my body doesn't know it

            Am                                                          G

Planted flowers and greens but the garden doesnt' show it

  F                                                                 G

Wash more clothes in summer than any other season

                                                                    Am

So tired all of the time and summer is the reason

2nd Verse

Am                                                  G

I'm standing in a rather large pool of sweat

  Am                                              G

Can't believe I haven't melted away yet

 F                                               G

In addition the sun has fried my brain

                                                                Am

Before this summer's over I will have gone insane

Chorus

Am                                    F

Why can't heat just stay away 

                                       Am

Allow my body to breathe free

                                     F    

Allow my mind to think clearly

                 G

Please just let me be

          Am

cool again

3rd Verse

 Am                                                             G

My clothes are on the line and would enjoy a breeze

 Am                                                   G

Allergies are so severe all I can do is sneeze

                                                           F

Soaking the fever rainment every other day

                       G 

Can't believe I haven’t melted away.

Repeat Chorus

Bridge

I want to be inside with the A/C blasting on

I'm looking forward to when the summer's dead & gone

Repeat Chorus

The Moody Skies of Salt Lake

This week I’ve been wearing my green coat – in case of rain.  Neither one seem water resistant.  But I think the brown coat would be scarred by the rain whereas the green coat would still look the same after it dried.

Last week I had dressed in layers.  There was one day when Jenna and I left the house that I had on two sweatshirts, my coat, a hat and a scarf.  I was neither hot nor cold as we walked to the bus stop and waited.  However I felt the need to strip down the second we stepped on the bus.

The heat was blaring.  Before I had even sat down, I had removed my hat, scarf, coat and one of the sweatshirts.  They may have both come off except the bus had started moving and I felt squashed where I was seated.  I had gone from quite comfortable to sweltering. I believe that even if I could have gotten away with stripping down to my birthday suit (which I would never do outside the privacy of my home) I would have still felt too hot to breathe.

As we left the bus, I noticed the skies had cleared and it appeared that it was going to be a nice day and that I wouldn’t need my coat anymore.

I had taken a bus to the library to return some books, but as the library was not open, I walked back toward the train.  I noticed the bus that goes out to my sister, Kayla’s.  I thought I would surprise her and got on the bus – thinking maybe I should have taken the train toward home to let Highness out until my return.  After all, he hadn’t been outside and I had errands to run and didn’t know if he could make it another six hours.

After I arrived at Kayla’s house I made a comment and decided to return back to the TRAX station just to run my three errands if nothing else.  As I made my way to the bus stop, I needed my coat.  Really?  The skies had been so promising just less than an hour before.  Suddenly it was close to bitter cold.  What’s up with that?

It took me 40 minutes to run my three errands.  I could either return home to let Highness out or I could wait for the bus and return back to Kayla’s in time for her to take Anna to school.  I really wanted to assist Kayla, as she was not feeling well, and her youngest, BJ, had been congested for some time.

Since I had run all three errands, and it had taken less time than I had anticipated, I would be able to return to the house sooner to let Highness out a for a minutes before I had to leave to pick up Jenna.  Besides, the skies were sending a light rain.  It was cold.  I thought it might pour.  It did not.  

The air was still cool when I returned home and let Highness out until it was time for me to leave.  As I walked to Jenna’s school, I noticed pieces of blue sky peeking through the pillowy clouds that appeared to be more grey than white.  Overall the skies seemed heavy with water.  I was certain that it would rain again.

There was one day I noticed the sky was white as I walked toward the school.  I could make out bits of mountain as the sky did its best to camouflage their appearance.  Those visiting the state for the first time might have not known they were even there.

Then there have been two or three days where I hadn’t taken a coat at all.  I had removed the sweatshirt or jacket or sweater or whatever I had on and would reveal my mostly bare arms and think to myself, “I have never been outdoors in just my street clothes and no source of warmth in February”  

The skies have been threatening rain one minute and having sunshine and brilliant hues the next.  I’ve taken my umbrella on occasion – though I had need for it only once.

This morning I wore my brown coat.  For the most part, it served its purpose.  It has a hood when the air gets too cold or windy.  The wind blew my hood off this morning.

I can hear the wind howling right now.  It sounds a lot more violent than what it appears.  In less than an hour I have to leave the house again so that I can return to the school for Jenna.  I don’t know which coat to wear.  I don’t trust the skies – or the wind.

