Aunt Gertrude’s Dolls and . . . Jenna’s Rocks

          Kayla and I took the kids for a visit to Aunt Trudy’s house.  She had two dolls that reminded her of Kayla – and she wanted her to have them.

          Aunt Trudy is a collector of dolls.  She has TONS of them.  There are two display cases which house a lot of dolls.  The larger one holds her story book collection and the smaller one contains the dolls which represent various countries.  There are also dolls displayed on the dresser, her bed, and other shelved areas.  I shouldn’t have been surprised about several others that she had downstairs – but I was.  20 – 40 more boxes full of Madam Alexander dolls.  It is mind boggling really.

          Every girl in the family (including Roland’s oldest two – amazingly) has been in the “doll” room and has coveted various dolls and a few have even made dibs about which ones they would like to inherit.  I’m at the point now where I just don’t care.  If I don’t get any of the dolls, it will be okay.  I don’t have room for the things I want.  It seems wasteful that the few dolls I do have (or ones that have been sent to Jenna) are tucked away in boxes in the shed. 

          Aunt Trudy rarely ever lets guests leave her house empty handed – especially the children.  She has always given us shirts, stuffed animals, knick knacks, and of course dolls. 

          One year she asked if Jenna would like a doll.  I said I didn’t think so.  She was still young and curious and was entertaining herself with examining polished rocks from a bowl that Aunt Trudy kept on the coffee table. 

          “I think I have some more of those rocks in my garage,” Aunt Trudy said. “Would she like to have those?”

          “Oh, I believe she would love them more than any other has ever loved any doll that you have given to anybody”

          And she did.  Never has Aunt Trudy received such enthusiasm or appreciation for any doll than the amount Jenna expressed for those rocks.  She would entertain herself for hours each day as she would sort the rocks by color, by size, by shape and by favorites.  Five or six years later (I don’t know how old she was when she received them – but it was before pre-school I think) she still has most of them.  And she loves them. 

          Jenna has ALWAYS liked balls.  I think she was born LOVING them.  And she has always thought of rocks as “Nature’s balls” – or anything which is round.  She discovered a curled up potato bug when she was one.  That was pretty cool.  She was barely starting to talk when she decided to chase the moon as she held out her arms and called it a “ball”  She’s still never been much into dolls though – especially dolls designed for display only.  How boring.

          Kayla accepted the dolls and took them out to her car.  I don’t know if she will put them on display or not.  Unlike me, she actually does have casing for them – but like me, she finds them impractical.  They are “fun” to look at – but the novelty is short lived.  They become dust collectors for a lot longer than the “fun” lasts. And those two – though the looks themselves really do resemble Kayla, Anna and Garrett – are porcelain.  If I’m to collect dolls, I would rather they weren’t porcelain.

          Bless Aunt Gertrude and Jenna for their love and enthusiasm for treasures and for the desire they both have in sharing their joy.

I was Hoping to make a Liar of Myself - SERIOUSLY

          On November 1 I created a post called Unwelcome November – because the first was typical of a November Day – windy, gloomy – no snow however.

          Yesterday I created a post about the week of glorious days that fell between that post and this one.  Even though it was windy yesterday, the sun still shown.  I unrolled my car windows.  I opened the windows in the house.  Yesterday was not all bad.  It must have started this morning.  Very EARLY this morning.

          A wet rain.  Wind.  I think I heard it hailing.  It sounded nasty.  When the noise stopped, the snow started lightly falling.  It’s still not a heavy fall.  However it hasn’t stopped ALL day.  The snow is going to bury the roads.  That doesn’t excite me.

          And I read a post on facebook from one who is grateful for the snow.  I should be grateful.  I am grateful for snowplows and neighbors who have cleared my sidewalk along with their own.  How awesome is that? 

Well, it was Awesome While it Lasted

    Another post in

           poetry form.

The first day of

November seemed

 typical of

November.

The wind blew the

way it always has

when it’s bringing

in snow.

But it didn’t bring snow.

The next six days which

followed were

gorgeous - fall

weather, motor cycle

weather, jogging

weather, strolling

weather. Making

people happy.  It

was great!

