It will be a while before my next post –
as I have TONS of photos and scrapbooking to go through. I just simply don’t have the room for storing
them – at least not the hard bound books (and there are many) but do have room
on some drives to insert in the computer.
Blessed are they who can discard without
sentimental attachment – for they don’t have to dejunk later on. Their lives are made easier because they don’t
save every little item. They don’t have
decades of clutter.
As
Corey had mentioned in a previous post Ellen and Nate have decided to throw out a
bunch of mom’s junk. And granted, it
does look nicer than I think it has ever looked – and seems inviting. But at the exact same time, it’s not
I haven’t lived in mom’s house for
over 11 years but had always felt at
home there. I paid for the microwave that
is in the kitchen. I paid for the
over-the-toilet cabinet downstairs. Most
of the pots and pans (that mostlikey don’t even get used anymore) are
mine. But we just don’t have room for
them in our tiny house or ever tinier kitchen.
The house itself seemed to welcome me – but not anymore. It hasn’t seemed to for the last year or
so.
Mom’s not the same. And the house certainly isn’t. I can’t just walk freely about the house as I
had at one time. The basement is now off
limits – at least in my mind. I feel
like an unwanted guest so much of the time.
I don’t think Nate thinks very highly of me – not that his opinion of me
matters. But it’s hard enough visiting
my mom as it is – and then to have the sane one act as though you don’t
belong. That he may be better than you. Here’s
a salt shaker – why not just pour the salt into my wounds.
And perhaps I’m just reading him
wrong. I like things orderly and tidy too – though it doesn’t appear that
way. I’ve married into a family of slobs
– except for Randy – who shows no sentimental attachment either and has no
problem discarding ANYTHING. And then
there’s Tony and Jenna who are worse than I am about saving and hoarding. And too often the sentiment is lost.
I’m actually finding that right now
with the things I have saved throughout the years. I have embarrassed myself. Why did I save this? Why on earth did I save that? What does this even mean?
Last night I pulled pages out from two
photo albums (the ones produced in the 70’s and 80’s; the ones with the
magnetic pages that have tons of acid which eat away at the photos) and scanned
a few memories; pulled out the postcards
for Jenna to send to her friends, and
ended up throwing away three scrapbooks this morning. There’s really no purpose for me to hang onto
it – especially because of the lack of space.
When we lost our first house, mom said I
could store my memorabilia at her house.
She’s got tons of room. She’d be
in that house forever. It would always
be a part of us. There was no reality
for me three years ago when we moved.
Her memory was starting to go – but NOTHING like it is now. The reality is that we may be selling mom’s
house long before Roland and I can ever move from the one we are currently
in. Probably we’ll die here – and then
our children will have to go through.
And Randy will be the only one who can throw it all away. So I’m trying to help ease that burden
now. I am trying to consolidate and keep
things simple. Trying. I just added to the overwhelmness pile.
The first album I went through included
missionary photos – now nearly 30 years old.
There is very little sentimental (if any) left with that area or those I
served. I tried keeping in touch with
those that I served with. It made it
hard when I was doing all the letter writing with very little (if any)
correspondence on the other end. And unlike Corey with a strong connection to many of those that he served, I lost
track. I don’t know these people. And because the majority of them have faded
and lost their color – it was easier to throw away. If worse comes to worse, I
do still have the negatives But is the
technology for developing disc negatives still around?
I actually did take this picture at Virginia Beach - I took it with
my disc camera. I was always impressed with the outcome
The second album started out with a week
of summer activity. Mom and Dad had gone
with Corey on an excursion to New York. Kayla and I spent less money in the entire
week than they did in just one day. I
removed those pages.
The remaining pages were of Patrick’s
family. Thus I will take it back to mom’s
with a note for Sunny if she wishes to keep it or discard it will be her choice. I am resigning myself from the position of
family historian.
I have tried dejunking before. Rationalizing that those who lived during
Hitler’s reign were not able to hang onto their possessions. With all the natural disasters that have
taken place (floods, fires, Katrina, Sandy) so much is lost. Why hang onto it? What’s the point?
I’ve made some scrapbook pages that I’m
really quite proud of. I would like to
save those and pass them on. I would
like to save written words – they are so much more meaningful than what is
typed into the computer – even if it does seem illegible. I still have one more pile of
scrapbooks. And then the journals. My pathetic journals. Perhaps I’ll just throw those away. I would like Jenna to have something. But not so much that it will be overwhelming.
this would be an embarrassing page
Right now she’s fascinated with stuff
from my childhood – asking questions.
Some I am able to answer. Others
I have no clue. And I’m trying to teach
her that if you can’t remember the reasons you were hanging onto something in
the first place, perhaps they’re just not really worth hanging onto anymore.
I did bring home a box she had made
for the Reflections contest when she was in kindergarten. There was an award ceremony that took place
shortly after we moved. I kept the box
at mom’s house so that it wouldn’t get lost in the shuffle, and had actually
forgotten about it. Jenna
enthusiastically retrieved it. She
thinks she’s going to keep it forever.
And maybe she will. Maybe when
she’s fifty she’ll decide she really doesn’t NEED it after all.
And may my scanner last for many years
and not break down in the middle of my “dejunking” How grateful I am for modern technology which
allows me to compact my memories. I hope
what I do save will prove to be useful for generations to come.
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