A Plea for Drivers to USE MORE CAUTION When Approaching the Intersection

On Friday morning, after Jenna and I had parted ways, I decided I would return to the stop where we had got off and take a bus to the high school and transfer there. 

I noticed the street was surprisingly clear and I could cross, but first I decided to text the time to see if it was worth the time.  Ten minutes.  I could cross the street and wouldn’t have to wait until I got to the high school.

As I was crossing, I noticed lights flashing in all directions from the intersection.  Then it dawned on me – the traffic was light on the side going north because no cars were getting through.  No buses either.  And so I called UTA to find if the detour would skip the stop I was at. 

It was a horrible accident.  Traffic was rerouted.  The bus drivers took a route behind the school and over to a road five stops away.  The only stop it made between the two main intersections was the stop where I usually go.

To think if I hadn’t been so lazy and thought myself clever, I could have been home 30 – 45 minutes before.

We found ourselves in a similar situation this morning.  This time it happened on the way to school and not on the return.  Different intersection and I’m guessing that no one was killed due to this morning’s collision.

Our driver had actually hit all the stops before turning around and backtracking through the college.  A few passengers who hadn’t been paying attention seemed a bit panicked when she turned.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s an accident up ahead.  We are on detour.”

I had actually wondered if the driver would take us to the main road right away.  The passengers were regulars from years ago.

“Oh, yes.  I remember this”

“Remember when they had a stop right here?” 

Traffic was backed up in a major way and so I planned on taking a different route home.  But after Jenna and I parted ways, and I approached the main road, traffic was moving again.  It still took a while to get home however.  Bus was late and I missed transfers. 

It’s possible to slow down, even for green lights.  Please use caution in the Intersections.

Say “Hi” to Mom and Dad for me

Shilo is a sweet dog

I refer to him as “Highness”

In my posts

He was old when we got him

Loved to dig in the back yard

And escape.

I thought it odd that

The animal shelter had not

Collected him

Favorite activities:

Go for walks

And sleep

Picky Eater. 

He’s always been a picky eater

Since we’ve had him

As I mentioned in my blog before

I think his owner before us

Tied a bib around his neck

And let him sit at the dinner table

       With her

Jenna and I would take him on long walks

Or else I would put him in the car

And walk him around

After I dropped off Jenna

He could jump onto the couch

And into the car – but age has slowed him down

He stopped digging

At least two summers ago

He needs assistance climbing on anything

                                    Higher than he is

He tires a lot more easily

On our much shorter walks

He’s wheezy and his nose is dry

                                    He hasn’t eaten for three days

There isn’t a hospice for dogs.

I don’t know how miserable he is

I can only guess.

Today Roland will take him

To the animal shelter

To put him down

To send him over to where

Mom and Dad are. 

Maybe Harold will have

A treat for him. 

Harold loved

Giving treats to the resident dog

At the assisted living

I only hope Shilo isn’t as picky

And accepts Harold’s treat.

We will all miss you, Shilo.

I hope you will be happy and active

                                    On the other side

Still in Awe

                                                            There have been

                                         some really bitter cold days and

                                         many that have felt like fall still.  

Most trees are bare, 
but I am floored by 
the leaves that are

still clinging on. 

We’ve had some 
really strong winds. 

I'd think the leaves 
would all be gone.  


We haven't had the snow 
that we've had with so many 
other winters.  It looks
like fall

                                           Perhaps the leaves on the trees 
                                           are just too

                                                                     frozen to move.

Where’s the BUS?

         Jenna and I would have made the 7:36 bus yesterday morning, if we hadn’t had to reenter the front door to get her hat and pocket my cell phone. I figured it would be less than a fifteen minute wait for the next one.  I was wrong! We stood in the cold for 25 minutes before we saw the 8:51 (finally!) – which passed us.  The 8:06  was right behind and stopped for us – and just about every stop between where we got on and where we needed to be dropped off. 

         I don’t know why the driver waited three to five minutes before turning around at the college.  Both buses were running late.   

         The  8:06 driver was a bit ticked off that he had to stop for everyone that the 7:51 driver had missed.  He seemed to take it out on the token machine as he kicked at it several times.  I don’t know if our little stop at the college was meant for him to throw a tantrum.