Now the wind is

back and louder than

before. The

weather man says it

will be bringing in

snow this time.

Can’t complain. 

It’s been an

Indian Summer. 

Gorgeous.  Cold in

the morning.  Sun

beating from the

afternoon sky.

It snowed one

day in October.  It

didn’t stick though.  It

was wet and cold.

But for the

most part the

weather was

awesome!

Awesome in

September, 

awesome in

October, the first

week of November.

Wish it could have

 lasted Forever.  That

would have been

the greatest!

I’ve Been Forced to say Good-bye

          Saying good-bye is not always a bad thing.  Especially when it only invites clutter and chaos. In 1985 I was on my mission.  It was my second Christmas in the mission field and my family decided to send me a tape and king size card with greetings from various friends and neighbors from my home ward. 

          A 22X25 poster paper was purchased and folded in half.  My family decorated the front with pictures which represented my personality – a picture of Baloo and Mowgli from Jungle Book (I love Disney’s animated version of that show) Ziggy, a picture of ceramic nativity set, trees and flower in bloom, dance shoes, real mountains (Utah mountains,   not the hills of Virginia where I served) the Salt Lake Temple, dolls, golden plates, scripture  paintings  , and musical icons. 

          In addition to all the magazine cut-outs were two actual photographs.  One was of me with my missionary name tag and the other was a recent family gathering that I would guess Corey had taken (as he was not in it) which included my dad’s mother, brother, sister and their families – or parts of them anyway (my uncle’s oldest two are also missing from the photo)

My 11X14 card contained signatures from so many – it was an honor that my family had gone around with the tape recorder to so many of my ward family.  I think they must have gotten all of them with one devise or the other.  Some would sign my card from self and spouse – and then I would find spouses signature elsewhere on the card.  Some would just sign names without a greeting.  Most were just typical Christmas greetings – but there were some that added personal comments.  Surprisingly, I still remember everybody who had signed the card.

Corey had placed on the back:  “When you care enough to send something better than a Hallmark” and “the Best Homemade Card Company around” – it still makes me smile – and really, it doesn’t take up that much room.  But it’s been bent, torn in places, and some of the pictures have faded.  I don’t really NEED it.  Time to say good-bye.

I don’t know where the tape is.  I have several shoe boxes full of cassette tapes.  Most I will end up throwing away – or use them for recording things I would like right now. I think most tapes contain something that I want – but certainly not all of it.

I remember a couple of people singing Christmas songs on the tape that my family had sent along with the enormous card. One visitor said that she wasn’t aware that I was even on a mission.  It was nice to hear so many voices that had been familiar to me. My family obviously put a lot of thought into my gift and thus I cherished it.  Still do – just not in a tangible way.

You Can’t Trade Dragons

          Jenna was so excited to be going to Melody’s dragon themed birthday party.  We both wished we lived closer so that the girls could spend more time together – though my cousin is ALWAYS connected to a schedule – or it seems, wanting to make plans and have get togethers but rarely ever finding the time.

          She and her husband seem to spring for more elaborate parties than Roland and I could ever give – though we have attempted a few times – there was always a restriction on how many friends could be invited.  Always less than ten.  I’m guessing Melody’s invites have always been 30 – 50.  

          Michelle and John started out with Gymboree,  MusicTogether,  and other playful invites.  Michelle didn’t want to deal with the mess at her own house – though I don’t think this is actually the first year it has been at their house.  One year they held it at the Leonardo .  Jenna was unable to attend.

          In the past, Michelle had always given a definite time with instructions to PLEASE be on time.  I always felt that was awfully nervy of her as (for as long as I’ve known her) she has never been on time for a celebration event – unless she is hosting.  But even with that, she was not as organized as she should have been – and though she had left instructions for her guests as they arrived – the party did not really start on time in my opinion.  But then not everybody showed up on time.  In fact, most seemed to drag in on Michelle Standard Time.