         Jenna made it to school on time – but with absolutely no time to spare.  Theoretically we should have been able to catch the next bus that was spaced fifteen minutes (supposedly) behind the one we took.  But I heard the first bell before she had even reached the field.

         As I was walking back to the main road to catch my return, I heard a bus go by and figured I had missed it and so was not worried about crossing the street in a deadly amount of time.  Normally I walk up to the light and back, but I have crossed against the light on occasion.  If the road is clear and I can see the bus will get to the stop before I do.

         As I headed towards the light, I could see a bus approaching, but knew that I wasn’t going to make it.  It was clear on the side going south, but too much traffic going north.  I wasn’t be able to cross.  I figured I’d have to wait at least another fifteen minutes.

         I could see that someone was at the stop waiting and yet the bus just flew by without even slowing.  She was still at the stop waiting when I arrived.  I asked why the bus had passed her.  She said it was out of service.  I looked at my phone clock.  Two more minutes – unless that out of service bus was the one we had really been waiting for.  And then it would be over fifteen minutes.

         The bus was about four minutes late.  I was surprised to see that it was a ski bus.  I’ve ridden on ski buses when I’ve gone out to my sister’s – and the route is not as popular.  But not for this main road!  The only time I’ve seen ski buses used on the main road we take is when drivers are in training and it’s always been an additional bus – never a replacement bus.

         I think the driver was the same as the one who had passed Jenna and me less than an hour before.  Perhaps the out-of-service bus is the one he’d been driving initially.  Maybe there was something wrong with it and the ski bus was the closest available that could be sent to trade.  I don’t know.  It’s only speculation.

If you can’t question your religion, Why Are You In It?

         I don’t know if I had met Kelly prior to the being called to serve on the activities committee.  The first activity I remember being involved with was a “food storage/budgeting made-fun activity” Kelly played Betty Barker and I became the emcee who drew the names of contestants and invited them to “come on down”.

         Even then she was struggling with the Church and her family life – desiring to connect the two but feeling torn with her beliefs.  Her husband showed no sign of ever wanting to be involved with the Church or even anybody who belonged to it.  Perhaps Kelly wasn’t even active when they met but gradually came around with a desire for having God and direction in her life – perhaps not necessarily the “Mormon Church”

         That was five years ago.  And she continues to battle with herself and her maintaining a comfortable relationship and self worth which she is not finding in the Church.  I understand.  Perhaps not completely.  But I do understand why she would leave – although she hasn’t withdrawn completely.

         Her husband still gives her no support as far as showing any interest in church or church members.  I didn’t even know what he looked like until the other night when I glanced at him through the window.  He had heard we were coming and made his “get-away” before we were even out of the car.

         Kelly’s last calling had been a counselor in the primary.  Not where she wanted to be, but accepted the calling believing it would keep her on the path to and at that the Church is where she needed to be – until she was asked to create the program for the 2014 “Families are Forever” theme.  That became the straw that broke the camel’s back.  It wasn’t in her heart to create a program that she herself felt discriminated against.

         Actually, I had wondered how the majority felt as many of the primary children are from broken homes, inactive or part member families, many with barriers that seem to prevent the traditional “families are forever” theme. 

         Elenore sat on the stand near the pulpit, to help the children with the lines they might have forgotten. I wondered if the program had been difficult for her as she and her husband had divorced long before I had even met her. She’d gone back to her maiden name rather than identifying herself with her married name.  She has custody of their two children, but he has visitation rights.

         I hadn’t even paid attention to Kelly’s absence as I watched various children get up and recite lines that just didn’t seem to fit in their current living environment.  How many of them believed in the words that they said?  How many struggled through that program?  I did.

         Kelly’s youngest son and Jenna have often played together.  Kelly had told me about sending her son to a water park all summer.  I had been dragging Jenna to Kearns with me last summer.  Perhaps “drag” is not the correct word as she really did enjoy being with her cousins.  But I know she would have loved spending summer at a water park if given the opportunity. 

         I had asked Kelly if Spencer would be returning to the water park this summer and thought I would look into a pass for Jenna.  I thought we had talked just last month, but then she disappeared.

         I was substitute teaching the last three weeks of December.  I think there were five or six names on the role in Jenna’s class, but it was usually just Elenore’s son and Jenna.  Spencer wasn’t there during the three weeks I had taught.  I sent Kelly a message to inquire if she and her family had been out of town for the holidays.  Turns out she is actually attending another church – one that doesn’t push the “Families are Forever” theme.  One that doesn’t make her feel discriminated against.