          They were blessed with such awesome weather this year – awesome for all those invited and had to drive the hills to get to John and Michelle’s house – and driving there in bad weather is less than awesome.  I was happy that only the first day of November (thus far) was the only November looking day we’ve had thus far.  And I hope that this Indian Summer will linger forever for it is truly my favorite season (take away the politics)

          I wish she would have done name tags.  I have in previous years.  Jenna’s friends all go to different schools and not everybody knows everybody else – which is how it has been at each of Melody’s parties.  When Jenna turned 7 I had passed out tags with a colored shape in one corner.  That way I could mix up the children into teams without them saying: “Oh, I want to be on so and so’s team”  “Why can’t I be with so and so?”

          Each game I would scramble up the children.  “I need red and blue on one team and orange and green on the other.”  “I need triangles and circles over here and squares and rectangles over there.”  I think it worked out pretty well.  But that’s me.  Michelle is usually not as organized.  Although she appeared to have put a lot of thought into the activities this year – some of it just didn’t come together until the last minute.

          The kids were on a dragon hunt.  Jenna said she misplaced her paper.  She didn’t appear to be having fun.  She said it was because Melody wasn’t having fun.  I truthfully hadn’t noticed – but did hear from both mom and dad that she was being a brat.  Why are so many birthday children like that?  Enjoy the day.  Enjoy your friends.  Have gratitude to mom and dad for giving you a party. I’m blessed that Jenna has not acted bratty at any of her parties thus far.

          At one point I guess Michelle told Melody that if she didn’t behave, she would have to go inside and her friends would have her party without her.  Maybe Jenna heard that and misplaced her paper out of fear.  She didn’t finish the dragon hunt.  She actually didn’t seem to participate as much as she normally does.

          When it came time for cake, Melody said she had picked out specific dragons for specific guests and would be in charge of passing them out.  And I think she probably really had picked certain dragons out for some of her guests – but not all 18 of them or 22 or how many ever there were.  Michelle kept on saying who needed cupcakes still, and Melody practically threw a fit. 

          As Michelle continued to pass out cupcakes as Melody pretended to put thought into them, I heard some of the children ask one another if they would like to trade dragons.  One guest, aware of Melody’s feelings and behavior said, “You can’t trade dragons” which came out more like, “If I’m getting stuck with this dragon, than everybody has to keep the dragon that they were given.”

          Michelle’s sister, Rosa, had asked me about mom – and I started bawling as I spilled off my descriptions of her.  Mom had actually called me while I was at Michelle’s house.  She sounded normal – like had been two Saturdays ago.  That’s when I like to visit.  When she knows I’m her daughter and isn’t oblivious to my being there even – like she was on Thursday, for example.  She (her mind) wasn’t even there for the most part. I am having a very hard time with it.  I think possibly worse than Corey.

          After the party had ended, Jenna asked if we could continue to stay so that she could play with Melody.  I had told her okay, and tried to get a hold of Roland to find out his plans.  He didn’t answer the phone.  

Unwelcome November

October has definitely come to its end

Losing Home, Discarding Memories & Wearing Out My Scanner

It will be a while before my next post – as I have TONS of photos and scrapbooking to go through.  I just simply don’t have the room for storing them – at least not the hard bound books (and there are many) but do have room on some drives to insert in the computer.

Blessed are they who can discard without sentimental attachment – for they don’t have to dejunk later on.  Their lives are made easier because they don’t save every little item.  They don’t have decades of clutter.

As Corey had mentioned in a previous post  Ellen and Nate have decided to throw out a bunch of mom’s junk.  And granted, it does look nicer than I think it has ever looked – and seems inviting.  But at the exact same time, it’s not

          I haven’t lived in mom’s house for over 11 years  but had always felt at home there.  I paid for the microwave that is in the kitchen.  I paid for the over-the-toilet cabinet downstairs.  Most of the pots and pans (that mostlikey don’t even get used anymore) are mine.  But we just don’t have room for them in our tiny house or ever tinier kitchen.  The house itself seemed to welcome me – but not anymore.  It hasn’t seemed to for the last year or so. 

Mom’s not the same.  And the house certainly isn’t.  I can’t just walk freely about the house as I had at one time.  The basement is now off limits – at least in my mind.  I feel like an unwanted guest so much of the time.  I don’t think Nate thinks very highly of me – not that his opinion of me matters.  But it’s hard enough visiting my mom as it is – and then to have the sane one act as though you don’t belong.  That he may be better than you. Here’s a salt shaker – why not just pour the salt into my wounds.

         

          And perhaps I’m just reading him wrong. I like things orderly and tidy too – though it doesn’t appear that way.  I’ve married into a family of slobs – except for Randy – who shows no sentimental attachment either and has no problem discarding ANYTHING.  And then there’s Tony and Jenna who are worse than I am about saving and hoarding.  And too often the sentiment is lost.

          I’m actually finding that right now with the things I have saved throughout the years.  I have embarrassed myself.  Why did I save this?  Why on earth did I save that?  What does this even mean?

          Last night I pulled pages out from two photo albums (the ones produced in the 70’s and 80’s; the ones with the magnetic pages that have tons of acid which eat away at the photos) and scanned a few memories;  pulled out the postcards for Jenna to send to her friends,  and ended up throwing away three scrapbooks this morning.  There’s really no purpose for me to hang onto it – especially because of the lack of space.

When we lost our first house, mom said I could store my memorabilia at her house.  She’s got tons of room.  She’d be in that house forever.  It would always be a part of us.  There was no reality for me three years ago when we moved.  Her memory was starting to go – but NOTHING like it is now.  The reality is that we may be selling mom’s house long before Roland and I can ever move from the one we are currently in.  Probably we’ll die here – and then our children will have to go through.  And Randy will be the only one who can throw it all away.  So I’m trying to help ease that burden now.  I am trying to consolidate and keep things simple.  Trying.  I just added to the overwhelmness pile.

The first album I went through included missionary photos – now nearly 30 years old.  There is very little sentimental (if any) left with that area or those I served.  I tried keeping in touch with those that I served with.  It made it hard when I was doing all the letter writing with very little (if any) correspondence on the other end.  And unlike Corey with a strong connection to many of those that he served, I lost track.  I don’t know these people.  And because the majority of them have faded and lost their color – it was easier to throw away. If worse comes to worse, I do still have the negatives  But is the technology for developing disc negatives still around? 

I actually did take this picture at Virginia Beach - I took it with

 my disc camera.  I was always impressed with the outcome

The second album started out with a week of summer activity.  Mom and Dad had gone with Corey on an excursion to  New York.  Kayla and I spent less money in the entire week than they did in just one day.  I removed those pages.

The remaining pages were of Patrick’s family.  Thus I will take it back to mom’s with a note for Sunny if she wishes to keep it or discard it will be her choice.  I am resigning myself from the position of family historian.

I have tried dejunking before.  Rationalizing that those who lived during Hitler’s reign were not able to hang onto their possessions.  With all the natural disasters that have taken place (floods, fires, Katrina, Sandy) so much is lost.  Why hang onto it?  What’s the point?

                  

          I’ve made some scrapbook pages that I’m really quite proud of.  I would like to save those and pass them on.  I would like to save written words – they are so much more meaningful than what is typed into the computer – even if it does seem illegible.  I still have one more pile of scrapbooks.  And then the journals.  My pathetic journals.  Perhaps I’ll just throw those away.  I would like Jenna to have something.  But not so much that it will be overwhelming.

                                                          this would be an embarrassing page  

          Right now she’s fascinated with stuff from my childhood – asking questions.  Some I am able to answer.  Others I have no clue.  And I’m trying to teach her that if you can’t remember the reasons you were hanging onto something in the first place, perhaps they’re just not really worth hanging onto anymore.

          I did bring home a box she had made for the Reflections contest when she was in kindergarten.  There was an award ceremony that took place shortly after we moved.  I kept the box at mom’s house so that it wouldn’t get lost in the shuffle, and had actually forgotten about it.  Jenna enthusiastically retrieved it.  She thinks she’s going to keep it forever.  And maybe she will.  Maybe when she’s fifty she’ll decide she really doesn’t NEED it after all.

          And may my scanner last for many years and not break down in the middle of my “dejunking”  How grateful I am for modern technology which allows me to compact my memories.  I hope what I do save will prove to be useful for generations to come.