         I had the same struggles when I was single for so long – not as long as several sisters in the current ward I belong to.  I was married at 39.  There are several sisters in my ward who are much older that have not had opportunity to marry – or perhaps they have and it just didn’t feel right with choice of partner.  I don’t know.  I know that there are several who feel discriminated against when lessons are given on eternal marriage or husband/wives relationships.  It’s hurtful to hear when that very thing doesn’t seem to exist in the earthly future.

         I recently read that divorce is 50/50 but that a marriage needs to be 100/100.  And there are some couples that each give 100% and then there are other couples in which one does all the giving while the other does all the taking.  I can only control what I give, but I cannot control what another might contribute.  Roland contributes 100% - perhaps more.  But not everybody has that.  Not everybody has the support from family members.  Not everybody gives 100%.

         Hannah moved into the ward about a year after we did.  For the longest time I believed that she was a single parent as I never saw her with a spouse.  She was diligent about coming to meetings and activities though it was challenging at times.  It wasn’t known to all that there were struggles, for Hannah wore a smile on her face and pressed on.  One day she announced that there were struggles and coming to church wasn’t easy. Her husband didn’t wish to attend church with her.

         When Asher (her son) got closer to turning eight, he begged his dad to please come back to Church so that he could baptize him.  Thus after eight or nine years of attending Church on her own, Hannah’s husband finally came around.  He is the one who baptized Asher.  Endurance.

         So where is Kelly’s reward when she has seemingly had to endure even longer?  Why are there some whose trials seem to outlast their faith while others seem to be rewarded in just a matter of minutes?  How many of us feel that we have been or are being dealt with unfairly?  For how long must we endure?

         One of my biggest hang-ups in this “pushing family” church is the discrimination that seemingly takes place at the temple.  The sealing ceremony in which only the worthy temple recommends holders can participate.  All loved ones who are not temple recommend holders are allowed to wait in the lobby but cannot witness the special event because they don’t have recommends.  They have been labeled “unworthy” How do you explain that? 

         I was married civilly over three years before I was sealed.  The civil marriage was a lot more personable.  I enjoyed having guests at my wedding that otherwise couldn’t come to see Roland and I exchange vows.  I don’t like to feel excluded because I don’t have a recommend (or didn’t; not when Patrick married.  Not when my cousin married her first husband) and I don’t wish for others to feel that way.

         What does a “Forever Family” mean in my case?  That the boys will go with Roland and their mom?  That Jenna will go with Roland and me?  And what’s to become of Roland’s oldest two girls?  They were born under the covenant?  But do they sense that now?  Do they even know what that means?

         The boys are adults with spouses (soon families) of their own.   How does that work?  Are they always going to reside with us in the hereafter or will they go with their wives’ families?  I don’t think our concept of “Families are forever” will be the same as what we may build up in our minds.  We are required to have faith that it will all work out.  God’s kind and men’s kind are very often not the same.

            Denise shared her testimony after her forty plus years of struggles – though not with the Church.  She had been baptized when she was 19.  The ward bishop had called her into his office to call her as a primary teacher.  But there was a condition that came with accepting the call.  She would have to stop dating her boyfriend.  It wasn’t because even because he wasn’t a member, but apparently the bishop objected to his race.  I don’t know if she saw that as discrimination coming from the Church or just that particular leader.  It wasn’t right that he had told her that.  She left the Church and did not return until over forty years later.

            The elder missionaries showed up on her doorstep shortly after she lost her dad.  She was in a state of depression.  She had answered the door in her pajamas and commented that one elder in particular was dead set about helping her.  She said she needed her dishes done but didn’t have any soap.  The elders dismissed themselves but said they would return.

            When the elders returned, they brought back some dish soap along with a missionary couple.  While the elders did dishes, Denise sat in the other room with the elderly couple and asked about her father.  It was a very good visit and an indication for her to return to the Church in which she had been baptized a member over four decades earlier.

            We all have our trials.  We all have our disappointments.  Endurance is not an easy thing.  For many, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  For many there is no life.  They have given up home.  Some hang on by a thread searching for a glimmer of hope.  May each of us find the strength needed to endure than we may find peace?  That is my hope.